The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 01.18.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 01.18.86

Originally written 01.09.26

Taped from Greenwood, SC on 01.13.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

BREAKING NEWS: Sam Houston has regained the Mid-Atlantic title from Krusher Khruschev, acting as a kind of repo man if you will. Also Krusher has suffered a crippling injury in the title loss, which you could watch on last week’s World Championship Wrestling episode if you used your fancy tape recording device to archive it.

Pistol Pez Whatley v. Tony Zane

Pez hiptosses Zane out of the corner and then hits a monkey flip after shaking his butt for emphasis. Zane tries a headlock and Pez takes him down as David notes that Pez is “one of the greatest black athletes in wrestling”. OH SHIT THAT’S WHERE JIMMY VALIANT GOT IT FROM! It was David Crockett’s fault all along! Whatley works his own headlock but Zane gets some forearms, so Pez puts him down a flying forearm and then finishes with a bridging back suplex at 2:33.

The Russians join David Crockett to bitch about the Road Warriors costing Krusher his title, and we have footage from the show to back up their claim. So indeed we see the Road Warriors attacking Ivan on the floor, and Animal trips up Comrade Smash to put Houston on top for the pin. Nikita is so mad that he just stands there and lets Uncle Ivan do all the yelling.

Magnum TA v. Vern Deaton

Belly to belly finishes at 0:25 as David gives Magnum about 14 different nicknames in the 30 seconds that the match lasts.

The Russians join David again, and this time Nikita does the promo, threatening TA with violence before passing it off to Ivan.

Manny Fernandez v. The Golden Terror

Terror tries a headlock, but Manny wrestles him down to the mat and regales him with stories of his time serving in Vietnam. Manny works the arm on the mat and finishes with a springboard bodypress at 3:00. Well, I guess the Golden Terror might as well head back to the dressing room and take a Golden Shower then.

Meanwhile, Tony runs down an upcoming St. Louis card, and by golly there are WOMEN WRESTLERS on the card. Did Lou Thesz allow that to happen in his city? Also Ric Flair faces Harley Race in a non-title cage match and the Rock N Roll Express defend against the Midnight Express.

Paul Jones & The Barbarian join David, and we’re gonna see a lot of the Barbarian in 1986! And no one will sign his open contract. So he’s got a $10,000 bonus for anyone brave enough to sign up for an arm wrestling match or a weightlifting challenge or whatever. No weird sex stuff, though, I’m assuming.

Jimmy Valiant v. George South

Holy crap, thanks to Richard Land I can finally hear a Valiant match where “The Boy From New York City” isn’t overdubbed. I was beginning to think him using that song was some kind of Mandela Effect deal and it was always just generic ragtime music. Back elbow and elbowdrop finish at 1:00.

Arn Anderson, dripping with gold, joins David and he’s disgusted that Dusty Rhodes would come out and have “a broad do the talking for him” when women were put on the earth to make dinner and make babies. Look, that’s ridiculous and offensive even by 1986 standards. As if Dusty. Rhodes would ever let someone do the talking for him! That’s just stupid. Ric Flair also steps in and clarifies that people boo and scream at them because THEY GOT HEAT. And even if Ronnie Garvin has people buffaloed into thinking he’s something, you’ve gotta climb a hill way earlier in the morning to get a shot at Flair. I’m not clear on the metaphor there but Ric just pushes on anyway, laughing at the idea of Dusty Rhodes challenging him.

Dusty Rhodes and his dinner-making broad, Baby Doll, join David, and Dusty credits Baby Doll for all the success that Tully Blanchard had, and notes that if not for her, he’d still be driving that “broken down old Trans Am”. Baby Doll offers Dusty his “first bubble bath” and Dusty declares it “risky business” and leaves all excited.

Excuse me a second.

(VOMITS UP LUNCH UNCONTROLLABLY)

OK, sorry about that, I’m back.

Tully Blanchard v. Mack Jeffers

Tully takes him down with a hammerlock while the announcers speculate that JJ Dillon may have engineered the entire Baby Doll situation so he could steal Tully’s contract for himself. Um, YA THINK? Jeffers tries his own mat wrestling and Tully cheats and smacks him around with cheapshots before running away to the floor, where he trips up Jeffers and takes out the leg. He tosses Mack to the floor and back in for an elbow off the top, and the slingshot suplex finishes at 3:45.

The Rock N Roll Express join David and they’re hot on the trail of Jim Cornette, even though Robert Gibson has to do the talking because Ricky Morton has an injured throat from last week’s attack by the Midnights. Diabolical.

Don Kernodle & Ron Bass v. Gene Ligon & Stoney Burke

Oh man, Kernodle & Bass are the team that all the kids are talking about at school! Apparently this is leading to a showdown with Barbarian & Baron Von Raschke, which doesn’t make me feel any better. The babyfaces double-team Ligon with elbows and slams and Bass works a facelock on the mat. Don with a kneedrop and a slam for two. Over to Stoney Burke, who sounds like a guest star on the Flintstones, but he gets nowhere, and Ligon comes in again to take the flying clothesline from Kernodle and get pinned at 4:48. Actually they could have done a hell of a Flintstones crossover with JCP in 1986. You could have Rocky Johnson, Rocky Kernodle, the Rock N Roll Express, Hands of Stone Ron Garvin and “The Rock” Ole Anderson just to name a few. Why didn’t they ever do that?

And on that note, we’re missing the last match this week for whatever reason, so we’ll wrap it up there after another St. Louis event center.