The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 02.23.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 02.23.91

Originally written 10.06.25

OK, so I wanted to go back to the Power Hour stuff in 1991 since I had done a couple of months into that year, but the show had become such a directionless mess of recycled matches, with no real fix coming, so let’s switch over to Worldwide for our 48 minute WCW fix. Since that’s what all the matches were taped for anyway.

So yeah, Dusty’s back as the booker after his WWF run, and he immediately uprooted the WrestleWar 91 card and went in totally different directions for stuff. And thank god he did, because as we all remember, 1991 was clearly a high point for WCW and…oh. Yeah. Right. Well anyway.

Taped from Dothan, AL on 01.28.91

Your hosts are Gordon Solie & Tony Schiavone

Meanwhile, we take a look back at the thrilling feud between the Z-Man and Computerized Man of the 1990s.

Terry Taylor v. Tom Zenk

So does this mean that Terry is actually an AI-created wrestler? They trade headlocks to start while Alexandra York types on her portable word processor. Bro can you even play Crysis on that thing? OK I’m pretty sure I’ve made that joke before but I’m hilarious and delightful. Terry consults with the computer, but it just keeps making chicken jokes about him stolen from other websites, and Zenk gets a series of dropkicks before Terry tosses him to the floor. Back in the ring, Terry’s feathers are all ruffled and he drops a knee on Zenk for two. But then he goes to the middle rope and misses a splash, because roosters can’t fly. I think. Can they? Whatever, I don’t care. Zenk comes back with a dropkick for two and slugs away on Taylor, and a superkick puts Taylor down again. Zenk keeps beating on Taylor in the corner, but he shoves the ref away at 4:33, so Taylor wins by a cock-a-doodle-DQ. *1/2

WRESTLEWAR 91! Featuring WarGames, Steiners v. Sting & Luger, and some other vague matches that we don’t want to advertise specifically because Dusty might change his mind. Speaking of which, Steiners v. Sting & Luger doesn’t happen until SUPERBRAWL a month later, so I don’t even know what the fuck is going on here. Again, I can only assume that they had a direction for the show and then Dusty upended the whole thing during the very rough transition period from whatever Ole was doing to whatever Dusty was doing.

Ric Flair joins Tony for an interview, having regained the World title from Sting a couple of weeks ago, although it was technically his first WCW World title. He warns “El Ji-Gante” that he doesn’t want none of this, making sure to mispronounce the name even though Tony keeps correcting him.

El Gigante v. The State Patrol

Well this dynamic sure hits different these days. Flair continues cutting promos on Gigante on the way out, and then decides to give the Patrol some advice. So Gigante throws the Patrol around with slams and runs them into each other a few times, and then uses the DOUBLE CLAW to squeeze their melons into submission at 1:45. HE WANTS THEE BELT! Also, fuck ICE. Just wanted to add that.

Sting, Brian Pillman & The Steiner Brothers v. Magnum Force, Rip Rogers & Jeff Stone

It’s the WARGAMES WARMUP before the babyfaces meet the Four Horsemen in a main event that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the programs at that point but was still pretty awesome. Poor Rip gets beat on in the corner and Scott throws him around with a suplex, so it’s over to Jeff Stone, who unleashes clubbing forearms on Sting and gets nowhere. Rick comes in and just hurks that fucker up whether he wanted to go up or not, and drops him on the top turnbuckle with a slam. Stone wisely gets the hell out of there and brings in Magnum Force, not to be confused with Mangum Force, who use the Aeroplane Over the Sea as their finish, and then poor Jeff Stone has to come in again and Sting preses Pillman onto him for the pin at 3:39. I think they’re fully ready for the Wargames now having beaten those guys.

Meanwhile, we take a look at all the shenanigans that happened between Stan Hansen and Big Van Vader over in Japan, as they beat the fucking shit out of each other but WCW edits it down to like 3 seconds.

OK, so having watched that WrestleWar PPV commercial a second time, it’s more clear that they’re advertising “Sting, Lex Luger, and the Steiner Brothers”, but not actually specifying them in a match together, although that’s what you’d take from it if you paid as little attention to details as I typically do. I’m a big picture guy, not a details guy.

Michael Hayes v. Terry Bronson

DDT finishes at 1:00. That’s about all I’ve got to say about this.

Sid Vicious v. RICK HARD ROCK

Now we’re talking. I love this fucking guy. He’s alternatively known as Rick Hard Rock or Rock Hard Rick and both names are AWESOME. Dude walks into the arena with a cheetah print leotard, all pumped up with steroids and sporting a mullet, and signs into the call sheet as RICK HARD ROCK and any wrestling promoter worth his salt would be putting the World title on this magnificent stallion right away. Alas, we had Dusty and Jim Herd, so Sid squashes him with a powerbomb in 1:30 and puts him on the stretcher. YOU RULE, ROCK HARD RICK! NEVER CHANGE, BRO!

BONUS: We get a Sid promo afterwards, and he’s gonna stretcher out every guy in WCW until he rules the world by the end of 1991. You know, in management seminars, they teach you about work compasses and Wildly Important Goals until you just wanna build a time machine and go back to a time before you ever heard of Franklin Covey, but let me just say Sid Vicious perfectly laid out a SMART goal for himself there.

SPECIFIC: He wants to rule the world

MEASURABLE: He will achieve his goal once every other competitor in WCW has been laid to rest on a stretcher

ACHIEVABLE: Clearly he’s capable of powerbombing literally every person in WCW given the chance.

RELEVANT: Obviously stretchering every wrestler in WCW and ruling the world aligns perfectly with his worldview.

TIME-BASED: He has a deadline of the end of 1991!

Kudos, Sid.

Tim Horner & Brad Armstrong v. Barry Windham & Arn Anderson

Brad controls Arn with hiptosses and a dropkick to send him to the floor, while the announcers wish the best for Brad’s younger brother Brian, who is apparently a Marine deployed to Iraq for Desert Storm. Interesting. Over to Barry, and the Lightning Express double-teams him while Gordon shares a story about getting really drunk in West Virginia thanks to moonshine. Oh that wacky old lush. Horner works a headlock on Arn and we take a break. Back where we left off, as Arn escapes with a stungun to take over. Like they didn’t even PRETEND to have anything between the edits there. Barry comes in for an awkward exchange of forearms and he slams Horner for two, and it’s back to AA again. Horner fires away and makes a hot tag to Armstrong and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Barry clotheslines Brad from the apron and Arn gets a sunset flip for the pin at 8:00. Lots of good stuff here but Barry and Arn were on totally different paths after the PPV and much like most of WCW in 1991, this was completely pointless and led to nothing for them. **1/2

OH MAN 1991 WCW. Just like Richard Marx sang for a generation, I don’t know why I keep coming back to you, babe. But I do and I’ll probably keep doing it.