The SmarK Rant for Clash of Champions XII: Mountain Madness – 09.05.90
By Scott Keith on 8 November 2024
Thanks for the follows over at BlueSky (rspwfaq.bsky.social) as I try to break the Twitter habit once and for all. I actually locked my Twitter account and deleted the app tonight and I feel much better already.
Live from Asheville, NC, drawing 4000 and a 5.0 rating. The arena looks like the kind of place where AEW should run
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Bob Caudle
The Freebirds v. The Southern Boys
I didn’t realize that these two were doing a best-of-whatever series on the syndicated shows, but apparently they had a lot of matches leading up to this and it was supposed to be paying off with a six-man here, featuring the Freebirds & Buddy Roberts v. The Southern Boys & Bob Armstrong, but it ended up being a standard tag match. JR chalks it up to an injury to Buddy’s arm. Likely story. The Birds, clad in stars & bars facepaint because both teams were I guess fighting over who had custody of the Confederate flag, quickly get chased out of the ring by Tracy’s superkick. Back in the ring, the Birds double-team Tracy, but the Boys regroup with dropkicks and send them running away again. Back in the ring, Hayes gets his FAMOUS left hand and Tracy goes flying off the apron as a result. Caudle notes that if Robert E. Lee had the Southern Boys on his side, Atlanta might be the capital of the US right now. Weird flex but OK. Tracy fights his way back in and tries a sunset flip, but Hayes hits with him another one of his famous punches and goes to his famous chinlock. Garvin slams him and goes up, but Tracy slams him off the top and makes the hot tag to Armstrong. He runs wild, but Buddy Roberts trips him up and Hayes rolls him up for two. So Bob Armstrong comes in behind the ref’s back and nails Michael with a forearm, and Armstrong gets two off that. But then they keep going despite the obvious finish there, and the Southern Boys win with a double sunset flip at 8:34. Finish was all kind of overbooked but the match was fun. ***1/4
Meanwhile, The Steiner Brothers are the NEW US tag team champions, having beaten the Midnight Express in the Meadowlands, and Scott is very excited to be the #1 contenders to Doom. Rick notes that Doom told them to “go down to the bottom and wrestle all those bums down there” and now they have done so and are once against the #1 contenders and won’t be denied this time.
Buddy Landel v. Captain Mike Rotunda
Mike is accompanied by the winner of the (checks notes) “Burger King Ringmaster Contest” which was won by writing a poem about World Championship Wrestling. Thanks to the FOIA and some timely bribes of former officials, I have acquired a copy of the winning poem.
In the hazy lights and the smoky rings,
Where legends rise and clash like kings,
1990’s roar was loud and bold,
In WCW’s fierce stronghold.
The chant of the crowd, a thundering call,
Warriors summoned to the brawl.
From dusty boots to pyrotechnic glow,
Heroes and villains stole the show.
Captain Mike Rotunda, steady and fierce,
With a mind like steel, his gaze could pierce.
A grappler’s grappler, a master’s hand,
His tactics drew cheers across the land.
The Steiner Brothers, wild and raw,
Suplex machines, all muscle and claw.
Their howl would echo, their slams would boom,
In every city, in every room.
Sting’s face painted in warrior pride,
The Stinger Splash and the Scorpion’s stride—
A thunderbolt clad in red and white,
Turning fear into fans’ delight.
Lex Luger, the Total Package show,
Muscles rippling, he’d bring down a foe.
With flex and strength, he ruled the scene,
WCW’s powerhouse machine.
Yet no contest was won by brawn alone,
For managers schemed to set the tone.
Managers, sages, voices of fire—
They fueled ambition, they stoked desire.
To hold the honor, just for a night,
Of Captain Mike’s guiding light—
First prize gleamed, a grappler’s dream,
To join his ranks, to plot, to scheme.
The year was 1990, the battles fought,
In the house that WCW built and bought.
Legends were born, and stories spun,
Where battles raged and glory won.
A contest of strength, of wits, of might—
To be in the corner of Rotunda’s fight,
An honor granted, a story to tell—
Of the golden age, where titans fell.
