The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 09.18.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 09.18.00

We’re coming off Fall Brawl, an easy pick for best WCW PPV of 2000, featuring an easy pick for one of the best matches of the year for WCW 2000. So let’s see how they can screw this up.

Live from Kitchener, ON, drawing 3200 with 2700 paid, and a 2.75 rating. Going up against the final RAW on the USA Network…at that time.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden

Rey Mysterio & Tigress v. The Natural Born Thrillers

So this is the continuation of the elimination tag from the PPV, just like the show never ended! Jindrak hits Rey with something like an F5 and then O’Haire catches Rey with a powerbomb as this crowd is very hot tonight. Seanton bomb misses and Rey cradles Sean for the pin while Tigress pins Jindrak at 1:34 and I’m not even sure how that works. Rey drops Tigress on Chuck with a legdrop and Rey goes up for the Whazzup, but Stasiak comes into the ring and catapults Tigress into Rey’s crotch to bring him down. More evidence that Rey wouldn’t have been able to reproduce and thus Dom really is Eddie’s son. More chaos and Kwee Wee hits Stasiak with a chair and Tigress pins multiple people until we’re down to Tigress v. Mike Sanders because Rey got pinned somewhere in there. She tries a sleeper and gets slammed down, but then Rey comes in again with a dropkick on Sanders and she hits Sanders with the X-Factor and pins him at 5:17. I mean, lots of stuff was happening so it certainly wasn’t boring. ** I don’t see Tigress as some kind of breakout women’s star, though, and she certainly didn’t stick around after the death of the promotion.

Meanwhile, Kevin Nash is watching and declares that the Thrillers all suck and need his coaching skills to save them. This leads to Nash doing a chalkboard gag where he spells out “You Suck” and we get the debut of the “You’re SOL, and you know what that means” catchphrase for the ages. Another WCW fail that they didn’t immediately trademark that one and sell t-shirts. Company would have lived another 5 years off the merch money alone. Anyway, this is kind of a weird position for Nash to be in the night after losing the World title in the main event of the PPV.

Vince Russo joins us, using Goldberg’s music, which is hilarious because the crowd in Canada boos Goldberg’s music out of the building before they even know it’s Russo instead. And Russo the Goldberg entrance, including doing a bit where he steals the Gillberg gag of needing directions to the entrance. I guess it had been a couple of years since Gillberg at that point anyway. Russo is excited to be in “Kirschner, Ontario” for some cheap heat, and then reads a registered letter from Goldberg where Goldberg quits the company amidst the disgrace of losing to Scott Steiner last night. And the crowd cheers it. Russo is tremendous as a part time midcard heel character, but Russo booking the company around himself as a main event player is a mistake up there with the end of Dusty’s run in JCP. So this brings out Scott Steiner, who draws a babyface reaction from the crowd and promises to win the World title next week. Russo points out that he never said anything about Steiner getting a title shot next week, and this brings out Jeff Jarrett to complain about also wanting a title shot. Didn’t he already lose a match that was supposed to be his last ever title shot? And then Coach Kevin joins us, demanding his mandatory rematch. So to settle things diplomatically, Russo books a tag team match tonight, with the winner of the fall getting the title shot. And it’s Steiner & Jarrett v. Nash & Russo, because Vince feels like he deserves a chance to be World champion in Long Island next week. So yeah, despite winning his second World title the next before, Booker isn’t even involved in the defense of his own title and has no agency. Which showed where he stood by that point.

Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson v. Kwee Wee & Paisley

Kwee Wee slugs away on Douglas in the corner to start and clotheslines him for two. Torrie then remembers that she’s supposed to be working the match and moves from the floor to the apron in time for Kwee Wee to kiss her, and Kwee Wee gets a sunset flip on Douglas for two. Douglas with the Frenchfrizer on Kwee Wee, but Paisley wants Torrie, so Douglas drags Kwee Wee over and forces a tag on the babyface side to bring Paisley in. And then he declines to tag Torrie and gives Paisley the Frenchfrizer himself for a five count at 2:08. Complete garbage. DUD

Meanwhile, Russo goes to plan strategy with Nash on the chalkboard, and Nash draws “Bite Me” and leaves, because he doesn’t want to work Mondays anymore.

