The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.01.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 06.01.91

Originally written 03.24.26

Taped from somewhere in Georgia I’m assuming.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

Barry Windham does a promo blaming Brian Pillman for attacking him in a chicken suit last week, even though he doesn’t really have any proof. And he’s gonna beat up the guy in the chicken suit next time he sees him! Meanwhile young Seth Macfarlane is watching and goes “Hmmm…”

PN News v. Rip Rogers

I love that News is so terrible that he completely misses the beat in first verse, and then pauses to make sure he catches the beat for his next verse, but MISSES IT AGAIN ANYWAY. Can we please get this guy some basic music training? Rip is unable to take News down, and PN clotheslines him in the corner and hiptosses him into a dropkick before stopping to dance. Belly to belly sets up the Rapmaster Splash to finish at 1:50. We don’t need another Vader, we already have Vader at home. And he raps.

Meanwhile, at Superbrawl, Nikita accidentally screws Sting out of the tag team titles while aiming his chain at Luger, and we get a brawl between them out into the parking lot as a result.

Nikita Koloff explains that Sting was just the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. So he kindly informs Sting that if he gets in Nikita’s business again, Sting will be, HOW YOU SAY, a stepping stone. And then he flexes menacingly to punctuate it. Well I feel like his point has been made and hopefully Sting understands.

Sting v. Mike Samples

I assume they hired Mike while he was working weekends at a Costco. And then they enjoyed the little bit they saw of him and decided to buy the whole thing. Sting works the arm and backdrops him, and then he’s had enough already and finishes with the Stinger splash and deathlock at 1:30.

Ricky Morton v. Doug Vines

OK, so Ricky walked out on Dustin Rhodes last week, so he’s got some edge to him this week. Morton hits Vines with a knee and puts him down with a back suplex before going to work on the arm. This brings out Alexandra York to take notes and she does some math on the computer to figure out where Ricky orders his haircare products from. Ricky takes Vines down and works a hammerlock while Gordon makes unfounded accusations about Morton joining the York Foundation without making a formal announcement. Ricky goes up with the Ivan Koloff falling knee from the top and then chops him down before going to an EVIL chinlock. BOO to you sir! BOOOOOOOOO! Ricky chokes him out on the ropes and drops him with a stungun to finish at 3:37. Morton did a decent job of getting the fans to boo him with simple stuff here. I don’t think he’d even worked heel before, come to think of it.

Dan Spivey & Stan Hansen v. Joey Maggs & Tim Parker

So there’s always a story, and in this case Spivey and Hansen got put together as a tag team based on their Japan run, but Spivey decided he didn’t want to do a job in the US and he ended up getting fired by WCW as a result. They maul the jobbers and Hansen puts Parker in a camel clutch and submits him at 1:10.

Meanwhile, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, as the DESPERADOS are coming. But not quite yet.

El Gigante v. Bob Cook

Cook beats on him with forearms and that gets nothing, so Gigante clotheslines him and puts him down with a big boot. He whips Cook into the corners and finishes with THEE CLAWHOLD at 1:30.

Big Josh v. Paul Lee

Look, we don’t need Buddy Landel, we already have Buddy Landel at home and his name is Paul Lee. Josh tosses this guy around, but Lee gets a cheapshot and goes to the top. So Josh slams him off the top and follows with a big boot and then crossfaces him on the mat before putting him down with a clothesline. Josh with a double chop and he finishes with a butt splash at 2:00.

Michael Hayes v. Steve of the Young Pistols

Kind of weird that DDP is still playing hype man because I thought he shifted over to the Diamond Studd after SuperBrawl. Also no sign of Fantasia/Badstreet. Unless this was taped before the PPV and they hadn’t decided that stuff yet. Hayes doesn’t have the US tag team title despite winning them at the PPV, so maybe it was taped beforehand. Neither the History of WWE nor Cagematch have any useful information on when this episode was filmed. Steve of the Young Pistols gets some slams and Hayes retreats to the corner and calls for time, claims a hairpull, and accuses Steve of the Young Pistols of pulling his tights all in one burst of fibs. Steve of the Young Pistols gets a bodypress and chases Hayes to the floor for more stalling. Back in, Hayes beats Steve of the Young Pistols down, but misses a kneedrop and Steve of the Young Pistols goes to work on the leg. Hayes retreats to the corner and Steve of the Young Pistols hits him with a monkey flip and slugs away in the corner. Blind charge from Steve of the Young Pistols, but it misses and Hayes tosses him and takes over. Hayes with his FAMOUS LEFT HAND, but the ref is bumped in the ring and Steve of the Young Pistols makes his comeback. Flying bodypress from Steve of the Young Pistols! Jimmy Garvin brawls with Tracy of the Young Pistols on the floor. But then the mysterious FANTASIA runs in, looking nothing like what the character looked like before or after this show, and he hits Steve of the Young Pistols with a DDT and puts Hayes on top for the pin at 8:12. So whenever this was taped, they had Brad wearing pink tights and a black feathered jacket, plus a black mask. Tony was like “Right on the front of his jersey it says Fantasia!” even though no human being watching this show could possibly make that out. You know who COULD make it out? Disney and their legal team, so he was very quickly repackaged into Badstreet after this. Poor Brad Armstrong, having to change gimmicks twice in the same year due to legal threats from movie studios. So for those keeping track, that now adds a THIRD member of the entourage for the B-level midcard act that was the Freebirds, and I guess fourth if we’re counting the Diamond Doll, and fifth if we count Fantasia and Badstreet as two different people. Still couldn’t get a good match out of Michael Hayes. The math ain’t mathing I guess. The chaos at the end was some good heat at least. *1/2

Oddly, they haven’t mentioned anything about Clash XV at this point, even though it’s coming up in about two weeks from this show. That one’s probably worth a redo as well.