The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 06.26.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 06.26.00

Last week’s show was pretty decent all things considered and I’m gonna need this show to get terrible again so I have stuff to talk about. Russo is still gone this week so that doesn’t seem likely to happen.

Meanwhile on Thunder: Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner break up for good, thanks to Tank’s love of Three Count’s music.

Meanwhile, Commissioner Cat and his new chauffeur MI Smooth (the former Ice Train) show up at the arena, with Smooth providing some inspiration for Cat’s ideas.

Live from Des Moines, IA, drawing 5600 and 4500 paid.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden & Scott Hudson

The Cat joins us to start, and he’s actually promoting the upcoming PPV and running down the matches that are happening! Granted the matches don’t sound any good but that’s more promotion than they did for the last one. So tonight, he announces that Jeff Jarrett will defend the title in a four corners match against the winners of three matches: Nash v. Awesome, “Big Poppa Dump” v. Douglas, and Goldberg v. no one because he gets a bye for being Cat’s good friend. However, this brings out Hacksaw Duggan to interrupt, still in his janitor gear, and he’s sick of the fans not having a hero right now, so he’s going to step up and be their hero. So the Cat books him to face Goldberg tonight so he can prove it.

Meanwhile, Vampiro is all crazy somewhere in the back and challenges Dale Torborg to bring the Demon and face him.

Meanwhile, Shane Douglas learns about the Steiner match and doesn’t take it well.

Meanwhile, Positively Kanyon’s book signing is a bit of a disaster.

Sean O’Haire & Mark Jindrak v. Juventud Guerrera & Rey Mysterio

Nitro debut for the Power Plant guys here, and they chase the Animals out of the ring to start and then O’Haire tosses Juvy with a press slam. Jindrak gets two, but misses a Lionsault and gets double-teamed. Missile dropkick from Juvy gets two. They use the Dudley’s Wazzup on him, but Rey gets whipped into the corner and then collides with Juvy while they both try dropkicks. O’Haire gets a hot tag and hits the Animals with a flying clothesline, and then the kids hit them with stereo suplexes and Rey gets tossed. O’Haire comes in with a swanton bomb on Juvy and pins him crisp and clean with no caffeine at 4:50. The Animals try a beatdown, but Lance Storm comes out of the audience and kicks all their asses to make the save, and the new babyfaces stand tall. This was all really good and they did a hell of a job making them look like stars on Night One. **1/2

Meanwhile, Jim Duggan preps for his fight with Goldberg despite his medical problems, and his wife tries to talk him out of it, but he’s never backed down from a fight before and he’s not going to let his family down now.

WCW Hardcore title: Big Vito v. The Jung Dragons

Vito declares himself to be the “Pavarotti of shots to the body” and issues an open challenge, so the Jung Dragons all answer and take turns hitting Vito with highspots and then hit a triple flying splash with Jimmy Yang counting the pinfall himself. But it’s not official so no title change tonight.

Meanwhile, Terry Funk mentors Johnny the Bull and teaches him the dangers of turning your back on an opponent. Especially Terry Funk.

Meanwhile, Palumbo & Stasiak take over the truck again.

Meanwhile, Shane Douglas tries to convice MI Smooth to drive him home to escape Scott Steiner, but Smooth instead offers some helpful advice.

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals split up to find Lance Storm, and it won’t be hard because he’s Canadian and thus stupid.

Meanwhile, Shane Douglas really wants to face Scott Steiner, but he’s tragically slipped on some water and twisted his ankle. Shane suggests Buff Bagwell as a substitute, but Cat has an even better idea for ratings: BUFF BAGWELL. The Cat is pretty fucking funny in this role.

Three Count joins us for their new song, but Tank’s grooving is ruined by Palumbo & Stasiak messing with the audio in the truck, so Tank drags them to the ring and books them to defend the tag team titles “because he said so”.

WCW World tag team title: Shawn Stasiak & Chuck Palumbo v. Three Count

Shannon and Shane hit stereo dives on the champs outside and haul Chuck into the ring to double-team him. Stasiak comes in and manages to take over on Shane before putting the boots to him in the corner. They double-team Helms and Hudson points out that Three Count were training for a dancing and singing performance, which is much different than training for wrestling. Well unless you’re Chris Jericho. Shane reverses a powerbomb as the announcers start working in the “Sugar Shane” nickname for the first time, and Shannon gets the hot tag, but Chuck catches him on a crossbody and slams him. Shannon escapes a double-team in the corner and Shane hits a frog splash on Stasiak, but Palumbo hits him with the flexor behind the ref’s back and they finish with the double flapjack at 5:20. I like that they didn’t just use the gimmick for the win and actually had a real finish. That’s a huge improvement and 100% attributable to Vince’s future lapdog taking over on finishes. Pretty good match as well. **1/2. And then Kronik hits the ring and destroys the champs to set up another title shot at the PPV. And the announcers say “They get their chance at Bash at the Beach”, thus promoting the upcoming PPV and explicitly advertising a match for it that people might want to see. So then Three Count wants to finish their song, which annoys Kronik, but when they hit the ring to take care of them, Tank returns and punches them out. Well there was some good and some…whatever that last thing is.

Meanwhile, Kanyon has improved his book signing by giving away free booze.