Meanwhile, Booker T and Sting discuss how Sting is getting the first title shot tonight and Booker lets him know about the rule of the street, which is apparently “You don’t start none you won’t get none.” And then they get into a brawl for some reason, as apparently Sting has decided to start some and now will get some.

Meanwhile, Disqo and his new duck stop by the office and he criticizes Cat’s lousy job of commissioning, leading to a match later tonight where Disqo offers to put up the tag team titles as collateral if he loses. I thought Russo was the one booking the matches?

The Cat v. Disqo (w/ Disqo Duck)

Before the match, we get a backstage segment where the Filthy Animals all hate Disqo and refuse to do a run-in to help him. I feel like I missed two weeks of TV or something here. We didn’t even have a video package to introduce the inflatable duck! And Cat hits Disqo with one kick and pins him at 0:14, meaning that Rey & Juvy are stripped of the tag team titles. This show makes no sense.

Meanwhile, Kevin Nash stops by the nW-Bro locker room and announces that he’s going home and they’re gonna have to win without him. I….don’t know why that’s supposed to be a bad thing for Jarrett & Steiner. Wouldn’t that be an advantage for them, only having to beat Russo 2-on-1? This show makes no sense. I think I mentioned that already but just in case you forget.

Meanwhile, we get a replay of the hilarious David Flair segment from Fall Brawl with Mike Tenay, which is actually a great idea.

MI Smooth joins us after being missing from TV for weeks, offering to provide David Flair with the identity of the father for the right price. So Smooth announces that he’s got a videotape from the Kidcam days that reveals who the father is, but David grabs the tape and lays out Smooth with a crowbar before running away.

Meanwhile, Jarrett & Steiner burst into Russo’s dressing room, where he’s reading a muscle mag, and Vince asks them what they think about Kronik. Of course they think Kronik sucks and express that opinion loudly to the camera.

Meanwhile, David assaults a guy in the production truck and demands that the tape get played.

Meanwhile, the Rooster (not to be confused with Disqo Duck from earlier) finds Mike Sanders and tells him to go see Russo, when then gives Sanders a tape to deliver to Kronik. “I wanna tell you, you kiss the best ass in the business, son.” Sanders is quite happy to hear that.

Just an observation but there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot of wrestling here on this wrestling show so far.

WCW World title: Booker T v. Sting

Poor Book gets booed out of the building here on his triumphant night after winning the title and Tony kind of buries the crowd as BIZARROWORLD a few years before that became the cool thing to do. They fight for a headlock to start and Sting puts Booker down with a clothesline to a monster babyface pop, but he misses a splash and Booker hits a sidekick for two. Axe kick gets two. Sting takes him down with an armbar and hits the Stinger splash twice to set up the Scorpion, but Jeff Jarrett runs in for the DQ at 2:30. You’d think people would cheer for Jarrett since he’s dressed like the Mountie here. ½*. Afterwards, the heels lay out Booker and Sting and destroy them.

Meanwhile, Mike Sanders gives Bryan Clark the tape from Russo.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Hart tells David Flair to go watch his videotape in MI Smooth’s limo, and David thanks Jimmy by hitting him with the crowbar. The agenting on the stupid backstage segments is lacking when there’s two different storylines revolving around cassette tapes. One of them should have been an Edison cylinder or something.

Meanwhile, Kronik has now listened to the tape of Jarrett & Steiner and they burst into Cat’s office and demand satisfaction for being slandered.

Lance Storm joins us to the biggest babyface reaction of the night and introduces Hacksaw Jim Duggan as the newest Canadian, complete with clean shaven look and Canadian flag. Duggan explains that he decided to turn his back on the fans when he was being taken out on a stretcher after wrestling Goldberg and now he’s only in it for himself. This might have had potential but apparently Duggan didn’t want to do the role and wasn’t ever into it.

