The SmarK Rant for AEW Double or Nothing 2024 – 05.26.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Double or Nothing 2024 – 05.26.24

Live from Las Vegas, NV

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

AEW International title: Roderick Strong v. Will Ospreay

Ospreay tries the Hidden Blade while Strong is doing his pose, which is an awesome spot. Strong bails to escape and Will goes to kick the asses of the Kingdom and dives onto them from the railing. Will catapults Strong into the ringpost and follows with a backbreaker for two. Back in the ring, the Kingdom geeks cut off Will and manage to hit him with a Doomsday Device off the apron, which the referee somehow misses. Back in the ring, Strong goes to work on him with a chinlock. Ospreay with an abdominal stretch, but Roddy hiptosses out for two. They slug it out with chops, but Strong works the ribs in the corner to take over again and follows with a backbreaker for two. Ospreay kicks away from another backbreaker and hits him with the backflip kick, but the geeks take the ref again and this time Wardlow comes in and immediately gets caught by the ref and tossed. Will hits them with a dive and the ref sends them all to the back for Wardlow’s sins, which seems a bit unfair. He didn’t actually SEE the Kingdom do anything. Back in the ring, Ospreay with an enzuigiri and german suplex for two. Will goes up and Strong crotches him to bring him down, but Will hits him with a knee strike, on a bad knee, and that allows Strong to trap the knee and roll him into a half crab. Ospreay escapes that, so Strong rolls him into a cloverleaf instead and Will makes the ropes. Strong beats on him with chops and the running elbows, and a facejam gets two. To the top for a superplex, and a double knee backbreaker gets two. Gutbuster follows, but he tries the running boot and Ospreay catches him in a powerbomb for a double down. They slug it out and Ospreay wins that one with a kick and then gets an amazing rolling reversal into a Styles Clash. Strong flips out of THAT, but Ospreay springboards into the Ozcutter and falls on top for two. So then the ref wants to check on Strong’s neck and Ospreay is having a whole moral crisis, so Don Callis tells Will pretty explicitly to do the Tiger Driver and finish him off for good. But Will is too conflicted and can’t pull the trigger, allowing Roddy to hit the gutbuster and Sick Kick for two. I agree with Callis, be a man and finish him off. End of Heartache is countered into a rollup for two, but Strong puts him down with a knee. But then Will pops up with a Hidden Blade and pulls out the Stormbreaker instead of the Tiger Driver, and wins the title at 17:54. Incredible opener, even if the result was never in doubt. ****1/2.

Adam Cole then joins us and he’s OFF THE FORMAT SHEET. Also he’s thankfully back to the classic entrance music instead of the crappy Undisputed stuff. So he’s pretty bitter tonight and hates Las Vegas and shouldn’t even be here. So he promises that we’ll soon give the Devil his due, and his name is…a very cut up MJF, who makes his return after being out for six months. And Maxwell offers a hug, and then gives Cole a well deserved kick in the nuts and a brainbuster. “Did I hurt the Bay Bay?” So MJF clarifies that he gave Cole trust for the first time and “that shit won’t be happening again”. And he doesn’t need Vince McMahon to make MJF because he made himself. Big “ooooo” at that line. So no more friendships, love, kangaroo kicks or any other bullshit. It’s just pure hate from now on! Also it’s not his fault that all our favorites suck a bag of donkey dicks. Good to know. And he drops an elbow on the Devil mask and throws it into the crowd to get rid of it for good. And he’s got an AEW tattoo on his leg, confirming that he’s signed for the long term and you can call him the Wolf of Wrestling because he’s not fucking leaving. Now that was a spectacular return! And exactly what MJF needed to do, erasing the Devil storyline and moving on definitively.

AEW Trios titles: The Bang Bang Gang v. Death Triangle

Jay lets Colten start with the angry Pac, and Pac throws the Gunns around with hiptosses and clotheslines Austin to the floor. Over to Penta, who hits Austin with a slingblade and brings in Fenix for the double-team splash. Next up, Colten gets triple-teamed with superkicks. Penta sends them out and the Lucha Bros follow with stereo dives, but Pac tries one and nearly walks into a Blade Runner. He escapes that, but White hits him with a DDT instead and that gets two. Love someone in your life the way Pac loves selling DDTs. Neckbreaker gets two. The BBG works Pac over in the corner and White gets two. Stungun and catapult follows and White goes to a half crab, but Pac evades the Gunns and makes the hot tag to Penta. They destroy Austin, who screams for mercy in between spots, but White breaks up the pin and goes after Fenix. Penta comes in with a spinning slam for two on White and Pac gets a german suplex, but the Gunns come in and everyone trades highspots for the triple down. Pac is up first and hits the Gunns with suplexes to get rid of them, and DT triple-teams White to set up the Fear Factor…but then Juice Robinson appears out of nowhere, trips up Pac, and the Blade Runner finishes at 12:20 to retain. Glad to see Juice back again, although much like the Collision match, the Gunns weren’t really able to hang at the same level as Death Triangle and this had a lot of slow spots. ***1/4.

