The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 04.12.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 04.12.86

Originally written 05.05.26

Taped from Mt. Airy, NC on 04.11.86, apparently.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

Ron Garvin & Magnum TA join us to start, and the Crockett Cup is coming up and already beating every record in professional wrestling! Well I mean they HAVE to say that, but it really wasn’t.

Black Bart v. George South

Nothing like a Black Bart match to kick off the daggum show. Bart backdrops him and drops him on the top rope before slugging him down and hitting a suplex. Bart chokes him out on the ropes as I’m reminded that the Mid-Atlantic show disappears right away and gets replaced by NWA Pro, so Bart’s Mid-Atlantic championship tenure doesn’t exactly mean much at this point. South slugs back in the corner, but Bart slams out of it and goes up to finish with the middle rope legdrop at 3:12.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin joins us and he’s feeling good about dispatching Wahoo with a brainbuster and it was EASY. Wish we would have seen that! Precious has a donation jar in case anyone wants to donate money to help pay for Wahoo’s medical bills, and as always, IT’S NOT HIS FAULT.

Dusty Rhodes joins us, talking about MONEY this week. Dusty points out that Arn is walking around with the TV title, but he never beat Dusty in the tournament that made him the champion. So now he’s coming for Arn and his TV title, because he’s wearing something that belong to somebody else.

The Road Warriors v. Gene Ligon & Mark Fleming

They immediately toss Fleming and double-team Ligon, and Hawk comes off the middle rope with a fist and puts him down with a neckbreaker. And then Animal finishes with a powerslam off the middle rope at 0:47. Later on they would hone these jobber destructions to a fine point.

The Road Warriors join us and apparently they didn’t smack Krusher Krushchev down hard enough the first time, because he’s back and talking about them again. So that’ll be dealt with shortly. Hawk doesn’t want people thinking they’re getting soft, so they’re gonna take it out on the Russians and beat the stink off them. And then poor Paul Ellering has to summarize things for them.

Ricky Morton v. Tony Zane

Contrast Morton here with Morton in the Worldwide 91 rants, as the crowd is losing their minds for his singles run and yawning at heel Ricky 5 years later. Ricky controls Zane with armdrags while the crowd SHRIEKS, but this brings Ric Flair out, looking like only he can, and he watches at ringside and distracts Morton with his $4000 suit. So Ricky backdrops Zane and goes to the top with a missile dropkick to finish at 1:53. Flair decides to come in and offer a handshake, but Morton wants no part of that. So Ric pantomimes Morton’s teeny little fanbase with their training bras, and Morton gets annoyed and takes it out on Flair, hitting him with a dropkick and bodypress before tearing Flair’s suit off and beating on him, and then counting his own pin while the crowd just about has a heart attack. Flair decides to attack Morton to even the score, but Dusty Rhodes comes out and stares Ric down, and Ric backs off. This was awesome.

NIGHTHAWK COLTRANE v. Vern Deaton

Nighthawk has the uneviable task of following THAT, and he hits Deaton with a pair of terrible slams and pins him at 0:51. Deaton is a pro’s pro and he could barely even muscle himself up properly so Coltrane could hit him with a simple move. This Coltrane guy is AWFUL.

The Russians join us and Krusher is still on crutches, so he’s more like Crutcher Kruschev, AM I RIGHT FELLAS? Also it’s hilarious how Darsow doesn’t even attempt a Russian accent and just speaks whatever language they talk in Minnesota. I know that the backstory is that he’s an American who turned traitor, but if you’re a new viewer it would be hella confusing for you. Uncle Ivan is getting Nikita prepped for the chain match against TA and he’s pretty sure that’s gonna go their way.

Arn Anderson and Ric Flair join us and now Ricky Morton is on the Horsemen hitlist because HE’S A PUNK. And next time he tries that, they’ll have to pull Flair off Morton with an Erector set! I don’t know what that means but it sure sounds unpleasant. And then Flairs back to insulting Morton’s teeny boppers, showing that he didn’t learn his lesson at all. So he gives Dusty Rhodes a 30 day notice to pack his shit and leave the NWA or else the Horsemen are beating his ass. Yeah we’ve heard that before but he never leaves, sadly.

The Ballbearing v. Rocky King

Once again Rocky is heartbroken at his former roommate betraying him and standing at ringside with the enemy. Barbarian overpowers King, but Rocky fights back with dropkicks before getting put down with an atomic drop. Barbie drops him on the top rope while the announcers keep deadnaming Shaska Whatley at ringside in a manner that’s very disrespectful. Barbarian tosses Rocky and Shaska hits him from behind. Back in the ring, Barbarian with the big boot and he goes up to finish with the diving headbutt at 3:15. Whatley puts the boots to him afterwards. To be fair, Rocky might have been a really shitty roommate and never done the dishes or whatever. There’s lots of reasons why things might have gone south between them.

Wahoo McDaniel joins us and we get footage of Jimmy Garvin assaulting Sam Houston on another show, but Wahoo makes the save. So Precious sprays him in the face with her deodorant, and Garvin hits him with the brainbuster. Wahoo is quite unhappy about this.

Hector Guerrero & Manny Fernandez v. Thunderfoot & The Golden Terror

I was wondering when these two masked geeks would ever team up. Hector takes the Terror down with a headscissors and Manny chops him down and drops a knee on him. They work the arm in the corner and Hector comes off Manny’s shoulders with a bodypress to finish at 2:00. Apparently the Terror was just Ben Alexander under the mask, I guess so he could collect a second payday from the same taping. Also apparently this team had some matches with the Midnight Express over the summer and I would be interested in seeing those, thank you very much.

The Midnight Express v. Rocky Kernodle & Ron Rossi

Dennis controls Rocky with some cradles on the mat, but Rocky boots him in the gut and suplexes him for two. Over to Bobby, who also cradles Rocky for two, but Rocky dropkicks him down and then makes the fatal error of tagging in Ron Rossi. So he immediately gets destroyed and humiliated, and Eaton goes up with a flying kneedrop before Condrey rubs his face in the mat. Cornette helpfully directs the cameraman to get a good shot of that bum, so he obliges and Cornette talks shit to Rossi while he’s getting choked out in the corner. Condrey tosses him over the top rope and back in for a back elbow in the corner, which sets up the Rocket Launcher to finish at 4:27.

Shaska Whatley joins us to end the show, but Nighthawk interrupts and offers him some money to help him get away from the bad influence of Paul Jones. So Whatley is like “Oh, thank you, brother” and then slaps him in the face and Barbarian attacks. And Manny Fernandez saves to end the show. I thought Manny’s turn was coming soon as well but it actually doesn’t happen until October.

I’d never seen the Morton angle before and it was GREAT. Very enjoyable episode this week, and next week is the Crockett Cup.