The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 07.06.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 07.06.91

Originally written 05.03.26

Taped from Gainesville, GA on 06.15.91 (I think)

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

LAST WEEK: Stunning Steve Austin uses the help of Lady Blossom to win the TV title!

Stunning Steve Austin v. Ian Westin

Westin goes for the arm, but Steve reverses out and powerslams him for two. Austin sends him to the floor for some abuse from Lady Blossom, and back in for a back elbow from Austin. Gut wrench and the Stungun follow, and he finishes with a lariat at 2:00.

PN News v. Tommy Starr

So the jobber is from Detroit, but News is from MOTOWN, which is apparently more of a metaphor than a real home town, I guess. Also he’s been around for like two months now and he STILL CAN’T RAP ON THE BEAT. Like at all. News puts him down with shoulderblocks while we get an inset from Johnny B . Badd and Teddy Long, setting up that feud again. News with a powerslam and belly to belly, and he goes up to finish with the Rapmaster splash or whatever it’s called this week at 2:00.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH CONTROL CENTER! WITH PAUL E. DANGEROUSLY!

They’re still hyping Ric Flair v. Lex Luger as the main event here, even though Flair is gone by this point. Plus we get the announcement of the scaffold match and bunch of other crappy matches no one gives a shit about. This includes a “bounty match for the mask” with Johnny B. Badd against Yellow Dog, even though Yellow Dog was literally just introduced on this show last week with no further explanation.

Big Josh v. Tim Frye

Josh chops him down and follows with a slam and the log roll, and he goes to a neck vice. Josh slugs him down while they hype a lumberjack match between Josh and Black Blood, which WASN’T announced on the control center we just watched by the way, and which had no backstory behind it. Josh finishes with the butt splash at 2:00.

Terrence Taylor & Richard Morton v. Johnny Rich & Tommy Angel

For his big heel makeover, Morton has tied his hair back in a ponytail and that’s it. Rich and Taylor trade takedowns and Rich puts his head down and gets winged by Taylor. Over to Morton, who hits him with an atomic drop and armdrag out of the corner. Over to Tommy Angel, but Taylor rakes his eyes on the way in and Morton slugs him down. Taylor with a powerslam and Doctor bomb, and Morton hits him with the Ivan Koloff knee off the top to finish at 3:55. This did nothing to build up the wacky scaffold match at the Bash or the Rock N Roll Express explosion match.

Meanwhile, we take a special look at Lex Luger, who is totally challenging Ric Flair for the WCW World title in a week against Ric Flair. I can’t imagine any development that might prevent the match from happening, in fact. Unless, I dunno, they fired the World champion and he went to the WWF and took the title belt with him, but HOW LIKELY IS THAT, LOL?!?

Nikita Koloff v. Johnny Meadows

Nikita actually gets beat up in the corner a little bit to start, but comes back with a clothesline and tosses the geek to the floor and return the beating. Back in the ring, Nikita puts him down with a back elbow and finishes with the Sickle at 2:00.

Barry Windham v. Kerry Booth

We get an inset from the Yellow Dog, who sounds vaguely familiar, and Barry puts Booth down with a clothesline and a standing dropkick into the corner. He follows with a suplex and gut wrench for two, but picks him up. He hits a DDT and finishes with the lariat and a superplex at 2:30. This match was hyping his feud with Yellow Dog, while completely ignoring the mixed tag cage match that was actually happening at the Bash. Well until it changed at the last minute. But you know what I mean.

The Hardliners v. Rob Morgan & Scotty Williams

Williams gets double-tamed in the Hardliner corner and Murdoch slugs him down and puts the boots to him. Murdoch tosses the guy and Slater slugs away on him outside, and back in for more abuse from the heels as Tony announces that Gordon Solie will be stepping away from commentating on this show as of next week. Apparently the new commentator will be announced next week. Yeah I can think of one announcement next week that might overshadow that one. Over to Morgan and he quickly gets stomped down before Murdoch hits him with the brainbuster to finish at 3:51. This was building up to a Steiners match that never happened, and had nothing to do with the Bash PPV coming up in a week.

Yellow Dog joins Tony to close out the show, building up the lame storyline where Barry Windham is accusing him of being Brian Pillman, but Windham attacks him and tries to unmask him. Dog fights back and chases him off to end the show, which again HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BASH PPV COMING UP IN A WEEK.

This is not only one of the worst PPVs of all time coming up, it’s also one of the worst built and promoted of all time, as the matches and segments on these shows are building up to some non-existent PPV with a totally different card that has nothing to do with the real one. Not to mention that if you’re just watching this show you have absolutely no idea why the Steiners are facing Barry Windham & Arn Anderson in a cage match in a co-main. In fact, Windham & Arn aren’t even a tag team anymore! Amazingly, it’ll get worse, so buckle up.

On the bright side, no Desperados this week. So there’s that at least.