The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.20.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.20.25

Live from Glasgow, SCOTLAND! The country named after ME! National motto: If it’s not Scottish, IT’S CRAP.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Bryan Danielson. Shouldn’t everyone in the audience be going “AYE! AYE! AYE!”?

Will Ospreay joins us to start, telling us a story about wrestling in Scotland for the first time and discovering sausage rolls, which the crowd apparently approves of. But then he gets introspective and notes that he’s not cleared for Forbidden Door, so the cage match is Lights Out and thus unsanctioned. So even though he’s not medically able to, he’s still going to get revenge on the Death Riders. So that brings out our Death Riding pals, but Will challenges Moxley to take care of business himself. So JetSpeed hits the ring to zero REACTION and starts brawling to lead into the opener…

The Death Riders v. Hiroshi Tanahashi & JetSpeed

Well Tana is the opposite of his partners in that he’s no longer high flying OR fast. The Riders work him over in the corner and go after the leg, which is a smart move with him, but Tanahashi takes Yuta down with a dragon screw and Bailey comes in with kicks until Yuta cuts him off with a back suplex. Marina gives him a cheapshot on the floor and gets ejected, but Claudio tries a Giant Swing and Knight breaks it up with a dropkick as we take a break. Back with Claudio and Knight slugging it out until Tanahashi gets a hot tag. He kind of hobbles around the ring and goes up with a senton before Speedball runs wild as well with a moonsault on Moxley outside. Tanahashi with the slingblade on Yuta and we get a triple Twist & Shout from the babyfaces. Tanahashi tries to finish with the High Fly Flow, but the Bullet Club hits the ring and somehow the ref manages to miss all four of them. But then Ospreay returns with Marina in a body bag, allowing Tanahashi to finish Yuta with the High Fly Flow at 11:00. Look, I love Tanahashi but this was ROUGH. They were doing their best to work around him but he’s barely mobile now. This isn’t like John Cena having a great match with Cody Rhodes, he’s cooked. **1/2. Things get more chaotic as “Marina” in the body bag is revealed to be Darby Allin after the Bucks join the fight, and then the Opps come out and brawl with the Death Riders and War Dogs, and then Darby hits everyone with a dive off the balcony out of nowhere. This was a LOT of information crammed into one segment, but it certainly wasn’t boring. That cage match is either gonna be a complete trainwreck or completely awesome and I don’t think there’s gonna be any middle ground.

COPE & Christian join Tony for an interview, but Christian is immediately telling off the audience and COPE has to instruct him on how to be a babyface again. Although he notes that sometimes you need an asshole. Christian assures us that he is perfect just the way he is. And even though they’re just working together for business reasons, Christian will be the best partner he’s ever had. So the Patriarchy interrupts, but Nick Wayne is back home in his gym due to injury..and Luchasaurus is back to take Nick’s place. Brought back from the dead by someone who I hear resembles Jack Perry. So he returns and lays out C&C with chokeslams to a babyface pop, which is a weird dynamic because he’s avenging some awful treatment at the hands of Christian, but Christian is supposed to be a babyface now. At least Austin can rest easy knowing that his record for cringiest Big Brother showmance is being shattered by Rylie this year. That guy is a CREEP and reminds me of Sid the Sloth but with a gross moustache.

Meanwhile, MJF pitches an arrangement to Ricochet and GOA, which is apparently going to end badly for Mark Briscoe.

