The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.15.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.15.86

Taped from (I think) Spartanburg, SC on 02.04.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

This show is actually aired the night after the Battle of the Belts II show in Florida, a kind of precursor to the Clash of Champions with a kickass Flair v. Windham match main eventing.

The Russians join us to start and Americans still make Uncle Ivan SICK. Also Nikita has a pretty sharp suit going on this week. Ivan claims that Magnum is a LIAR AND A CHEAT and he paid off the NWA referee to fake Tully saying “I Quit” and give him the US title. So the Kremlin has ordered Nikita to wrestle no more on TV until that coward TA agrees to put the US title up in a fair title match with Nikita.

Magnum TA v. Gene Ligon

They fight for the lockup and Magnum just hits him with the belly to belly and pins him at 0:15.

Meanwhile, at the Superstars on the Superstation, the Midnight Express wins the World tag team titles from the Rock N Roll Express! The RNR hit Bobby with a double dropkick, but the ref is bumped off that, allowing Cornette to bring the racket into the ring, as David demands that Ricky WHIP HIM, WHIP HIM LIKE A DOG, and Dennis steals the racket back, waffles Ricky, and puts Bobby on top for the pin and the titles as David has a panic attack.

The Midnight Express join us, and Cornette declares that the RNR might as well be Abraham Lincoln because they’re past history now. Also it was the Rock N Roll who brought the racket into the ring, so too bad on them. Wasn’t there an indie wrestler doing an Abraham Lincoln gimmick for a while? Seems like an obvious gag given his legendary wrestling history.

Jimmy Valiant v. Ron Rossi

As usual the jobber only lasts for 15 seconds and gets pinned with the elbow and elbow combo. Poor guy didn’t even get his shirt off. Probably for the best.

Teijho Khan v. Ben Alexander

“Khan slowly lumbers over” notes David truthfully. Powerslam finishes at 0:37. The world said “There’s already too many white guys in wrestling playing Asian stereotypes” and Paul Jones was like HOLD MY BEER.

The Midnight Express join us again, as David has tape of Jim Cornette confronting Sandy Scott, who fines Cornette $5000 for interfering in the title match. RICKY MORTON WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HIM IN! This is the biggest injustice since Abraham Lincoln’s NWA World title was stolen by John Wilkes Booth in the famous Ford’s Theater screwjob, with Lincoln hitting his famous Log Cabin Legdrop, only for Booth to shoot him in the back of the head while the ref was distracted by Mary Todd! These days it would only be a two count, of course. Back at the studio, Jim Crockett rubs salt in the wound, telling Cornette that he’s going to bar the tennis racket soon. They probably should have banned John Wilkes Booth from bringing a literal gun to a wrestling match. How come historians have never asked why the referee didn’t check his kneepads for firearms before the match?

Ron Bass & Don Kernodle v. George South & Tony Zane

The team of BASSNOODLE double-team South in the corner and it’s over to Zane, while Tony announces (checks notes) “The Jim Crockett Sr. Memorial Cup tag team tournament”. Like that’ll put butts in seats. Zane gets nowhere and it’s back to South as Bass hits him with a back elbow for two and then Kernodle powerslams him for two. Back to Zane and RONDON double-teams him with snapmares, until Kernodle finishes with the Slaughter Cannon at 4:24. The first match to go over 30 seconds and it’s THIS one? The graphic calls Kernodle the “Pride of the USA”. You know who the real pride of the USA was? ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Real name Otis Smith, from Kentucky, trained by Bob Roop.

Tully Blanchard joins us, as JJ clarifies that Tully will soon be taking the National title from Dusty Rhodes, and in fact he will be taking the title in six weeks. But JJ now revises the prediction to four weeks, and Tully thinks that this is a tough but fair deadline.

Dusty Rhodes & Magnum TA join us, and Dusty is amused at Tully giving him a countdown to winning the National title. In fact, he’s pretty sure Baby Doll could take Tully in a wrestling match, because after the first couple of days with her, Dusty lost a fight and she ended up on top in certain circumstances.

Hang on one second, I just have to go check on something in the bathroom.

…

…

(VOMITS UNCONTROLLABLY)

…

…

OK I think I’m able to carry on. Long as I don’t think about…oh god…

…

…

(VOMITS UP REMAINING CONTENTS OF STOMACH)

…

…

It’s gonna be OK…just think about Abraham Lincoln…

…

OK, let’s carry on.

Anway, Dusty is greedy for titles and he’s also coming for the TV title currently held by Arn Anderson. Onto Magnum, who is sick idle threats and he’s happy to put the US title on the line against Nikita whenever he wants.

The Russians v. Mack & Jim Jeffers

Not to be confused with the similar-looking Mod Squad working in Memphis around that time. This will be Nikita’s last TV appearance until he gets a US title shot, so soak it all in while you can. Nikita tosses Mack around and hits him with boots to the gut before choking him out on the ropes. But then the Jeffers try to double-team him, and he just CLOBBERS them with a double Russian Sickle at 2:05. That was FUCKING AWESOME. Nikita yells at Magnum, who is still at ringside after the promo, but Magnum is sadly too much of a coward to answer his challenge.

Paul Jones joins us with his new friend Teijho Khan, and he’s sick of fans wearing t-shirts that say “Weasel Slapper”, because it’s disrespectful to him.

The Midnight Express v. The Italian Stallion & Patrick Tanaka

What is with Bobby’s shoulder strap tights here? Weird look. The Stallion gets some shine on Condrey to start and Tanaka comes in and throws chops, but Condrey shakes him off and it’s over to Bobby, as Tanaka gets a quick flying chop for two. So the MX bring him back to their corner and double-team him before tossing him to the floor. Back in, Bobby slugs away on the ropes and Condrey goes to a chinlock. Powerslam sets up the Rocket Launcher to finish at 2:50.

World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Denny Brown

Brown was actually World Junior champion at this point, which shows you how prestigious that belt was. Arn works a headlock on Denny, but Brown comes back with dropkicks and chases Arn to the floor. Back in, Arn misses a charge and Denny goes to work on the arm, but Arn takes him down and goes to a chinlock while the crowd chants for Dusty. That’s a little disrespectful to Denny, who’s just out there trying to get himself over. He fights out, but Arn tosses him to the floor, and then hauls him back in and goes to work on the leg with a half-crab. This brings out Dusty Rhodes, who demands that the ref ring the bell and stop the match, awarding it to Arn at 7:33. MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, DUSTY! And then Dusty attacks Arn for good measure and puts him in the figure-four, but Tully Blanchard immediately saves his friend and they take Dusty to the floor and teach him a lesson in manners by beating him down with the TV title belt as the show ends, leaving Dusty alone and bleeding out in the ring, like some kind of Abraham Lincoln impersonator.

Gonna have to pick up one of those Weasel Slapper t-shirts and I guess explain it to HR later.