The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.07.26

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.07.26

“No Fancy Subtitle Week”

Thankfully I can actually watch this show at a normal time this week instead of 2 in the morning after some New Year’s imbibing like last week.

Live from Tulsa, OK. OH MAN THERE BETTER BE A TAG TEAM MATCH THIS WEEK

Your hosts are Excalibur & Jim Ross & Tony Schiavone

Meanwhile, Jetspeed has been viciously attacked in the locker room, although Ricochet notes that there’s no bounty on Jetspeed, they’re just offering a large sum of money in exchange for someone beating them up. Renee: “That’s literally a bounty”. Also Don Callis welcomes new family member Jake Doyle, who I guess is “Jake Something” from TNA so at least that’s a better name. Also he’s a dead ringer for Mark Davis so you’ve got yourself a new tag team right there.

Jon Moxley v. Shelton Benjamin

They exchange shots to start and Moxley avoids a spinkick and gives some respect to Shelton. They fight to the floor and Shelton runs him into the railing to work the back and clotheslines him into the front row, and they fight up the stairs, which seems like it’s kind of disrespecting the entire point of the Continental title. They fight back to ringside and Shelton suplexes him on the floor, but Moxley runs him into the stairs as I’m struggling to figure out what distinguishes this from a normal match. They clothesline each other for a double down and we take a break. Back with Shelton in control after a superplex and it’s right back into a double down. They slug it out and Mox thumbs him in the eye, but Shelton misses another spinkick, although I’m not clear if that was an intended miss or not, and Moxley puts him down with a lariat. Shelton with suplexes to come back and Moxley staggers around off that, but catches Shelton with a cutter for two. Mox slugs away in the corner, but Shelton powerbombs him out for two. Mox sends him to the floor and hits him with a tope, and back in for a lariat from Mox that Shelton turns into a flatliner, although they kind of missed that one too. They fight to the top and Shelton brings him down and hits him with kicks for two. Mox hits him with the Paradigm Shift for two and tries for the choke, but Shelton falls into the ropes and catches Mox with a knee strike for two. Shelton with a triangle, but Moxley rolls him over and pins him at 18:13. This is sold as 5 seconds until the time limit but they shaved a couple of minutes off for drama. Little botchy at times but fun. ***1/4

Ricochet & GOA v. Jack Perry & The Young Bucks

Well that’s a pretty solid replacement for Jetspeed. And they’re back in full babyface mode with the old music and pyro. We get a big brawl to start and they chase the heels to the floor for a dive, and Perry adds his own moonsault and then spears Ricochet in the ring. The faces triple team him and hit a triple dropkick to the face, and then abuse him some more before Perry hits a snap DDT for two. Bucks send GOA back to the floor and dive onto them again, and we get a wacky tandem DDT on Ricochet for two. Finally GOA distracts Jack and Ric gets a high knee to put him on the floor, allowing the heels to take over as Toa sends him into the table and we take a break. Back with Ricochet working on Jack in the ring, but he makes the hot tag to Nick and it’s a PIER SIX BRAWL. GOA eats superkicks and the Bucks go up with flying elbows and then double-team Toa on the floor, and back in with the double stomp into a powerbomb from the Bucks on Ricochet, for two. Toa with the craziest shit ever, piling up both Bucks and Perry on his shoulders for a samoan drop. The GOA double-teams Perry with a superplex into an elbow into a 450 for Ricochet, and that gets two. Jack comes back with a german suplex, but Kaun hits him with a brainbuster and they hit Perry with a double team cutter into Ricochet’s Vertigo for two, as the Bucks makes the save. Spirit Gun misses and Perry comes back with the poison rana, but it’s a SUPERKICK PARTY and they hit Ricochet with a Doomsday Device and BTE Trigger, before Perry finishes Ricochet with his own running knee at 13:49. This was 100% PARTY MATCH and HOT DAMN THE BUCKS ARE BACK. ****1/2. This brings out the new Mean Guy Team of Davis & Doyle to attack the Bucks, but Jetspeed saves with hockey sticks. Is it a heated rivalry? But then the lights go out, and lookie who’s back again, as Andrade’s contract is hopefully resolved this time as he attacks everyone. So after everyone complains about the Callis family getting too big, they add two more people in one week. Good job.

Willow Nightingale joins Renee for her TBS Title celebration, along with besties Kris Statlander & Harley Cameron. So Willow is gonna put her nose to the grindstone and defend both titles, but first she’s gonna eat cake because she loves cake. I don’t care for cakes. Too sweet. Anyway, this brings out Mercedes, and Willow wants to celebrate with her, but Mercedes is, as the kids say, crashing out. And she ends up with her face in the cake after throwing a tantrum, so Willow powerbombs her to calm her down and then carries on celebrating. So this hasn’t been a great 2026 for Mone thus far, I’d say.

Meanwhile, Mark Briscoe is itching to deliver an ass-beating, and that means Hechicero is next in line on Collision.

Meanwhile, the scary mean girls continue threatening Kris Statlander. Whoever decides to just let Thekla do the talking deserves a raise. So next week it’s the Babes of Wrath v. The Triangle of Terror or whatever.

