The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.02.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.02.25

“300”

I hope everyone had a safe and healthy Canada Day and didn’t overdo it on the poutine and a two-four of Pil while celebrating, eh? OK that’s enough charming Canadian flavor for another year.

Live from Ontario, CA, not to be confused with Ontario, Canada. Wait, since this is a 300 episode, shouldn’t it be in Spartanburg or something?

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Ian Riccaboni

Hangman Page joins us to start, and he reiterates that he PROMISES to win the World title at All In. Man they better switch that title now because it’s hella dangerous to have a babyface promise something and then lose. Page thinks anyone who bets against him and thinks the Elite or Death Riders can stop him is the BIGGEST DUMBASS IN THE WORLD. So he wants a Texas Death Match to make sure, and that of course brings out Moxley, who doesn’t think Page actually wants that. The top of the mountain is too high for him, that’s for someone else. Jon notes that people who call themselves “the best wrestler in the world” is “basic bitch shit” while the crowd tries to throw him off, and Page finally has had enough of hearing him talk and slaps him, and then takes him down and pulls out a fork. Marina saves and slaps him around, but Hangman is not the type to retaliate in that situation, allowing Claudio and Yuta to attack and beat him down. But then Page gets up and tells them to bring it on again, at which point Samoa Joe and the Opps come out to provide backup. And Marina attacks again, but this time Page steals the briefcase and demands the Texas Death stip again and this time he gets it. And to prove he can do it, he hits Marina with the buckshot. Well she had that coming. Also Hangman literally stuck a hypodermic needle into Swerve’s mouth to win a cage match, I’m pretty sure he can be mean enough to do a Texas Death match.

Meanwhile, Toni Storm meets Rachel Brosnahan from Superman and workshops wrestling names.

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Mina Shirakawa

Toni Storm is at ringside eating steak, or at least staring intently at a plate of steak. Mercedes stomps Mina down to start, while wearing photos of Toni on the bottoms of her boots. That’s some next level trash talking. They trade takedowns in the ring and Mina cradles for two and slugs away on the mat. She stops to dance, so Mone comes back with a meteora and sends her to the floor. And Mone continues playing mindgames with Toni as we take a break. Back with Mercedes trying the crossface, but Mina rolls out of it and into a figure-four. Mercedes rolls her to the apron to break and they’re both down on the floor, but Mina gets a tornado DDT off the stairs, and then Mone gets her meteora off the apron for another double down. Back in the ring and Mina goes a little crazy before they slug it out and Mone rolls her into another meteora and a sunset bomb into the corner. That gets two. Mone with another meteora, but Mina catches the leg and works the knee with a dragon screw into the figure-four. Mone quickly makes the ropes, so Mina goes up with a sling blade for two. They trade finisher attempts and Mina hits her with elbows and a round kick to put her down, setting up the Glamorous Driver for two. Another Driver is reversed by Mone, but Mina hits her with a shining wizard for one. Mone catches her in a lungblower to counter another attempt. Mina counters the Moneymaker, but Mone reverses that into an inside cradle for the pin to retain at 14:00. ****. This finally brings Toni away from ringside to save Mina, but Mone lays her out with the belt and then licks the cake at ringside. They seriously put a full sheet cake by the ring and didn’t have anyone get their face smashed into it? WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE?

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks reveal that they’ve gone shopping with Tony Khan’s money and bought themselves a limo full of shoes, and they take us on a tour of Rancho Cucamonga.

MJF v. Anthony Bowens v. AR Fox v. Brody King

MJF tries to bribe Brody to take a dive, which proves to be a bad idea, so he hides behind the Hurt Syndicate, leaving Brody to destroy Fox and Bowens instead. So MVP does commentary while the other three do the work in the ring and Bowens hits King with a fameasser. Fox sends Brody to the floor and hits him with an inverted shooting star, but Brody sends both guys to the floor and dives on them. So at this point Max tries for a pin on Bowens while we take a break. Back with everyone down, but Bowens comes back with a blockbuster on King and hits Fox with a draping DDT for two. Fox rolls into a twisting brainbuster on MJF for two, but now Brody runs wild with cannonballs until Max puts him down with a judo throw and cradles for two. He grabs a chair, but Brody just punches it back in his face and then hits everyone with a triple cannonball in the corner, which gets two on MJF. Max with a cutter on King, bowens with a cutter on Max, Fox with a cutter on Bowens, and Brody with a cutter on Bowens for two to end that sequence. Fox with a 450 on Brody for two, but MJF hits Bowens with the 187 DDT. But then he goes after Brody and Brody chokes him out on the apron to get rid of him, leaving Bowens to hit Fox with the Arrival. Brody hits Bowens with the Ganzo Bomb, but Fox saves, so MJF puts Fox in the armbar and taps him out at 12:40 to win the #2 spot in the Casino Gauntlet. They were kind of all doing their own thing for a bit but they got it together after the break and it was awesome. But of course, AR Fox loses yet again. Not that he should have won here but it was obvious who was doing the job from the start. ***3/4.

