The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.08.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.08.91

Originally written 03.30.26

Taped from Birmingham, AL on 06.03.91, I think?

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

LAST WEEK: The mysterious FANTASIA interferes and helps Michael Hayes beat Steve of the Young Pistols!

Terrence Taylor & Arn Anderson v. Dustin Rhodes & Bobby Eaton

So Ricky Morton is at ringside for the babyfaces, which I’m sure will work out great for everyone. Neither Arn nor Bobby has the TV belt here, so it might be that this was taped before SuperBrawl, but also Bobby would have lost the TV title to Steve Austin by the time this aired, so maybe it was taped after that. I dunno, man, WCW messes with your head sometimes. WHAT EVEN IS TIME? The babyfaces clear the ring to start, and Arn walks into a punch from Bobby before the good guys double-team him in the corner. AA retreats and it’s over to TT, who uses a hammerlock on Dustin, or a chickenwing, as some might say. Taylor beats on Eaton, but Dustin hits him with an elbow from the apron and Bobby takes him down with a clothesline to ruffle Terry’s feathers. Dustin comes in and gets hit with a cheapshot, and Arn drops a knee on Dustin to take over. Arn misses a blind charge and Dustin slugs away in the corner. Bobby slugs away on AA while Tony brings up the next Clash for the first time, with Bobby challenging Ric Flair for the World title in the main event. Taylor with the Doctorbomb on Bobby for two, but Bobby gets a cradle with Arn distracting the referee. Terry with a chinlock, but Bobby fights out that while Alexandra York chats with Ricky on the floor, presumably using the computer to hack into Morton’s child support records and erase them on his behalf. Bobby goes to the top in the chaos and Mr. Hughes shoves him off, putting Taylor on top for the pin at 6:54. And then everyone brawls afterwards, but York faints in terror and Hughes knocks out Dustin with a loaded black glove to protect her and then carries her off. Good thing, who knows what nefarious plans that Dustin might have had if he was left alone with York? *shudder*.

PN News v. Greg Sawyer

OH MY GOD STOP TRYING TO MAKE PN NEWS HAPPEN. IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! I like how they found the two black guys in the audience who were sort of grooving along with News’s off-beat rapping. News with a belly to belly and big fat splash to finish at 0:50. This guy is getting worse before our eyes.

Meanwhile, THE DESPERADOES are riding into town, apparently looking for a gunfight. It’s like the long lost fifth entry into Sergio Leone’s western series, but instead of The Man with No Name, it’s The Company with No Brain. And yes I count A Fistful of Dynamite because it’s awesome.

The Steiner Brothers v. Tim Frye & Rob Morgan

Poor Morgan gets manhandled and tossed around by the Steiners, and Rick runs him into the corner and then just punches him in the face while he catches his breath. Over to Scott with a dropkick and a snap suplex, and then Rick brings in Frye and immediately drops him on his head with an overhead suplex as a welcome gift. Elevated DDT finishes at 3:00.

Meanwhile, at SuperBrawl, Sting brawls with Nikita Koloff because STING IN THE WRONG PLACE AT WRONG TIME! I feel like that should have been preceded by a record scratch and then a freeze frame narration from Sting where he goes “I bet you’re wondering how I ended up in this mess…”

Tommy Rich v. Nikita Koloff

Tommy is apparently using a patented WCW Ripoff Version of “Everyday I Have The Blues” by BB King, although a more suitable blues standard would have been “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”. This is a SUPERBRAWL REMATCH and Koloff works him over in the corner, but Rich goes to work on the arm. Tommy tries a bodypress and Koloff slams him, but he misses an elbow and Tommy goes back to the arm. Meanwhile Tony plugs the upcoming Luger-Muta match on “nationwide TV”, so obviously the WWF weren’t the only ones doing their weird avoidance of mentioning their quarterly TV specials on other channels. Nikita chokes him out on the ropes but Rich fires back, only to stagger into the Russian Sickle at 3:00. He’s been felled by more than one White Russian in his time, I’ve heard.

Brian Pillman v. Doug Gilbert

Brian gets a quick crucifix into a rollup for two and he goes to work on the arm, but Gilbert fires back with chops and then retreats to the top rope to buy time. So Pillman dropkicks him from the mat, out to the floor, as Gilbert takes a great bump from that and then Pillman slingshots him back into the ring. Doug pounds away in the corner and sends Pillman to the apron, but Brian springboards back in with a bodypress for two. He goes to the chinlock, but Gilbert fights out of that, so Pillman hits him with a leg lariat and goes up to finish with a flying bodypress at 2:49. This was a good squash as Gilbert was obviously trying for a payday.

One Man Gang v. Dave Johnson

This remains a pretty interesting character for Gang, although it never ended up going anywhere since Gang was gone soon after this. Gang attacks and chokes him out in the corner while speaking in tongues. Gang with a corner splash and 747 to finish at 1:30. And then Kevin Sullivan hooks up his leash and pulls him away afterwards, as they were having way too much fun doing this goofy Florida shit. I will actually retract my statement that this Gang run didn’t lead to anything, however, because I found this gem on Cagematch from the Great American Bash tour in 91:

War Games Cage: Robert Gibson, Ron Simmons, Sting & The Z-Man defeat Nikita Koloff, One Man Gang, Richard Morton & The Diamond Studd

Man I’m gonna need to see that match. For science.

Barry Windham v. Ian Weston

Barry slugs him down in the corner to start and adds a slam and a DDT, as he seems to be toying with the move that eventually became the Implant. Meanwhile, we get a monkey wandering down to ringside, and wrestling has taught me that a dude in a gorilla suit is always awesome. Windham finishes with the superplex at 1:50, and the gorilla jumps Barry and hangs on his neck. “Barry Windham has got a monkey on his back!” notes Tony and I can’t follow that one so SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

This was a pretty good show and I’m confident that the rest of 1991 will easily maintain the high standards set by these June shows.