The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 06.19.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 06.19.00

OK I’ve had a day to digest the hot dog eating contest and now I can deal with Nitro.

Previously on Thunder: Kevin Nash stalks Vince Russo, Daffney has personal problems with David Flair, the Triple Threat apparently reunites because they’ve run out of ideas for all of them, and Ernest Miller bans the Steiner Recliner.

Meanwhile, in the real world, the honeymoon between Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff comes to an end, as Russo is sick of being forced to use all of Bischoff’s big value contracts (Elizabeth, Luger, Kimberly and particularly Hulk Hogan, which would pay off later of course) and quits as head writer on 06/15, although he’d be back later on. But for a few weeks we have peace and quiet apparently, and Bischoff I believe is gone from TV for good. This also marks the exit of Kimberly as a result of Russo’s tantrum, because she didn’t want to work matches as an on-screen talent. Russo’s departure appeared to be a Hogan-style 4D chess move because ratings were going to drop as a result of NBA playoffs and he wanted to prove a point. So to help out with finishes with Russo gone, they brought in Johnny Ace from Japan and he ended up getting stuck into the wrestling business like a tick.

Live from Billings, MT, with a 2.75 rating and drawing 5000, with 4300 of them actually paying to be there.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden.

Horace Hogan joins us in the ring to start, and he’s here to stick up for family. So he calls out Goldberg, accusing him of being in it for “nothing but the money”, which would certainly be true years later. This brings out Ernest Miller, functioning as authority figure with Russo and Bischoff gone, and he declares NO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE tonight. So Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner join us and make sure the Cat does what he wants, which means granting Horace a match with Goldberg tonight. And Steiner wants the Cat as well, but he looks too pretty for competition tonight and offers up Jeff Jarrett instead. And then Nash demands control of Scott Hall’s contract and wants a match with the Cat over THAT, and the cowardly Cat finally gives in when Nash moves on him, and he runs away into the crowd. This was IMMEDIATELY calmer and easier to follow as an opening segment and I didn’t feel like everyone was YELLING IN MY FACE.

Meanwhile, Stasiak & Palumbo show up in the truck and threaten the production nerds into playing a tape for them, but Rick Steiner & Tank Abbott attack them for reasons I’m not clear on.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett rants at Miller about the title match with Steiner tonight, but Cat appoints Mike Awesome as special referee to take care of it. And then a security guy tells him that the crowd is restless, so Cat tells him to “go get the three Spice Girls” to go have a match.

Three Count v. The Yung Dragons

We get some dives to start and Three Count works on Kaz in the corner, with Shane coming with a giant sunset flip off the top for two. Gut wrench follows and it’s over to Shannon, but he misses a corner splash Jimmy Yang comes in and runs wild with KARATE. Shannon cuts him off with a sleeper drop, but Jamie-San (who is now masked) breaks it up. Karagias comes in with a swanton for two, but Kaz and Yang try a double splash off the top before Shannon pushes them off. Three Count finish Jamie with a triple facebuster at 4:00. And then LANCE STORM makes his WCW debut and destroys Three Count by himself, before running off into the crowd again. HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE! Fun match, although they did a lot of flips so the company will probably be out of business in a year. ***

Meanwhile, Horace is still upset about the treatment of his uncle last week.

Hardcore title: Big Vito v. Johnny the Bull

Finally the Mamalukes have split up, as they keep having big storyline developments on the show nobody watched and then wonder why Nitro’s ratings were dropping. I mean, in a sense good on them for trying something to get ratings up on the other show, but there’s a happy medium between having one big thing happen every couple of weeks and having SEVENTEEN PLOT DEVELOPMENTS suddenly happening out of nowhere every week without warning. That doesn’t make me want to watch the other show, it just makes me confused watching the main one. Vito takes him out to the ramp and beats on Johnny there. They fight into the back and Vito tosses him into various obstacles, but Johnny comes back and runs him into CLANGING PIPES to make the comeback. But they climb a scaffold and Vito puts Johnny through a table with a DDT at 4:23. Impressive finish! **1/2

Meanwhile, The Cat finds Scott Hall’s contract in his magic briefcase.

Meanwhile, Terry Funk helps Johnny the Bull to recover after his loss.

Meanwhile, GI Bro rallies his MIA brothers and wants them to be SERIOUS. So he promotes Captain Rection to GENERAL Rection and leaves them to their own devices.

