The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.15.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.15.91

Originally written 04.05.26

Taped from Asheville, NC on 05.07.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

Meanwhile, Brian Pillman shows up at the ticket window and purchases a ringside seat! These days he’d have to bring a wad of cash like a drug dealer. Of course, he has lost the loser leaves WCW match at the Clash XV, so now he’s just a regular fan.

Barry Windham v. Greg Sawyer

Pillman is of course sitting at ringside and looking sad, not even wearing a gorilla suit to cheer himself up this time. Barry dropkicks the doofus and yells at Pillman repeatedly before hitting a gut wrench. That kind of shit would get you fired from AAA these days. Windham with the lariat and superplex to finish at 1:55. And indeed Windham goes over and smacks Pillman, prompting Brian to rush the ring before security tackles him and escorts him to the back, presumably to be beaten up by a bunch of wrestlers like the card cheat in Casino. HOPE HE CAN SHUFFLE HIS CHECKS WITH HIS LEFT HAND!

The Steiner Brothers v. Chuck Coates & Jim Boss

Scott overpowers Coates and backdrops him before slamming him back into his own corner to bring in THE BOSS. Boss literally flexes on Scott, so Scott tags out to an amused Rick, who immediately chases Boss to the floor. Back in, Rick clobbers him with a clothesline and Scott hits the butterfly bomb and then finishes with the Frankensteiner at 1:45.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH CONTROL CENTER! WITH PAUL E. DANGEROUSLY!

The main event has been signed! Lex Luger faces Ric Flair for the World title in a cage match, and you have to think that there’s nothing standing in the way of Lex beating Flair and claiming the Big Gold Belt this time. I mean, unless…but no. That’s silly to even think about. Clearly this is a World title match so unfuckupable that even WCW can’t manage to fuck it up. More matches next week for what will surely be one of the all time PPVs! Hold on, I seem to have missed an adjective there between “all time” and “PPV”. Well no matter. I’m sure it’s fine.

PN News v. Hacksaw Higgins

Higgins tries for a slam and fails, allowing News to hit his own and follow with a belly to belly. There’s a lot of bellies there. And to the top for the Rapmaster Splash to finish at 1:23. That “suplex” was something to behold, lemme tell ya.

Dustin Rhodes v. Tim Frye

Dustin quickly hits Frye with a corner clothesline and dropkicks before working the arm. Meanwhile, Tony discusses Mr. Hughes wearing black gloves last week, which he finds suspicious. Surely no one could ever find wearing a pair of black gloves to be a suspicious act! Hopefully they at least fit. Lariat and bulldog finish at 1:30. Also I’m amused at Dustin using a ripoff of “Money for Nothing” considering how he got the job here.

One Man Gang, Barry Windham, Ric Flair & Nikita Koloff v. Sting, Brian Pillman, El Gigante & Tommy Rich

This is from WCW Pro last week, and Koloff attacks Sting at the entrance after they did a convoluted deal where they announced each team member in alternating manner, so that Koloff would be second last and Sting was last and they could brawl as a result. So Sting is down in the aisle, leaving Rich to fight off the heels by himself for a bit while Sting is tended to. Pillman comes in and slugs it out with Flair and backdrops him out of the corner,and the RAPMASTER comes out and bravely takes Sting’s place on the babyface side. That’s like ordering Coke and the waitress asking you if spitting in your drink cup is OK instead. Over to Gang and THEE GIANT and they exchange clubbing forearms, before switching over to Pillman and Koloff in what could have been a fun singles match but we never got it. Rich comes in with a sleeper on Flair, but Ric suplexes out of it. Koloff comes in and hits Rich with a Sickle, but picks him up and hits a second one for good measure, at which point Sting returns and attacks and they throw out the match at 5:30. This was fun and energetic but didn’t go anywhere. **

Meanwhile, let’s take another look at the DESPERADOS, who are riding into an Old West ghost town and everyone just acts like this is totally normal for 1991. And we finally learn their identities, as it’s Black Bart, Dutch Mantell and Deadeye Dick (Moondog Rex) and suddenly they’re a bunch of bumbling idiots out of the Three Stooges who are yelling at each other and looking for Stan Hansen. And this goes ON AND ON for minutes as Dick cheats at poker and gets thrown out of the saloon while Bart and Dutch continue to argue about Stan Hansen and say “daggum” a lot. I had kind of blocked out the memory of just how bad this stuff really was, but it was SO BAD.

Dan Spivey v. Jamie McKinnon

So after one week as a tag team with Hansen, now Spivey is a single again, managed by Teddy Long, and he hits McKinnon with a big boot and gut wrench slam to start. Spivey chokes him out and hits a Bubba spike and powerbomb to finish at 1:30. I believe he was already gone by the time this show aired.

Ric Flair v. Johnny Meadows

Man, Flair has barely been mentioned for weeks and now he’s suddenly on the show TWICE this week! This is also Flair’s final TV match before all the shit goes down a week later. Flair sends Meadows to the floor and necks him on the way in. Butterfly suplex and he goes to work on Johnny’s leg and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL with the figure-four at 2:30 to finish. See ya later, Ric.

The June 22 show is actually missing from my collection so we’ll pick it up a week later next time with June 29. Hopefully the Desperados will have located Stan Hansen by then.