The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.01.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.01.86

Originally written 02.03.26

Taped from Rock Hill, SC on 01.28.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

The Road Warriors v. George South & Mike Simiani

The Warriors storm the ring and toss South, and then finish Simiani with an elevated powerslam off the middle rope at 0:56.

Ric Flair joins us and David throws to a commercial break before coming back with Ric again. Flair points out that people who boo him are too stupid to matter to him, but also Rock Hill isn’t big enough of a city for him to “open Space Mountain”, and if they want to get a piece of Ric then maybe drive to a bigger city. But only if you’re 18 years or older. Also he makes the cameraman check out his ass in designer jeans.

Ron Garvin v. Tony Zane

Garvin, still in need of a haircut, takes Zane down and twists him up, then hits him with a double stomp and biels him out of the corner. Backdrop and HANDS OF STONE finish at 1:55.

Arn Anderson joins David, and he’s in a bad mood due to the NWA stripping them of the National tag team titles after Ole’s injury. And they never returned! But Arn still has his TV title, despite Dusty “dispatching a painted lady” to mess with him last week.

The Russians & Baron Von Raschke v. Pat Tanaka, Sam Houston & The Italian Stallion

Houston runs wild on Uncle Ivan to start and the Stallion comes in and works the arm, but he walks into a boot. Over to Nikita, and he just chokes Stallion out a bunch and looks mean, which is what he did best in 1986. Over to the Baron for some clubbing forearms, but Tanaka comes in with chops , but the Baron applies the CLAWHOLD and that is all the people need to know at 3:00.

Paul Jones and his Ballbearing join David, still offering $10,000 for any man who can best his man in feats of strength. “A lot of wrestlers come out here and talk a lot with nothing to say” notes Paul. David: “A lot of managers too.” That’s a pretty sick burn. But David is also pretty sure that Outlaw Ron Bass can answer the challenge.

Manny Fernandez joins David and he’s putting Arn Anderson in a hospital bed in 86. If Manny did much more coke before the show he would have ended up in a hospital himself, judging from his promo and how many times he punctuated sentences with “baby” and “jack”.

Jimmy Valiant v. Jim Jeffers

Elbow and elbow finish at 0:12.

The Road Warriors join David, and Paul Ellering clarifies that they didn’t get where they are by playing tiddlywinks. Hawk lays out the qualities of the Koloff famly: You must be ugly, you must be bald, and you must have a big yellow streak down your back.

The Russians join David, and we get video of Magnum TA facing Ivan Koloff, which quickly leads to Nephew Nikita and Weird Cousin Baron hitting the ring for a beatdown. Dusty Rhodes makes the save and gets laid out, so Baby Doll goes after Nikita, and he’s about to give her a SICKLE and Dusty dives in the way and takes the bullet. Back at the studio, Nikita promises to SPLIT HER HEAD IN TWO next time she gets in his business.

The Barbarian v. Don Kernodle

Man, Kernodle is rapidly descending the totem pole. We get an inset promo from Ron Bass, who clarifies that the rules are a tug of war, a human chain, and a bench press, and winner gets $10,000. So he’s gonna practice on a 2000 pound bull and pull it around the parking lot outside the bar. Meanwhile Kernodle works the arm and gets a sleeper, but Barbarian runs him into the turnbuckle to break and then hits him with a press slam. Don bails to the floor, so Paul Jones hits him with the cane and Barbarian drops him on the railing. Back in, Don fights back and Barbarian powerslams him, but he goes up and misses the diving headbutt. Kernodle makes the comeback and goes up, but Jones shoves him off and draws the DQ at 4:35. Somewhat surprising result there.

Meanwhile, Dusty warns the Russians that they have bitten off more than they can chew, and Magnum has felt pain in the past, but the Russians didn’t finish the job and now TA will defend the US title against Nikita any time he wants. Those Dusty & Magnum v. Russians matches must have had insane heat around the horn.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Black Bart & Thunderfoot

Robert hits Bart with a dropkick while Cornette joins us on commentary, here to observe them in their final days as champions. Double dropkick finishes Thunderfoot at 1:00. And of course, the Midnights hit the ring and this time it’s Robert who takes the whipping from Cornette instead of Ricky.

Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson see nothing wrong with the Midnights beating up the Rock N Rolls, because they’re just trying to leverage a title match for themselves. TOTALLY NORMAL BEHAVIOR. Over to the subject of Dusty and Baby Doll, as JJ is actualy feeling sorry for Dusty, because Baby Doll is such an albatross on him and really he’s probably embarrassed to be seen with her in public.

World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Rocky King

Arn takes him down and works a headlock and then takes him down and works the arm. Arn holds the armbar on the mat, but Rocky slugs out of it, so Arn hits him with the gourdbuster to finish at 3:00.

And Tully Blanchard and JJ join David and call Baby Doll a whore to end the show.

Building up to some big feuds this week!