The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.23.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.23.91

Originally written 01.05.26

Taped from Columbus, GA on 02.27.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

Dustin Rhodes v. Jumpin’ Joey Maggs

Dustin rocking the ripoff version of “Money for Nothing”, which describes a lot of WCW in 1991. Dustin hits Joey with armdrags and works on the arm while Gordon talks about knowing Dusty at the same age as Dustin is now and apparently Dusty was a “dead ringer” for Dustin at the time. I’ve seen photos of Dusty in the 70s, and that is decidedly untrue. Dustin keeps working on the arm as a closeup reveals that his “cowboy boots” are in fact regular wrestling shoes with cowboy boot shin covers over top of them. That shit would get you RUN OUT of Texas. Dustin with a lariat and he finishes with the bulldog at 4:15, although he didn’t spin his arm around in the air first so the effectiveness was somewhat reduced.

Meanwhile, the York Foundation gives us a status update on their corporation, although Buddy Landel is notably absent from the group given that he was fired after last week’s show.

Meanwhile, Nikita Koloff has more creepy threats for Lex Luger and more weights lifted.

Lex Luger v. Snake Watson

Lex is still using the old US title despite getting the new one at WrestleWar, oddly enough. Snake goes after the back, but Lex beats him down with forearms and hits him with a snap suplex. Lex with a press slam, with some Dr. Death style reps, and the powerslam and Torture Rack finish at 1:50. Snake Watson is of course a favorite of Not That Tom Green, but he was out of his league here with the Total Package. Afterwards, Lex talks to Tony about getting betrayed by his good friend Nikita Koloff, although they didn’t really associate much as friends when Nikita left in 88 and in fact were more well known as bitter enemies.

Big Josh & Tommy Rich v. The State Patrol

I’d suggest the State Patrol should do a checkstop on Tommy on the way out of the arena. Buddy works a headlock on Rich to start, but Tommy takes him down with armdrags while Tony talks about “tag team wrestling at an all time high” in a totally serious tone of voice while TOMMY RICH AND BIG JOSH are the featured team in the ring. Also we get an inset promo from the State Patrol, who apparently want a shot at the US tag team titles when WCW figures out what they’re doing with them. Yeah well I want to win the lottery but the odds of that are roughly the same. Over to Wright and Big Josh comes in and bowls him over, and Rich comes back in and gets caught in the Patrol corner and read his rights. Wright with a double-team elbow for two and a standing powerslam, and then he slams Parker onto Tommy for two as they’re showing better tag team continuity than the supposed star team here. Tommy finally makes the hot tag to Josh and he runs wild with lumberjack shit, and sets up Tommy for the Thesz Press to finish at 4:04. Gordon notes that Tommy has patented that move. He patented the LOU THESZ PRESS? I think someone else patented it first.

Meanwhile, Sid has words for Brian Pillman, and he’s sorry that Brian walked away from the hospital and if Brian sticks his nose into Sid’s business again, he won’t walk away.

Terrence Taylor v. Ricky Nelson

Nelson gets some shots in the corner, but Taylor tosses him and runs him into the railing as I’m wondering if Alexandra York has Spotify on her computer so she can play “Hello Mary Lou” to mess with the jobber. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t have a lot of good Ricky Nelson material to use here. Taylor with a slingshot suplex and Tony gets all tongue twisted, but Ricky actually fights back, so Terrence hits him with the five-arm for the pin at 3:51. I guess Ricky will be saying I’M WALKIN’ back to the dressing room. Yeah I told you I didn’t have any good material for him, sue me.

Meanwhile, Sting and El Gigante both want to face Ric Flair for the World title.

Barry Windham v. Ricky Morton

Barry slugs away on Ricky in the corner and hits him with a powerslam and kneedrop, and then rakes the eyes and hits Ricky with a back suplex. They slug it out in the corner and Barry drops an elbow for two. Barry with a giant backdrop, but Morton fights back and Barry slugs him down again. Ricky comes back with a bodypress, but Sid runs in for a DQ at 3:39 for no reason I can determine. Barry was basically kicking his ass by himself anyway. And they try to take Ricky out on the stretcher, but Brian Pillman makes the save and then actual EMTs take Ricky out on the stretcher anyway.

The Freebirds v. Junkyard Dog & Tommy Rich

Poor Tommy gets to work twice because he’s subbing for the injured Morton here, who in turn was subbing for the injured Pillman in the last match. Tony notes that the Freebirds held the World tag team title until the Steiners dethroned them, which is actually not factually accurate. In fact the Steiners dethroned them BEFORE they won the World tag team titles in the first place. JYD chases Garvin with headbutts, and Jimmy gets some conversation with Big Daddy Dink before tagging out to Michael Hayes. Dog clubbers PS and it’s back to Garvin, but Rich gets a pair of cradles for two. It quickly breaks loose and Rich gets his Thesz Press, but Hayes stomps on his head and puts Garvin on top for the pin at 3:14. My favorite type of Freebird match: SHORT.

Ron Simmons v. Rip Rogers

Rip gets some shots on the ropes but that gets him nowhere, and Ron hits him with a press slam and drops headbutts on him before choking him out. Spinebuster finishes at 1:00. But then Teddy Long hits the ring with a masked guy for an attack, and Ron promptly fights him off and piledrives him, ripping off the mask to reveal the very inauspicious WCW debut of the guy who would quickly be repackaged into Johnny B. Badd. So that’s something. Bet you didn’t even know about that one because I sure didn’t.

Next week: OWEN HART?!? Plus Barry Windham & Sid v. Ricky Morton & Brian Pillman. Well you know I’m there for that one.