The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 10.22.94

The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 10.22.94

And we finally get to the last show before Halloween Havoc 94, a show which they’ve done a pretty decent job of building up to the point where I want to redo it.

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan

Brian Pillman v. Ron Oakes

Bobby goes on a rant about Hulk Hogan and how he’s secretly been a terrible person all this time, and I guess he can rest easy now knowing that he was right all along. THE BRAIN DID NOTHING WRONG. Pillman works a hammerlock as I think we need to stop and think about how completely off the rails this Hogan-Flair has gone. It started out as Hulk seeking revenge for a knee injury, and turned into a World title unification match with a fake belt involved, and then multiple black-suited masked men running around, then became a retirement match, and then became a DOUBLE retirement match, and then a cage match, and then we got Mr. T and a million celebrities involved as they throw every bit of gaga in the playbook into the PPV. But I guess it worked so whatever. Oakes, who is a tall drink of water, gets some offense on Pillman but Brian makes the comeback, rams him into the turnbuckles a bunch of times, and finishes with Air Pillman at 3:20. Pillman was so NOTHING at this point, stuck in the dead zone between the Hollywood Blonds and the Four Horsemen forever.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at the history between Stars & Stripes and Pretty Wonderful, leading up to Bagwell & Patriot getting the tag team titles on the Main Event a couple of weeks ago.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at the history between Dustin Rhodes and Arn Anderson, as Dustin asked him to be his partner and Arn turned on him and joined the Stud Stable. I believe there’s a proverb about a scorpion that applies here. Also the Cowboy Arn Anderson period in 1994 was tragically short and underrated as a character arc for him. He was having so much fun in that role.

Arn Anderson v. Barry Houston

They slug it out in the corner and Houston tries a headlock, while Bobby relates a true story about how Houston was a fan of Hacksaw Duggan growing up, so his dad took him out back and slapped him cross-eyed so he could be just like his hero. Tony of course cracks up. Arn with an atomic drop to end the headlocks and he blocks a blind charge with a back elbow, and the DDT finishes at 2:11.

HALLOWEEN HAVOC CONTROL CENTER! WITH MEAN GENE!

Pretty Wonderful is pretty confident that they’ll be regaining the tag team titles pretty soon! Also don’t forget to call the Hotline!

Alex Wright v. Buddy Wayne

Bobby: “His father was a war hero. Ever hear of Colonel Klink?” They trade wristlock takedowns to start and Wright backdrops him and follows with a belly to belly for two. He misses a crossbody and clotheslines himself on the top rope, allowing Buddy to take over with a rana. Wright comes back with a leg lariat out of the corner and we get a blatant edit via crowd shot for some reason, and Wright finishes with the crossbody out of the corner at 2:50. “He didn’t miss that one!” notes Tony. Sorry, did he miss one before? Maybe that’s where the edit was. Unless Tony was talking about the earlier miss at the start of the match? I dunno, I’m overthinking WCW again, let’s move on.

The Honky Tonk Man v. Todd Morton

They make sure to pay the models in the crowd to cover up their ears in case we didn’t get the joke yet. HE’S A VERY BAD SINGER, YOU SEE. Weird that there’s so many attractive young women attending this free pro wrestling taping of their own volition. Morton takes Honky down with a wristlock, but Honk chokes him out on the ropes. So Morton slugs away and tries a monkey flip, but Honky blocks and puts him away with the Shake Rattle & Roll at 1:55. “There’s no more 45s, we’re in the age of CDs” notes Tony. Yeah well just wait another 20 years, Tony. My ever expanding vinyl collection disagrees with you.

Honky Tonk Man joins Mean Gene to complain about the disrespect shown to his music.

Meanwhile, TBS is going to be showing a six hour Three Stooges marathon. Here in 2025 we’re in month two of that same marathon with no end in sight.

Jean Paul Levesque v. Kenny Kendall

JP takes Kendall down and offers a formal bow, but Kenny rolls him up for two. Backslide gets two. Levesque puts him down with a big boot and slugs away in the corner and then follows with a suplex, but Kendall rolls him up for two and makes a comeback. Flying headscissors is countered, however, and Levesque finishes with the inverted deathlock at 3:30. BUT WHAT WAS THE GATE?

Meanwhile, the Nasty Boys run afoul of Meng in the dressing room and we’re all punished by the sight of shirtless Brian Knobs.

The Nasty Boys join Mean Gene and they’re all preoccupied with Meng even though they’re facing Terry Funk & Bunkhouse Buck.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the feud between the Guardian Angel and Vader, leading up to their match at Halloween Havoc.

Dustin Rhodes v. Doug Allen

This is the first serious dip in jobber quality for the show, as everyone else has been pretty good and I’ve never even heard of this guy. Allen slugs away in the corner and Dustin quickly puts him down with the lariat and then dropkicks him out of the Flip Flop and Fly. Bulldog finishes at 1:30.

