The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions XI: Coastal Crush – 06.13.90

The SmarK Rant for NWA Clash of the Champions XI – 06.13.90

Live from Charleston, SC, drawing 4100 and a 4.1 rating.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROBOCOP 2.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Bob Caudle

The Southern Boys v. The Freebirds

The optics of the babyfaces running around with confederate flags on their gear would be questionable these days, but at least they understood the audience. The Birds attack and the Boys clean house with double shoulderblocks while JR explains the family history of the Armstrongs. Never would have figured that one out, thanks Jim. Back in the ring, the Birds double-team Tracy in the corner, but Steve flies in with a crossbody on them to save and the Freebirds run away again to stall. Back in, Jim Ross tells the story about how Hurricane Hugo had recently caused the cancellation of a house show, which should probably be a sign against running main events with El Gigante and Junkyard Dog. Even MOTHER NATURE doesn’t want to see that shit. Garvin cuts off Armstrong and necks him on the top rope to take over, and a back breaker gets two. Over to Hayes with the armbar and he drops an elbow for two. He stops to strut and goes up to finish, but Armstrong cuts him off with a slam and it’s hot tag Tracy. He runs wild with elbows on the Birds and rolls up Garvin behind the ref’s back, but Hayes nails him with a clothesline to break it up. Normally that would be the finish, but Garvin tries another cover, and Armstrong hits them from the top, rolls them over, and the Southern Boys get the upset win at 7:33. This was some fun tag team wrestling to open the show and even the Freebirds were working at a normal pace for once. ***

Tommy Rich v. Bam Bam Bigelow

The weird 1990 heel push for Bigelow continues, which has disappeared from history. It’s the sleeveless gear, no wonder we all memory-holed this whole period for him. Rich slugs away in the corner and works the arm to start, but Bigelow finally grabs him and puts him down with a headbutt. Blind charge misses and Rich rolls him up for two and keeps fighting. Bigelow puts him down with an atomic drop and a press slam, and then just chokes him out until the ref rings the bell at 3:48. What a bizarre finish. Well if you ever want an example of a ref actually calling for the DQ for not breaking at 5, there you go. Also Bigelow runs around the ring yelling that he’s gonna “kill everyone”, but if you’re letting go of the choke because the ref rang the bell, you’re not gonna be very effective at it. Pro tip for all the kids out there. ½*

Meanwhile, BIG VAN VADER is making his way to the NWA.

El Gigante joins us in the ring, and Gary Michael Capetta has to try to interview him in Spanish. Minor note, but he also announces that Gigante will be teaming with JYD and Orndorff at the Bash PPV upcoming, which pretty much gives away the result of the main event tonight.

Captain Mike Rotunda & Tom Zenk v. The Samoans

This is the Fatu & Samoan Savage (Tama) version of the SST, and they double-team Zenk to start before he chases them out with a dropkick. Rotunda, who has gone from being the Captain of a varsity team to a LITERAL BOAT CAPTAIN, comes in with a crossbody for two on Tama, but the SST puts him down with a double clothesline. Tama with a clothesline for two. Over to Fatu, who goes to the dreaded nerve pinch and then tosses him for a slam on the floor from Tama. Back in for a nerve pinch from the Savage, but Mike comes back with a double clothesline and makes the hot tag to Zenk. So he rams their heads together and that gets him nowhere, and they quickly flatten him with splashes in retaliation. But then Rotunda switches in and the ref somehow mixes up TOM ZENK and MIKE ROTUNDA, and Mike gets the cradle on Fatu for the pin at 5:30. They weren’t even wearing the same color trunks! **

Mean Mark Callous v. Brian Pillman

We get a video recap of Mark just wrecking dudes with the heart punch leading up to this, so good money says he won’t use that move here because WCW. Mark attacks at the bell and beats on Brian in the corner, but Brian fights back, so Mark boots him off the apron and into the railing. Back in, Pillman comes back with a crucifix, but Mark drops him in the turnbuckles and drops an elbow on him to take over. That gets two. To the chinlock, and Mark puts him down with an elbow for two. Bob relates that Mark’s favorite sport is hunting because he likes to kill things. You don’t say? Mark with another chinlock and he follows with a powerslam, but he misses a legdrop and Pillman makes the comeback and skins the cat into a missile dropkick to finally put Callous down. But Pillman goes up again and Mark drops him with a stungun and pins him at 5:40. Match was fine but of course we never even saw the heart punch. **1/2

Meanwhile, Sting is here to keep an eye on the Horsemen tonight.