Afterwards, Mark Briscoe comes out and talks more about the tiny little pickle of MJF, and he wants a little “talky talk” next week in advance of the PPV. And then this brings out Bailey and Knight, who still haven’t learned their lesson yet, and they attack the Hurt Syndicate again. And they get their asses beat into jelly AGAIN. But Knight demands more of a beating, so they come back and destroy them a second time until even MJF has had enough of watching these two morons get slaughtered. So it’s back for a third round, somehow even more violent than the first two, and this time Knight challenges Shelton to a singles match on Collision after insulting his mama. Why would you do something that stupid? These two people are complete idiots.

Heroes v. Villains match: The Young Bucks & Konosuke Takeshita v. Bandido & Roderick Strong & Kyle O’Reilly

We’re tying in with Superman, although honestly there’s a million other clever ways they coiuld have done some Superman-related stuff, especially with mega-dork Kenny Omega helping to run things. Metropolis Street Fight? Backstage gags with people putting on glasses and becoming unrecognizable? Come on, those are just off the top of my head. The heroes work Matt over in the corner to start and hit Nick with a double backbreaker before they all end up on the floor for a dive from Bandido. And we take a break. Back with Strong slamming people onto other people, and they hit the big moves until Takeshita cuts off Bandido with a powerbomb for two. We get triple superplexes and Bandido gets two on Takeshita and hits Nick with a GTS and 21Plex, but Nick lands his feet. Takeshita with the triple Meltzer Driver on Bandido and into a wheelbarrow german suplex for two, but the Paragon makes the save. It’s a SUPERKICK PARTY but O’Reilly guillotines Takeshita to take him down and then chop blocks him. But then the Bucks superkick Kyle into oblivion and the EVP Trigger and Raging Fire finish him for good at 11:49. Score one for the Villains I guess. This was of course a PARTY MATCH and a crazy good one at that. ****1/4

Also apparently Bandido is defending the ROH title against Takeshita on the ROH show, so Bandido can probably kiss that title goodbye.

Afterwards, Swerve and Ospreay come out and clarify that the “EVP title” doesn’t mean they’ll become EVPs if they win, it just means the Bucks won’t be EVPs anymore and TK will have all the power. But the Bucks rightly point out that they have no incentive to accept this one-sided deal, so Ospreay puts up a stipulation that if they lose, he and Swerve will not be able to challenge for the World title for one year. And that is enough to make Matt accept. But Swerve isn’t happy about it. Holy crap, clearly they’re gonna lose and that’s a BRILLIANT way to take Swerve and Ospreay off the table until All In 2026 and let Hangman breathe and have a good run as champion without them hanging over him the whole time.

Swerve Strickland & Will Ospreay v. The Beast Mortos & Dralistico

LFI hits the ring for the attack but gets taken down with ranas by the babyfaces, and Swerve hits Mortos with the rolling flatliner. The babyfaces head to the floor to go after Dralistico, but Mortos hits them with a dive as we take a break. Back with Will hitting the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP on Mortos and back in for two, but they trap Ospreay in the corner and Dralistico gets a double stomp for two. Dralistico with a destroyer into a spear from Mortos for two on Ospreay. But then Ospreay puts Mortos up for a Stormbreaker and into a double stomp from Swerve, and they finish Draslistico with a Styles Clash and House Call kick at 8:56. Well at least Mortos didn’t do the job this week. Or at least he didn’t directly take the pin. I’ll take what I can get. Basically an energetic squash. **

Kazuchika Okada v. Kota Ibushi

Okada goads Kota into a slugfest and then attacks him from behind, but Ibushi hits him with a knee strike and chases him to the floor for a pescado. Okada runs him into the stairs, right on his BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE, and we take a break. Back with Ibushi making a comeback in the ring and kicking Okada down, and a standing moonsault gets two. Shining Wizard gets two. Okada flapjacks him and goes to a top wristlock, but Kota fights out of it, so Okada puts him down with a neckbreaker. Okada to the top for the elbowdrop, but Ibushi escapes the Rainmaker and Okada dropkicks him into the corner instead. So Ibushi fires up and punches Okada down into the corner and then clobbers him with a lariat. But he goes up and Okada brings him down with a sick german suplex, only for Ibushi to pop up with a round kick. They fight to the top and Ibushi hits him with a motherfucking TOP ROPE TIGER DRIVER, which somehow only gets two. Okada counters the kamagoye and blasts him with a lariat and dropkick, and the Rainmaker finishes at 14:46. Holy shit, I guess Ibushi found his second gear again. ****.

Afterwards, the Callis Family tries to attack, but Kenny Omega makes the save and the Golden Lovers reunite to destroy Trent and end the show on a happy note.

This was a goddamn all timer edition of Dynamite. This show put in the WORK. God I love wrestling sometimes.