The SmarK Rant for AEW Revolution 2024 – 03.03.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Revolution 2024 – 03.03.24

If you can’t get enough of hearing me talk on YouTube, I was a guest on the North-South Connection Podcast’s live watch of a Hogan-Savage match from 1989, and I had a lot of fun doing it and talking about how much I love Savage and hate Hogan. Unfortunately you can’t see my awesome FTR shirt because of the camera angle BUT IT’S THERE.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKV-VUiCV7g&t=260s&ab_channel=NorthSouthConnection

Live from Greensboro, NC

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness

TNT title: Christian Cage v. Daniel Garcia

Nigel lets us know that Daddy Magic stuck his “frog leg eating nose” into Christian’s business on Collision and now he’s absent tonight. Although I’m not offended by the French bashing, I am offended by the mixed metaphor. They fight for the lockup to start and Garcia sends him out of the ring, and back in for another lockup battle before Christian suffers a sudden and crippling ankle injury, perhaps due to vaccine injury, and needs immediate medical attention. No wait, he was ACTING. So he necks Garcia on the top rope to take over and puts him down with a neckbreaker for two. To the chinlock, but Garcia fights out of it, so Cage dumps him and follows with a dive to the floor. Back in, Christian chokes him out on the ropes and sends him to the floor again while working the count. Finally Daniel fights his way back from the apron and makes a comeback before pulling up the turtleneck for some abuse. “Look, it’s Bazooka Joe in the corner there!” Garcia with a pair of rollups for two, but Christian chokes him out on the ropes again and Garcia is sick of his shit and runs him into the stairs. Back in the ring, Garcia escapes the Killswitch, but Christian puts him down with a knee for two. Christian goes up for a frog splash, but that misses and Daniel puts him in an anklelock and Cage makes the ropes. Christian with a catapult and that allows Killswitch to hit a chokeslam behind the ref’s back, setting up a frog splash for two as the match picks up a lot. Daddy Magic returns and takes out the dinosaur, but Christian tries a spear and Garcia counters with a piledriver for two. Cage with another try at the Killswitch, but Garcia cradles for two and Cage clings to the ropes to escape. Next up, Nick Wayne sneaks in with a cheapshot, and Christian hits the Killswitch to retain at 16:53. Took a little while to get going but they ended up having a good opener. ***1/2.

Continental Crown: Eddie Kingston v. Bryan Danielson

They exchange kicks to start and Bryan takes him down while the announcers do a whole deal about the Observer Awards. Eddie with the chops in the corner to send Danielson to the floor, but he follows with a dive and hurts his own leg in the process. So Bryan suplexes him off the apron and back in for some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION as he goes to work on Eddie’s arm now. More finger torture, but Eddie fights back with the exploder and a DDT for two. Eddie tries the Stretch Plum, but Bryan grabs the fingers and goes back to bending on them before hitting Eddie with a running kick in the corner. Dragon suplex gets two. Bryan beats on him with more kicks in the corner, but Eddie fights him off, so Bryan dropkicks him on the top and brings him down with a butterfly superplex and then rolls him right into the Lebell lock in some high level technical wrestling. They should name an award after this guy. Eddie is able to make the ropes despite the painful wrist, so Danielson destroys him with elbows and Eddie fires back with an enzuigiri and the backfist. But the hand is injured, so he doesn’t get all of it, and he hits a Northern Lights Bomb instead for two. Another backfist, but Bryan rolls with the punch and kicks Eddie’s hand before hitting the bu saiku knee for two. It is now time to KICK HIS FUCKING HEAD IN and Bryan goes for the triangle like on Dynamite, although he doesn’t pose this time. So Eddie is able to give us a thumbs up and makes the ropes. If Bryan had been doing the muscle pose, Kingston would be DEAD. Bryan with the Yes Kicks, but Eddie absorbs those and wants more before popping up with a suplex. So Bryan throws his own, but Eddie pops up again and sends Bryan into the corner with another suplex and it’s a double down as the crowd is going nuts. They slug it out and Eddie wins that one, but Bryan fires back HARDER and follows with the knee again. Eddie blocks that with a lariat, however, and powerbombs him to retain at 19:13, to the delight of Nigel. And they shake hands to settle their beef, although I’m sure Eddie will have beef with someone else before too long. ****1/2

All Star 8 Man Vegetarian Pan Scrambler: Wardlow v. Lance Archer v. Chris Jericho v. Powerhouse Hobbs v. Dante Martin v. Brian Cage v. Hook v. Magnus