Lance Storm, Hacksaw Duggan & Elix Skipper v. General Rection, Lt. Loco & Corporal Cajun

MIA triple-teams Skipper and the crowd boos the crap out of them, but Storm comes in and clotheslines Chavo to turn the tide. Duggan comes in and hits an Oklahoma Stampede on Chavo, but Skipper dives on A-Wall outside and gets chokeslammed through a table that has suddenly appeared as if from thin air. Rection hits Storm with a german suplex and demands Duggan come in, so Storm hits him with a superkick and Duggan grabs his 4.4cm x. 8.8cm and lays him out for the pin at 3:10. Actually we just call them 2x4s up here as well but Scott was asking what the metric conversion was.

Meanwhile, Jarrett & Steiner storm into Russo’s room and Vince runs away.

Meanwhile, Mike Awesome breaks up with Gary Coleman, leaving the 70s bus unattended while ICP sneaks around in the background.

Kronik v. Johnny the Bull & Mike Sanders

So Coach Kevin returns with his new NBT friends, who were supposed to be Jarrett & Steiner, and they quickly get destroyed by Kronik before more Thrillers come out and get destroyed, and then Jarrett & Steiner finally come out and Steiner hits Clark with the lead pipe and pins him at 1:43. I am not 100% clear on what the hell is going on here.

Meanwhile, Three Count lets Awesome know that ICP has vandalized his bus with “Mike Mediocre” and other hurtful words. And so Vampiro will PAY.

Meanwhile, Russo goes to Sting and asks him to be his partner tonight. Isn’t he supposed to be the boss who just makes matches? Why not just book Sting to be his partner?

Hardcore match: Mike Awesome v. Vampiro

Vamp attacks with the kendo stick, but Awesome sends him to the floor and follows with a dive. Guy looks like a literal superhero come to life and flies over the top rope at 300 pounds of muscle and they’re booking him as a 70s obsessed geek who always loses. How did WCW botch him so badly? Like seriously, if someone who looked and wrestled like Mike Awesome came into the sport in the 70s he would have been a millionaire before he even made it out of Florida. They fight into the crowd and Vamp does his own dive onto Mike before they fight back to ringside again and Awesome hits him with wacky shit. Back in the ring, Awesome fights off a superplex attempt and hits Vamp with a flying clothesline, but Vampiro escapes the powerbomb and throws a garbage can at his head. So Awesome kicks him in the nuts and gives him the Awesomebomb through a table at ringside, and pins him at 5:00. Best match of the show. ***

Meanwhile, David watches the tape in the limo and runs off screaming for Stacy before we reveal who the father is.

Scott Steiner & Jeff Jarrett v. Vince Russo & Sting

No, wait, Booker T has beaten up Vince Russo backstage, so it’s one last swerve…

Scott Steiner & Jeff Jarrett v. Booker T & Sting

Soooooooooooo what happens if Booker T gets the win here? Tony also asks that obvious question but I doubt anyone backstage did. Everyone brawls to start and Sting hits a flying splash on Steiner for two and then Booker gives everyone sidekicks. Sting with the Scorpion on Jarrett, but Midajah comes in and hits them both with the lead pipe, at which point Miss Jones (the most useless character on the show and that’s saying something) comes out and attacks Midajah and drags her to the back. Steiner drops an elbow on Booker for two and they toss him for a beating outside. Back in the ring, Steiner with a backbreaker for two. Jarrett with the sleeper, but Booker reverses out with a suplex and this crowd is DEAD. How hard would it have been to put Lance Storm in a main event here? Obviously that’s the only person the crowd wanted to see. Booker makes the hot tag to Sting and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but then Kronik runs in and beats up Jarrett. Meanwhile Steiner goes low on Booker to set up the Recliner, but then Vince Russo emerges from the back and throws his baseball bat to Booker. Booker hits Steiner with the bat, drawing boos, and then puts Russo on top of Steiner for the pin at 9:14 so that Russo gets his title shot after all. Man that one absolutely backfired on him. This was a total garbage main event with a million run-ins, a stupid finish, and a dead crowd. DUD

Well we’re right back into the shitty groove of unwatchable television after a totally watchable Fall Brawl PPV, I see.

Next week: The arguable low point of the entire year. So there’s that to look forward to, I guess.