The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 07.10.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 07.10.00

Oh boy, Russo’s back on this show again. Time for another start of the next kickoff of WCW’s next phase…again. Maybe this new era will stick.

Live from Jacksonville, FL, with 5347 in the building and 4652 paid.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden & Scott Hudson, who are tasked with trying to explain exactly how Booker T ended up with the World title the night before. Hudson: “We have seen men come into the sport and have the World title handed to them on a silver platter, but Booker T came in and won the title on his very first shot last night!” That’s not exactly helpful to disproving that case, Scott.

Booker T joins us, dedicating his World title win to his mother, who isn’t here to see it. He gets a decent but not World champion level pop for his entrance, and calls out all the playa haters in the back, which actually sets up a catchphrase for him: Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. Unfortunately WWE was able to better capitalize on “Can you dig it sucka” but they’re trying. Booker calls Goldberg a MARK because he “got a scratch on his arm” and left for a while, and then brings his wife into the ring, but Stevie Ray interrupts and tells a story about how they grew up together and trained together, and now he’s putting the beef aside and reuniting. But then Scott Steiner hits the ring and lays out both guys.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett wants his rematch tonight, but the Cat already booked a match for Booker, and then Scott Steiner lays him out from behind anyway. Who would have thought that a reasonable fellow like Scott Steiner would be so prone to these random acts of violence?

Shane Douglas v. Crowbar

Douglas explains that he and Torrie were conspiring against Kidman since the days of the Revolution but just decided to reveal it last night. Yeah no one cares. Crowbar hits the ring and they brawl outside, and Crowbar gets a northern lights suplex in the ring for two, but Torrie trips him up and they fight to the floor again. This prompts a catfight between Daffney and Torrie, and Crowbar slingshots in with a legdrop on Shane for two. Lionsault gets two. Douglas with a legsweep for two. But then Shane unleashes the FRENCHFRIESER to finish at 3:30. They called him the Franchise because he was basically his own fast food restaurant at this point. **. And then Buff Bagwell hits the ring and attacks Shane afterwards.

Meanwhile, Billy Kidman tells Torrie to hit the road, but Jeff Jarrett still wants a title rematch, and brawls with Kidman over that.

Meanwhile, MI Smooth brings Tank Abbott and a new gold record for Three Count, and they’ve got fancy tuxes to celebrate.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett bursts in Cat’s office and he STILL wants a title rematch and won’t shut up about it. So Cat books him with Kidman instead.

Three Count joins us to celebrate their gold record for sales in excess of 3.4 million, hosted by Tank Sinatra. But the Jung Dragons attack, and Great Muta makes his return to WCW and mists Tank allowing the Dragons to steal the record and run away. I always forget about this Muta run. Of course he completely reinvented himself a year later anyway.

Meanwhile, Positively Kanyon is annoyed that he’s not the #1 contender to Booker T after pinning him earlier in the PPV. So he’s going after the Cat, BRO.

Jeff Jarrett v. Billy Kidman

Kidman tries to flip over Jeff and gets hiptossed to the floor by an irritated JJ, and Jeff whips him into the railing. Back in the ring, Kidman gets a victory roll for two and goes up with a flying bodypress, but Jarrett rolls through for two. Kidman with a Sky High for two and he clotheslines Jarrett to the floor, but now Torrie and her rotund friend hit the ring and Kidman gets DDTd on the floor as a result. Back in, that gets two. Kidman manages another rollup for two but Jarrett tries a powerbomb, and YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN gets two. Kidman tries the bulldog, but the Stroke finishes at 4:34. Interesting that they didn’t just have the interference lead to the pin, which would clearly be the Johnny Ace influence on the finishes. A good TV match. **1/2

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner beats up poor Kanyon as well.

Meanwhile, Cat gives Mike Awesome the US title while he’s hitting on Nitro Girl Beef. But Mike wants to earn the belt and so it’s thanks but no thanks.

WCW World title: Booker T v. Mike Awesome

Awesome slugs away on the ropes, but Booker chases him to the floor. Back in, Booker with the sidekick and he slugs away in the corner, but Awesome hits him with a lariat to take over. Alabama Slam and Awesome goes up with a frog splash for two as Tony wonders if this could the shortest reign in WCW history. Yeah we’ve already seen that multiple times in 2000, Tony. Awesome sets up a table for the powerbomb, but Booker knocks him off the apron and through the table, but Awesome beats the count. Back in, Booker with the axe kick and spinarooni to make the comeback, but he walks into a boot in the corner. Booker with a spinebuster for two and he goes up with a missile dropkick for two. Bookend finishes at 8:00 to retain the title. Another good TV match with a clean finish tonight. Johnny Ace is a terrible human being but he does great finishes. ***. Afterwards, Scott Steiner hits the ring for another attack, but Mike Awesome saves Booker because of his newfound integrity and chases Steiner to the back.

Meanwhile, Cat vows to take care of Scott Steiner tonight. So after the break, he joins us in the ring and calls out Scott Steiner, who is naturally upset about getting stripped of the US title last night. So Cat decides to stand up to him and gets beat up as a result, but Booker makes the save and then Positively Kanyon attacks Booker. And then Jeff Jarrett brawls with them because he wants a title match too. So Cat makes a three-way dance for the main event and the winner gets Booker at the PPV, but Goldberg also wants a piece and Cat makes it a four-way, and HE HAS SPOKEN.

