The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.14.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.14.26

Maximum Carnage

I presume the branding means that the show will run way too long and feature a non-sensical plot based around mindless fight scenes. Wait, never mind.

Live from Phoenix, AZ

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Bryan Danielson

Meanwhile, Samoa Joe introduces his bounty hunter, Bryan Keith, who is certainly dressed for Phoenix.

Darby Allin v. Pac

Very cool theater setup tonight. Pac wants to do this alone tonight, so Darby immediately hits him with a dive and sends him crashing over the railing like a crash test dummy in a funny spot. They fight into the crowd and Darby gets a dive off the balcony, as he does, and they fight back to ringside again with Pac smashing Darby into the railing with a suplex and then setting up the stairs and hitting Darby with an insanely sick suplex onto those. And finally they head into the ring to start the match, with Darby barely able to walk, and Pac hits him with a lariat for two. We take a break and return with Darby making a comeback with a missile dropkick and shotgun dropkick into the corner. But then Pac hurls him into the corner with another suplex, and then they head up with a belly to belly off the top and then a running powerbomb out of the ring and onto the ramp. Man I’m never gonna complain about my back issues again after watching this. Darby beats the count somehow while a disgusted Pac watches him crawl in, but Pac appears to suffer a fluke ankle injury on the way down from the middle rope, and Darby jumps on it and tosses him for a coffin splash to the floor. He follows with a coffin drop on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, but also appears to hit his own back again in the process. Pac bumps the ref and Darby gets the Scorpion Deathlock while Pac taps, and this brings Wheeler Yuta in. He’s the worst. I heard he voted for Kari Lake, TWICE. In the same election. Darby gets rid of him and Pillmanizes Pac’s ankle for good measure, and then puts him into another Deathlock and Pac taps at 11:07 to finally give Darby his first win. I have no idea how Darby is walking after that insanity. ***1/2

Hangman Page v. Bryan Keith

Big Bill is still hanging around with Bryan, despite the breakup of the their group. Keith throws chops, but Hangman boots him down and they fight to the floor with Page hitting a pescado. Bryan goes to the throat, but Page hits him with a lariat on the rebound, complete with funny reaction from Keith as usual. Back in the ring, Hangman hits him with a rolling elbow, but Big Bill trips him up and Bryan comes back with a headbutt and slugs away in the corner. We take a break and return with Keith hitting an exploder for two, but Page catches him with a fallaway slam and slams him for two. Keith with a nice cradle for two and he follows with a belly to belly into the corner for two. Well he’s no Darby Allin but it was a pretty good bump. Page figths back again, but Big Bill pulls him out this time, and then Swerve makes the save, allowing Hangman to finish with the buckshot at 9:25. Definitely a more competitive match for Keith than the first one with Page, but the end result was still the same. ***. Afterwards, Hangman notes that Bryan will have a hard time collecting his bounty, DUMBASS. And Swerve throws out a challenge to MJF as well, only for Kenny Omega to interrupt. He respects both of the guys, but he’s gonna win the title as well and doesn’t care who he needs to go through to get there, which sends Swerve and Page back to the locker room to think about it. And then Don Callis graces us and offers a match with Josh Alexander so Kenny can get his groove back. Kenny is all for it, TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING, but Don of course declares that “Daddy decides” and not Kenny, so it’s next week instead.

Meanwhile, Brody King meets up with Jon Cruz backstage, and reveals that he’s got another patented standby match, and Jon’s his victim.

Brody King v. Jon Cruz

Brody chops him down and then lets him go to the top before punching him down, and the Ganso Bomb finishes at 0:35. That was so humiliating he should hide under a mask from now on.