The crowd demands MEAT and so the battling big beefy boys toss the little wimpy little men and we get MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT. Tell me again why they couldn’t have just had these four guys in a match? Archer ends up clearing the ring and tries a ropewalk on Hobbs, but he lands in a spinebuster and then Cage hits Hobbs with a death valley driver. Wardlow with a rana on Cage, but Jericho sneaks in with a codebreaker on Wardlow for two. So now all the mini-men try to slap meat, but they’re just not very meaty. They’re like those Impossible burgers at Burger King. Everyone dives, including the first ever from Hook with a double axehandle. Back in the ring, we get four superplexes and Dante hits Cage with a frog splash for two out of all that. Everyone hits the floor and Dante runs wild with a dive and gets two on Jericho after a messed up spot, but Magnus hits a rolling cutter on Dante for two. Magnus with some weak double knees in the corner, but Archer chokeslams him for two. Jericho and Magnus team up with a suplex on Archer and then hit stereo quebradas in a neat spot. Next up, Hobbs gets the shine and powerslams Archer, then powerslams Dante for two. Hook tries a suplex on Cage, but Wardlow comes in and runs wild with suplexes on everyone until Hook chokes him down and Jericho adds a Liontamer at the same time. Hook with a northern lights suplex on Jericho for two. To the floor and Hobbs takes out Jericho with the slam, but Jericho uses a fog machine of some kind to take him out. Well that was lame. Back in, Wardlow beats on Cage and powerbombs him, but Dante rolls up Wardlow for two. Slam on Magnus gets two, but Archer breaks that up. Dante with the Nosedive for two, but Wardlow clears the ring again and powerbombs Dante to win it at 16:11. This was just a mess of stuff and went way, WAY too long, probably one of the worst matches they’d ever done on PPV. DUD Again, if Wardlow was winning anyway, why mess with the match?

AEW International title: Orange Cassidy v. Roderick Strong

Roddy charges in with the Sick Kick, but Orange cradles for two. But Roddy hits him with a backbreaker to counter the pockets and then gives him a backbreaker on the railing outside. Back in, Orange comes back with a crossbody, but Strong cuts him off with a suplex and another backbreaker. Roddy pounds him with chops in the corner, but Orange fights back from the apron until Roddy gives him an insane powerbomb onto the top turnbuckle, and Orange bumps to the floor. Back in, Roddy goes back to working on the bad ribs and beating on him with chops, but Orange goes dead weight on him. Roddy with a backbreaker, but Orange hits the stunner, so Roddy hits another backbreaker and puts him in the Stronghold. Orange makes the ropes, so Roddy pulls him off the ropes and drops him into another backbreaker before reapplying the Stronghold. Orange counters out of that and comes back with the swinging DDT, and then a top rope version for two. Orange with the kicks and a Panama Sunrise for two off that. Roddy with another backbreaker, but Orange pops up with the Orange Punch and Beach Break, although he can’t make the cover. Orange tries another punch, but Roddy cuts him off with the rising knee and finishes with End of Heartache to win the title at 12:53. Seemed like it was time to switch the title. And then Kyle O’Reilly finally returns in a welcome surprise, but apparently he’s not with the Kingdom quite yet. They seemed to have a hard time getting the crowd, probably because the Undisputed Kingdom are still such geeks going nowhere. ***

FTR v. Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli

Shout out to the BCC’s Road Warrior gear here. FTR gets a surprisingly low key pop despite being hometown babyfaces. Claudio and Dax trade rollups to start and slug it out, which Claudio wins. Over to Cash and Mox, and Cash hits a dropkick for two. Dax with a legsweep on Claudio and they double-team Claudio until Cash gets dumped to the floor. They do a bit of brawling out there as this is taking a rather shocking amount of time to get going and the crowd is dead. Did we need a video package to explain who FTR are? Maybe one to explain the shoulder pads gimmick in case people don’t know the Road Warriors? Granted it’s been 21 years since they last wrestled. Back in the ring, Moxley with the backrakes on Cash and a superplex for two. Mox puts the quality trash talk on Cash in the corner and slaps him around, but Cash fights back. Over to Dax, but the BCC runs him into the stairs outside and Dax is busted open. Back in the ring, Mox with an Air Raid Crash for two. FTR comes back with a spike piledriver on Mox for two, waking up the crowd a little bit. But then the BCC fires back with a Doomsday Device on Dax and everyone is out. FTR tries a Shatter Machine on Claudio, but he stops it by sheer force of willpower and hits Dax with the Giant Swing for two. Dax and Mox slug it out on the top rope, but Claudio breaks that up, so FTR gets their own double-team with an elevated bulldog for two. Shatter Machine on Mox gets two, as Claudio saves. So Cash tries to dive on him, but Claudio catches him with the forearm on the way down and piledrives him on the floor. But then Dax piledrives Claudio on the floor. Back in the ring, Moxley hits Dax with a Death Rider for two, but Dax rolls him over for two. Mox with the bulldog choke and Claudio chokes Cash to keep him from saving, and FTR is out at 21:52. Geez, jobbing out FTR in North Carolina is certainly a choice. This took a long time to really leave first gear and they mostly got the crowd by the end, but it was a struggle. ***1/2. I presume this sets up the BCC as the next challengers for the tag team titles once we figure out what happens with the belts next.

