The SmarK Rant for WCW Power Hour – 12.22.90

The SmarK Rant for WCW Power Hour – 12.22.90

It’s the week after Starrcade 90!

Taped from Gainesville GA and whatever mish-mash of tapings they’re assembling this week.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Paul E. Dangerously

The Big Cat & The Motor City Madman v. Larry Deville & Tim Parker

Tim “Powerhouse” Parker is very aptly named. This man is CUT UP. The heels work him over in the corner and a terrible double suplex, so Parker tags out to the much less muscled other guy. Cat catches Deville with some backbreakers and adds a slam and a powerslam, actually looking halfway competent out there before finishing with a torture rack at 1:55. I believe the Madman retreated to the Motor City soon after this and thankfully never returned.

Meanwhile, Paul and JR hype the most bizarre goddamn Omni featured match humanly possible: Big Cat & Motor City Madman v. Lex Luger & Big Van Vader. That cannot possibly be a real match that happened. And indeed it wasn’t as Lex teamed up with El Gigante instead in what had to be a contender for stupidest piece of crap ever seen in that arena. However the main event was Sting v. Ric Flair in a Starrcade rematch and a cage match between Doom and the Horsemen, so they still managed to draw 6000.

Brian Pillman v. Jeff Sword

Pillman throws chops in the corner and puts him down with a spinkick, but Sword puts him down with a backbreaker while assuring us “He’s got it” like Trump posting a victory lap on Truth Social before the ceasefire is even presented. And in fact, he doesn’t got it, and Pillman quicky finishes him with the Air Pillman at 2:00.

Junkyard Dog v. George South

Dog, who is growing more rotund by the week at this point, literally stands there while South bumps off him and then runs away. Dog slingshots him back in and gives him some headbutts, almost making contact on one of them while Paul notes that “Junkyard Dog” is a terrible name for parents to name a child. JR: “You know his real name is Sylvester, right?” KAYFABE, JIM! Dog finishes with a Russian legsweep at 2:30.

STARRCADE 90 SPECIAL REPORT! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

Gordon discusses the results of the show, featuring the Steiners beating Muta & Saito to win the tag team championship of the universe or whatever, and Lex Luger regains the US title from Stan Hansen with the ol’ screwjob finish. And the Black Scorpion is Ric Flair, which drops Gordon’s opinion of him A LOT. OH DAMN.

Michael Wallstreet v. Rick Cannon

Rick Cannon is a great wrestling name to be wasted on a scrub like this guy. So last we saw of Michael on his show, he was doofus babyface Captain Mike Rotunda and teaming with Tim Horner for spare change. And then WCW managed to fall ass backwards into a great gimmick change for him and WHOOPS, the WWF came calling. Funny how that happens. Same way it happened with the Nasty Boys shortly before this show. Wallstreet dumps Cannon and hauls him back in for an elbowdrop before going to a chinlock and finishing with the Stock Market Crash at 2:02, as predicted by the computer! Holy cow, I bet that thing has almost 24K of RAM and a DOUBLE density floppy disk drive!

Meanwhile, on World Championship Wrestling, Terry Taylor is sick of Michael Wallstreet and his unearned money, and he wants a FIGHT. And Wallstreet is like THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS and they FIGHT. And then the next week, Taylor confronts him again but he’s calmer about it this time and they agree to meet at Starrcade. Well I mean that match was already done with by the time this aired so I’m not sure what the point is now.

Ricky Morton v. Rip Rogers

Morton wins a slugfest while JR hypes up SANTA CLAUS as appearing on the World Championship Wrestling show tonight. And then the WWF signed him away and gave him an unlimited hot cocoa budget for catering to offset the low downside guarantee. And then WCW tried to replace him with “Krampus” and Kevin Sullivan as a manager, but thankfully it didn’t make it past the marketing stage. Meanwhile Rip hammerlocks Morton and rams him into a pair of turnbuckles before tossing him out to the floor and sending him to the floor for a shot to the post. Back in, Rogers works the arm while the announcers hype up the NEW WCW hotline, which has a bunch of nines and zeroes in the phone number but I forget which order they were in. Rip drops an elbow for two, but Morton cradles for two, selling his ass off for Rip and doing hope spots here in this squash match. Rip works the arm in the corner and Ricky does his Ricky Morton thing before hitting a desperation crossbody out of the corner for the pin at 4:50 and then going back to ringside and clutching his arm in pain again. Hot take and unpopular opinion that you’re gonna have to deal with: Ricky Morton was a good wrestler. But I guess y’all aren’t ready for that conversation. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Lex Luger v. Paul Lee

So this leads me to ask: Given they’re hyping Sting v. Flair in a rematch for the World title for that Omni show, why exactly WAS Flair getting a rematch for the title six days later? He lost the match cleanly in a cage, why isn’t Sting giving someone else a shot? He was a tag team wrestler for the past few months and was supposedly “injured” to the point of missing the show anyway. Lex finishes this goof with a torture rack at 1:30.

Buddy Landel v. Tom Zenk

Yes it’s the Z-Man v. The Zzzzzzzzzzz Man. No, I like Budro, that’s mean. Zenk hiptosses him out of the corner and dropkicks him while Paul E does his Jon Lovitz routine, which I’m assuming was still timely in 1990. Zenk with clotheslines to put Buddy almost on the floor but then Buddy decides not to bump and just takes Tom down and works the arm. And then for some reason JR and Paul go on this whole run about how Buddy made his name in “the minor leagues and smaller promotions” before building up to “…like one in Tennessee” which seems like a really long run-up to a random shot at Memphis. Was there a beef there or something? Anyway, Zenk finishes with a flying bodypress at 3:30, which was the second match on this show with that particular finish and could have been the THIRD if Pillman used his normal bodypress finish from the time instead of doing the Air Pillman clothesline. Say what you want about Vince and his micromanaging but that kind of shit NEVER happened on WWF TV.

Next week: We wrap up 1990 WCW and then do a pretty significant time jump and see how that goes.