The SmarK Rant for Memphis Wrestling – 06.07.86

The SmarK Rant for Memphis Wrestling – 06.07.86

Taped from Memphis, TN

Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown

May 31 is missing so let’s head to the second week of June. Hilariously, they’ve already edited babyface Buddy Landel into the intro, even though he was pretty much gone by the time this aired.

The Beach Boys v. Keith Eric & The Inferno

The Beach Boys are John Stewart (the AWA midcarder, not the Green Lantern) and Van Van Horn, who appears to be longtime WWF jobber Sonny Rogers. They are from California, which you can tell because they have CRAZY multicolored tights and use “I Get Around” for their entrance music. Amazingly this does NOT make them heels in the south. Horn works the arm on Eric to start and Stewart comes in with a slam off a double elbow. Stewart with a flying headscissors out of the corner and he’s just super awkward, trying to work barefoot in long swim trunks. Horn comes in with an elbow on the Inferno and a spinkick. Or as Lance calls it, “kind of a round kick done in a weird way”. Oh man even Lance can’t polish this turd. And then the ropes come loose, so the Beach Boys finish with a double dropkick at 2:44. They should have left these two washed up on the surf where they found them.

The Memphis Vice v. Jerry Garmen & Benny Trailer

The Vice have a run-in with the Beach Boys on the way to the ring for their squash, which I’m assuming set up a match before the Beach Boys disappeared and were never seen again. Lou Winston hits Trailer with a big boot and Bryant comes in and hits him with a clothesline. Winston with an elbowdrop to finish at 1:20. I didn’t realize that Jerry Bryant died so young, as he passed from Lou Gehrig’s disease in 1989.

Bill Dundee joins Lance and wants everyone to call the women and tell them that Bill Dundee is on TV. So Dundee has Buddy’s issue figured out: He was just jealous of Dundee’s Southern title and snuck around the dressing room wearing his belt because he wanted to be Dundee so badly. So they’re gonna have a barbed wire match for the belt, and the rednecks all know what barbed wire is because that’s what their fences are made out of. But Bill is a forgiving man so he’ll take Buddy back if he wants to apologize and be Bill’s partner again.

Bill Dundee v. Tracy Smothers

Tracy was just a warm body here but he was due for a big push in Alabama soon after this. And in fact he dropkicks Dundee out of the ring right away, so Bill comes in and yanks him down by the hair before running him into the turnbuckle. Clothesline out of the corner gets two. Dundee slugs away in the corner and goes to a chinlock, but Smothers makes a comeback and elbows Dundee down for two. Tracy gets a really good fired up babyface comeback and gets some shine, but Dundee slugs him down and grabs the tights for the pin at 2:52. Dundee clearly made sure to give the kid a bunch of offense here.

God love Lance Russell for the house show hype segments because he’s running down this mediocre weekly loop card and I’m like LANCE TELL ME HOW TO GO BACK IN TIME AND BUY TICKETS RIGHT NOW!

Jos Leduc, Paul Diamond, Dutch Mantel & Jeff Jarrett v. Baron Von Brauner, Pat Rose, Danny Fargo & The Hunter

So Dave Veasey is now a single just going by “The Hunter” after his partner Raven left. What a stupid name. What kind of a World champion would ever be named “Hunter”? Or “Raven” for that matter? The babyfaces work on Pat Rose’s arm in the corner to start, as Lance notes that young Jeff Jarrett is learning fast. Yeah that’s one thing about coming up in Memphis, you never had any lack of learning experience on the circuit. Diamond slugs away on the Hunter, and LeDuc comes in with a dropkick (!!!) and goes to a bearhug on Hunter. Baron comes in and the babyfaces just destroy him and Dutch pins him at 4:35. Basically just a squash for the babyfaces.

Afterwards, Leduc wants to induct Paul Diamond into the lumberjack brotherhood of Canada, so he calls for a chair and a set of clippers so he can shave Diamond bald. Just like in da Navy. Paul is like “Wait a minute, I didn’t know you were serious about that”. But Leduc explains that his bald head and crazy demeanour makes his opponents worried, and now he’s gonna show Diamond how to make some main event money. And he’s just gonna cut Paul’s hair a little bit. But then Diamond decides that he’d look like an idiot without hair and balks. Leduc: “Don’t you wanna look like a champion?” So the girls in the crowd are SHRIEKING in terror every time Leduc gets close with the clippers and Leduc goes “See, the audience is screaming for you to be a champion” and he goes for the clippers again. I am DYING here. Diamond backs off one last time and just wants to be friends, but Leduc of course freaks out and attacks him, smashing his head into the post due to the rejection. Oh you knew this was coming sometime. And then Leduc drags the unconscious and bloody Diamond back to the chair and shaves his head while JD Costello has the Mod Squad barricade the door. And the crowd is just yelling in horror while Diamond gets shaved. Lance: “You’re just butchering his hair! He said he didn’t want his hair cut!”

This show is INCREDIBLE. HOOK THIS TO MY VEINS. If my memory serves me correctly, Diamond snaps and becomes some kind of crazed commando military sniper and I’m just there for all of it.

The Mod Squad v. Billy Travis & David Haskins

The Mods double-team Haskins and toss him to the floor for some trash talking from JD in between quips at the announce desk, and Spike slams him out there as Costello clarifies that the floor must be wet because he keeps slipping. Back in the ring, they continue double-teaming Haskins in the corner and beating on him, and they finish with a Hart Attack at 4:33. The Squad is really growing on me as the tag champs.

The Fabulous Ones v. Abdul Gaddafi & Strong Machine

Keirn had lost a loser-leaves-town match to Dundee around the start of the new year, but that apparently has expired. Stan puts Gaddafi down with a back elbow and it’s over to Keirn for a slam. The heels manage to trap Lane in the corner and double-team him for a bit, but Stan comes back with his karate skills and it’s BONZO GONZO until the Fabs double-clothesline Gaddafi and pin him at 4:01.

Paul Diamond joins us and he’s been humiliated by Leduc, so he wants the lumberjack on Monday night in the Mid-South Coliseum! Or Wednesday in Evansville depending on where you’re watching.

I LOVE THIS SHOW. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Do yourself a favor and find that segment with Diamond and Leduc if you can.