She was feeling a lot of things about WCW in 1990, it seems. I mean, I get it, I was too. Budro works a headlock on the Captain, who hadn’t quite transitioned from “Wrestling team captain” to “literal captain of a boat” yet. Although he does have an anchor symbol on his trunks so the signs were there. Meanwhile, Bob Caudle refers to Buddy’s tattoo of his favorite band, Skid Row, which gives us the only time you’ll ever hear Bob Caudle talking about guitarist Snake Sabo as far as I’m aware. Who had Skid Row as their favorite band in 1990?! They hadn’t even released Slave to the Grind yet! Rotunda takes Buddy down and works on the hammerlock, but Buddy clotheslines him and shows off his guns, complete with his sick Skid Row tat on his arm. Sebastian Bach would be so proud but would probably think Buddy did too many drugs even for him. Landel with the abdominal stretch, but Rotunda escapes with a suplex for a double down. Buddy goes up and falls on his face, which is a metaphor for his life and career, and Rotunda drops a leg for two. Rotunda makes the comeback as we learn that the promotional tactic that should have turned the company around, STING WRISTWATCH NIGHT, is the next Omni show in Atlanta. Sadly I was already 16 by that point and would not have qualified to win one according to the restrictive rules of the giveaway. Apparently they were just for kids under 14. Well, fuck. Also, appropriately enough for Sting’s title reign, the watches had good hands but were rapidly running out of time. Anyway Rotunda wins with a backslide. *1/2
Meanwhile, the Freebirds reveal that Buddy Roberts was visited by the spirit of General Robert E. Lee, who wants them to get rid of the Southern Boys. And then we get footage of the Freebirds making their triumphant arrival in Hollywood and getting mobbed at the Holiday Inn. I know the feeling.
Brad Armstrong & Tim Horner v. THE MASTER BLASTERS
Yes, it’s the squash match that changed wrestling and my life forever, featuring the wrestling debut of mohawked former basketball player Kevin Nash as Steel. This is just immediately awful and laughable, with Nash stumbling around the ring with no idea of what he’s doing while JR tries to put him over as impressive. Steel drops an elbow and Iron follows with a headbutt, somehow missing Horner, who was laying prone on the mat at the time. But it’s over to the Candyman, and Iron puts him down with a shoulderblock before Steel powerslams him for two. Steel misses his favorite elbowdrop, which looks like late stage Macho Man if he decided to just do the move without going to the top rope because his knees were too shot, and he hits poor Brad with forearms. And then Iron does his own elbowdrop as this is a hilariously terrible work of art. My god when you are such a load of shit that BRAD ARMSTRONG can’t even make you look like you graduated wrestling school, you’re terrible. They “brawl” and Armstrong gets tossed while the Master Blasters somehow get it together enough to hit Horner with a double shoulderblock and pin him at 5:00. MILLION BILLION STARS. No, I’m just fucking with you. -***. Although Iron was quickly fired, Steel was somehow still employed after this and away we go.
Meanwhile, Brian Pillman discusses the Black Scorpion situation and then we move onto the Gauntlet.
Meanwhile, Missy Hyatt interviews Ric Flair in advance of his US title match tonight. 1990 Missy was…certainly something.
The Nasty Boys v. Terry Taylor & Jackie Fulton
So yeah, Jackie was briefly teamed with his brother Bobby as the New Fantastics until a pretty brutal concussion suffered during a match with Doom ended his career for a while. JR of course notes the, shall we say, dangerously cut dress that Missy was wearing, which only held on by the grace of the gods. The Nasties, who were the new hotness back in 1990 and fresh off the dying AWA, try to go after the Rooster to start but Sags gets his arm twisted and barred by the babyfaces. Now I know you wouldn’t think you could get a connection out of this wacky babyface team, but check this out: Terry Taylor was of course the Rooster, and Jackie Fulton went on to greater fame in Japan as The Eagle, so in fact they a full on bird-gimmick team! Follow me on Bluesky for more hot takes like this one. They keep working on the arms until Knobs gets a facebuster on Taylor and Sags comes in to take over. Knobs with a corner splash for two. Taylor with a sunset flip for two and he makes the hot tag to Jackie, who gets a back suplex on Knobs for two. Jackie goes up with a bodypress, but Knobs powerslams him in mid-air and Sags drops the shitty elbow to finish at 7:04. This was…kinda good? I can dig it. **1/2
Meanwhile, Tony chats with Sid Vicious, who has a message for Sting about wanting the World title. He really wants it is what we’re getting at here.