Sammy Guevara v. Bandido

Oh Sammy. The mustache. Just no. The world is a horrible enough place without bringing that abomination into it. They trade wristlocks to start and Sammy bails to the floor and complains to the announcers, but then he points to his head to indicate intelligence and gets kicked in the head by Bandido as a result. Sammy spits water in Bandido’s face, however, and DDTs him on the floor as we take a break. Back with Sammy hitting him with kicks, and they do a fun spot as they exchange corner clotheslines and Bandido kicks him down and follows with a torneo dive. One handed press slam sends Sammy to the floor again and Bandido follows with a dive, but Sammy gets a monkey flip in the ring and Bandido takes an awkward bump into the ropes and lands on the floor. Meanwhile Sammy has a bloody nose and he goes up with a shooting star to the floor, although the crowd think he still sucks. Back in the ring, Bandido escapes the GTH and cradles for two, but Sammy springboards into a cutter for two. Bandido hits his own cutter, but Sammy counters out of the 21 Plex and hits a knee strike for two. But then he talks too much as usual, and Bandido hits him with the 21 Plex and pins him at 11:47. Some good stuff but they didn’t have good chemistry overall and the crowd really hates Sammy. ***

This brings out MJF, who talks shit about Mistico and then introduces his translator Jon Cruz to repeat his promo for Bandido. I hear that guy is a real snake. So with all due respect, MJF wants Bandido to hand over the diamond ring right now so he doesn’t have to beat him up next week and take it. But then Bandido reveals he can speak English, and Cruz gets KO’d by MJF by accident, taking an amazing clownish buffoon bump from that, and Bandido clears the ring with 21 Plexes to set up next week’s title match. He’s got no chance but continues to look like a huge star.

Meanwhile, Brody King reintroduces himself as a singles wrestler.

Timeless Toni Storm v. Marina Shafir

Marina quickly takes her down and goes for the leg, but Toni hits her with hairtosses and sends her to the floor for a fight out there. This brings out Wheeler Yuta, who I hear cooks fish in the microwave in the break room, and that allows Marina to take over as we take a break. Back with Marina kicking Toni in the head for two and doing a mocking dance with Toni before working on the back, but Storm comes back with a dropkick and then walks into a big boot. Toni with a headbutt and the BIG PACKAGE for two, but Yuta takes out the ref for the DQ at 7:35. Yuta is so bad he books DQs in AEW! He’s the worst. Mina tries to save Toni and gets taken out, but then Roddy hits the ring for another staredown with Marina, and then Orange manages to end with both Toni and Mina.

Meanwhile, Darby demands another match with Pac and then attacks him when Pac rightly points out that Darby has already had two shots and failed both times.

Lights out: Hook & Powerhouse Hobbs v. Hangman Page & Swerve Strickland

So the lights ACTUALLY GO OUT for the match, which is a bit too literal. They brawl on the floor and Hobbs misses a chairshot. I think. It’s very dark out there. Finally the lights go back on so the poor spotlight workers can get a break, and I think TBS goes to a break, but TSN does not. Hobbs takes out Hangman on the floor, but Swerve hits Hobbs with a dive and Hook suplexes Swerve on the apron as we take a break for real this time. Back with Hook suplexing Hangman through a table and JR snarks “The fat guy is sitting at home going ‘They know how to fall’”. Yeah, but they literally do know how to fall. That’s a basic skill. Page comes back with the stapler to the beautiful skin of Hook, but Hobbs saves his little buddy and lays out Page with a clothesline. So he tries a suplex on Swerve, but Swerve staples out of it and then Hangman staples him in the crotch for good measure. Next up, they pull out a pallet of cinder blocks, and thankfully lift it with their legs and not their back. But the apron gets al caught up in it, which is a bit embarrassing for a violent blood feud. Hobbs puts them down with clotheslines. But Prince Nana saves Swerve from a chairshot, and Hobbs fights with Swerve over the cinder blocks. Sweve goes up and Hobbs catches him and gets the slam on the cinder blocks, but Hangman makes the save. Hook breaks up the buckshot, but the Opps geeks all run in and take out Hangman, allowing Hobbs to chain them together by the neck. But Nana saves with HOT COFFEE to the face, allowing the babyfaces to use the chain and make the comeback. Hobbs takes out Hook by mistake, allowing Hangman to hit Hobbs with the buckshot, but Hobbs reverses into a spinebuster for two before Swerve saves. Swerve takes out the geek squad, allowing Page to hit Hobbs with a Deadeye on the cinder blocks, which should legit kill the guy. And then Hook comes back again with his pipe, but the faces kick his ass again and even JR sounds annoyed at how long this is taking. So Hangman hits a buckshot and then hangs Hook with the chain to finish at 19:55. I’m with JR, this went way too long and the cinder block massacre should have been the finish. It wasn’t bad but they ran out of crazy spots and then just kept going for a few more minutes. ***

Really good show this week, really bad lighting. Good to hear JR back again for a full show, although he was sounding older and more grumpy than, well, me by the end.