The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.22.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.22.25

Originally written 10.22.25

Gonna level with you, I really don’t have 4.5 hours any time soon to get WrestleDream done, so I’m shooting for next week sometime. Hopefully I can follow all the intricate storylines on this episode without having seen it. Also I got both arms jammed full of vaccines today so it’s probably interfering with my internet connection as we speak.

Live from San Antonio, TX. What the hell is “Texas”?!? I’m lost already.

Your hosts are Excalibur & Bryan Danielson

Meanwhile, at WrestleDream, stuff happened! Stuff and things!

Meanwhile, Hangman Page is pretty upset at the Opps and Samoa Joe for betraying him, and he’s gonna ruin Joe’s life as a result. Oh man is he gonna do like a viral TikTok video where he makes fun of Joe’s towel or something? Because that’s apparently what the kids are into these days for their revenge plots.

AEW World Trios title: The Opps v. The Hurt Syndicate

I gotta say, DC KO is a pretty fitting crossover with AEW for once. Sadly I’ve been drifting away from current comics again because the blind bag and Absolute stuff is getting ridiculously expensive to keep up with, but it seems like a cool idea. Shibata and Shelton trade submission attempts on the mat and it’s over to Bobby, but Hobbs wants a Meat showdown and Joe denies the fans by tagging himself in and covering up Hobbs and his muscles with the towel. Joe misses a charge and Lashley puts him down with a flatliner, but Shelton comes off the top and Joe does the walkaway. Everyone runs in and winds up on the floor as a result, and Shelton gets double-teamed in the ring as we take a break. Back with Joe working a chinlock on Shelton and putting the boots to him in the corner and they slug it out off that. Shelton comes back with a DDT and it’s back to Bobby, who throws Shibata around with suplexes and hits him with a Dominator for two. And then we finally get the Meat Match, as they collide on a clothesline for a double down and Shibata gets two on Lashley. Finally it’s over to MVP, and he hits Joe with the Ballin’ Elbow for two. They all trade big shots and MVP tries the Playmaker, but Ricochet runs interference and Joe chokes out MVP at 12:41 to retain. Oh my god are we STILL going with Hurt Syndicate v. The Demand? It’s literally been months now. Good opener, but as usual MVP is the one taking the fall. ***

Afterwards, Tony chats with the Opps, and Joe insults the “big fat women” of San Antonio and promises to make Hangman Page his bitch, just like all the Texas cowboys are bitches. So I’d say he’s a heel now. Just the vibe I’m getting.

Meanwhile, Kris Statlander is glad she made up with Toni Storm and she’ll be having words with Mercedes tonight. And she accepts the challenge for Full Gear. I just don’t see her at World champion level. I think she kind of brings the prestige of the belt down a little bit.

Darby Allin joins us and jokes that dying on Everest would have been bad for PR, but as long as the Death Riders are still breathing, he’s not going anywhere.

Meanwhile, the Jurassic Express are back and coming after everything, including the World tag team titles.

Megan Bayne & Penelope Ford v. Julia Hart & Skye Blue v. Willow Nightingale & Harley Cameron v. Queen Aminata & Jamie Hayter

Megan and Penelope as Harley & Ivy is not only great DC crossover, but also just a great idea in general. Winner of this gets to pick their first round opponent in the upcoming tag team title tournament. Willow and Harley double-team Skye to start and Harley gets two, but Skye superkicks her for two. Over to Ford and they double-team Harley in the corner. Everyone fights to the floor and that leaves Hayter and Bayne to slug it out. I still don’t get why they gave up on Bayne so fast. She looks and carries herself like a star, and cosplays as Poison Ivy, what’s not to love? Megan and Penelope hit stereo dives onto the pile outside as we take a break, and we return with Willow running wild. Spinebuster on Skye gets two. Bayne breaks that up and tosses Ford at Willow for a cutter that gets two. And she hits Skye & Julia with a double german suplex to put them on the floor, but Willow escapes a Doomsday Device and pounces Bayne to the floor. Hayter and Aminata double team Ford and finish her with the lariat at 9:35. Energetic but really messy. **1/4. Afterwards, Hayter chooses Julia & Skye before we even see the brackets.

Meanwhile, the Broke Bucks try to get into Tony Khan’s office for another $500,000 match, and they’ll wrestle anyone for it. So Tony actually does answer and books Bucks & FTR v. Jurassic Express & Jet Speed for Collision.

Mercedes Mone is set for her 12 belt celebration, but Muppet Mone is the one who shows up, and she convinces Renee to do the CEO dance until the real thing interrupts and sends everyone away. So Mone tells off Harley, and shoves the puppet into the cake, but then Kris Statlander reveals that she’s also hiding under the table, and Mone gets shoved into the cake, and put through the table. All we need is a trophy getting smashed somewhere for the hat trick.

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley literally reflects on his match with Darby while looking in a mirror. Bit on the nose with the metaphor but I’ll allow it.