We’re more than halfway into this show and everything has made complete sense thus far. I don’t know what to do with this. Who’s gonna want to read about THAT?

Meanwhile, Norman and Ralphus train cardio on the stairs and Norman tries to coax a pushup out of him. It doesn’t work.

WCW Hardcore title: Big Vito v. Norman Smiley

They fight to the backstage area and Norman runs him into a door and sprays him with the FIRE EXTINGUISHER OF DOOM, and they head back to ringside while Ralphus hides behind a table in the ring. That’s pretty close to doing a pushup. Into the ring, Vito finds Ralphus and beats on him with a crutch before giving him the old traffic cone to the crotch like in the glory days of Harley Race, and then puts him on a table and splashes him off the top for two. “it’s like Gallagher hitting a watermelon” notes Tony. Vito decides to pick him up at two, but Norman hits Vito with a chair and Vito falls on Ralphus again for the pin at 4:20. So we carry on with the feud. *

Meanwhile, the Cat again has to deal with KARATE ATTACK from the Jung Dragons.

Meanwhile, Paisley is looking for someone to iron a shirt for Prince Iaukea, but the world is introduced to KWEE WEE as a result.

Meanwhile, Lenny Lane is sitting at ringside with a big “Use Me” sign because apparently he’s not getting used on TV. Honestly I hadn’t even noticed he was gone.

Lance Storm joins us, speaking out against the sideshow antics of sports entertainment because all he does is wrestle. Because he’s Canadian. So I guess that’s the heel turn. So he plays the Canadian national anthem, the BEST NATIONAL ANTHEM I should add, while the announcers very disrespectfully talk over it.

Lance Storm v. The Artist Formerly Known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea

Lance hits a jawbreaker and heel kick for two. Prince with an atomic drop while Paisley joins on commentary and talks about the spell that KWEE WEE has on her. Same as all of us. Storm with a rollup for two, but Prince slugs him down for two and puts the boots to him. Prince with a northern lights suplex and he tries to hit his DDT, but Storm reverses him into a northern lights of his own for two. Storm comes back with a superkick for two and a powerbomb for two. Springboard dropkick gets two. Artist with an Angle slam for two. But then Storm whips him into the half crab and that finishes at 3:50. Storm was certainly better as a heel. Nothing to this match as this show is unfortunately running out of steam in the second half. *

WCW World tag team title: Kronik v. General Rection & Corporal Cajun

Tony hypes an impending Thunder taping in Kamloops BC, which is the only time you’ll ever hear KAMLOOPS mentioned on a nationally televised wrestling show, I guarantee. Rection walks into a full nelson slam right away while Rey and Juvy immediately bury the match on commentary and call them all slow and boring. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. MIA work on Adams, almost but not quite messing up his hair, but Jindrak and O’Haire hit the ring and prevent the Filthy Animals from interfering. Cajun with a missile dropkick on Adams for two and Rection powerslams Adams and goes up for an elbowdrop that misses. Over to Clark, who puts the boots to Rection in the corner, but MIA comes back again and No Laughing Matter gets two. Cajun comes in with his stupid comeback, but Kronik cuts him off and Adams hits a press slam into a gutbuster for two. The double chokeslam gets two as Rection saves. So they finish Cajun with the Doomsday Device, nearly killing him by dropping him on his head at 5:24. Cajun was trying to take a forward bump and they made him take a backwards bump anyway and it was UGLY. First real stinker of the night. DUD

Vampiro joins us with more mysterious bullshit, and now the Demon is his best friend and has joined the Dark Carnival. Hopefully they have medical benefits. But then “Sting” comes out again to attack and the announces are 100% sure that this is absolutely the real Sting this time, unmistakably. The crowd doesn’t buy any of it and this is still the worst storyline and gimmick in the promotion, and that’s saying something.

#1 contender match: Jeff Jarrett v. Goldberg v. Kanyon v. Scott Steiner

Steiner chops Kanyon and hits him with a press slam before dumping him to the floor and beating on him with a chair. Back in the ring, Steiner hits a suplex and goes to the Recliner, which I guess is legal again, but Goldberg breaks it up. Kanyon hits a spinebuster on Steiner for two, but Jarrett tags himself in and puts the boots to Steiner. Scott throws Kanyon around with a suplex, which allows JJ to get two, but Goldberg saves again. Kanyon Kutter on Jarrett, but Goldberg tags in and spears Kanyon. Jackhammer follows and gets two, but Steiner saves this time and we get a showdown between Steiner and Goldberg , but Jarrett steals the pin on Kanyon to win the title shot at 5:30. Oh yay, another month of Jeff Jarrett in the PPV main event, what an exciting new era. Another match where they felt rushed and the finish was the usual cliched “steal the pin” one, which made for a disappointing ending to what had been a pretty good show for the first hour. Didn’t feel “Russo ugly”, though, just the usual brand of WCW stinky fart booking that they were experts at before Russo ever came along. *1/2

I had high hopes for this episode in the new era, but it didn’t live up to them and fell apart by the end. This PPV coming up, though, is in Vancouver and sounds promising, so I’m putting all of my hope into that one, which I’m sure won’t come back to bite me later.