Meanwhile, we get a recap of the ugly split between the Sullivan brothers, thanks to Hulk Hogan sticking his nose into their family business like a complete asshole.

Kevin Sullivan v. Bucky Siegler

Kevin takes the guy down to the floor and beats on him out there while Bobby points out that if Kevin wants to slap his brother around like a little bitch, it’s no one business but theirs. I’d also like to add that Hulk was gaslighting Dave into joining his sad cult of “Hulkamania” by giving him all those gifts, and then probably sent him a bill weeks later so that he could maintain his merch numbers. Hulk didn’t work for free, brother! Back in the ring, Kevin hangs Bucky in the Tree of Woe and finishes with the double stomp at 2:40 while screaming Dave’s name in frustration at how badly their relationship has gone south thanks to Hulk Hogan. You hate to see it.

Kevin Sullivan joins Mean Gene and reinforces my point: Hulk Hogan is a gaslighting son of a bitch who peddles snake oil like “training” and “vitamins” which will magically make everything better if you just listen to him. And tomorrow night, it’s not the kind and sweet Kevin Sullivan we all know so well.

Meanwhile, we get our millionth recap of the Hogan-Flair saga, but hey, it’s the go-home show, get that bag.

Ric Flair joins Mean Gene, wondering why the greatest of all time would walk away from the sport at his height? HE WOULDN’T. Also Hulk’s five WWF World titles mean NOTHING. This was a hell of a Flair promo but the fact that you can now almost do a “top 10 Ric Flair retirement matches” list on YouTube has somewhat diluted the impact of it.

Terry Funk & Bunkhouse Buck v. Pez Whatley & Alex Davis

Speaking of people who never accepted retirement until their literal death. The rednecks double-team Davis, but Funk misses a blind charge and literally stands there offering himself up for Davis to do something and the kid doesn’t really know what to do with him. So the cowboys double-team him and Davis cradles Buck for two, but he gets thrown to the floor and clobbered with chops from both guys. OK I cackled at that one. Back in the ring, Davis gets a small package on Funk for two, but Funk puts him down with a neckbreaker. Pez gets a hot tag and he knows exactly what to do when given a chance by the heels, but Buck cuts him off with a cheapshot to end the comeback. So Davis comes in again and hits the heels with flying headscissors, but Buck drops him on the top rope and Funk piledrives him before Buck slugs him down and pins him at 4:00. Leave it to Terry Funk to make a nothing squash an entertaining little bit of business. He was sorely missed when he left and got replaced by Dick Slater.

The Stud Stable joins Mean Gene and Parker goes on a hilarious rant and even Buck can’t stop himself from cracking in the background. And then Terry Funk promises that if they lose to the Nasty Boys, his dead father will raise from the grave in unhappiness, so they’ll have to take him to the Double Cross Ranch and hang him by the neck until he’s dead so that the buzzards can pick him clean to the bone and end his shame. Buck: “Don’t worry, we won’t have to do that, Terry!” Even Meng is on the verge of losing it here. This was fucking amazing and justified the entire show, basically the main event despite the lack of actual main event match tonight.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. The Gambler

Yes! I was hoping for a Gambler appearance. I bet he’s got a SICK Balatro strategy these days. I’m going to Vegas at the end of April and I’m hoping to test my Balatro skills at the Balatro tables there. Duggan slugs away and backdrops him before clotheslining him to the floor. Bobby: “Imagine the damage he could do if he could see you!” Gambler gets all fired up and attacks again, but Duggan hits him with an atomic drop and finishes with the three point stance at 2:40.

Meanwhile, When Worlds Collide is presented by AAA and “the IWC” on November 6. What the heck is the IWC in this context? Because I sure didn’t have any hand in presenting that show in 1994.

“evaD” Sullivan v. Rip Rogers

Yes, that’s how they presented the graphic. Evad offers a handshake and Rip wants none of it, obviously not trusting anyone so easily deceived by a gaslighting son of a bitch like Hogan, and puts the boots to Sullivan in the corner. But Evad makes the comeback and backdrops Rip out of the corner before hitting the big boot and legdrop at 1:00. This was like watching a Jack Pfeffer ripoff show from the 60s.

And of course, we have to hear from the orange colored gaslighting son of a bitch and his crew of ass-kissing stooges to close out the show, BROTHER. Also Hulk doesn’t necessarily trust Mr. T. Can’t imagine why. Hulk demands that T call it RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, by which he obviously means “calls it for him”.

Hey man, no show featuring THAT Stud Stable promo, plus the Gambler and Rip Rogers, can be a bad thing. Next up: HALLOWEEN HAVOC 94!