The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW – 12.16.96

– So back in 1996 at the time of this show, we’re coming off the shitty It’s Time PPV on the WWF side, and building up to the shitty Starrcade 96 PPV on the WCW side. And away we go… (It’s Time was actually pretty decent, to be fair.)

WWF Monday Night RAW

– Live from Tampa, FL

– Your hosts are Vince & Jerry & Jim.

– Bret Hart comes out, the night after losing to Sid in a World title match, and starts the slow build of his heel turn, complaining about Shawn Michaels interfering in his title match and costing him the belt. Bret sounds a little bitter here, but I’m sure he’ll get over it. (In the Observer, Dave notes that it’s basically a done deal that Bret is winning the Rumble and he can’t possibly imagine any other title match but Shawn v. Bret. Thanks, Vince Russo!)

– Vader v. Steve Austin.

By contrast, this was part of the slow build to Austin’s face turn, as this is a “toughman” match, which is code for heel v. heel. Vader throws hands to start and pulverizes Austin in the corner, then brings him out with a short clothesline. Austin comes back with the Thesz Press and slugs away, sending Vader running to the floor, and he follows with an axehandle off the apron. Crowd sentiment clearly makes Austin the face here. We take a break and return with Vader in control after sending him into the stairs, and Vader just beats the hell out of him on the floor, and tosses him into the front row. Austin slugs him back to ringside and they head back into the ring, but Vader pounds him down and goes up with the pump splash. Austin moves and goes low to stop it, and then they exchange punches again before Vader dumps him over the top. Bret Hart, impartial commentator, leaves his position to attack Austin and puts him in the Sharpshooter to draw the DQ at 4:35. Fun while it lasted. **

– The Godwinns v. The Insiders.

Razor throws a toothpick at PIG and gets dumped as a result. Back in, PIG grabs a headlock and brings in HOG, who slams PIG on Ramon and starts working on the arm. Diesel comes in and gets a corner clothesline, but HOG slugs him down and the Godwinns go back to the arm again. Cheapshot from Ramon turns the tide, however, and Ramon grabs an armbar. Way to capitalize, there, bad guy. Big Daddy Kane adds a big boot, but HOG fights back with a lariat, and it’s hot tag PIG. Everyone gets slammed, and HOG blocks a Razor’s Edge with a Slop Drop. However, Diesel distracts the ref and then lays out PIG with the jackknife powerbomb, and puts Ramon on top for the pin at 6:22. Kick, kick, punch, punch. *1/4

– Meanwhile, Sid is still the master and ruler of the world.

– Meanwhile, Shawn lets us know that he never makes excuses when he loses a title. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

– Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon v. TL Hopper & Dr. X.

Yes, they really had a masked guy named Dr. X in 1996, you didn’t fall asleep and wake up in 1956. (Wait, how would that work,exactly?) X is Dr. Tom Pritchard, if you care. This is joined in progress as Furnas is working on Hopper’s arm, and gets a spinebuster for two. Hopper is the “wrestling plumber,” aka Dirty White Boy Tony Anthony at his lowest career point, and that’s saying something. LaFon comes in with a suplex on Dr. X, but Furnas cleans house with dropkicks and powerslams Hopper for two. Was that a hot tag? LaFon finishes Hopper with a cobra suplex at 3:07 shown. 1/2* They cared so much that they hacked off the first few minutes in favor of the Shawn interview.

– And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, as Sable takes on Jerry Lawler LIVE in the Karate Fighters tournament final. Sable wins that one pretty handily, but it’s just a setup for a brawl between Marc Mero and HHH. They run off to the back after Goldust attacks HHH as well in the midst of his face turn, leaving Lawler in the ring with Goldust. This sets the stage for a historic interview, as Lawler asks Goldust if he’s “queer”, and Goldust confirms that he’s not. Marlena/Terri heads out to make goo-goo eyes with Goldust to confirm this. This had Vince Russo written ALL over it.

– An idiotic Christmas carol about Sid wastes some time.

– Billy Gunn v. Bart Gunn.

Billy is dressed in more of an urban cowboy motif, while Bart has the classic look. Bart charges and hits boot, but comes back with a lariat for two. And we take a break. We return with the announcers lamenting how this feud is tearing the (fake) family apart, while Billy grabs a chinlock. They show their wives in the crowd, although I wouldn’t put it past them to lie about that, too. (Maybe it was Chuck Palumbo?) Billy pounds away in the corner and goes back to the chinlock, really refining the shitty style that would carry him to the top of the JTTS ladder in later years. Bart comes back with a hot shot, but Billy isn’t moving and the ref stops the match at 3:30, because THIS IS REAL and everything else is fake, except for the segment you happen to be watching at any given moment. Sadly, this was a work and Billy’s career continued on for many awful years to come. Really, a serious neck injury would have made the 90s much easier to bear. This also had Vince Russo written ALL over it. This whole thing went nowhere and Billy would regroup and emerge as the dominant force of the 21st Century, ROCKABILLY, a few months later.

(Dave’s explanation of the angle: “They are selling the Billy Gunn angle as if he’s confined to a wheelchair due to neck injuries. Bart Gunn was on Live Wire all apologetic. It sounds to me like they are re-doing the Sandman/Tommy Dreamer angle from a few years ago where the babyface is all apologetic about the injury, only at the end to be done in because the heel was faking the injury all along. They were pushing how Billy had a wife and two children, which is funny only because just a few weeks earlier they were still playing up the angle about Billy being obsessed with Sunny and pushed the idea of a romance between the two of them most of the summer. I know that the women who played Billy’s wife was actually a front office employee and not really his wife. Not sure about the role of Bart’s wife.”)

The Pulse:

BAD week for wrestling here, but RAW had a couple of fairly memorable angles to light up an otherwise dull live show, while Nitro began doing what it always did: Hotshotting nWo turns to draw ratings and deflect attention away from backing out on their advertised matches. But since neither promotion actually delivered their advertised main event this week, we’ll call it a draw.