The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.16.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.16.91

Originally written 12.28.25

Taped from Columbus, GA on 02.27.91.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

BREAKING NEWS! The Steiner Brothers have beaten the Freebirds to win the World tag team titles (AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE!) and they’re gonna have to give up the US tag team titles.

Terrence Taylor & Buddy Landel v. Bobby Eaton & Tom Zenk

Potential underrated banger to start here. The Big Cat has now been repacked into bodyguard Mr. Hughes, a character he would retain for the rest of his career. The York Foundation bails right away for advice from the laptop, but it’s busy doing an update to OS 26.2 and has to reboot a few times first. Back in the ring, Zenk misses a charge and Taylor gets a shot on him, but Buddy comes in and Zenk immediately goes after the arm. Bobby slugs him down and it’s back to Taylor, but Zenk controls him with the armdrags as well. Zenk rolls up Buddy for two, but Taylor gets a cheapshot from the apron and Buddy hits Zenk with an elbow from the middle rope for two. “It can cause personality changes when you hit someone in the head like that” notes Gordon. Holy cow, he was decades ahead of the curve on CTE research! Bobby with a hot tag and he backdrops Taylor and hits him with a neckbreaker, and then chases Buddy with another one. To the top for the Alabama Jam, but Buddy breaks it up and it’s a PIER SIX BRAWL. Taylor grabs the computer and it’s updating to Windows 11 Security Update H2M2 now, so instead he just hits Bobby in the face with it and pins him at 5:30. I feel the same way about my laptops most of the time. Fun opener. **3/4

Barry Windham joins us to discuss goal-setting in 1991, and how there are people in the company with belts who don’t deserve belts and those belts will soon belong to him instead and then the people who previously had the belts will be unhappy due to him wearing their belts.

The Steiner Brothers v. Rob Morgan and John Peterson

The Steiners are one of only two teams to hold the US and World tag team titles at the same time here, as Tony notes “It was not a long title reign for the Freebirds”. That’s an understatement. Scott hauls Peterson around the ring and puts him down with a shoulderbreaker, and Rick comes in and tries to pin him facedown like he’s Kamala or something. Gordon clarifies that you can’t pin someone while they’re on their stomach. That’s why he’s the Dean of Wrestling! Over to Rob Morgan, but Scott suplexes him immediately and they finish with the elevated bulldog at 2:34. I should point out that although the Steiners had the tag team titles with them for his match and were introduced as the new tag team champions, the Freebirds were still canonically the tag team champions at the point this show was taped. But you knew that.

Meanwhile, Nikita Koloff works out and makes sex noises in the gym in preparation for his comeback. Comrade, do you even, how you say, lift? “Luger, I’m coming for you” he notes. Yeah it sure sounds like it, bro.

Big Josh & Ricky Morton & JYD & Tommy Rich v. The State Patrol & Magnum Force

Oh man there’s so much WCW 1991 packed into this squash match. Morton & Rich & Dog are the Six-Man champions but they still haven’t located the belts from the last time they were used, so we just have to take everyone’s word for it, I guess. Rich gets briefly double-teamed by the State Patrol, but Josh hits Parker with some armbreakers and takes him down with the log roll. Over to the deadly MAGNUM FORCE, but Dog headbutts that guy out of the ring as Gordon notes that for as exciting as this match looks on TV, it’s TWICE as exciting to see it live. NO! THAT’S TOO EXCITING! I can only take maybe 1.5 times as much excitement. Magnum Force #1 gets worked over in the babyface corner as Tony clarifies that they run on the Power of Friendship, which as we all know is the most powerful force in wrestling. Ricky works the arm on Magnum Force #1 and Rich puts him down with a back elbow, so it’s back to Buddy Lee, and Rich clotheslines him out of the corner. Speaking of Magnum Force, I just wanted to share my disappointment upon seeing Deadpool in the theaters when I realized it wasn’t actually a remake of the Dirty Harry movie. Big Josh gets a hot tag despite the babyfaces being in control the whole time, and he finishes Magnum Force #1 with the butt splash at 6:18, This was a total mess but Matt Borne at least hadn’t stopped giving a shit by this point yet.

Brian Pillman talks about WrestleWar and how he never submitted or surrendered in WarGames, so now he’s coming after the Four Horsemen to get revenge! Well the Horsemen had already broken up by that point but I guess that just makes his job easier. Sadly, a “TOMBSTONE FROM THE OZONE” never caught on as his catchphrase.

Ron Simmons v. Joe Bruce

Bruce looks like, I’m just gonna say it, John Wayne Gacy. Ron immediately tosses the guy and slams his face into the concrete for whatever reason, and then puts the boots to him in the ring. Ron with a clothesline and he goes up with the flying shoulderblock to finish at 1:38. Tony calls this “The Sidewalk Slam”, thus kicking off a great tradition from Schiavone of calling everything a Sidewalk Slam.

DDP joins Tony to announce the launch of his new show, the Diamond Mine, and he takes no responsibility for the Freebirds losing the tag team titles already because he wasn’t there. Tony wonders about the Young Pistols being a threat to the Freebirds, but Page notes that they’re more like Young POPGUNS.

The Young Pistols v. Doug Vines & Jeff Sword

So the Freebirds come out and distract the Pistols, allowing Big Daddy Dink to pull Tracy out and piledrive him on the floor, leaving Steve to fight the jobbers on his own. Vines & Sword double-team Armstrong and put the boots to him, but Tracy finally recovers and comes in to save his partner. And Tracy finishes Vines with a flying shoulderblock at 1:55.

Lex Luger is pretty offended that Nikita has thrown away their friendship like that.

Sid Vicious v. Larry Santo

Sid beats on him with forearms in the corner and hits a pulling piledriver of all things, and then follows with a backbreaker before dropping a leg on him for two. Sid with a big boot and powerbomb to finish at 2:11. Santo appeared to think another piledriver was coming and Sid had to deadlift him up to finish the move and man that looked shitty. I hear L. Santo moved to Mexico and took his wrestling career in a TOTALLY different direction.

Dustin Rhodes, out of the loins of Dusty Rhodes, is coming after Sid Vicious to get revenge for his friend Brian Pillman.

Ric Flair joins Tony to discuss El Gigante and it’s the usual Flair interview.

El Gigante v. Joe Cruz

THEE GIANT with some clubbering forearms on Cruz and a slam, and he puts him down with a big boot before finishing with the Argentine Claw at 0:45. This brings out Flair with a chair to teach Gigante a lesson, but Sting quickly makes the save and Flair runs away to wrap things up for the week.

The promotion remains surprisingly coherent at this point, although it’s really May when it goes fully into the fever dreams of Dusty Rhodes and Kevin Sullivan.