The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 08.02.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 08.02.86

Ohhhhhhhhh lordy I’ve been putting this one off for a long time now. We know what’s coming, don’t we?

Taped from Rock Hill, SC

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett, plus Jim Cornette

BREAKING NEWS: Dusty Rhodes has scored a stunning upset and won the World title from Ric Flair.

But more importantly, Jim Cornette introduces his new friends, Bill Dundee & Buddy Landel! Wait, weren’t they were just having a blood feud in Memphis a month before this? I’m starting to think this wrestling show might not be entirely on the up and up.

The Midnight Express v. The Italian Stallion & Rocky Kernodle

Come on, they seriously teamed up ROCKY and the ITALIAN STALLION? That’s gotta be a rib. Bobby finishes the Stallion with a Rocket Launcher at 0:30 in an unusually quick squash. Well at least the Midnights will be World champions for a long time to come, even if Ric Flair let me down.

Meanwhile, we go back to Greensboro on July 26, a date that will live in infamy in a town that will live in infamy, as Dusty pins Flair with a small package to win the title for the third, and thankfully final, time.

Dusty Rhodes joins us with his newly won title, and I guess they have one of those extender belts on it like you get on airplanes because it fits around his waist. Dusty, despite only being the champion for a couple of days, throws shade on all the heels and says everyone gets a shot. Well that definitely wasn’t the case. And he accuses Space Mountain of turning into Bunker Hill. If I understood that reference I’d probably be really offended.

Uncle Ivan & Comrade Smash v. Randy Mulkey & Ron Rossi

Krusher tosses Mulkey across the ring and then hauls Rossi into the ring and puts him away with a cobra clutch at 0:25.

The Rock N Roll Express joins David while Cornette flees in terror, and we get footage from NWA Pro of them brawling with the Andersons, setting up a match TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING.

The Warlord v. Mark Fleming

Warlord no-sells Mark’s punches and then picks him up and powerslams him for the pin at 0:30. I still don’t know why fans are supposed to be cheering for this guy.

Don Kernodle joins David, announcing that Dick Murdoch is coming back to the NWA to help him in his battles against the Russians. And we get footage from World Championship Wrestling to back it up:

Dick Murdoch v. Bill Mulkey

Murdoch takes him down with headlocks and then hits him with a back elbow and then finishes with the brainbuster at 2:00.

Buddy Landel v. George South

Dundee is here as a “player coach” rather than a wrestler, and Budro finishes with the corkscrew elbow and figure-four at 0:30 as everything is particularly brisk this week. Kind of surprised Buddy ended up back with Crockett so soon after his disastrous run at the end of 85.

The Russians join us, and Krusher throws his hat in the ring for a title shot at Dusty Rhodes. Uncle Ivan crows about Jimmy Valiant becoming a BALD HEADED GEEK at the Bash, and Nikita is pretty sure Magnum coming back from 1-3 is an impossible task.

Paul Jones and his Army join us, and Paul equates Jimmy with Samson, losing all his strength now that he’s a BALD HEADED GEEK. So Jones repeats his offer to Manny Fernandez to join the Army in exchange for a lot of money, because he’s in a good mood and decides to help out the unemployed Bull. But Manny notes that there’s still not enough money in the world to make him betray his friend, and it’ll take a lot more than money to make him do something like that. I mean…that’s not a “no”.

Meanwhile, we take you back to the Bash, where Paul Jones gets the Baron’s loaded glove, but Valiant steals it and knocks out Jones. But then Shaska runs in and hits Jimmy with a chair behind the ref’s back, putting Jones on top for the pin. So Jimmy joins us, with a bandana covering his bald head, but he promises that he’ll get his revenge on Jones before the year is up, or quit wrestling.

The Andersons join Jim Cornette and Arn offers congratulations to Dusty for doing what no one else in the world thought he could do, thanks to Flair being exhausted from all of Dusty’s stooges softening him up over the course of the Bash. Makes a solid point there.

Magnum TA v. The Golden Terror

Belly to belly finishes at 0:24 as the shrieking crowd nearly has a collective heart attack.

Tully Blanchard joins us and of course he has to congratulate Dusty Rhodes as well, doing the “Dusty Rhodes, you’re a miserable son of a bitch but I respect the hell out of you” promo that all the heels have to do for him.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Ole & Arn Anderson

Ole gets a cheapshot on Robert in the corner, but Robert fights back, so they double-team him on the ropes while Ricky tries to save. Robert hits Arn with an enzuigiri and puts him on the floor, allowing Ricky to come in and run wild on Ole. But then Ole HURLS him into the corner to take over and Ricky is stumbling around punch-drunk. Back to Arn, who tears on Ricky’s pretty face and upsets the girls in the front row who are screaming so loud you can’t even hear the announcers. Back to Robert and he takes out Ole’s leg and it’s a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER to set up a double figure-four and the crowd is just a Phil Spector-like wall of sound. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Arn pulls down the top rope and Ole tosses Robert out for the DQ at 6:00 and the beatdown commences. But some jobbers save the RNR from getting their heads permanently kicked in on the floor as the crowd loses their minds.

Well this was certainly a packed episode this week. And we’re actually getting into the specific timeframe where I started watching the show on a regular basis at the time.