The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 11.13.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 11.13.00

Originally written 06.01.26

This is for my man Louie D, who’s always been good to me and requested that I go back and finish these off sometime. So let’s dig into it again.

LAST WEEK: The Thrillers turn on Coach Nash! Uh, other stuff happens I guess.

Taped from London, England on 11.10.00, claiming a sellout of 10,000 but who the hell knows at this point.

HOUR #1! THE HOUR THAT PUTS LEMON IN THE TEACUP BEFORE THE MILK!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Straight Shooting Stevie Ray, and the Iron Professor

We get a parade of WCW “stars” to the ring, and the announcers are immediately like WE DON’T HAVE THIS ON OUR SHEET! THEY’RE SHOOTING! This brings out new President/Commissioner/CEO/whatever Ric Flair to address the troops. Ric address Mike Sanders and tells him he has 48 hours to defend the Cruiserweight title, since he hasn’t defended it in 30 days. Moving on, Ric announces the first ever London Lethal Lottery tonight, with 8 wrestlers making 4 teams for a tournament, and then the winning team has a match against each other on Thunder, and then the winner of THAT gets a World title shot the night after Mayhem. Why not just have a tournament? So all the drawing has been done in advance, and we’re got teams of Mike Awesome & Bam Bam, Booker T & Lex Luger, Alex Wright & Disco Inferno, and Scott Steiner & Sting. Why would Booker be competing for a shot at his own World title? But Scott Steiner isn’t here, so Ric chides him for BREAKING THE RULES and orders him to come out and stand in the ring as directed. So Scott does indeed make his entrance, and he attacks Flair as a big brawl erupts between all the teams. And then they just cut away and take a break.

Meanwhile, some British guy interviews Crowbar, who is now Hardcore champion, but Big Vito stops by and takes credit for the win. So Crowbar gets him a title shot.

Meanwhile, Lance Storm demands a shot at General Rection tonight and Mike Sanders is making matches for reasons I forget already.

Hardcore title: Crowbar v. Big Vito

Apparently Crowbar won the title from Reno on Thunder, and they’re nice enough to provide footage for the people who don’t watch that show, ie, EVERYONE. Vito whacks him with the kendo stick a few times and they fight on the floor, where Vito backdrops him into the crowd and beats on him with a trashcan lid. Vito runs him into the bleachers and breaks through the wood on the sides, as Stevie notes that the arena wasn’t particularly sturdy anyway. They fight into the backstage and more can lids are used, but Vito puts him through the catering table, right on the FISH AND CHIPS. Oh man don’t tell Richard. Back to ringside for more silly weapons shots and Vito puts Crowbar onto a table, but Crowbar escapes that and Vito goes back to beating on him with the can lid. Next up, the ref is bumped for some reason in a match with no DQ and anything goes, and Vito puts him on the table again, but Crowbar escapes again. This brings out Reno, and he turns on Vito and hits him with the kendo stick, and Crowbar suplexes Vito through the table and pins him at 7:50 to retain. Just a basic-ass hardcore match but the crowd was HOT for it and it came off better as a result. **1/2

Meanwhile, Bam Bam Bigelow and Mike Awesome squabble before their tag team match.

The Natural Born Thrillers join us after the ULTIMATE SWERVE where they all turned on Coach Kevin. So Mike Sanders notes that Kevin Nash is now SOL, and he knows what that means. God they spent so much time trying to get that catchphrase over and it never caught. So we get a promo from Shawn Stasiak to a silent crowd, but Coach Kevin Nash interrupts with an analogy: He taught the NBT that an engine runs on gasoline, and from that they thought they could win the Indy 500. So tonight it’s Nash v. 3 of the Thrillers.

Meanwhile, Elix Skipper tries to steal Ms. Jones from the Cat and this is BRUTAL stuff.

Mike Awesome & Bam Bam Bigelow v. Scott Steiner & Sting

Sting and Steiner clear the ring to start but then immediately turn on each other and brawl, allowing Bigelow & Awesome to take over. Bigelow misses a diving headbutt on Steiner, but Sting & Steiner double-team Awesome and Sting clotheslines him. Awesome and Bigelow hit Steiner with splashes in the corner, but Scott suplexes Bigelow. Awesome hits Steiner with an Alabama slam and goes up, but Sting crotches him and Steiner brings him down with a superplex and finishes with the Steiner Recliner at 3:13 to advance. Just a big fucking mess from start to finish. ½*. And then Bam Bam turns on Awesome afterwards, because why not.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Hart challenges a local DJ to another match.

Meanwhile, the Boogie Knights aren’t really wanting to be in the tournament, so they offer to sell their spot to Kronik. Kronik is like “How about you pay us to take your spot instead?” and Disco is dumb enough to accept because he’s scared of Scott Steiner.

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals stooge out the previous segment to Ric Flair, who vows to go do something about it.

Meanwhile, Booker T doesn’t trust Lex Luger, but as far as Kronik goes, BOO YAH. Fair enough.

Meanwhile, Ric Flair meets up with the Boogie Knights and he’s got a big surprise for them later.

Meanwhile, the Misfits in Action have various threats for Lance Storm. Ooo so scary. The Wall notes that only male strippers and sailors are named Lance. So he’s saying that sailors aren’t tough? What about Popeye?

