The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 10.29.94

The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 10.29.94

And now we begin the post-Flair era of WCW in 1994, as Hogan takes over completely and things get REALLY ugly in a hurry, as they usually do when gaslighting orange lying thugs are put in charge.

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Bobby Heenan & Tony Schiavone

So as we saw at Halloween Havoc, the Masked Man was unmasked and revealed to be Brutus Beefcake, now dubbed The Butcher in one of the laziest rebrandings even by WCW standards.

The Avalanche v. Scott Sandlin & Flash Flannigan

Yes it’s the debut of the THREE FACES OF FEAR, although really it’s more like the two and a half faces because Butcher’s face was…well, you get where I’m going. Generic Natural Disaster finishes with a butt splash at 1:30 and get ready for this level of competition for the next few months.

Dustin Rhodes v. Frankie Lancaster

Dustin works a headlock and hits Frankie with a bodypress for one, and then goes to the armbar. Lancaster reverses to a chinlock and hangs onto that for a while, but Dustin slugs out of it and puts him down with a lariat for two. Dustin with the Flip Flop & Fly and bulldog to finish at 4:54. Dustin was pretty aimless after winning the Arn feud, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, at Halloween Havoc, Muhammad Ali shows up. Plus other stuff happens. It was a pretty good show!

CLASH OF THE CHAMPIONS CONTROL CENTER! WITH MEAN GENE!

It’s the THREE FACES OF FEAR v. Hulk Hogan, Sting & Evad! Dustin Rhodes v. Vader! Jim Duggan v. Steve Austin again! Johnny B. Badd v. Honky Tonk Man again! Nasty Boys v. Harlem Heat! I don’t recall that show as being particularly good.

The Honky Tonk Man v. Bill Payne

Usual boring Honky squash as he finishes with the neckbreaker at 1:44. Amazing that someone could be so irritating to deal with that even ERIC BISCHOFF was like “No, I don’t need to overpay for this WWF talent anymore”.

Meanwhile, we get a personality video on Johnny B. Badd, who shares his history as an amateur boxer. This was definitely moreso Marc Mero than Badd.

Harlem Heat v. Barry Houston & Paul Barrett

The Heat is still on the phone with a mysterious manager, who legit did turn their career around. The jobbers get some offense on the Heat, but Stevie smacks Barrett down and puts the boots to him before hitting a powerslam. Booker with the shoulderblock and the Heatseeker dropkick finishes at 3:00.

Mean Gene joins us and notes that there was a “lot of rumors regarding the portrayal of the Masked Man” but he’ll have the INSIDE STORY on the Hotline if you want the truth of the matter. And we take another look at the main event of Halloween Havoc as they’re doing a good job of pushing the replay.

The Three Faces of Fear join Gene and discuss Brutus and his betrayal of Hogan. Apparently Brutus used to be forced to carry Hulk’s bags and hail cabs for him. I bet Hulk made him pay to do it, as well.

Stunning Steve Austin v. Pez Whatley

Austin offers a hearty handshake and Pez keeps denying it, even though I’m pretty sure you can trust Steve Austin. Austin takes him down with a chinlock while Bobby sums up pro weightlifters: They eat four cans of tuna a day, wear a t-shirt that’s 3 sizes too small and stand in front of a mirror, BIG DEAL. Sounds like Lex Luger if we’re being honest. Austin works the leg while Bobby denies ever having one of his cheques bounce before, IF YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE. Austin works the leg and finishes with the standing figure-four at 3:24.

Evad Sullivan joins us and he’s got NOTHING to say. Something about getting his head repeatedly shoved in the snow by Kevin as a child, which would certainly explain his wrestling skills.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. Joe Cruz

Cruz slugs away on Duggan, but gets whipped around the ring and clotheslined out of the ring. Back in, Duggan slugs away and chases him out again. Back in for a hiptoss and kneedrop and he works Cruz over in the corner and slugs away on him. Spinning slam and three point stance finish at 4:20. This US title reign is a complete waste of the belt.

Alex Wright v. John Stevens

In a historic moment, Wright appears to spontaneously invent the Alex Wright Dance after making his entrance. Wright takes him down and works the leg, but Stevens chokes him out in the corner while Bobby challenges Tony to name one nice person who works for TBS and Tony admittedly can’t think of a name. Wright with a monkey flip and a slam for two, and a belly to belly suplex gets two. Crossbody finishes at 2:40.

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan is so worked up over the Butcher that he shakes Jimmy Hart like a baby and tells a bullshit story about himself and Butcher being blood brothers as kids. The only time Hulk shared blood with anyone was when he was trying to switch samples on a drug test, BROTHER.

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE CONTROL CENTER! WITH CHRIS CRUISE!

By god that sounds like a hell of a card.

The Guardian Angel v. Chris Nelson

Angel slugs him down and dodges a charge, as Nelson bumps over the top and lands on the floor, and Angel hits him with a clothesline out there. Back in, Nelson gets whipped into the corner while Bobby goes for the low-hanging fruit with jokes about his cousin “Ricky Nelson” and “Half Nelson”. I’d like to think the quality of my dad jokes are of a higher calibre than those. Bossman slam at 2:07.

Steve Keirn v. Sting

I like how they have to stress over and over that this is the MAIN EVENT of the show, because otherwise no sane human being would believe it. They trade hammerlocks and Sting puts him down with shoulderblocks and a crossbody for two. Keirn puts the boots to him and chokes him out on the ropes to take over. Slam gets one. Keirn chokes away in the corner and bites the nose, and a cradle gets two. Keirn with an abdominal stretch. But then Sting makes the comeback and finishes with a german suplex at 7:27. Well that was certainly a main event as described.

Sting joins us after that grueling main event, and he’s even more than a blood brother with Hulk because they PUMPED IRON on Venice Beach together. Geez, just go get married already. Dave Sullivan comes out to ask to be a Stinger next, but Kevin Sullivan attacks and they do an impromptu match, where Sting destroys him quickly and then the other THREE FACES OF FEAR attack and Generic Natural Disaster drops the big butt on him. Butcher is so useless that he doesn’t even have a devastating finisher he can pull out. A bunch of jobbers try to save as the Feces of Fear do a beatdown like they’re the 1994 Death Riders and we’re DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME.

OK I think I’m done with 1994 WCW now. The loss of Ric Flair and Terry Funk immediately left a gaping hole of suck in the show that couldn’t be overcome and this is just a death march of Hogan and his cronies for the next few months. But it’s a fun while it lasted!