Meanwhile, we get a video package about Jim Duggan announcing his retirement due to cancer and then making his return in 1999.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. Goldberg

The Cat further stacks things against Duggan by banning the 2×4. “You know Tony, Goldberg kills HEALTHY people”, Madden notes in an actual good heel line for once. Duggan fearlessly slugs it out with Goldberg and draws a huge babyface reaction, but Goldberg just clotheslines him and then bodies him out to the floor before sending him into the post. Back in the ring, Goldberg punches him RIGHT IN THE KIDNEY and goes to a neck vice, but Duggan fires up again, so Goldberg just roughly runs him into the corner and sets up for the spear while showboating and trash-talking Nash. But Duggan slams him and sets up the clothesline, so Goldberg hits the spear without messing around this time, and then finishes with the Jackhammer at 3:11. And then he punches Duggan RIGHT IN THE CANCER like a real heel, leaving Duggan beaten and possibly on the verge of a relapse of cancer because he got his ass kicked so badly by a heartless monster. THIS WAS GREAT, like legitimately one of the best things late era WCW ever did. Million billion stars.

Kevin Nash v. Mike Awesome

Nash is fighting for Duggan here and wallops on Awesome to start, but Mike hits a flying clothesline for two to take over. Flying splash gets two. Nash takes him to the floor and beats on him with elbows. Awesome grabs a chair, but Nash kicks it back in his face and pins him at 3:32 to advance.

Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio is left laying by a mysterious attacker who may or may not be Lance Storm.

Meanwhile, Konnan is looking for “punk mark buster” Lance Storm, but someone lays HIM out as well.

Scott Steiner v. Buff Bagwell

Steiner beats on Buff with forearms in the corner and drops the elbow on him, but Buff hiptosses him out of the corner and comes back with the neckbreaker. Pump splash gets two. Steiner catches him and slams him into the corner before hanging him in the Tree of Woe, and then throws him and tries to Recline him. Buff actually counters out and hits a double arm DDT to set up the Blockbuster, but it only gets two. Buff argues that one with the ref, but Steiner suplexes him and pins him to advance at 3:34. These matches have been short but they’re short with lots of action and a finish and everything has had a point thus far. Steiner and Buff mend fences afterwards, but Douglas hits the ring and lays out Buff, and Scott has to make the save.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett has his opponents set, and he’s claiming conspiracy. Was his belt bought from a knockoff website or something? It literally looks like a toy.

Meanwhile, Miss Hancock leaves David Flair’s locker room while Daffney lurks in the shadows. And then she hits the ring and promises to strip, but Daffney hits the ring and promises to send her back to the “Hooters they found her in”. Apparently they’re having a match at the PPV for David Flair’s affections. But…why?

Meanwhile, Booker T crashes the Kanyon book signing and slams him through the table.

Meanwhile, Miss Hancock challenges Daffney to wedding gown match at the Bash.

Disco Inferno joins us and challenges Lance Storm to face him right now.

Disco Inferno v. Lance Storm

Lance obliges and superkicks Disco before dropkicking him for two, and then he goes up but gets crotched by Disco. Disco with a neckbreaker for two. Lance misses a dropkick after some awkward miscommunication, but Disco misses an elbow and Lance hits him with a rana for two. Lance with a handspring into a clothesline and a northern lights suplex for two. Disco blocks a blind charge, but Lance rolls him into the half-crab for the submission at 2:52. Kind of a mess at times but Storm would get over quickly with the half-crab. *1/2 So the Filthy Animals hit the ring and they all attack, but Billy Kidman makes the save with a lead pipe, revealing himself as the mystery attacker backstage.

Meanwhile, Vampiro tries to strangle Dale Torborg with a door chain and they get into a brawl in the backstage area, where Tony is worried about DANGEROUS CHEMICALS nearby. What, are they gonna fall into a vat of acid and turn into the Joker or something? Vampiro shoves Torborg into a coffin, which you frequently see backstage, but some guy in a Sting mask lays out Vampiro to save. Apparently it was a young Chris Harris, who happened to be backstage and looked enough like Sting for the part. This shit is terrible and the storyline makes no sense, as everything on this show is definitely not improved.

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals issue a challenge to Kidman & Storm for Thunder.

WCW World title: Jeff Jarrett v. Goldberg v. Kevin Nash v. Scott Steiner

So Goldberg lays out Nash backstage, saving the Sexecutioner from having to work two matches in a night, and Steiner dominates Jarrett in the meantime. But then Goldberg hits the ring and lays out Steiner, double-teaming him with Jarrett. Goldberg puts Steiner in an armbar while Jarrett puts the boots to Steiner, but now Mike Awesome hits the ring and steals the US title belt. Steiner goes after him, but Jarrett attacks from behind and Steiner makes the comeback with a powerbomb for two and a powerslam for two. Awesome makes the save and lays out Steiner with the belt, but Big Lazy finally limps down to the ring and does his three moves (plus hair flip) while beating up 17 guys on his own. But Goldberg gives him the Bret Hart Special kick and Jarrett pins Nash to retain at 6:00. This whole thing was weird and didn’t make much sense. Also Goldberg has the regurgitated remains of Scott Hall’s contract and shoves them in Nash’s face to end the show. Again, just to stress, Scott Hall never returned to WCW and was basically fired months earlier. This whole thing was just Nash kind of working his own angle and it led nowhere.

The Goldberg thing was AWESOME but unfortunately the World title match at the end of the night felt much closer to Russo than the rest of the show and they couldn’t live up to the great first hour. Still a million times better than Vinnie Ru was producing for them, but the dream comes to an end next week for good.

Still, I liked this show a lot and had this been what Russo was putting out, it would have been totally tolerable and watchable. Well, this has been a nice little vacation for me, at any rate.