Wild Bill Irwin v. Tommy Rich
Oh man the seeds of the York Foundation are being sown on this very show. Rich attacks and slugs away despite Irwin snapping his whip aggressively, and hiptosses Irwin to the floor. JR notes that Tommy is a former Rookie of the Year and third-youngest person to ever win the NWA World title. Of course the other two people ahead of him are both Outrunners. Rich works a headlock, but Irwin stomps him down while Jim notes that Paul E. is a smart guy, who spent two terms at Princeton. Of course, the terms were Ford’s and Reagan’s. Rich tries a sleeper and Irwin runs him into the corner to break, but Tommy comes back with the Lou Thesz Press to finish at 4:09. This was a match that existed. *
And now, it’s time for the WCW Top 10!
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World champion: Sting
- Lex Luger
- Ric Flair
- Arn Anderson
- Barry Windham
- Sid Vicious
- Stan Hansen
- Brian Pillman
- Junkyard Dog
- Tommy Rich
- Buddy Landel
Oh wait, you want MORE? How about the TOP TEN TAG TEAMS?!?
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World champions: DOOM
- The Steiner Brothers
- The Rock N Roll Express
- The Horsemen
- The Midnight Express
- The Southern Boys
- The Freebirds
- The Samoan Swat Team
- Brian Pillman & Tom Zenk
- Junkyard Dog & El Gigante
- Mike Rotunda & Tim Horner
I have some questions about that list but we have to move on.
Meanwhile, Stan Hansen tells us about his kids and pickup truck, which is on the verge of being repo’d. Tony informs him that he’s ranked #6, so Stan flips out and vows to destroy everyone above him because he’s never been sixth at anything in his life!
LPWA Women’s World title: Susan Sexton v. Bambi
THE FORBIDDEN DOOR IS OPENING. First this and then New Japan all over TV by Starrcade! Sexton takes Bambi down and they trade headlocks on the mat as JR again dangles the unwinnable carrot of STING WRISTWATCH NIGHT in front of me again. I think they also did a giveaway with Lex Luger watches, but those only worked 6 times out of the year. Sexton gets a rollup for two and a clothesline out of the corner for two. Bambi with a small package for two and Sexton reverses for the pin at 4:00. Sadly this did not start a women’s wrestling revolution in 1990 like it should have. ½*
US tag team title: The Steiner Brothers v. MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
The challengers here are of course today’s WCW Tag Team You Forgot, comprised of Hunter (Tim Hunt) and Silencer (Jeff Warner). You would be forgiven for mixing up these guys with the previous Master Blaster team of “Iron” and “Steel”, or even the less notable team of Magnum Force, who DIDN’T EVEN GET NAMES. I mean, it could have been worse as far as Dirty Harry movies go, they could have been named after The Dead Pool instead. Like anyone with THAT name would ever draw a dime. Scott takes Hunter down with a leglock and twists him up with a form of the Boston crab before he makes the ropes. Scott continues tying him up in knots, so Hunter tries a headlock and Scott throws him around and then the Steiners clear the ring for fun. Over to Silencer, who got a tiny singles push later in the year as JW Storm before rightly disappearing again forever. Rick comes in and won’t let Silencer take him down, so Hunter comes in and puts Rick down with a back elbow for one. That’s enough offense for Rick’s taste, who just powerslams the geek without bothering to even go down, and then lets Hunter in and destroys him with a Steinerline before they finish him with the elevated DDT at 6:20. MO weren’t BAD but the Steiners just wrecking them with no mercy was pretty hilarious regardless. *1/2
Stan Hansen v. Tom Zenk
Zenk does his heartthrob babyface entrance and then Stan just DESTROYS him on the way in, smashing him with a chairshot on the floor and headbutting him right in his pretty face before putting the boots to him in the ring. In the ring for a suplex and elbowdrop that gets two. Zenk tries to make a comeback and Hansen continues smashing him, while we cut to Lex Luger watching the match on a tiny monitor in the dressing room, which is sitting alone in the middle of a table. Back in the ring, Zenk gets a bodypress and dropkicks to come back, but Hansen just bulls him down with the shoulderblock and then ends it with the lariat at 3:14. I was not into Stan Hansen back in 1990 but this is my JAM now. Great squash.
Meanwhile, Tony takes us back to Wrestlewar earlier in the year, as Flair screws Luger out of the World title for the millionth time.
