The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.23.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.23.25

Holy crap nothing they could possibly do on this episode is gonna top what South Park just did tonight. KETCHUP STORM INCOMING!

Live from Chicago, IL, just like last week.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Meanwhile, Hangman Page is going to punish the Death Riders for attacking Colt Cabana on Collision, but MJF interrupts and promises to win the title without the contract. So Hangman points out that MJF is either going to have to earn a title shot or cash in his contract, and he’s too much of a coward to do either one. And MJF doesn’t appreciate that breakdown of his game. Man I’m liking this newly confident Hangman.

Hangman Page v. Wheeler Yuta

Yuta attacks from the crowd and chokes Page out with his shirt, and into the ring with a flying forearm for two. Page puts the boots to Yuta in the corner and tosses him to the floor for a beating out there, RIGHT INTO THE SHARK WEEK. Why no shark cage matches to tie in? Or a Sharknado Tag match? Back in the ring, Page suplexes Yuta into the corner and hits him with a big boot, but he misses a blind charge. Yuta charges but walks into a death valley driver, and that gets two for Page. Yuta escapes the Deadeye and then walks into a lariat, and the Buckshot ends him at 3:34. Yeah! Good to see Hangman getting to decisively squash someone now, more of this please! And he bashes Yuta’s head in with the chain and busts him open for our first blood of the night.

Meanwhile, Athena coaches her minion on how to beat Toni Storm tonight. And she’s rocking the Shark Hat too.

World tag team title tournament: FTR v. Jet Speed

Winner of the tournament gets a shot at the tag team titles at Forbidden Door, which is at least a nice change of pace from all the four-way matches lately. Tony’s been JONESING for a tournament since the Owen wrapped up, I can tell. FTR immediately attacks and tries the Shatter Machine on Bailey, but he rolls up Dax for two. Knight with a superkick into a german suplex from Bailey gets two. FTR bails and the faces hit them with stereo dives, but Bailey gets double-teamed in the heel corner and FTR takes over. To the floor and Dax tries a piledriver out there, but Bailey escapes that and we take a break. Back with FTR in control again, but Knight fights off the PowerPlex and we get stereo missile dropkicks from Jet Speed and a DDT from Knight for two. They regroup after an awkward mistiming and Bailey dives onto Cash while Knight splashes Dax for two. Dax takes out the knee with a dragon screw to take over again and antagonizes the front row before wrapping Knight’s knee around the post to work it over. Ringpost figure-four follows, but Speedball kicks the crap out of Dax while he’s vulnerable. Back in the ring, Knight cradles Dax for two. Dax turns him into the Sharpshooter, but Knight makes the ropes. IF YOU LOVE BRET HART SO MUCH WHY DON’T YOU MARRY HIM? FTR with the PowerPlex, but it hits the knees and Speedball hits Dax with a shooting star press for two. And we take another break. Back with Bailey diving onto FTR outside, although unfortunately the camera angle completely exposes the miss. Back in the ring, Bailey hits Dax with a head kick and shooting star kneedrop for two. Bailey with the kicks and they do the Knight dropkick on Dax off Bailey’s shoulders for two, but Cash saves. So Bailey backdrops Cash into the timekeeper’s pit and dives onto him, and Knight tries his UFO Splash in the ring, but it misses and Dax gets two. Dax with the slingshot powerbomb, but Knight reverses into a cradle for two. So Dax hits another one on Bailey, and then Knight cradles Dax for two. Knight with a victory roll, but Dax grabs Stokely’s crutch and sits down for the pin at 17:53. Awesome old school tag match with a modern twist. ****. Afterwards, Stokely bitches about COPE attacking him last week, so COPE comes out and admits that he can’t get within 100 feet, but he paid off the Hurt Syndicate to do the fighting for him this week. So they brawl while Stokely has a migraine in the corner, although it doesn’t seem like FTR was particularly hurt. And then COPE tries to spear Stokely again, but he misses and hits a security geek instead. Really you could just give FTR the title shot at Forbidden Door without doing the tournament because it’s obvious we’re moving towards FTR v. C&C for the tag titles anyway. But hey, it’s something to fill the four weeks until the show.

Meanwhile, Moxley admits he lost the match against Hangman, but the movie doesn’t end yet and he wants a rematch. I’m thinking this was intended for the opening slot because they have a graphic promoting the Hangman-Yuta match we already saw.

Will Ospreay joins us, and he’s got compressed vertebrae, but he’ll be back by Forbidden Door with any luck. And then he’s coming after the Death Riders. Frankly I’m shocked he didn’t compress any vertebrae years ago.