AEW Women’s World title: Toni Storm v. Deonna Purrazzo

Funny bit with Mariah cosplaying old school Toni Storm to psyche out Deonna before the real entrance. They trade takedowns to start and Deonna goes for the armbar, but Toni quickly makes the ropes. Deonna sends her to the floor and brings her back in for another try at the armbar, but Toni counters out and slugs away in the corner and then gets a low kick behind the ref’s back for two. RIGHT IN THE LADY YAMBAGS. Toni with a chinlock on the mat, but Deonna fights back and takes her down for two. Crowd is back to being pretty dead again as we’ve progressed through the “good matches early on” portion of the show and now everyone is seemingly tired out and ready for the main events. Toni with the hip attack and a DDT for two. Toni takes her down again and goes for the anklelock, but Deonna boots her to the apron and into the safe arms of Luther. So Deonna dives onto them both and gets her armbar back in the ring. Luther takes the ref while Toni taps, and Toni hits Storm Zero for the pin to retain at 12:00. Kind of a crappy finish but the match was fairly solid overall. ***. Definitely the best match I’ve ever seen where the issue was matching duck tattoos, you have to give it that. I think it’s time to turn Storm babyface or do something different with the character, though, because we’ve hit the ceiling of where she can go with this act in the ring.

Will Ospreay v. Konosuke Takeshita

They slug it out to start and Will snaps off a rana to a huge babyface pop. Takeshita fires back with the Warrior clothesline and Will tries popping up to the top rope, but Takeshita elbows him down and brings him in with a delayed superplex for one. Takeshita goes up with a senton for one as Callis on commentary talks about Takeshita “leaning down to Lou Thesz proportions”. This man is a gift. Takeshita bashes him with a forearm shot, but Will fires back with chops and hooks him in an abdominal stretch. Ospreay with a springboard forearm and the handspring corkscrew kick to send Takeshita to the floor and he follows with a crisp pescado and lands on his feet. Back in the ring, a back suplex gets one. Takeshita catches him with a fireman’s carry into a facebuster and dropkicks him to the floor for his own Omega dive. Back in, Takeshita tries another senton and hits the knees, and Ospreay misses a Phoenix splash, allowing Takeshita to hit a german suplex for two. Will pops up with an enzuigiri, so Takeshita drops him with another german suplex, and Ospreay gets a Spanish Fly for the double down. Ospreay comes back and wins a slugfest with the rolling elbow and Takeshita is pretty messed up by that. So Ospreay gives him some boots in the corner, but Takeshita gives him a receipt on that elbow and HOLY SHIT. Ospreay somehow manages to fight back with a superkick into a Tiger driver for two. Oz-Cutter is countered into the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Oz-Cutter gets two on the second try. Takeshita counters the Hidden Blade with another elbow for two. They are hitting each other harder than Rock and Cody in an Instagram beef. They head to the top and continue hitting each other really hard, until Ospreay tries a rana and Takeshita drops him on the turnbuckle with a brainbuster. Despite Will damn near suffering a broken neck off that, it only gets two. Ospreay barely has time to garner sympathy for a horrifying bruise on his back from that before Takeshita hits him in the face with a knee strike for two. Another one is blocked, however, and Ospreay comes back with the stunner and poison rana. Takeshita reverses the Stormbreaker into a tombstone, but Ospreay pops up and kicks his head off, FOR ONE. Holy freaking crap. Takeshita with a lariat and he tries another knee, but Ospreay catches him with a Styles Clash for two. Ospreay with a TIGER DRIVER 91 and Hidden Blade and by god that finishes at 21:53 because I can’t take much more of this without suffering a heart attack. *****. Ospreay is the MAN and they need to get the belt on him at Wembley unless he manages to die in the ring first. The man is on a different level than everyone else. I mean, unless Okada suddenly shows up on Dynamite this week BUT HOW LIKELY IS THAT LOL.

