The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.02.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 03.02.91

Originally written 11.04.25

Taped from Dothan, AL on 01.28.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

BREAKING NEWS: The Freebirds have won the World tag team titles from Doom at WrestleWar (in reality having already lost them to the Steiners before they even won them BECAUSE FUCKING WCW), and then Doom split up at the Omni. Let us take you back to a singles match between Ron Simmons and Barry Windham, with everyone barred from ringside. Barry bumps the ref by mistake and they brawl to the floor. Back in the ring, Windham hits Ron with a superplex for a visual pinfall, but Butch Reed hits the ring and lays out Barry to make the save. But then he misses Windham and hits Simmons by mistake, and Windham gets the pin. And then Simmons decides he’s had enough and goes after Teddy Long, prompting an attack from Butch Reed and a whipping from Teddy. DOOM IS NEVERMORE. Sounds serious.

Meanwhile, Dan Spivey gives us a promo about how he’s going to give back any pain he receives tenfold. What about any kisses he receives? Is he gonna kiss the guy back tenfold too? Cuz that sounds kinda weird. Just saying.

Junkyard Dog, Tommy Rich & Ricky Morton v. Greg Sawyer, Randy Myers & “Scrap Iron” Bill Ford

So the babyfaces are now the NEW WCW Six Man champions, carrying on the legacy of such teams of the Road Warriors and their one partner and the Russians and their one partner. It’s a tough bar to clear, admittedly. Dog hits Myers with headbutts and Morton comes in to suplex Sawyer while Tony hypes up the WCW Japan Supershow. I don’t think I’ve ever ranted on that show, actually, and I don’t think it’s even available due to rights issues with New Japan. I might check into it. Dog thumbs one of the jobbers for the pin at 3:00.

Sting v. Dr. X

Another doctor you can trust for medical advice before RFK. X actually attacks Sting and puts the boots to him in the corner, and then drops a knee for two and follows with a suplex for two. Gordon points out that Dr. X is a veteran of the ring wars, as though you can even tell who he is. Sting goes for the mask but then changes his mind and finishes with the Stinger splash and Scorpion Deathlock at 2:14.

Meanwhile, Barry Windham is going out on his own and nobody’s safe. Even Arn Anderson!

The Steiner Brothers v. Keith Hart & Lou Fabiano

We get an inset promo from the Freebirds with the tag team titles, which was probably the only time they ever got to hold the belts. Steiners hit Fabiano with a double-team backbreaker in the corner, so it’s over to Hart, and Rick runs him into the corner for an inverted powerslam, which looked terrifying. Rick drops elbows on him, and some on the mat, whatevs, and then he takes Hart to the top rope. So Keith is so excited to take a superplex that he literally leaps up before Rick can even hook the move, taking an insane bump, that had to be legit 12 feet in the air, and made me gasp in terror. And then Scott finishes him with a Frankensteiner at 3:00, looking like he’s trying to keep from cracking up at the balls on this guy. This Keith Hart guy was an awesome jobber.

The Danger Zone with special guest Ron Simmons. Ron talks some shit about Teddy and Butch, and how they wanted the rich life and he just wanted a simple bed to sleep in and a gym to work out. Maybe a nice cigar and a travelling protection racket.

Tom Zenk v. Joey Maggs

Maggs does some hairpulling and you just don’t do that with the Z-Man’s coif, and Tom threatens a superkick to send Joey bailing to the floor. So this brings out Alexandra York, scouting Tom on behalf of the Computerized Chicken of the 1990s. Also, speaking of the WCW New Japan Supershow from earier, shouldn’t Taylor have main evented? After all, it was in the Tokyo Eggdome. Maggs slugs away on the distracted Z-Man, but Zenk comes back with a dropkick and superkick and finishes with a missile dropkick at 3:33. I’m not looking for UFC fights here but Zenk was working so light that I’m shocked he even made contact with most of those. And then Terry Taylor hits the ring for a post match attack, apparently in a fowl mood tonight, really trying to peck a fight.

US title: Lex Luger v. Sid Vicious

Sid immediately claims a hairpull and they fight over the lockup in the corner, but Sid gets a cheapshot and puts the boots to Lex to take over. Blind charge misses and Lex rolls him up for two, and again for two. So we take a break and Buddy Landel graces us with a promo about all the things he’s gonna accomplish in 1991. I’ll be in the corner holding my breath for that if you need me. Back with Lex working the arm, but Sid rakes the eyes and Lex gets all fired up and makes a comeback. But then Sid cuts him off with a clothesline. “I’m out of breath just calling the action!” notes Tony in a worrying note about his health. Well at least we know he’s still alive today and didn’t drop dead of a heart attack from the non-stop action of this four star banger. Sid with a powerslam for two and he tosses Lex for a fight on the floor. “How much more of this can Luger take?” wonders Tony. How much more of this match can I take?!? WHAT ABOUT ME? Sid with a neckbreaker for two in the ring in slow motion, but Lex is FLEXY LEXY to make the comeback and he gets the FULL BODY LIFT AND SLAM. Suplex gets two. HOW DID THAT DEVASTATING HOLD NOT FINISH? They fight on the floor again and Sid hits the post and gets counted out at 9:32, allowing Lex to barely escape this grueling war of attrition by the skin of his teeth, still the champion of the US for another day and hopefully awaiting a better match next time. Sid Vicious clearly could not give any less of a good goddamn at this point. DUD

Well we’re still clearly in the transition between Ole and Dusty and there’s bumps in the road. But they seemed like they were TRYING to start a direction after WrestleWar at least. I’ll give them that.