The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 09.10.94

The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 09.10.94

I’m really enjoying this era of the show! You know what I didn’t enjoy? Joker. I didn’t hate it as passionately as the internet seems to, but it wasn’t what I wanted out of a Joker movie (ie, less singing, more JOKER) and I found it to be dark and weird for the sake of it, and utterly pointless most of the time. My wife and child loved it, however, so your mileage may vary.

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan

Terry Funk, Bunkhouse Buck & Arn Anderson v. Joey Maggs, Todd Morton & Robby Houston

Terry Funk appears to be emitting smoke of some kind from his orifices on the way to the ring, which even the announcers question. Arn goes after Houston (who is fighting out of Texas City) with a headlock and Maggs comes in for a double dropkick to send Arn to the floor. Back in, Funk sends Houston to the floor with a crazy flat back bump and then whips him into the apron before he can even finish selling, and back in for a DDT from Arn to finish at 3:54. Morton and Maggs wearing the Midnights’ old gear failed to help them, as Houston worked the entire match anyway.

The Studd Stable joins Mean Gene to discuss Fall Brawl, and Gene checks on Col. Parker’s health and then announces that the WCW Bored of Directors have ejected Meng from WarGames and replaced him with Parker himself. Well you need two rings to contain what he’s packing in his trunks. Really, having Meng in the match would have just made it a complete squash for the heels anyway.

Tony Khan will be happy to see the commercials for Timecop during the breaks here, by the way. I can neither confirm nor deny that Tony used some of the money from the new WBD deal to purchase my Blu-Ray and DVD copies of the movie, by the way.

The Nasty Boys v. Mike Thor & Rip Rogers

Rip recently had a GoFundMe to help with emergency surgery so hopefully he’s doing OK and can someday return to wrestling and manage the Outrunners. The Nasties double-team the poor guy before he can even get his snazzy sequined jacket off, and then bring in Thor and his magnificent mullet and finish him off with the Shitty Elbow at 1:42. You’d think that since it’s their FINISHER, they’d learn to do the move properly at some point.

The Nasty Boys & Rhodes Family joins Tony and the promo theme is all about chickens this week for some reason. Is Terry Taylor coming out of retirement for this show or something? Also Dustin appears to be dressed like Marty McFly in Back to the Future 3. That’s what I got here.

FALL BRAWL CONTROL CENTER! WITH MEAN GENE!

Lord Steven Regal is defending the TV title against Johnny B. Badd and he’s disgusted by the lack of competition, because he’s already beaten Badd multiple times.

Ricky Steamboat v. John Stephens

Yet another match taped before Steamboat won the US title and got retired, as we’re about a month past the end of his career and he’s on TV every week wrestling. He takes Stephens down and works the arm, and then kicks him down and goes up with the flying bodypress. But he hurts his own shoulder on the move after getting injured by that Paul Levesque kid last week, so he rolls up Stephens for the pin at 2:00 instead.

Goddamn all these Timecop commercials are making me want to watch the movie all over again. Unfortunately Tony Khan also bought my Betamax copy, and that’s the only valid way to view it properly.

Pretty Wonderful v. Terry Taylor & Buddy Wayne

Holy shit, he DID come out of retirement for this show! Quite the jobber team there. I actually thought Taylor was done after his last WWF stint in 1993 as “Terrific” Terry Taylor, but I guess he works for chicken feed and got himself another job. Bobby clarifies that Buddy Wayne is in fact unrelated to famous actor John Wayne. Huge if true. Buddy gets some offense on Roma, and it’s over to Taylor for a backslide on Orndorff. He puts his head down and Orndorff tries the piledriver, but Terry reverses to a backdrop, which Orndorff reverses to a sunset flip, and then Taylor blocks it with a cradle for two. Wayne comes in and takes the heels down with a double headscissors, but he gets double-teamed and hit with a gut wrench suplex by Orndorff. Paul with the BOOGIE WOOGIE ELBOW and this time the piledriver does work and finishes at 3:20.

Stars & Stripes join Mean Gene, and Pretty Wonderful has inside information that the Patriot is a DRAFT DODGER. Was he even old enough to be drafted? There hasn’t even been a draft since Vietnam as far as I know. I don’t think Pretty Wonderful has very good sources there.

Sting v. Ron Oakes

Oakes pokes him in the eye and beats him down to start, but Sting backdrops him while Vader joins us with a chair. Sting hits a flying bodypress on Oakes for two and follows with the Stinger Splash and Scorpion Deathlock, but Vader runs in for the DQ at 1:41. So Sting slams him and clotheslines him over the top rope, but then nearly comes to blows with the Guardian Angel, presumably there to ensure that law, order and justice are enforced in a way that doesn’t violate any of the WWF’s intellectual property.

Vader joins Mean Gene and he fears no man, including Sting and/or the Guardian Angel.

Meanwhile, at the Clash, let us once again watch Hulk Hogan getting his knee clobbered by a mystery assailant. So Gene travels to Las Vegas, looking for Ric Flair, and finds him wearing his own version of the World title under his suit jacket and calling himself the Real World’s champion. In fact, he’s wearing the (somewhat) famous Vegas Big Gold belt, which was supposed to be the replacement for the original Big Gold Belt in the WWF before courts stepped in, so this was a HELL of a multi-layered callback in a rare moment of stunning wit for WCW. Flair claims that he’s just taking a leave of absence and he’s not suspended at all. The belt thing seems like they might have been setting up a unification match at Halloween Havoc.

Dammit, another Timecop commercial. Too bad Tony Khan bought my copy of the movie on laserdisc. I think it had disc rot anyway.

The Honky Tonk Man v. Mark Starr

Honky’s theme here should be called the “We’re Gonna Get Sued by the WWF Blues”. Honky works the arm and puts the boots to Starr before choking him out on the ropes. Honky with the chinlock, but Starr comes back with a back elbow before missing a blind charge. And Honky finishes with the Shake Rattle & Roll at 2:50. McDevitt can just tack on another lawsuit filing for calling his finisher that, too. Luckily he got fired before he could cost the company any serious money. Also who the FUCK was asking for the Honky Tonk Man in a major promotion in 1994?

One last Timecop commercial before the main event. Unfortunately, Tony Khan also bought my copy of the movie on RCA’s short-lived CED format.

Kevin Sullivan v. Cactus Jack

Jack impressively manages to beat up both Kevin and Evad on the floor, hitting them both with DDTs on the floor and then dropping a flying elbow on Kevin as the match is thrown out before ever getting into the ring. Afterwards, Jack does an awesome promo about getting his ear ripped off, and Kevin talking him out of having it reattached, which resulted in his family not wanting to be around him because he was so horrifying.

Next up: A long overdue redo of Fall Brawl 94!