The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 10.02.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 10.02.00

Last week: Vince Russo has one final Hail Mary play to maintain his position as WCW booker and overlord, and that’s putting himself over Booker T to become World champion. It didn’t work. The “cliffhanger” from last week’s Nitro, where they went off the air without knowing who the WCW champion was, led to Thunder drawing one of the lowest ratings of all time for the show. So no one cared who the champion was.

At this point, WCW was officially up for sale by AOL/Time-Warner, with four bidders in the mix, and Vince Russo was considered to be not part of the package if/when it sold. Plus Russo cancelled future bookings with the company, notably not going on the trip to Australia for their TV tapings after this.

Live from San Francisco, CA, drawing a 2.6 rating and a little over 2000 paid. In the Cow Palace! That’s like AWA in the dying days.

Disco Duck on a Pole match: Konnan & Rey Mysterio v. The Boogie Knights

I guess it’s actually a ladder match but it’s funnier to mock the match this way. Konnan does a promo where he insinuates that Disqo is having sexual relations with the plastic duck, as one does. So yes, this is the very understated return of Alex Wright as the partner for Disqo, and the announcers openly question whether anyone cleared the “Boogie Knights” name first. I’m guessing not. The Knights double-team Konnan in the corner with some energetic stuff, but the Animals pile up the Knights and put the ladder on top of them, before Rey goes up with an Arabian facebuster onto the ladder. Rey with a double nutcracker legdrop off the ladder and then Rey dives onto Wright outside, but Disqo hits the Last Dance stunner on Konnan. Disqo makes the climb and Rey brings him down with a sunset bomb, so Wright tries next and Konnan brings him down, and then climbs up and claims the duck at 4:27. I mean…who cares? It’s a plastic duck. Rey was energetic I guess. Hell of a way to bring Alex Wright back, immediately turning him back into a comedy jobber. *1/2

Meanwhile, David Flair has someone handcuffed and blindfolded in the parking lot.

Meanwhile, Vince Russo reads a prepared statement where he admits that he’s not an athlete and never claimed to be, so he’s giving up the WCW title and making a match between Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner to crown a new champion tonight. Also he wants to kick Goldberg’s ass himself. So back in the arena, Goldberg comes out and dares Russo to show up and face him. So Russo comes out in a glass-encased Popemobile and gives Goldberg an ultimatum: Goldberg has to reproduce the 176 win streak to get another World title shot ever again, but if he loses a single match he’s out of WCW. That’s a pretty clever idea to reheat Goldberg, but what are the odds that they actually remember to keep track? And when Goldberg goes after Russo, he gets attacked by THE MONSTER MENG, who is opponent #1 tonight.

Meanwhile, Vince Russo departs the building and puts Mike Sanders in charge of the show. And then tells Borash to keep him in line. And in fact, Russo never comes back, and this was his exit from WCW TV as a character. Thank god.

WCW Hardcore title: Reno v. Sgt. A-Wall

Oh, we’re back to remembering that this title exists again? I guess this is some kind of tournament that has never been mentioned before on Nitro and these are the finals. Is Norman Smiley injured? Who knows? He won the title 2 months ago and then was never mentioned again. By a hilarious bit of happenstance, this also makes him the longest reigning Hardcore champion of all time. So they hit each other with trash cans and then Reno goes to pick a fight with color commentator Chuck Zito, and back in for some kendo stick shots. But then Reno goes up, and Big Vito runs out and pushes him off the top rope, allowing Wall to pin him and win the title at 2:30. But then Mike Sanders reverses the decision and awards the title to Reno instead by DQ because of outside interference. Shit like this is why no one cared when Meng showed up with the belt at Royal Rumble a few months later.

Meanwhile, Pamela Paulshock announces that the previously announced World title match has already been changed by the Cat, into Booker T v. Sting, because reasons. Oh my god this dueling commissioner shit is so stupid. Just decide on matches and promote them FFS.

Shane Douglas joins us to talk shit about Konnan for some reason, and then lays out a challenge to Mike Awesome as well.

Shane Douglas v. Mike Awesome

Awesome attacks on the floor while Lex Luger watches in the audience, and Awesome brings in a table, but Torrie flashes Awesome and he gets pinned at 1:20. Well I’m sure excited to see that match against Konnan at Halloween Havoc now! And then Konnan comes out and they brawl. None of this made any sense.

Meanwhile, Jarrett and Steiner bitch at Mike Sanders about losing their title match, but Coach Kevin comes out to make peace. JJ: “Kevin…this coach thing…”. So Nash gives Sanders a pep talk and sends him into the office to confront the Cat.

Meanwhile, Mike Sanders announces that he’s negotiated a deal for the World title. And also Goldberg is SOL…and you know what that means! Actually we don’t because you’ve never told us.

Goldberg v. THE MONSTER MENG

Meng does a quietly introspective promo before the match, as you expect from him, as they’ve already changed the stipulations to making this into a loser leaves town match. They quickly slug it out and Goldberg spears him and finishes with the Jackhammer at 0:38. So Meng is gone from WCW forever after making his return less than an hour ago. Until he came back with no explanation. Thrilling stuff. And then Kronik hits the ring, apparently having turned heel sometime between the last show and this one, and chokeslams Goldberg to set up the next thing.

Meanwhile, Sanders announces that the match is NOW Steiner & Sting v. Booker & Jarrett, with the winners moving on to face each other for the title. Oh my god just make up your fucking minds already.

