The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 07.12.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 07.12.86

Originally written 09.04.26

Taped from Spartanburg, SC on 07.08.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett & Jim Cornette

BREAKING NEWS: We have a BALD HEADED GEEK to show later, although Ric Flair is still the World champion after 7 defenses.

Don Kernodle v. Gene Ligon

Weird to see Kernodle get an entrance and everything. Although ONCE AGAIN people using “Born in the USA” as a patriotic theme are completely missing the point. Kernodle gets a backbreaker for two and dodges Ligon in the corner, setting up a missile dropkick. Neckbreaker follows for two. Small package gets two. Don drops elbows on Ligon and gets a delayed suplex for two. Kernodle with a powerslam and he goes up to finish with the Slaughter Cannon at 2:45. I can’t remember Kernodle ever winning another match on TV to be honest.

Manny Fernandez and Jimmy Valiant join us, with the good news that SHASKA WHATLEY is the victim of the baldness after losing to Jimmy Valiant at the Bash. And goddamn they had some sharp clippers because they made Shaska bald in record time. And now Paul Jones is the next target.

Tully Blanchard, Arn Anderson & Ole Anderson v. Sam Houston, The Italian Stallion & Rocky King

Top level jobbers here. Sam monkey-flips Arn out of the corner to start, but he tries it again and Arn drops him with an atomic drop and it’s over to Tully. Over to Ole and he goes to work on the arm. Rocky gets a tag and fires away on Tully, but the Horsemen cut him off and Arn drops a knee on him. Stallion comes in and backdrops Tully for two, but he gets beat up again by the Horsemen and Ole punishes the arm and finishes with the armbar at 3:50.

Shaska Whatley v. Mark Fleming

Cornette notes that David is “the kind of guy who would go down to the old folk’s home and wax the front steps”. Whatley attacks Fleming after revealing his new bald head, and takes him to the top and finishes with a superplex at 1:22.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH UPDATE! WITH TONY AND DAVID!

David recaps the happenings thus far, and we get highlights of a Magnum v. Nikita match, which results in RUSSIA 1, USA 0. Magnum joins us and cuts a passionate promo about how Nikita will never be able to win four matches.

Ric Flair joins us and Cornette wonders if even Ric can manage the pressure of all those Bash defenses. Of course he can! And Dusty Rhodes is going to have to walk down and look Ric in the eye and admit that Ric is the greatest World champion of all time. I mean, he’s pretty good, but he’s no Will Ospreay.

Wahoo McDaniel v. Steve Regal

Wahoo chops him down and Regal bumps all over from that while Cornette calls Tommy Young “the Pee Wee Herman of pro wrestling”. I don’t really remember Pee Wee being that big of a deal in 86. I personally didn’t even know about him until a few years later. Jimmy Garvin runs in for the DQ at 1:40, but Don Kernodle saves FOR AMERICA as Wahoo chases Garvin off with chops.

Tully Blanchard joins us and he’s not afraid of Ronnie Garvin or the Road Warriors or no one.

The Warlord v. Thunderfoot

Warlord gets a shockingly huge pop from this crowd, and he quickly powerslams and pins Thunderfoot at 1:00.

The Russians join us and Nikita likes the sound of NIKITA KOLOFF: USA CHAMPION. And now he’s up 1-0 and the series is basically over. TA should just hand the US title over to Nikita and save everyone the trouble of watching him lose those four matches in a row.

Ric Flair v. Todd Champion

Todd wins a wristlock battle, but Ric hits him with chops in the corner and drops a knee on him while Jim Cornette has a hot take: Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler in the world. Well that’s pretty disrespectful to Kenny Omega. Figure-four finishes at 1:30.

Jim Cornette gives us some more Bash footage, this time Dusty getting into a showdown with Big Bubba, and that goes badly for Big Dust.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Mike Simiani & Ben Alexander

Double dropkick finishes at 0:23.

The Midnight Express join us, but Baby Doll interrupts with her new friend The Warlord and challenges the Midnights to meet her in the ring right now. So Warlord does some lumbering spots and slams the Midnights, but Big Bubba attacks from behind with a roll of quarters and lays him out. Luckily for the world, Dusty Rhodes is there to make the save. Talk about someone who sticks out like a sore thumb, Warlord is that thumb.

And then David has like 2 minutes to kill because someone went short, so he enthusiastically talks up all the babyfaces and we’re done.

They’re doing a hell of a job making these Bash shows seem must-see, I’ll give them that.