US tag team title: The Midnight Express v. The Rock N Roll Express

The RNR do a pre-match promo with some kind of train in the background, which I’m assuming is supposed to be the metaphorical “express” in their name? Like of course WCW would interpret that as a literal train. And then Midnights also do a green screen promo, and they also have a train! Was Google’s AI thing around in 1990 and coming up with this stuff? Like did someone actually plan this out in a production meeting beforehand?

“Guys, we need something to represent the two teams in the background. Gimme some ideas!”

“How about stock footage of a train?”

“For which team?”

“BOTH OF THEM!”

“Brilliant, you get a raise. Sorry, now you’re fired. 1990 is a harsh time for the company.”

Robert trades shoulderblocks with Bobby while the announcers discuss Robert’s “deaf and dumb” father. And yet “foreign object” was considered objectionable? Over to Lane, who hits Robert with some karate kicks, but Robert gets his own enzuigiri and Ricky comes in with a chop on Lane. Hiptoss follows and Lane backs off, but Ricky backdrops him out of the corner again as JR notes that Lane used to be “friends” with Vanna White back in Florida. Well we know they didn’t make Lauren Boebert because she can’t spell for shit. Ricky with a rana on Bobby and the MX regroup and discuss strategy, but Ricky takes Stan down with an armdrag and the RNR double-team him. Robert runs Stan into the corner with an atomic drop and the crowd is eating all this up. Ricky with a cradle on Lane for two, but Lane rakes the eyes and then Bobby pokes him in the eye for good measure. Man you’re poking the wrong guy in the eye, but whatever. Bobby takes him to the top, but Ricky flips out of a superplex and rolls up Bobby for two, just as Lane shoves him into the turnbuckles to break it up. MX with a double backdrop on Robert, but Ricky rolls up Lane for two and everyone backs off as they’re having a lot of trouble getting organized for some reason. Usually they can do these matches in their sleep. Finally Ricky goes for a rana and Bobby yanks him down by the hair and we get to the business of beating on Morton. Lane with a Perfect necksnap into an elbow from Bobby for two, but it’s hot tag Robert already and he cleans house. Ricky takes Bobby to the floor while Gibson tries for the Ricky Gibson leglock on Lane, but Eaton breaks it up and hits Gibson off the top behind the ref’s back, which gets two for Lane. Double dropkick on Eaton, but Lane takes out the ref and the match is thrown out at 11:55 so that neither team has to job. This was a huge disappointment even compared to the match they had earlier in the year on PPV. They were all over the place and couldn’t get on track at all. The Rock N Rolls were just washed at this point and it was obvious that they needed a change of scenery, especially since the Midnights were having a career renaissance and doing some the best matches of their entire career with teams like the Southern Boys and Pillman/Zenk. But hey, much like pizza, there’s no such thing as a bad RNR/MX match. ***

Doug Furnas v. Barry Windham

Ross of course reminisces about Furnas and his high school football career, while Doug gets a sunset flip for two and tackles Windham to the floor. Back in, Furnas flips over Windham in the corner and hits Barry with a press slam before slugging away in the corner. Windham with an atomic drop, but Furnas no-sells and clotheslines him for two. They’re basically doing Flair v. Luger here, which is probably a good idea. Furnas with chops in the corner, but he charges and hits the boot and Windham levels him with the lariat to take over. Barry with a suplex for two but Furnas presses him off. Furnas with a small package for two, but Barry beats him down again until Furnas hits him with a facebuster and belly to belly suplex for two. Powerslam gets two. Furnas mistimes a dropkick and Windham takes a bump to the floor anyway, but then flips back in and pins Furnas with a suplex and his feet on the ropes at 5:32. Furnas looked pretty nervous here but Barry held it together and carried him to something very watchable. **3/4

US Champion Lex Luger v. Sid Vicious

This is presumably a non-title match but it was never really confirmed. As it turns out it doesn’t matter, because Lex doesn’t bring the belt to the ring and then just pins Sid with a clothesline in 0:20 anyway. I’ve never really got 100% confirmation and the issue of the Observer covering the show is kind of lost media, but the impression I get is that Sid was no-showing a lot of dates for softball and they wanted to send him a message.