Meanwhile, David Flair waterboards his hostage.

Scott Steiner & Sting v. Jeff Jarrett & Booker T

This goddamn episode feels three hours long already. Sting quickly hits Jarrett with the Stinger Splash and they clothesline each other for a double down, and it’s over to Steiner and Booker. So Steiner goes around ringside yelling at the front row, and Booker hits him with a spinkick back in the ring. Next up, Sting faces Booker T as this thing is taking forever to get going on a show where all the matches are 2 minutes long. Everyone brawls on the floor, and Steiner gets a slam on Booker in the ring as this is dragging really badly. Steiner stalls some more and suplexes Booker, but Book comes back with a spinebuster and makes the hot tag to Jarrett, I guess. Steiner suplexes him as well and Sting comes in and runs wild, desperately trying to get something worthwhile out of this mess, while Booker hits Steiner with the axe kick. Ref is bumped, because of course he is, and Jarrett hits Sting with the guitar and pins him to win at 10:38. So yes, later tonight it’s Jeff Jarrett v. Booker T for the World title…again. I mean, I guess they haven’t had a World title match since September so we were due for one between them. I also have a crazy idea for rebooking this match that might sound crazy but bear with me: There’s a major PPV coming up at the end of the month that currently has no announced main event, so instead of rushing through whatever…this…is and crowning a new champion tonight, why not hold off and do the title match THERE? Or, as an alternative, since they were so desperately wanting to put the title on Scott Steiner and everyone knew it, why not just PUT THE FUCKING TITLE ON SCOTT STEINER since you have a chance here? Just spitballing some ideas. *

Next week: Nitro in Brisbane Australia! Oh, I thought they said it was gonna be a PPV.

WCW Cruiserweight title: Elix Skipper v. Mike Sanders

Skipper calls out Kevin Nash as the JOLLY GREEN GIANT in a sick burn. So Sanders makes some stips, since he’s in the charge: Team Canada is barred from ringside, you have to powerbomb your opponent, and it’s a handicap match against Mike and Big Kev. So Nash lays out Skipper and does commentary in the ring, as Skipper immediately backdrops out of a powerbomb attempt and then hits a rana. But he can’t pin Sanders because of no powerbomb. So Nash lays out Skipper again and then does a promo about kids stealing spots from aged veterans like himself, doing top rope stuff that wouldn’t work in a bar fight. This sets up a comedy spot where Elix goes up while Sanders desperately tries to warn Nash, and Elix hits the missile dropkick to cut off the promo. Meanwhile we keep cutting to Luger in the crowd for some reason. But then Nash just beats Skipper down again and resumes his promo, burying Canada’s economy, and then powerbombs Skipper and Sanders pins him to win the title at 3:13. Crowd didn’t care about this at all. Can’t imagine why not. DUD

Meanwhile, Duggan and Lance Storm attack the Thrillers to presumably set up a match for the PPV.

Goldberg v. The Harris Twins

He spears Ron and pins him at 0:12, which makes him 2-0, and then spears Don and jackhammers him at 0:33 to make him 3-0. Is…is that how math works? I’m not sure about that. Also was this not a loser leaves town match as well? I’m guessing not, which would set a new record for them ignoring their own stips.

Meanwhile, the announcers learn that the title match will be a “49ers match”, with four boxes hung in the corners, and the belt in one of the boxes, and whoever finds the belt first wins it. What? What even is this show?

David Flair brings out his hostage and handcuffs him to the ropes, but then promises to remove the cuffs if he admits to being the father of Stacy’s child. So David uncuffs him, and he unmasks as Buff Bagwell and destroys David without actually admitting anything. So I guess if you really wanted to resolve the story in head canon, you could say that Buff was the father. But they were pretty clear that Buff wasn’t the father here.

WCW World title: Booker T v. Jeff Jarrett

So as promised, there are four boxes hung from poles, with weapons in three of the boxes and the title in one of the boxes. Jarrett attacks Booker on the floor and one of the boxes falls down already, so Jarrett smashes it open and it’s a blow up doll. Booker comes back with a back elbow and sideslam, but he goes up and retrieves the second box, which is a framed photo of Scott Hall. This is a World title match, I remind you. Back to the floor and Jarrett hits him with the remains of the box and then slams him on the announce table and puts the boots to him. Booker reverses into a piledriver on the table and retrieves the third box, which has a coal miner’s glove in it. I’m sure that was someone’s idea of a funny reference. So Jarrett lays out Booker and steals the glove, putting Booker down with it and then hitting him with the remains of the third box while totally ignoring the fourth box which we now know has the World title in it. They slug it out and Booker misses a dropkick, so Jarrett hits him with the glove again and it’s a double down. Jarrett with a sleeper, but Booker fights out of that and comes back with the axe kick, only for Jarrett to use a low blow to keep him from climbing. They collide and Jarrett lands on the floor and tries for another guitar under the ring, but can’t get it free. So Jarrett climbs for the box instead, but Beetlejuice from Stern’s crew hits him in the ass and Booker claims the belt at 13:00. And then Scott Steiner immediately cuts off the celebration, laying out Booker with a lead pipe, and then putting the midget in the Recliner to end the show. Lemme tell ya, folks, Booker and Jeff sure had a lot of matches for the World title in 2000, and this was certainly one of them. ***1/4

Good lord this show.

Next week, we go to Australia and the Rooster gets to run things for a couple of weeks as hopefully they calm the hell down.