FTR v. Bro-Dido

I had kind of forgotten about this tournament to be honest. Bandido trades wristlocks with Dax, but gets taken down with a headlock. Over to Cash, and we know that Bandido better not pull out his fake gun on Cash. Bandido chases them to the floor and teases a dive, prompting Dax to throw a chair or two into the ring. Over to Brody and he no-sells a piledriver and slams FTR onto each other before hitting them with a senton. Bandido comes in with a splash off Brody’s arms for two. But then Stokely uses a loaded arm sling to knock Brody out on the floor and he’s busted open as we take a break. Back with Bandido getting a hot tag and hitting Dax with a Code Red for two. Bandido clears the ring and tries a dive, but FTR catches him and slams him facefirst on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, to take over. Dax with a brainbuster for two. Demolition elbow gets two. Dax with the superplex attempt, but Bandido fights him off and comes down with a crossbody for two. We take another break and return with Brody getting the hot tag and hitting them with a corner splash and cannonball in the corner. Powerbomb gets two on Dax. FTR gets tossed and Brody hits them both with a cannonball off the apron, setting up a dive from Bandido as well. He steals the mask back from Stoke and does a quick change before hitting Dax with a frog splash for two. Meanwhile, Cash runs Brody into the post and follows with a tornado DDT on the floor, and FTR tries the Powerplex. But Brody breaks it up and chokes out Cash on the apron, and Bandido falls on top of Dax for two. But then FTR finally gets their Powerplex, on Brody King no less, but it only gets two. Bandido with a victory roll on Cash, and deep hook version of La Majastral for two. FTR with a Doomsday Device on Bandido for two. Brody slugs it out with Dax on the apron, but he ends up taking a spike piledriver out there before Bandido hits them with a moonsault while Bryan Danielson is losing his shit on commentary. Back in, FTR tries the Shatter Machine, but Bandido counters with a DDT on Cash. Bandido with the 21Plex, but FTR reverses into the Shatter Machine and that gets two. Brody finds a table outside and they brawl out there with time running out, but Cash puts himself through the table and time expires at 30:00. So there’s no winner of the tournament and we get a three-way for the PPV instead. Too a bit to get going but they were in high gear by the end. ****. I am decidedly not a fan of a tournament without a winner. What even is the point of a tournament then? Like, we know it’s FTR getting the tag team titles and defending against C&C in Toronto, so just get there already.

Hangman Page joins us, threatening to do bad things to MJF and his scarf. So MJF interrupts and communicates through Tony that Hangman needs to stay in the ring, and then we cut to the back where Mark Briscoe is getting tortured and apparently set on fire. MJF demands that the DQ and countout rules are waived, and he no longer has to use his contract to get the title shot on Sunday. So Hangman agrees to that because he’s apparently a complete moron and Mark Briscoe is back to being an ineffective clown. Like what, we’re supposed to believe that MJF is so cartoonishly evil that he’s gonna immolate someone on live TV? This was stupid and insulting and undid the great work done by Hangman last week. I’m pretty sure they’ll pay it off with MJF losing twice and looking like a buffoon but this was a major step backwards for me.

Timeless Toni Storm & Alex Windsor v. Athena & Mercedes Mone

So after all the buildup to the TBS title match, the other two participants are just random entrants from STARDOM and CMLL that literally no one watching has heard of before. Mone and Windsor trade takedowns and Windsor gets a fallaway slam to bring Toni in. Apparently she’s Fat Bastard this week. Uncanny! BRAVA! Athena trades shoulderblocks with Toni, but Mercedes and Athena get into a disagreement and everyone crashes to the floor and brawls out there. We take a break and return with Toni running wild on Athena with a northern lights suplex for two. The heels double-team Toni with a double Nash choke in the corner, but Toni comes back with a tornado DDT on Athena and makes the hot tag to Windsor. Lariat on Mone gets two. Blue Thunder Bomb gets two. But then Athena takes out Storm with a piledriver on the stairs, allowing the heels to trap Windsor alone. Alex comes back with a samoan drop on Mercedes to set up the Sharpshooter, but apparently she’s not legal, and Athena breaks it up with the O-Face and pins Windsor at 16:02. What is with the idiot babyfaces this week? **1/2 This felt pretty clunky and the heels were not on the same page in storyline and it kind of wrecked the match out of kayfabe as well. And then Mone gets shoved by Persephone, who is repping CMLL and is sitting at ringside, for the super hard sell to end the show. Yes I’m being sarcastic.

That tag match was amazing but the booking this week was all over the place. They’ve been heavily pushing Alex Windsor v. Mercedes Mone as a singles feud and then just suddenly stick two nobodies in there at the last minute to fit the international theme. The Hangman-MJF thing was ludicrous and kind of made me resentful rather than wanting to see the match more. As always, the PPV should be great and I’m sure everything will work out, but this one had some big problems.