NWA World tag team title: Doom v. The Steiner Brothers

Funny story behind this one, as the booking committee led the Steiners to believe they’d be regaining the titles here all the way up until the day of the show, and then changed their mind and someone told the Steiners before the match that it was actually gonna be the other thing. Whoops. Wonder who drew that short straw? They had actually been having a pretty great series of TV matches on the syndicated shows as both teams were rapidly improving at the same time. Scott casually picks up both Doom members and hits flipping fallaway slams on them with freakish strength. Doom regroups outside and Ron slugs away on Scott in the corner, but Scott hits him with a clothesline to chase him away again. Over to Reed and Scott backslides him for two. Back to Simmons, so Rick comes in and Simmons nails him behind the ref’s back. He tries a belly to belly, but Rick reverses to his own and Simmons was going up whether he wanted to or not. Back to Reed, and Rick clubs him down and chases him to the apron. Back in, Rick gets a rollup, but Simmons nails him from behind and Doom works him over on the floor to take over. Back in, Reed slugs away on Rick and hits him with an inside-out clothesline, which gets two. At least when the Steiners were in there with opponents they liked, they’d sell like normal babyfaces. Reed catches Rick with his head down and slams him, then follows with a double underhook suplex and goes up with an elbowdrop for two. Rick fights back with a double axehandle and it’s hot tag Scott. He whips Ron into the corner but Reed was out of position so they don’t collide and Scott looks a bit lost. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Scott hits Simmons with a superplex, but Reed uses an international object and puts Simmons on top of Scott for the pin at 11:20, but they do a weak double-pin with Rick also covering Reed to presumably soften the job for the Steiners. Solid and hard-hitting but it never really took off. ***1/4

Meanwhile, JYD wants us to know that he’s not coming at Flair like a cabbage, “all head and no body”, but rather he’s coming with backup. Well one wouldn’t want to attack like a cabbage, that’s for sure.

Paul Orndorff v. World TV champion Arn Anderson

I still can’t believe they thought that Paul Orndorff would be the kind of babyface that all the kids would get behind in 1990. It is, however, on point for Sting to put his trust in a guy famous for one of the biggest betrayals in wrestling history. This is a kind of a weird matchup for the time because Arn was sort of off in his own TV title pocket universe with guys like Terry Taylor and Tom Zenk and he didn’t really cross over much with the main stars at this point. Orndorff works a headlock to start and gets a backslide for two, then takes him down with a figure-four, but Arn makes the ropes. So Paul wraps him around the post and continues stomping the knee, but Arn hits him with a spinebuster to take over. Orndorff tries a sunset flip and Arn slugs out of that and gives him the boot rake to take over again. Abdominal stretch follows and Arn of course uses the ropes until he gets caught, at which point he drops a knee on Paul instead and gets two. To the chinlock, but Orndorff fights out of that and runs him into the corner with an atomic drop for a double down. Orndorff slugs back in the corner, and he drops elbows on Arn for two. Kneelift gets two. Arn maneuvers himself into position like a pro and Paul goes up for a pump splash, but it hits the knees and Arn cradles for two. And then Paul reverses that and gets the pin at 11:44. Damn this was actually a pretty good match, go figure. ***1/4.

Meanwhile, the Four Horsemen join Tony and Ole pretty much tells us that the Horsemen are running in as soon as Flair is in trouble.

NWA World title: Ric Flair v. Junkyard Dog

Flair tries for the lockup and gets thrown around to start, and Dog slugs him to the ramp. Back in, Dog no-sells the chops and clotheslines Flair and he looks blown up already. Flair drops the knee and Dog no-sells that, and then continues standing there and no-selling all of Flair’s chops. Flair bails to the apron and necks him and Dog won’t take a bump off that, so Flair grabs a chair and Dog no-sells THAT too. Dog slugs away in the corner again and Flair goes the Flair Flip and Dog nails him on the way down from the top rope as well as Ric is trying to bump for 2 people but unfortunately he has to bump for 4 because Dog is so fat. Flair goes up again and Dog continues no-selling everything and slams him off, at which point Ole and the Horsemen run in for the DQ at 6:00 as promised. Absolutely horrendous and JYD literally couldn’t do anything but throw punches for the entire match. -**

And we finish with Rocky King randomly showing up to talk with Jim Ross and Sting, who challenges Flair to the main event at Bash 90.

So I mean, obviously the main event went down in history as probably the worst Ric Flair match of all time, but the rest of the show is…kind of GOOD? I was not expecting that outcome. But yeah, this is a totally watchable show with some good tag team wrestling and a bunch of *** matches and doesn’t really deserve the rep it gets at all.