The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.03.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.03.25

Live from Fishers, IN

Your hosts are Excalibur, Bryan Danielson & Tony Schiavone

Samoa Joe joins us to start, in advance of apparently facing Eddie Kingston next week for the World title. And so we get Eddie in a “Trash Pandas” jersey to draw a laugh out of me. Joe points out that since he’s in Indiana, he didn’t bother to wear a nice suit because it would be like “wearing a tuxedo to a petting zoo”. Joe also claims that Eddie has never gotten it done, but he was the first triple crown champion in AEW! This Joe fella is a LYING LIAR, says I. Eddie in fact calls him a sellout, who used to have fighting spirt and was a real champion. But now he’s one of the old school guys that they used to complain about. And Eddie wants to wrap it up so the fans can watch wrestling and he can go back to the hotel room and sleep, so he tells Joe to bring old school Joe and fight him next week.

Meanwhile, the Opps announce that if Dark Order can beat them tonight in a Trios match, they’ll get a title shot. Shibata is notably not doing the silly translator gimmick any longer.

Continental Classic Gold League: Pac v. Kazuchika Okada

They fight for the lockup and Pac dropkicks the knee before going up with a missile dropkick that sends Okada to the floor for a breather. Okada runs Pac into the railing and gets some slams in the ring, but Pac comes back as this one is taking a bit to get going, and we take a break. Back with Pac booting Okada down, but Okada dropkicks him for a double down. Okada is up first with a sliding elbow and DDT for two. To the top for the flying elbow, but Pac escapes the Rainmaker and slingshots in from the apron with a cutter. He starts running the ropes for the lariat and walks into the Okada Dropkick, but comes back with a cradle for two. Pac keeps coming with a superkick in the corner and running boot to set up a german suplex. Another german suplex gets two. Okada suddenly catches him in a tombstone for another double down. Okada heads back to the top and Pac brings him down with a super brainbuster, follows with a running lariat, and then tries the Brutalizer and gets reversed into a cradle for the pin at 13:45 to give Okada 3 points. Never really took off but it was a solid opener for the night. ***1/4 Pac still seems kind of limited since coming back. Aging happens, I guess. I think the heel-heel matchup hurt the heat for the match a lot as well.

Meanwhile, Mark Briscoe and his awesome new TNT title belt talk about Daniel Garcia, who is falling into a Death Riders death spiral, so they meet next week.

Meanwhile, Ricochet announces that he’ll be slumming it on ROH this week with a match against Dalton Castle.

Meanwhile, the upcoming Orange Cassidy-Roderick Strong match provides issues for the Conglomeration, even though Strong protests that he’s not actually part of the team. Also Orange wants a “no chops” rule, but Roddy ignores him and walks off. “I don’t think he saw me standing here,” notes Orange. Also Willow and Harley being wacky in the background manages to steal the show without saying a word. Also I think maybe Strong needs to accept that Adam Cole is gone and give up the Paragon thing.

Continental Classic Gold League: Kyle Fletcher v. Kevin Knight

They battle to a stalemate to start, but Knight tries a dive and gets booted from the apron by Kyle. He teases a powerbomb on the apron, but Knight escapes that and clotheslines him from the apron, and then hits his originally teased dive as we take a break. Back with Knight hitting a clothesline and a DDT for two. Fletcher lawn darts Knight into the corner to cut off the comeback, but he backdrops Knight to the apron and Kevin comes FLYING back in with a springboard clothesline that gets some crazy hangtime. That gets two. They fight on the apron and Knight spikes him on the apron with a DDT on the top of his head, and back in the ring he goes up to finish and gets crotched. Fletcher tries a superplex and Knight pulls him down in the Tree of Woe and goes up with another Coast to Coast and UFO splash. But Fletcher gets the knees up and cradles for two. Last Ride powerbomb gets two. Brainbuster is reversed into a cradle for two by Knight, but he walks into a superkick and Fletcher hits a running boot and another brainbuster to finish at 13:05. That last 5 minutes was bananas. ****.

Afterwards, Kyle Fletcher isn’t feeling really great after that win, but the Callis Family brings out some money and we take a break. Back with Don still talking, as he’s bitter about the Young Bucks despite all the forgiveness he has in his heart. Because the one UNFORGIVABLE sin is signing with Kenny Omega. So he challenges them to come get their money, and they hit the ring like morons, allowing the Family to lay them out until Jurassic Express saves. But then Okada kicks Luchasaurus right in the Dino-Nuggets and even Don Callis gets some personal cheapshots on the Bucks. But then Kenny Omega saves and has a showdown with Okada that ends quickly with the heels running away. Well there was certainly a lot of stuff going on here.