Meanwhile, the Battledome guys, led by Terry Crews, have flown all the way to England to bust some ass, and they get into a brawl with some WCW guys to prove it. So they flew all the way to England for a five second brawl backstage and then never got mentioned again for the rest of the show. Good work if you can get it.

…

Are we gonna have another match at some point on this show? Just checking. We’ve had a total of 10 minutes of wrestling in the entire first hour thus far.

Kronik v. Lex Luger & Booker T

Booker grabs a headlock on Clark and puts him down with a sidekick, and Luger comes in and immediately gets double-teamed by the heels. But then Lex fights back with clotheslines and a suplex on Adams for two, but he puts his head down and gets piledroven by Adams to take over. Clark with a short arm clothesline for two, but Booker sneaks in and hits Clark with a kick behind the ref’s back. Hot tag Booker and he hits Clark with an axe kick. But then both guys do a knee to the gut at the same time somehow and they both double over awkwardly as the match just grinds to a screeching halt. But then Lex turns on Booker and tosses him over the top, but Kronik takes out Luger. Booker with the Bookend on Clark, but now Scott Steiner runs in and hits Booker with his trusty lead pipe, allowing Kronik to finish him at 4:35 and advance to the finals. Another giant mess. ½*

Meanwhile, Kronik pledges to win the WCW World title as a tag team if they win the tournament.

Coach Kevin Nash v. Shawn Stasiak, Chuck Palumbo & Sean O’Haire

Big Sexy hits a sideslam on Palumbo for two and beats on him with the framed elbow in the corner before giving him the Nash choke. Over to Stasiak, who hits Nash with a back elbow for two and the Thrillers keep trying for pins on him, but it takes way more than that to make Kevin do a job. O’Haire whips him into the corner and chokes him out as this match REALLY sucks. Nash fights back on Stasiak with the big boot and it’s time for a POOCHIEBOMB, but Reno runs in for the second time tonight and attacks Nash to save. And that’s a DQ at 5:10. So no one wins and the only loser is all of us watching. DUD. This leads to an 18-on-Kev beatdown and he’s left laying. But he didn’t lose.

Elix Skipper v. The Cat

Cat puts him down with a kick right away and dances and then slugs away in the corner. Skipper necks him on the top rope and tosses him for a fight on the floor while Elix puts the moves on Miss Jones, but she kicks him in the face as Stevie declares her to be a gradulate of Yak University. Back in the ring, Cat comes back the very next day (I thought he was a goner!) and kicks Skipper down with all his kicks and kicks and other kicks and whatnot, but Elix cuts him off with a back suplex. So Skipper loads up his GREY CUP RING OF DOOM, but Cat cuts him off with the Feliner and pins him at 3:24. OK. The kick from Miss Jones was cool, the rest was…not. DUD

The Boogie Knights v. Goldberg

So this is Flair’s surprise for the Knights, and Goldberg tries to pumphandle Disco right away but Wright cuts him off with a missile dropkick. So Goldberg no-sells that and spears Disco, then reloads and spears Wright, and then hits both geeks with jackhammers and pins them both at 1:34. Tony declares this 18-0 now because he beat two guys at the same time. That’s not how math works. Also Disco barely counts as a full person anyway. Like I’m pretty sure if you accidentally ran him over with your car and then stopped to back up over him again, you’d still only get a demerit on your license from the police.

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner rants about the main event tonight.

US title: General Rection v. Lance Storm

Storm chops him in the corner and Rection fires back and then hits a suplex before clotheslining him to the floor. So Rection pulls up the mats, but there’s another layer of mats underneath, which somewhat undermines the drama of what he’s going for there. But they pretend it’s concrete anyway and Storm gets a suplex out there. Back in the ring, they trade holds on the mat and Rection gets a powerslam for two. So we get a brawl with Team Canada and the Misfits on the floor and Rection goes up for the moonsault, but Major Gunns moves Lance out of the way to turn on him, and Storm puts him in the Maple Leaf until Gunns throws in the towel and give Lance the US title at 4:00. So she’s back with Team Canada again. Another bad match in a series tonight. ½*

London Lethal Lottery Finals: Sting & Scott Steiner v. Kronik

Adams quickly hits Sting with his piledriver to take over and then presses him into a gutbuster for two. Sting comes back with a facebuster and follows with a DDT, but they collide and Sting does the FOOTBALL TO THE GROIN sell spot. Over to Steiner and he beats on Clark in the corner and drops the elbow on him, setting up the belly to belly out of the corner. Clark fights back with a shoulderblock for two, but Kronik tries a double team and Steiner makes a hot tag to Sting to cut that off. Stinger splash on Clark sets up the Scorpion , but Adams breaks it up. So Steiner puts Clark in the Steiner Recliner, but Adams breaks that up as well and Kronik chokeslams Scott. But Midajah leaves commentary and distracts Adams, leaving Sting to hit Clark with the Scorpion Deathdrop to finish at 5:41. And then Steiner turns on Sting and lays him out with a chairshot, but Booker makes the save with his own chair and then turns on Sting as well and acts all heelish. Wut?

I don’t know what they were going for with this episode, but this wasn’t it, guv.