The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.16.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.16.25

Live from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

AEW Men’s World champion Hangman Page joins us to start and BY GAWD, the belt is back. The crowd chants “You deserve it” but Hangman thinks that WE deserve it. Thanks! I do deserve it after making it through the Death Riders storyline for ten months. And he thanks Orange Cassidy, Jay White, Adam Copeland, the Opps, Bryan Danielson, Darby Allin, Will Ospreay, Sal Sapperstein, and of course Swerve Strickland. And someone like Moxley might think he’s weak for shedding tears of joy, but now he’s the CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.

Meanwhile, All In Texas happened and it was pretty awesome!

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks pull up in a mere UBER instead of a limo.

Kyle Fletcher v. Mascara Dorada

Fletcher attacks him and puts the boots to him, but Dorada flips over him and does some acrobatics in the corner off a wristlock. To the top for a double jump missile dropkick off the ringpost, but Kyle boots him to the floor again. Dorada slides back in and hits Fletcher with a dive and then back in for a spinning uranage from Fletch as we take a break. Back with Fletcher trying a powerbomb and Dorada reverses to a rana for two and sends Fletcher to the apron as the camera does this whole weird move where it follows them around the ring in big circle and then back again. Kind of made me motion sick. Dorada with a Code Red for two, but he goes up and Fletcher Kyle cuts him off and tries the brainbuster. Dorada escapes and pops up with a rana off the top, and a 450 for two. They fight for the suplex and Dorada beats on him with chops and reverses a slam into a headscissors to send Fletcher into the turnbuckles. Moonsault is caught, however, and Kyle lawn darts him into the corner and finishes with the brainbuster at 10:51. Dorada was doing all kinds of crazy stuff but it wasn’t like a classic match or anything. ***

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks discover their accommodations are less impressive than usual. And of course, Don Callis tries to capitalize on their misery and they agree to a truce for the time being.

Meanwhile, the Hurt Syndicate are BEGGING for someone to step up and take the tag titles. And MJF is happy that Hangman won the title, and he’s going to win it fair and square and send him back into a pit of his own despair.

Hechicero, Josh Alexander and the Young Bucks v. Jet Speed & Bandido & Brody King

The Bucks entrance is tremendous, as they can no longer afford pyro and the graphics guys are no longer afraid of them, so their names are now just “Matt & Nick” and the graphic lists them as losers at All In. And their entrance video is now just their names on a black screen. Also, kudos to AEW for showing highlights of Supercard of Honor and reminding us that ROH exists and does actual shows once in a while. Still haven’t watch that Bandido match, though. Alexander tries to overpower Brody to start and that goes nowhere for him, but the Bucks opt out of tagging in. So Hechicero comes in and trades kicks with Bandido, who springboards in with a rana and Jet Speed comes in to double-team Hechicero. Matt and Nick bail to the floor and Jet Speed hits them with stereo dives. Back in, Matt and Nick regroup with superkicks as Taz explains that “sometimes in wrestling you have to piledrive the boss or choke him out, it’s happened more than once” and the Bucks hit everyone with dives as we take a break. Back with Knight fighting off Hechicero, but Alexander cuts off the tag and hits him with a rack bomb. The Bucks come in, but they have an existential crisis when they realize that they can’t yell “EVP Trigger” anymore. That’s one of those gags that rewards longtime viewers. That allows Speedball to get the hot tag while Taz rags on barefoot wrestlers. He runs wild and Bucks try to do a double sunset flip on him, but he moonsaults them both and it’s back to Brody King. He runs wild and hits Alexander with a suplex before clearing the ring and hitting Hechicero with the cannonball. Brody and Bandido dive onto the heels outside and Jet Speed hits the Bucks with more dives, and then Bandido hits a top rope fallaway slam on Hechicero for two as the match breaks down and it’s BONZO GONZO. Bucks with the SUPERKICK PARTY but Bandido hits Nick with a cutter and goes for the 21Plex, but Alexander breaks it up and the Bucks give him the TK Driver, into a choke from Hechicero to finish at 13:48. Yes, it was the PARTY MATCH. ***1/2

Adam Copeland joins us to explain that he did not in fact save Christian Cage, he came out to go after FTR. Turns out that even after they got together to form Rated FTR, there was still jealously and they didn’t want to be “glorified Edgeheads” and turned on him. So this brings out Stokely and his security team. He’s wearing an orange jumpsuit and Taz casually notes that he’s got heat now. So Stokley announces that due to usage of Spike, FTR has a restraining order against COPE and he can’t touch them or interfere in their matches. But COPE points out that he can do whatever he wants to Stokely, at which point the security runs away in terror and Stoke takes a spear.