Meanwhile the SPOOKY GIRLS put everyone on notice. Maybe they should have kept Abadon around for this group, no?

Meanwhile, Willow discusses missing her shot at $100,000 thanks to Thekla and issues a challenge to her.

Meanwhile, MJF bitches at the Hurt Syndicate for not helping him against Page earlier tonight, and now Bobby isn’t so sure he wants MJF on his team anymore.

Toni Storm v. Billie Starkz

Billie slugs away on the ropes, but Toni gets a sunset flip for two. Toni with a low dropkick and backbreaker, but Billie reverses a monkey flip in the corner and puts Toni on the apron and then hits her with a dive. Billie with a senton off the apron to work on the back, and back in for a snap suplex for two. We take a break and return with Toni making the comeback with the short powerbomb for two. Billie with a spinkick and a neckbreaker for two. Toni with a backslide into a fisherman’s suplex for two. They trade victory rolls for two and Toni gets a german suplex and hip attack, but Billie counters Storm Zero into a cradle for two. Billie goes up with a swanton, but that misses, and Toni PROCURES THE CHICKENWING to finish at 9:31. Billie looked really really good here and held her own with the World champion, but the only thing I’ll note is that her strikes didn’t look like they were making contact, like she was severely pulling her punches and kicks to the point where it was very noticeable on TV. ***1/4. Afterwards, Billie takes out the ref and Athena hits the ring to brutalize Toni with the contract and a shot to the stairs to set up the cash-in. But then Alex Windsor makes the save and prevents it from happening, which kind of sucked the air out of the room. Plus it makes Storm look weak, like she can’t defend herself.

Swerve Strickland v. Hechicero

I like Hechicero but MAN it should be the Beast Mortos in this position as the guy getting the title shot at Bandido. They trade takedowns and Hech goes for various arm submissions, but Swerve wraps him up in an abdominal stretch and Hechicero has to make the ropes. Hechicero is annoying because my touch-typing muscle memory wants to call him “Hercules” every time I try to type his name. Swerve with a backbreaker into a suplex as we take a break. Back with Hech hitting a knee strike in the corner for two, but Swerve fires up and puts him down with a big boot. Swerve with the diving elbow and he pops up with a 450 for two. Hech flips him into a sleeper from the bottom and then moves into an armbar and cradle for two. Rolling cradle gets two. Swerve pops up into the flatliner and goes up for the Swerve Stomp, but the Callis Family runs in for the DQ at 11:10, which you had to expect because both guys are getting title shots and couldn’t do a job. Match was fine but was kind of a weird style clash and didn’t ever get past second gear. **1/2. And then everyone brawls to the back, leaving Swerve alone for an attack by Okada, and Swerve makes his own comeback and chases him off. That should be a great match if Swerve can get Okada to work full speed with him.

Meanwhile, Ricochet rebrands the Gates of Agony into “GOA”, as they’re apparently cool street toughs now instead of ethnic monsters.

MJF joins us and again promises to beat Hangman fair and square, but Mark Briscoe quickly interrupts and he wants more of MJF, right here in Chicago next week! But Max calls him a joke and a circus clown for cheap pops, unlike his brother, who was a legit top guy with legit respect. Honestly MJF is hardly one to talk about being a circus clown going for cheap heat at this point. That being said, if we end up with Mark Briscoe & MJF as the Wacky Tag Team Partners Who Hate Each Other, all will be forgiven.

Mark Briscoe v. Claudio Castagnoli

They trade chops to start and just beat each other raw with those, but Claudio drops him on the top rope to take over and chokes him down. To the floor and Claudio swings him RIGHT INTO THE SHARK WEEK as we take a break. Back with more chops and Claudio steps on his hand to cut him off from making a comeback, but Darby Allin pops up in the crowd to brood at Claudio and provide distraction. Briscoe with the enzuigiri and he boots Claudio to the floor and follows with a tope before dropping a Cactus Elbow off the table and then follows with a running blockbuster off the railing. Back in the ring with the froggy bow for two. Claudio escapes the Jay Driller and they fight to the top, where Claudio bodyslams him off the top for two. Mark escapes the Neutralizer, but Claudio hits him with the uppercut for two. Briscoe with a small package for the pin at 13:31, however. Match didn’t have a lot of heat for whatever reason and they never really clicked. **1/2. Afterwards, the Death Riders do mean things to Briscoe and Moxley calls out Hangman, and Page comes out and challenges Moxley to a rematch next week.

Another decent show this week, but the crowd ran out of steam again and even reheating Mark Briscoe again couldn’t do the trick. But the tag match was awesome and Hangman squashing Yuta was satisfying, so the rest was pretty fun.