Kyle O’Reilly v. Jon Moxley

The Conglomeration as a sitcom is 100% the thing that HBO Max needs to pair with The Chair Company. Also you should totally watch the Chair Company. Excalibur plugging DC KO and saying you “can go buy the first issue at your friendly local comic shop” is hilarious for anyone who frequents local comic shops. If you think WRESTLING fans are gatekeeping tribalists when it comes to newer fans trying to break in, that’s nothing compared to comic fans. They take it to the mat to start and Kyle works for the armbar, as Mox boots him in the face to break free and they slug it out. He bullies Kyle to the floor and we take a break. Back with Kyle hitting a dropkick off the apron and they trade forearms in the ring before Kyle goes nuts with kicks to put him down. Kyle with a guillotine into a triangle, but Mox makes the ropes and catapults him into the ropes to break. Kyle comes off the top with a flying knee onto Moxley’s leg and he puts him down with a knee strike for two. Into the anklelock and he switches to the armbar in the middle, but Mox fights up and hits him with a lariat and piledriver for two. Mox with the bulldog choke, but Kyle makes the ropes and clips the knee. Mox counters the lariat, but Kyle rolls him into an anklelock, so Mox finally has had enough and punches out the referee rather than tap out, and that’s a DQ at 12:00. This was a really interesting storyline match, with Moxley wounded from the PPV match and unable to counter Kyle’s submission moves, forcing him to take desperate measures. This was pretty neat. ***1/2

Mark Briscoe, Orange Cassidy & Roderick Strong v. Wheeler Yuta, Daniel Garcia & Claudio Castagnoli

Orange and Wheeler trade rollups and battle to a stalemate. BREAKING NEWS: Wheeler Yuta still owes $456 in back fees to Blockbuster because every he never once rewound a tape. Next up, Garcia and Briscoe trade shots and Mark dropkicks him down. Claudio hits Strong with a forearm in the corner, but Roddy fights back with chops until Garcia gets a backbreaker on him and allows Claudio to put him on the floor with forearms. Strong fights back on Yuta, but Wheeler sweeps the leg on the apron to take him out, and Claudio presses him onto the railing as we take a break. Back with Garcia holding a chinlock on Roddy, and Claudio adds a gut wrench and Roddy gets an Angle Slam and makes the hot tag to Orange. Orange backdrops Yuta to the floor, as I learn that Yuta enjoys going down to local ASPCA shelters and filling out paperwork to adopt troubled puppies and then tears it up and walks away before anyone can sign it. Briscoe runs wild and sends the Riders to the floor before diving onto all of them. Back in with a fisherman’s buster on Wheeler for two. I’ve heard Yuta likes to find friends who haven’t watched their recording of the big game yet, and spoils the results for them. Everyone hits the big moves, and Yuta beats on Briscoe with elbows in the ring, but Mark nails him with a lariat and follows with the Jay Driller to finish at 13:00. Was this a PARTY MATCH? Yes it was. ***1/2. Afterwards, Pac and Ishii hit the ring for a brawl, but Marina goes low on Ishii, only for Darby Allin to return and save with the Sting bat and chase the heels off.

Meanwhile, a cake covered Mercedes freaks out, but Athena stops by to pitch a tag team title run.

Kyle Fletcher joins us and issues another challenge to Mark Briscoe for the TNT title, so Mark comes down to retort to the bullshit, since he’s been icing his balls all week and wants one more shot. But Don Callis declines.

Meanwhile, the brackets! I’ll eat my metaphorical hat if this is anything but Toni Storm & Mina Shirakawa beating Mone & Athena in the finals. Mina is sad that she hasn’t seen Toni since the PPV, but Thekla interrupts and they exchange FIGHTING WORDS to set up Collision.

AEW Unified title: Kazuchika Okada v. Bandido

Bandido tries a press slam and Okada escapes that, but Bandido gives him the FINGER GUNS and takes him down with a rana. They head to the floor and Okada beats on him in front of Bandido’s family at ringside as we take a break. Back with Okada going up for the flying elbow, but Bandido ducks the Rainmaker and sends him to the floor for a dive. Back in, Bandido psyches him out with a headstand and dropkicks him down for a frog splash, which gets two. Okada takes out the arm and beats on that to put him down before hitting a tombstone shoulderbreaker. The doctor tries to check on Bandido’s arm, but Okada tosses him back in and goes back to the arm again. Bandido fights him off with one arm and follows with the 21Plex for two. Okada tries a powerbomb and Bandido sends him into the corner, but walks into the Okada Dropkick. Rainmaker is reversed into a cradle for two. Blind charge misses, but Bandido gets his own Rainmaker and follows with the X Knee, but Okada counters the 21Plex into the Rainmaker to finish at 14:22. Yeah there was zero chance of Okada losing here but Bandido gave him a good run and it was a hell of a main event. ****1/4

Afterwards, the Don Callis family comes out to celebrate, but Takeshita does not wish to celebrate, and we’re done.

A very entertaining PPV followup this week. I enjoyed the nice mix of promos and matches and it never dragged. However, the promotion seems to be on a treadmill with the storylines, as we’re getting a repeat of Hangman-Joe, Fletcher-Briscoe, Hurts-Demand and Darby-Mox at the next PPV. That’s a lot of rematches for a company that doesn’t generally do any.