Meanwhile, Mark Briscoe explains that MJF dodged him for the whole Casino Gauntlet match, and now he’s going to make Max pay.

$100,000 Four Way match: Thekla v. Queen Aminata v. Willow Nightingale v. Kris Statlander

Thekla goes after Statlander in the corner, but Kris gets a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it the Epstein Files, but Willow and Aminata double-team Statlander after sending Thekla to the floor. Aminata with the Gluteus Driver on Willow, but Thekla breaks that up and everyone heads to the floor and Thekla dives onto the pile as we take a break. Back with Thekla getting hung in the Tree of Woe, but she powers up and hits Aminata with a spider suplex and they all trade shots and everyone is down. So once again, I’m not a fan of the camera moves in this episode. We’re either doing weird sweeping circles around the ring, or extreme closeups in the ring that make it hard to follow what’s going on. Willow with a powerbomb on Thekla for two, but Statlander pulls out the ref to save and fights with Willow to the back. Aminata hits a flying double stomp for two on Thekla, but now Julia and Skye come in and take out Aminata, putting Thekla on top for the pin and the money at 11:24. I have no interest in this Thekla-Aminata feud they keep pushing on us, but this was fine. **1/4

Timeless Toni Storm joins us, armed with a variety of new colorful nicknames for herself. Her tits are pointing to the future, and Luther is out injured with “reattachment surgery”. But before she can make her big announcement, Athena interrupts, prepping her contract to execute Toni when the time is right. Not much here but it introduces Athena again for new viewers after the PPV.

Meanwhile, the Patriarchy rebrands behind Mother Wayne and officially dumps Christian Cage for trying to win the World title without them.

Kazuchika Okada v. Local Talent

I don’t care for Okada’s new music and I’m not sure why they had to change it. Okada stomps the guy down in the corner as we learn that Mina Shirakawa broke her hand at All In, which I guess means we need an Interim Interim ROH Women’s TV champion. That’s like the exact opposite of the AEW Unified International Continental champion. Dropkick and Rainmaker finish at 1:00. And then Okada calls Swerve a BITCH for what he did to the Young Bucks, which of course brings out Swerve. In a very classy suit! And he wants to know what Okada is gonna do about it. Them’s are, I assume, fighting words.

The Death Riders v. Hangman Page, Mark Briscoe & Powerhouse Hobbs

Hobbs and Claudio slug it out to start and that goes badly for Claudio, and it’s over to Hangman to beat on him some more. Page wants Moxley, so Claudio tags Yuta in instead and Wheeler gets destroyed by the babyfaces. Moxley teases a tag and then walks off as we take a break. Back with Moxley yanking Hobbs’ hair to break up a slam, and things are about to get REAL for Mox, but the Riders take Hobbs to the floor and work him over to take over. Moxley runs him into the stairs and back in the ring, the Riders go to work on Hobbs in the corner while Moxley may have the yips after losing the title. Briscoe gets a hot tag and hits Moxley with an enzuigiri, but he goes up and Marina cuts him off and we take another break despite already running 6 minutes past the hour so far. Back with Briscoe fighting off a superplex attempt from Mox and Hangman gets the hot tag and runs wild on the Riders. Powerbomb on Yuta gets two. Claudio saves and we get the Fastball Special on Page for two, but Page escapes a Doomsday Device and everyone hits the big moves until Page rolls up Claudio for the pin at 17:19. And the Death Riders try the beatdown, but Darby Allin shows up in the rafters and freaks out Moxley, allowing Page to make his own comeback and clear the ring. Did this really need a 15 minute overrun? Match was the usual good one but didn’t feel like anything special. ***

This was just kind of a safe, smooth show that set up some new feuds and had one great gag with the Young Bucks. Definitely not like a “Dynamite after Wrestlemania” or anything. It was fine.