Positively Kanyon v. GI Bro

Kanyon’s pre-match promo where he puts over the book in a blond wig and talks about “giving himself a self high five” in the morning is funny stuff. Bro hits the ring and lays him out with a sidekick and spinarooni, but then tears off the pants and reveals that HE’S BEEN BOOKER T ALL ALONG. I don’t know how I never put two and two together, but it all makes sense now. This was apparently the first thing they wanted to undo with Russo gone.

Meanwhile, David Flair tries to talk with Daffney but she slaps him. This is one of the main problems with the Russo stuff, because they spent weeks doing stuff where you had to know that David and Stacy were apparently together in real life, which is very much “Everything you’re watching is fake except for what you see on screen now, which is REAL” in a nutshell.

Goldberg v. Horace Hogan

Goldberg, supposed top hated heel, gets a gigantic babyface pop for his entrance. Which just shows how much of a waste the heel turn was. They should have just had him plow through Jarrett and hold the World title for the rest of 2000. Goldberg lays out Horace with a clothesline and tosses him, but Horace grabs a chair and beats on Goldberg with that to get some offense. Back in the ring, Horace puts him down with a big boot, but Goldberg no-sells it and spears him to a gigantic pop. Why is this guy a heel? Jackhammer finishes at 2:33. This was exactly what they should have been doing with Goldberg all along.

Ernest Miller v. Kevin Nash

Cat handcuffs Scott Hall’s contract case to Mark Madden. The whole Hall thing was a really weird deal, because Hall wasn’t coming back and in fact had worked what turned out to be his last match for WCW months earlier. So there wasn’t really any way they were gonna be able to pay this off. Cat does some dancing to annoy THE SEXECUTIONER, but Big Kev attacks him in the corner and Miller runs away and calls for help. But Nash cuts him off and beats on him outside, so Cat grabs the headset from Madden and tries to announce that he’s waiving the “no interference” rule tonight, only for Nash to beat him up again. Back in the ring, Cat manages to get a cheapshot and slugs away in the corner, but Nash puts him down with a clothesline and pins him with the Poochiebomb at 2:35. So Nash wins the briefcase, but there’s no contract inside and instead it’s just got pictures of the Cat and what looks like some money. Nash goes to take out his anger on the Cat, but Goldberg pops up on the screen and reveals that he’s got Hall’s contract, which he eats and challenges Nash for the PPV to determine who has custody of Hall for good. Match wasn’t good but Miller desperately trying to overturn his own mandate and getting beaten up repeatedly was funny. ½*.

WCW Cruiserweight title: Lt. Loco v. Rey Mysterio v. The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

Turns out that the blond kid hanging around with the Filthy Animals all these weeks was REY MYSTERIO. Weird. I though he had a mask? Anyway, Juvy joins us on commentary and calls the MIA “the new jabroni order” in a shoot comment. Scott Hudson actually steals my joke about the Artist from last week, also calling him “The Artist Formerly Known as the Artist…” ! The nerve of some people. They trade near-falls to start and Artist bumps to the floor, where the Animals (including “Dim Shady” Disco Inferno) attack him. Back in the ring, Loco goes up and Artist brings him down, but Rey hits the broncobuster and then gets crotched himself. Oh, ball-related irony is TIGHT! Loco hits the DDT on the Artist and pins him at 2:20 to retain off that. This wasn’t any good, unfortunately. *

Meanwhile, David makes up with Daffney, but then turns around and makes out with Miss Hancock as soon as she’s gone. This was a weird hard left turn after last week where Hancock was a babyface against Kimberly and David was a deranged psycho out to retire his own father, but I guess it was something for them to do.

WCW tag team title: Shawn Stasiak & Chuck Palumbo v. Rick Steiner & Tank Abbott

The announcers point out that the champs haven’t actually won a match yet, including the match where they somehow won the titles. Can’t understand why they didn’t get over. Rick and Tank beat the hell out of Stasiak, with Rick in particular just smoking him with nasty shots for some reason, and a suplex gets two. Over to Chuck, who immediately runs into the powerslam from Steiner and that gets two. But then Tank gets upset with a fan who disrespects Three Count and runs after him in the crowd, leaving Rick by himself. Oh yeah I forgot about that one. So the champs double-team Rick on the floor and put the boots to him in the ring. Rick makes a babyface comeback by himself, but Chuck gets the flexor tool and hits Rick behind the ref’s back and that gets the pin at 4:42. Not good, but this was practically screaming “run in finish” and they resisted! Good for them.