The Young Bucks v. JetSpeed v. Davis & Doyle v. GOA

Winner gets a future title shot. Jetspeed and the Bucks have a flippy showdown to start, and then we get a teased Meat Match before the Bucks clean house and we get a big pileup on the floor before the Bucks dive onto them. Back in the ring, Davis and Doyle collide and they enjoy it, powerbombing everyone as a result. Oh I like this team. Everyone winds up on the floor, and Toa pulls out a moonsault onto everyone as we take a break. Back with D&D bulldozing everyone, but the Bucks double-team Davis and send him to the floor for some more wacky Buck stuff. Matt with a springboard crossbody on Doyle for two, and we get a four-way collision in the middle setting up a four way babyface flying splash. Bailey trades kicks with the Bucks in a great sequence and they’re both down. Bucks run into GOA and that goes badly for them, and Matt gets spiked by them for two. GOA has been vastly improved since they started acting like normal people instead of tribal warriors and Toa in particular is great. JetSpeed with their crazy 450 / UFO splash finisher on oa, but Kaun saves. So the Bucks superkick Toa to the floor despite him firing up, and hit Bailey with their powerbomb for two. Knight cradles Matt for two, but Ricochet runs down and takes the ref, and Jack Perry takes out Ric and it’s a huge car wreck. This leaves D&D with JetSpeed, as Bailey tries a rana on Doyle, but he gets powerbombed onto the floor as a result. Davis with the piledriver on Knight and he gets the giant upset pin at 14:52. I APPROVE OF THIS. Put the titles on these fuckers. I’m so glad they found something for Mark Davis. Pardon the pun. ****1/4. This brings out FTR, who get into a brawl with the Mean Bastards and you know that match is gonna rule.

Meanwhile, SkyFlight challenges all comers and apparently poor Leila Grey has already been replaced by another girl.

The Bermuda Triangle of Sinful Sisters v. Kris Statlander & Babes of Wrath

OH MAN, speaking of spiders, has anyone else been falling down the spider web rabbit hole in Red Dead Redemption 2 lately? It’s becoming a whole thing despite the game being out for nearly a decade now. Harley with a sling blade on Julia for two after some initial switching off, and the Babes double-splash her for two. Over to Skye, who trades cartwheels with Willow. Stat with a double knee on Skye for two, but Harley gets caught in the corner and we take a break. Back with Thekla in control of Harley, but Statlander gets the hot tag and tosses Thekla around before hitting her with a running knee and slam for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and they all trade the big moves, with the Babes all squashing Thekla for two. But then Skye and Julia double-team Harley and Thekla escapes Willow’s powerbomb and spears Statlander. Curb stomp finishes at 11:30 to presumably set up a title match, which is pretty much the only finish they could do. ***

Meanwhile, Hangman Page offers JetSpeed a chance to be his partners and challenge the Opps for the Trios title on Collision, which I’m assuming is a title change based on where things went today.

AEW World title: MJF v. Bandido

Max does some strutting to annoy Bandido to start, but Bandido takes him down with a legsweep for two and gives him the headshot. Bandido with a press slam and he teases the 21 Plex, but MJF bails to escape. So Bandido dives and smashes him into the railing. Max necks him on the top rope to take over and goes to work on the arm, and follows with a pumphandle slam for two. Bandido goes up and MJF crotches him and stops to dance in celebration, but Bandido does his own FIERY LATIN DANCE and rolls him up for two. Bandido with a handspring, but MJF kicks him in the face while he’s upside down and follows with a shoulderbreaker for two. We take a break and return with Maxwell biting the hand to hold him off, but Bandido deadlifts him into a suplex anyway. Bandido comes back with a swinging DDT and the one-armed press slam, but MJF escapes the 21 Plex and goes after the arm again. MJF bails to the floor and Bandido hits him with a dive as I’m forced to take my own break when one of my dogs barfs up her dinner on the rug. Man, 2026. MJF escapes into the crowd, so Bandido hits him with a dive from the top rope, over the railing, and into the front row. But back in the ring, MJF goes back to the arm, and Bandido hits him with a Code Red for two and it’s a double down. MJF blocks another 21 Plex and tries the Heatseeker, but Bandido blocks it, so a cutter gets two instead. Another try is blocked by Bandido, and he goes up with a shooting star press that gets two. MJF escapes yet another 21 Plex, and a Code Red, and a small package gets two. They trade cradles and that ends with Bandido getting a close two, and it’s another double down. So it’s one more 21 Plex, and this one finally hits, but the arm is too injured to cover. It gets two, but MJF goes right back to the armbar and then switches to the Lebell Lock. And Bandido goes out at 18:57 and MJF retains. Big effort from Bandido, who as always deserves an even bigger push than he’s already getting. ****1/4. Afterwards, MJF actually puts him over as a future World champion, but then admits that he needs to take him out now to prevent it. So he goes for the mask, but Brody King makes the save and chases him off. I was 50/50 on a shock heel turn happening there but they still have lots of time before the PPV.

I didn’t really like the Kenny segment and I don’t really buy him as a serious challenger at this point in his career, but the rest of this show was FIRE this week, and this was a great venue with a super hot crowd and a bunch of bangers. Get on the Davis/Doyle train now, I say!