The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 05.18.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 05.18.91

Originally written 03.09.26

Taped from Montgomery AL on 04.08.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

It’s SUPERBRAWL EVE!

This is STIIIIIIIIIING v. Randy Barber

Ah, good old Randy, with his pasty body and hand me down tights. Barber decides to bail and mock Sting’s call on the floor, although he sounds like more he’s doing dog calls according to Tony. Back in the ring for a criss-cross, as Sting bails out on it and Barber just keeps running until Sting clotheslines him. FOR THE SICKOS. Sting runs him into the turnbuckles for the 10 count, which is impressive for Alabama, and then he takes Barber to another corner and hits the Stinger splash before finishing with the Deathlock at 2:21. Just a wacky comedy match with Sting having some fun.

Meanwhile, Nikita Koloff does a promo before he faces, HOW YOU SAY, Tommy Rich at SuperBrawl. Also Tommy is apparently turning over in his sleep because he’s fearing the Sickle. I thought he was turning over in his sleep so he didn’t choke on his own vomit?

Lex Luger v. Doug Gilbert

Rare TV job appearance for Doug here, early in his career. No US title for Lex here, which I believe is because they were having the new one made. Lex takes him down with a headlock and Gilbert retreats to the corner and cries about hair-pulling. You can take the man out of Memphis, etc. Lex works on the arm, but Doug reverses and gets a cheapshot to take over as Doug gets more offense than the usual Luger jobber, likely due to his connections. But then Lex powerslams him and finishes with the torture rack at 2:10. “I wish Luger would get in shape” quips Solie.

Ric Flair joins Tony, as apparently everyone in the wrestling world is talking about RETURN OF THE RISING SUN, and we’re gonna end the debate about who the World champion is. I literally wasn’t even aware there was a debate when I was watching these shows at the time. Had no idea what the backstory even was until years later.

The Young Pistols v. Lou Fabiano & Hacksaw Higgins

All kinds of interesting southern jobbers this week. Fabiano beats on Steve in the corner, but Steve fires back with chops and a backdrop, and it’s over to Higgins. We get an inset from DDP and Big Daddy Dink and then Tony pretty much blows off Page by noting that he doesn’t ever stick around for the Freebirds matches and just leaves for the dressing room after doing his intros. If only he had someone of his own to manage! Tracy comes in with a slam on Higgins as we cut to a shot from the announce table at ringside for some reason, which is weird because it doesn’t actually exist and all the commentary is done in post weeks later. What the heck was that about? Fabiano beats on Tracy in the corner, but Higgiins charges in and misses a splash, allowing Tracy to get rid of him and set up the Jawjacker to finish at 3:33. Man they lost their last names and then lost the US tag title match. No wonder they turned heel.

SUPERBRAWL CONTROL CENTER! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

At this point the most intriguing part of the card was how many people were likely to no-show. Smart money was on Sid and Butch Reed, but actually Larry Zbyszko was the only one to stay home. Like they’ve been hyping up the cage match between Reed and Simmons, and Butch is NOWHERE to be seen for weeks. And then we get promos from Dusty Jr and the Computerized Chicken of the 1990s to really build up the hype for this thing.

Brian Pillman v. Doug Vines

Another quality enhancement guy. Pillman works the arm and takes him down with a monkey flip. Pillman with a dropkick as Solie runs down the upcoming Windham match and notes that he’s waiting to see Pillman get inside his man, because then it’s gonna be rough. Hey, he said it. Pillman finishes with a flying bodypress at 1:48.

Meanwhile, on last week’s show, Kevin Sullivan MESMERIZES El Gigante after a match, which allows The Angel of Death to attack, followed by One Man Gang, as they not-so-subtly shift the feud from Sid Vicious to One Man Gang before we even get to the PPV blowoff.

One Man Gang v. Kevin Diamond

Gang quickly squishes Diamond in the corner and follows with the 747 to finish at 0:25. Afterwards, Teddy Long calls out Ron Simmons to face the Gang, and Ron indeed answers and whups on the Gang with spiffy new red boots that say “RS” instead of “D”. Well that’s an upgrade. But then Gang rakes the eyes and takes over, until Ron hits a powerslam and then Sullivan and Teddy run in and attack and toss powder in his face. And then El Gigante makes the save and throttles Teddy, and the heels all beat HIM down. Luckily Ron makes the save as hilariously this whole thing had nothing to do with either of the babyface’s matches at the PPV. But again, we know why they were hedging bets in both cases. Regardless, this was a big dumb wrestling angle and the Sullivan/Gang team of weirdos was kind of endearing.

The Freebirds v. RICK HARD ROCK and Kip Abee

OH YES! My man Rick Hard Rock, aka Rock Hard Rick, as this continues to be Tom Green’s dream show, even if it means seeing a Freebird squash after being free of them for two weeks. Hayes puts Rick down with his famous left hand, and Garvin comes in and drops a knee on him. Over to Abee, but Garvin hits a double DDT on the geeks to finish at 1:25 with a double pin, even though Rick Hard Rock was on his stomach.

The Steiner Brothers v. Nasty Ned Brady & Jim Boss

They announce Ned as “John Peterson” for some reason even though this is clearly NASTY NED and there can be only one of him. Rick manhandles Nasty Ned and hits him with a belly to belly suplex, and then Scott clobbers him with a lariat and it’s over to the BOSS. So then Scott just beats the brakes off him and hits him with a pumphandle slam, before finishing with the Frankensteiner at 1:37. I could watch 1991 Scott hitting Frankensteiners all day long.

And Tony throws to a replay of the Simmons/Gang brawl from earlier in the show, which was clearly the highlight of the episode anyway.

Pretty fun episode, actually. Whole company was about to go into the toilet for months on end but the stupid crazy Gang angle was fun.