Meanwhile, Dale Torborg doesn’t want to be the Demon anymore and gives the suit to Asya to dispose of it. So now apparently the Demon is now his evil alter ego instead of a bad marketing opportunity.

Vampiro joins us and he’s disappointed that his potential partnership with the Demon has been ruined, so he calls out Dale Torborg and Asya to discuss it. So the lights go out and Asya disappears via Vampiro’s dark magic, and then the lights go out again and Vamp disappears. And then he shows up in the parking lot and drives away in a hearse. So I guess we’re just gonna forget about the hooded mentor from last week then? I accept your terms.

Shane Douglas, Bam Bam Bigelow & Chris Candido v. Kronik & Buff Bagwell

Candido has a broken wrist but just kind of shows up for the match and it isn’t mentioned. Also they’re driving me crazy by going back to “Kronic” this week again after switching to “Kronik” for a while. I guess it’s Puff Bagwell this week. Clark beats on Shane with chops to start, and Douglas goes up and gets slammed off. Clark with the uranage and it’s over to Adams, who hits Douglas with a full nelson slam for two. Over to Buff, but Bigelow beats him down and Douglas gets a suplex for two. Buff comes back with a DDT on Douglas, which Hudson calls a “Kenta Kobashi DDT”, and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as Bigelow manages to hold off the babyfaces alone. But then Kronik double-teams him and finishes him with the High Times chokeslam. But then Buff wants the pin, so Kronik leaves to chase Douglas to the back, and Buff hits the Buff Blockbuster to finish Bam Bam at 6:20. Not good, but again at least there was no shitty run-in finish. *

WCW World title: Jeff Jarrett v. Scott Steiner

Mike Awesome is special referee here, although if I was just tuning in I’d have just assumed this was their new role for Awesome over after the first 300 of them failed. Jarrett attacks and Scott quickly beats on him and hits a tilt a whirl slam, then drops the elbow and pushups. Jarrett tries a bodypress and Scott catches him and drops him with a Snake Eyes and then clotheslines him over the top rope. They brawl on the floor and Jarrett puts him down with a chair and then kindly throws “the hoochie out there” out of the way. Cat is pretty funny on commentary here. So this annoys Scott and they brawl into the crowd, but Jarrett crotches Scott back in the ring and goes to work on him. Scott misses a charge and Jeff gets a double axehandle off the top before hitting a back suplex. “I just suplexed Scott Steiner!” he notes in a blindingly obvious Community Note. Jarrett with a sleeper as Tony notes “it’s very difficult to choke down Scott Steiner.” Leaving that one right there. Scott escapes the sleeper and it’s a double down, but Scott makes the comeback and powerslams him for two. Belly to belly gets two. Awesome is actually calling it perfectly well. Jarrett tries the Stroke and Scott just flings him down and puts him in the Steiner Recliner, but Cat interjects that the hold is ILLEGAL now, so Awesome hits Steiner with the chair to break it. That gets two for Jarrett. So Awesome joins in on a beating, but Scott puts HIM in the Recliner, and this time Jarrett breaks it up with the guitar and pins him at 8:50. **3/4 See, we had no bullshit and ballyhoo for the rest of the show, so doing it in the main event with Awesome and Cat was totally fine. Also Steiner was so over as a babyface here that it makes me think they made a huge mistake turning him and should have run with him instead of Booker. Goldberg hits the ring and spears Steiner, but Kevin Nash makes the save and we’re done.

Wait, whatever happened to Nash’s nephew Hunter? Never mind, I don’t care.

So the matches weren’t, like, super good or anything and the majority of the Russo characters are still handicapped by being so stupid that no one in their right mind would ever cheer for them, but I’d call this the least-insulting episode of the run so far and the one that veered most towards actually being solidly entertaining for the full runtime. There was ZERO run-in finishes, things moved at a pace resembling how normal human beings consume media, and I didn’t have to listen to Vince Russo for a week. Of course, that would change once Russo figured out that his power play wasn’t going to work and he would have to come back again, but I’ll take what I can get from this show.