AEW Women’s tag team title tournament semi-finals: Megan Bayne & Marina Shafir v. Toni Storm & Mina Shirakawa

The Love Bombs clear the ring and hit the heels with DDTs on the floor, and Toni uses the first weapon with a champagne bottle to the head of Marina. And Mina uses a giant candy cane. Come on, it’s only December 4! Into the ring as, PLOT TWIST, it’s a barbed wire candy cane and they do some damage with that while Shafir bleeds ont he floor. But then the heels rally and toss the babyfaces to the floor as we take a break. Back with a bunch of plunder in the ring as the heels get the heat on Toni. Toni piledrives Bayne off the apron and through a table. But Marina puts Mina in the Mother’s Milk submission. Mina uses a broken pool cue to stab Marina in the eye to break. Mina with a sling blade on a chair for two, but Megan makes the save. Bayne spears Mina through another table, but Marina lays on the mat waiting for Toni to fall atop her. And Toni piledrives Megan onto Marina instead in a dumb spot. It made me think of…

But then Santa Claus hits the ring with presents for Marina, but it’s Luther, and the present is a shoe, and Toni uses it to set up the Big Package on Marina for the pin at 11:08 to advance to the finals. Honestly, Marina doing the Artie Ziff Brazilian jiu jitsu setup from the Simpsons kind of ruined the match for me, and it was already kind of ruined because I’m over these dumb weapons matches with no purpose. Time to give it a rest for a few months. ** Match was kind of heatless until the Luther return.

Meanwhile, Dark Order doesn’t want any help from Hangman.

Meanwhile, Mercedes Mone doesn’t consider herself a failure and she’ll prove it to Red Velvet on the ROH show. Pretty safe to call Red Velvet a failure, I’d say.

Meanwhile, FTR and the Bang Bang Gang face off on Collision in what should be a good match that we’ve already seen a few times before. That’s kind of the story of the tag team division at the moment.

The Opps v. The Dark Order

I feel like it’s been literally months since the Dark Order was even on main roster TV. The Opps immediately attack them on the floor and destroy them out there, and back in for a capture suplex on Silver from Hook. Hobbs slams Reynolds on the apron like garbage and Shibata kicks Uno’s ass on the floor and we take a break. Maybe they should have asked Hangman for help after all. Back with Silver actually making a comeback, HAHA PSYCHE, Hobbs just hits Uno with a spinebuster and pins him like the geek he is at 6:29. Complete waste of time squash. This brings out Hangman to save his friends that he never mentions or sees anymore, but the Opps attack him, so he hits Hobbs with a beer bottle and security storms the ring and allows the Opps to escape.

Meanwhile, Don Callis is tired of all the negativity, but Okada blames Takeshita and they get into another staredown. Renee asks why they don’t put up the International title as well, but Don notes that he’s not an idiot degenerate gambler like Nick Jackson.

Meanwhile, Hangman Page is PISSED OFF backstage and next week it’s the Opps v. Hangman & Swerve.

Continental Classic Blue League: Jon Moxley v. Claudio Castagnoli

Apparently we have another goddamn belt to keep track of, since Claudio is now the CMLL heavyweight champion. Marina actually starts at ringside before the ref tells her to get lost as per the rules. They lock up in the corner and go to the test of strength before Claudio hits him with a double stomp. They trade shots in the corner and Mox tries to gouge Claudio’s eye out. Claudio with a backbreaker as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out, but Claudio catches him in the Giant Swing and into the Sharpshooter as Moxley is somehow busted open since the break and bleeding all over. Mox gets the ropes, so Claudio switches to a crossface as Excalibur notes that gravity sent all the blood to Mox’s head in the Giant Swing. Uh, excuse me, EINSTEIN, but I’m pretty sure it was the centrifugal force in that case. Moxley reverses to a choke and Claudio sends him to the floor for a dive and they’re both down after a shot to the table. Back in the ring, Mox tries for a piledriver and then gets a sunset flip instead for two. Mox with a cradle for two and he puts Claudio down with a lariat. Curb stomp gets two and he takes Claudio down with the rear naked choke, but Claudio tosses him to the floor to break free. Claudio with a running double stomp on a chair out there in a hella awkward spot, and back in the ring for a lariat that gets two. Powerbomb gets two. They slug it out with forearms and Moxley gets the Paradigm Shift, but Claudio pops up with the UPPERCUT OUTTA NOWHERE and pins Moxley for 3 points at 15:23. They were heavily teasing the draw and then bam, UPPERCUT. Gotta wonder how long the Death Riders are gonna put up with this kind of mediocrity from Mox. Probably not much longer. Match was another surprisingly heatless one despite all the blood, which is another sign that it’s time to stop doing it for a long while. ***1/4

This one felt very much like a “NEXT WEEK ON DYNAMITE!” type of episode, with not a lot of marquee CC matches to carry things and a lot of talking. I mean, that’s fine some weeks, it’s December anyways, but not really a must see episode this week.