US title: Lex Luger v. Ric Flair
Yup, this is the one time where Luger was actually defending a title against Flair. Flair tries the chops and Lex hits him with a press slam, so Flair regroups and tries the chops again. Amazingly that still doesn’t work, so Lex hits him with another press slam and then clothesline to the floor. Oh shit, I just had a horrifying realization: 1990 Ric Flair is 2024 Donald Trump, womanizing scumbag assumed to be done for good before winning the belt back in a shocking upset, and Sting is Joe Biden, supposed to be vanquisher of the previous guy but ended up transitioning the belt back to him. This show has LAYERS. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. They fight on the floor and Luger clotheslines him again out there, and then no-sells a necksnap on the way into the ring before posing at Flair and then hitting him with another press slam. Sadly, his elbowdrop misses for the 10 millionth time in a row and Flair takes over as we’re clearly doing the abbreviated version of their usual match tonight. Flair beats on him with chops, but he stops to woo and Lex clotheslines him again. Flair claims a crippling shoulder injury and distracts the ref in the ropes, and then hits Luger with a sucker punch because, let’s face it, Lex is a trusting idiot. I guess that makes him Kamala Harris in this metaphor. Flair tosses him and sends him into the railing before putting the boots to him in the ring and then really laying into him with the chop. Back to the floor and Flair beats on him with more chops and runs him into the railing, particularly motivated tonight despite his diminished role and Jim Herd’s attempts to push him out. Back in the ring, Ric clips the knee and goes to work on it, beating on it in the corner while alternating chops to stand Lex up again. Lex comes back again, so Flair pokes him in the eye as we get a time call of 15:00 at 10:00. Must have been using one of those cheap Sting wristwatches I guess. Like, shit, I was agonizing over a punchline to that watch gag earlier in the show and then it just falls into my lap here. Lex makes the comeback and slams Ric again, and the superplex gets two as Flair is in the ropes. Flair begs for mercy and Lex beats on him in the corner, but Ric goes low and clotheslines him to the floor, where they continue fighting. Lex beats the count back in the ring, but Stan Hansen hits the ring for the DQ at 14:34 and destroys him to set up the US title match at Halloween Havoc. Really they were incapable of having a bad match. ***1/2
Meanwhile, the mysterious BLACK SCORPION promises that if Sting can beat him, he’ll reveal his identity.
NWA World title: Sting v. Black Scorpion
You will note that the match is announced coyly as being for “The World Heavyweight Championship” with no mention of any organization, as WCW was heavily moving towards dropping all NWA affiliation from their programming at this point and strictly using the “WCW” branding. Sting is wound up tighter than a wristwatch while the Scorpion stands there completely devoid of personality. That was a dead giveaway that it was Al Perez. Sting slugs away in the corner and the Scorpion chokes him down on the ropes and hits him with forearms, but they fight to the floor and Sting drops him on the railing, but Scorpion continues hitting him with devastating forearm blows, working the most generic 70s heel match ever. More choking in the corner as he’s handcuffed from doing literally anything but choking and forearms, and they head out to the ramp for more choking. Back in the ring, Sting makes a comeback with a dropkick and his own choking. However, the Scorpion shows him the way to choke to take over again, and then does more choking for good measure. Sting finally comes back with a press slam and a flying bodypress for two. Scorpion drops a knee on him and guess what, back to choking. Sting hits him with the Stinger splash and pins him clean at 8:09, however. Sting gets the mask off him, but he’s got another mask underneath, and then we learn that there’s a SECOND Black Scorpion. And he’s got a Sting wristwatch, I bet! Anyway this was an all time stinker from the Stinger. DUD
Afterwards, Jim Ross notes that Sting obviously didn’t beat the real Black Scorpion because there was a second guy dressed like the Black Scorpion, so the whole thing was a big waste of time. That checks out. And then Sid comes out and wants the belt, but Sting blows him off because he’s only dealing with Black Scorpion-related matters at the moment and Sid doesn’t fit into that. So Sid, feelings hurt at being ignored, attacks Sting and lays him out on the ramp as poor Sting has a lot of shit going on at this point in his life.
Yeah so this show was kind of all over the place, as they made a half-hearted attempt to set up Halloween Havoc while still trying to move forward with whatever the fuck that Black Scorpion story was supposed to be. Pretty much none of it worked but there was a couple of good matches and I found it an easy…watch. See what I did there?
And yes, the Sting wristwatch was a real thing:
And like the real person, still fully functional long after anyone thought possible.
And judging by the price, drew more money.