The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.09.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.09.25

Live from Garland, TX

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

Face to Face: Mercedes Mone joins us with all her belts, but Toni Storm pops up on the big screen to let us know that there’s only two things that come from Texas, and “she’s at least one of them”. So Toni comes down and Mercedes isn’t impressed with the quality of the champagne. Toni talks about how there are no legacies because everyone turns to dust and dies someday, and she thinks Mercedes deserves all the titles in the world…but not the World title. Mone messes up the PPV plug and wants a toast, so Toni tells her to “eat shit, bitch” and chases her out of the ring to win the segment. That’s quite the new catchphrase.

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley brings up the PREVIOUS Texas Death match he had with Hangman Page and he’s pretty sure Page can’t take the pressure.

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks show up late, in their Mount Rushmore themed limo.

Bandido & Brody King v. Konosuke Takeshita & Kyle Fletcher

Brody and Takeshita smash into each other and Fletcher comes in and gets double-teamed by the babyfaces. Bandido kicks him down and wants Takeshita, and they trade dropkicks. Brody and Fletcher fight to the floor and we get a series of dives off that. Back in the ring, the heels double-team Bandido and hit him with a double dropkick as we take a break. Back with Bandido fighting out of a chinlock and hitting Fletcher with a gigantic DDT and it’s hot tag Brody. He hits Fletcher with a Bossman slam, but they trap Bandido and double-team him until Brody saves by putting Fletcher in a choke while Bandido hits a frog splash for two. Back to the floor as Brody misses the bodyblock on the railing, and Takeshita escapes the 21Plex. Bandido flips away and moonsaults Fletcher onto the floor, and then goes up and whiffs on a dive, allowing Takeshita to finish him with the Raging Fire at 11:49. I mean, I’m 110% sure Takeshita is winning that title at the PPV but I’d love to see the upset. Really good opener. ***1/4

Meanwhile, the Outrunners proved they’re not built for show, they’re built for GO, when they faced FTR, and so they want another shot.

Meanwhile, Christian promises FTR that if they win the tag team titles with help from FTR, they’ll think about giving them a title shot.

Ricochet v. Blake Christian

Ricochet wins a footrace and beats Blake down as Taz notes that the crowd is “bald-profiling” him, but Blake sends him to the floor and hits him with a dive. But this brings out the Gates of Agony, who are now apparently part of Team Ricochet, and that allows Ricochet to take over as we take a break. Back with Christian fighting back and hitting a Spanish fly for two. He hits Ricochet with a clothesline and a cutter out of the corner, into a 450 for two. The Gates go after him outside, but we get a cool spot where Blake climbs on their backs on the way into the ring, before getting tripped down again. And back in, Ricochet with the Spirit Gun and Vertigo to finish at 8:07. And then the Gates add the double chokeslam, as I assure you that a Blake Christian & Lee Johnson v. Gates of Agony might be the least interesting feud in the history of the company. Match was fine for an extended squash. **1/4

Meanwhile, we learn via wacky whiteboard message that Jet Speed has stolen the AEW World tag team title belts. And the Hurt Syndicate isn’t happy about it.

Meanwhile, we get a video package about the Okada-Omega match, although now apparently the “unified” title isn’t actually unifying anything and the winner can carry around all three belts and they’re doing another Continental Classic again later in the year to un-unify them again.

TALKY-TALK: MJF joins us to have his discussion with Mark Briscoe and discuss tiny pickles. MJF translates his upcoming win into Texas Redneck and then quotes some Roddy Piper. And Mark can go back to his “meth lab dumpster fire in Delaware so he can feed his 95 inbred children”. Mark clarifies that Saturday is ass-whooping day, but Wednesday is talky-talk day. But MJF goes to the Jay Briscoe well, saying that Jay was a great pro wrestler, but he’s looking down on Mark as a failure and probably thinks that Mark should have been the one in the car accident. Naturally Mark attacks until the Hurts come out to bail MJF out again, but Jobber Speed attacks and actually gets a few shots in this time. This brings out the Patriarchy as well, and I have no earthly idea why they’re even in the tag title match. So they lay out Lashley and and take out his knee with chairshots while JetSpeed takes out Shelton. I did not believe for a moment that any of these geeks pose any threat to the Hurt Syndicate for a single moment and neither did this crowd. Also MJF going back to the cheap heat crap like “You should have died instead of your brother” just feels like lazy heat.

Megan Bayne v. Thekla v. Queen Aminata v. Tay Melo

Winner of this gets #2 in the Casino Gauntlet. They quickly hit the floor and everyone dives and we take a break. Back with them doing a horribly botched spot and Tay gets two. Bayne comes back and hits everyone in the corner and then counters Thekla into a falcon arrow for two. We get a showdown with Bayne and Thekla, and Megan tosses her over the top and onto the pile there before diving onto them herself. Back in the ring, Tay with the TayKO on Bayne to put her out of the ring, but Thekla puts Tay down and does the spider walk. Thekla rolls up Aminata for two while Anna and Penelope brawl outside. And then Bayne powerbombs Aminata for the pin at 9:47. This was a mess and they were all over the place and blowing spots. ½*. Also, it’s been a few weeks now…I don’t get what the big deal with Thekla is supposed to be.

Meanwhile, Thekla hangs out with Renee, but Queen Aminata the sore loser attacks to continue what is apparently a feud between them. And then Mark Briscoe drops in, speaking in tongues, and storms out again.

Samoa Joe v. Wheeler Yuta

Joe slugs away and they head to the floor, where Joe dodges a dive and we take a break. Back with Yuta raking the face to escape the Muscle Buster, and a flying elbow only gets one. Yuta goes to work on the arm, but Joe boots him down for the senton, and that gets two. So Yuta bites the ear and tries a rollup, but Joe chokes him out at 7:46. Meh. *1/2. This brings out Gabe Kidd for a sneak attack, but the Opps make the save in advance of the main event.

Powerhouse Hobbs, Shibata, Will Ospreay & Hangman Page v. Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli & The Young Bucks

Page clears the ring to start, but the Bucks stomp him down and hit him with a double neckbreaker. But then Ospreay allows Hobbs to throw Nick around and then follows with a standing moonsault for two. They all fight to the floor and Page moonsaults everyone as we take a break. Back with Claudio working on Ospreay, but he misses a blind charge and Ospreay suplexes him and makes a hot tag to Hangman. He runs wild and powerbombs Nick for two, and it’s over to Hobbs for a slugfest with Claudio. Hobbs absolutely clobbers him and hits him with corner clotheslines, and it’s over to Shibata. He chops Claudio down in the corner and hits him with a pair of kicks, but the Bucks save with superkicks. Hobbs just soaks them up on the apron, but the Death Riders put him through a table to take him out. EVP Trigger on Shibata and Mox chokes out Shibata at 10:22. I thought they were going long with this one but not the case. Another one that very much underdelivered tonight. **1/2 This gives us another Death Riders beatdown and they threaten the ol’ fashioned plastic bag smothering, once again going somewhere I don’t really like, but Swerve interrupts and demolishes the limo to get some revenge on the Bucks. And then Hangman tries for the buckshot on Moxley, but Claudio interrupts him and the Death Riders retreat. And then the show KEEPS GOING as the Bucks head out to the parking lot and rage about their limo until Swerve jumps on them.

I mean, I already bought the show, but this was a pretty weak go-home show that felt like you didn’t miss anything notable towards the PPV if you skipped it. Definitely felt like they peaked last week.