AEW World title: Samoa Joe v. Hangman Page v. Swerve Strickland

Joe quickly hammers on both guys and sends them to the floor, and then back in to beat on Page in the corner with headbutts until Page sends him to the floor. Over to Swerve, and he takes the fallaway slam and boots Page down before stopping to do some dancing to celebrate. Dropkick gets two. Page with the TA belly to belly for two, but Joe breaks it up and powerbombs Hangman into an STF for good measure. Page escapes to the floor, so Joe and Swerve trade elbows and fight to the top until Hangman breaks it up. Page and Swerve team up with a powerbomb on Joe and then turn their attentions back to each other and slug it out. Page tries Deadeye and Swerve counters for two, but Joe breaks it up, so Swerve sends him to the floor and boots him from the apron. Back in, Swerve moonsaults Page, but Hangman catches him in a tombstone and that gets two. Joe with the save, so Page boots him down, but still can’t hit the Deadeye on Swerve. Swerve with a suplex for two, but Joe breaks that up. Joe with the Muscle Buster on Page, but Swerve hits Joe with the House Call kick before getting all distracted by Page again. So he hits the kick on Page and that gets two. Back to Joe, as he hits a 450 and Swerve Stomp, but Page saves this time and takes out the ref in a pure heel move. Page with the belt shot on Swerve, knocking him out to the floor, but now Page gets all focused on Swerve before regrouping and hitting Joe with a pair of buckshot lariats. But there’s no ref, so another one comes out and counts two. Another buckshot, but Joe catches him in the choke this time, so Swerve breaks it up with the Sky Twister Press and everyone is out. Swerve gets the crown from Nana, but changes his mind because he’s a babyface now, and he cradles Joe for two. So then Page is an animal who murders a second referee and just beats on him this time. Buckshot on Joe, but Swerve hits his own buckshot on Page and the JML Driver, but Joe steals the choke on Page and Hangman taps at 19:40. They were in a tough spot but this was some great character stuff with Hangman descending into madness and trying to screw Swerve over. ***3/4

AEW World tag team title: Sting & Darby Allin v. The Young Bucks

Not only is Ric Flair there, but Ricky Steamboat is the guest timekeeper. But first, we get a video package running down the History of Sting (with all the non-WWE footage they can find) followed by a cavalcade of Stings, as played by his sons. Amazing. Sting and Darby quickly hit the EVPs with splashes in the corners, and then the kids add their own Stinger Splashes to get some revenge. Sting with the double deathlock on the Bucks and they escape that, so he tosses them into the railing outside and beats on them with chairs. The Bucks try to double-team Sting on the floor, but Darby hits them with the coffin drop out there. So then Sting finds some panes of glass under the ring, as you usually find, and the Bucks wisely retreat into the crowd. They all fight to the entrance and Nick takes Darby with a falcon arrow off the stage and through a table, while Matthew escapes a deathdrop and then suplexes Sting through another table off the other end of the stage. Good thing it’s already Sting’s last match. The crowd does not appreciate that one. Back in the ring, the Bucks double-team Darby and run him into a ladder, but he comes back with a stunner and puts Nicholas on the plate of glass…before missing a dive off the ladder and smashing through the glass himself. Darby is just a mess of cuts from his back, so the Bucks haul Sting back into the ring and proceed to beating on him. Sting fights back and beats Matthew onto a table before going up the ladder himself, determined to use up every punch on his bump card I’m assuming. And indeed Matt powerbombs Sting through the table…and he pops up and fights them both off until they run him into the glass plate and kick him in the nuts for two. Next up, Nick grabs a tag title, but Ricky Steamboat stops him, so Matt has to kick his ass as well. Back in the ring, Ric Flair tries to save Sting from further damage, so the Bucks take him out with superkicks as well. And then Steamboat takes them as well before Matt hits Sting with the belt for two. Matt: “We’re not sorry and we hate you!” But Sting no-sells the superkick and makes the comeback with a deathdrop on Matt for two. Nick makes the save, and that sets up the EVP Trigger, which also gets two. Another Trigger gets ONE, so they hit him with a double superkick to set up the TK Driver, but Darby returns and shoves Nick through a table, and Sting hits the Deathdrop on Matt for two. So Darby adds a bloody Coffin Drop, and the Scorpion Deathlock on Matt ends Sting’s career with a win at 21:05. This was absolutely insane and the perfect way for Sting to go out, the superhero triumphing over the cartoonish supervillains once and for all. They made no attempt to be cool heels whatsoever and this was exactly everything it needed to be. What a match for Sting to go out with. *****

And with a few minutes left, Sting gives his farewell speech to the crowd, calling Darby the best partner he’s ever had, and that’s the show. I hope he has a great retirement and avoids falling through any more tables for a long time, because he’s earned a rest.

And with three legit Match of the Year contenders on one show, this is was an amazing PPV and everything you could ask for. Thumbs up for an all-timer to bounce back from the weak World’s End.