AEW Women’s title: Timeless Toni Storm v. Serena Deeb

They fight for the lockup and Toni sniffs her to make it weird, but Deeb takes her to the floor and hits her with a dragon screw, and back in for two. Meanwhile Fite is doing some stupid emoticon shit overlaid across the screen and you have to actually go into their little app and TURN IT OFF and that’s not anything I ever want to deal with while I’m trying to WATCH THE GODDAMN SHOW. Deeb works the knee, but Storm cradles for two. Deeb reverses to her own for two and they fight for the backslide, and Deeb gets two. Toni headbutts her for the double down and comes back with a backstabber and fisherman’s suplex for two. Deeb tries an armbar and Storm slams out of it and goes to a cloverleaf. Deeb makes the ropes and comes back with slaps and a hooking clothesline. Neckbreaker in the ropes and she follows with the spinning neckbreaker. Deeb with a german suplex and a lariat gets two. Storm with a Sky High for two, but Deeb goes after the knee again, going back to the half crab while Mariah desperately tries to throw in the towel and Luther thankfully stops her. Toni makes the ropes and bails to the floor, where she sees Luther with the towel and blames him. Back in, Deeb with a cradle for two. Storm comes back with a german suplex and that sets up the hip attack, but Deeb tricks her into a cradle for two. But Toni hits Storm Zero for two. They head to the apron and Deeb goes for the knee again and follows with the Detox on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in the ring, another one gets two. But then they fight to the top and Storm hits a top rope Storm Zero, and then another piledriver, and that finishes at 15:44 to retain. Another Toni Storm match that way overdelivered, with great psychology and Deeb working the knee while Mariah tries to find a way to screw over Storm without her knowing. ****

Trent Beretta v. Orange Cassidy

Orange goes old school by switching back to the Pixies tonight, after his entrance video declares “I’m gonna punch Trent (in the face)”. He’s got a black t-shirt tonight, so he’s gonna be BLOOD ORANGE CASSIDY. They slug it out to start and Trent hits him in the throat to win that. So Orange runs him into the turnbuckles and goes up with a crossbody and hits a DDT to send Trent to the floor for a dive. Orange beats on him out there, but Trent goes to the eyes like a true coward before wrapping Orange’s throat around the turnbuckle bolt. Back in the ring, Trent slugs away and follows with a german suplex. Orange tries to go up, but Trent brings him down with a Saito suplex and follows with a lariat to put him down. Trent beats on him with forearms in the corner, but Orange goes to the pockets, so Trent just hits him harder. Orange makes the comeback and beats on him with kicks, but Trent runs away to the apron and hits Orange with a cheapshot. They fight on the apron and Trent gets the Gotch piledriver on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and Orange is out on the floor. But then Orange SWEEPS THE LEG on the stairs and Trent bumps off that, into a Beach Breaker, and they’re both out on the floor. Back in the ring, OC teases a hug and hits him with a Michinoku Driver and PK instead. Trent blocks the stunner beause he knows Orange too well, and hits him with a half and half and Strong Zero for two. Trent wants the hug this time, but Orange hits him with the Beach Break for two. Orange Punch is countered with a triangle, but Orange rolls him over for the pin at 14:00. ***3/4. Trent doesn’t deal with the loss very well, storming out through the crowd while Rocky Romero tries to talk sense into him.

For The World title: Chris Jericho v. Hook v. Katsuyori Shibata

Hook and Shibata double-team Jericho to start, but then Hook turns on Shibata and suplexes him. Hook sets up the table at ringside already, but Shibata boots Hook and Jericho off the apron but misses the table. So Jericho finds the black bag, and this time it’s DICE. But then both guys suplex Jericho onto the dice and throw dice at him, and then Shibata and Hook throw suplexes on each other on the dice. Next up, it’s a kendo stick showdown, but Shibata gets rid of Jericho and DDTs Hook on the dice. Shibata sets up the table in the corner and Hook gets rid of him and suplexes Jericho onto the dice yet again, but he goes to the top and Shibata cuts him off and brings him down with an ugly death valley driver onto Jericho, which somehow fails to break the table. So Shibata puts Jericho through the table himself and gets two. Shibata with a deathlock on Jericho at the same time as he anklelocks Hook, but Hook escapes that and Jericho hits him with a codebreaker for two. Hook comes back with the Redrum on Jericho, but Big Bill comes in and breaks it up. So Hook suplexes him off the apron to finally break Chekhov’s Table at ringside, while Jericho puts Shibata in the Walls in the ring. Shibata counters into the figure-four, but Hook also puts Jericho into the choke, and then a mysterious figure in black attacks both of them and reveals himself to be Bryan Keith, bitter over losing on Dynamite, and Jericho pins Shibata to retain at 12:50. The dice was a cute gimmick but they just kept doing the same stuff over and over and it meant nothing, even though it would be horrendously painful to take bumps on dice. This was a complete trainwreck and I’m losing interest in this Hook storyline pretty rapidly. *1/2

(Not For The) IWGP title: Jon Moxley v. Konosuke Takeshita

Takeshita goes for the wrapped arm immediately and hits him with the Warrior clothesline before taking him to the corner for some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION. Hammerlock slam and Takeshita stomps the arm and then wrenches it onto the apron and chokes him out with his own arm bandage as Moxley comes unwrapped like the Mummy. The classic one, not the shitty 2017 Tom Cruise reboot one. Takeshita continues destroying the arm on the floor, while Nigel clarifies that Moxley will never quit…because he’s stupid. Back in the ring, Moxley fights back with chops and Takeshita cuts him off with an armbar takedown. Mox fights back again and catches him with a cutter, but Takeshita takes him right back down into an armbar and Mox has to roll out of that. Takeshita rolls him into a Last Ride powerbomb and goes back to cranking on the armbar, but Moxley makes the ropes. Mox backdrops him to the floor and follows with the tope suicida. Back in the ring, Moxley blocks a blind charge with a lariat as the crowd is actually getting behind Takeshita. Takeshita with the tombstone and into the german suplex, but he charges and walks into a Paradigm Shift somehow. They slug it out with forearms and Takeshita wins that battle, putting Moxley’s lights out. He follows with the power knee strike, but that only gets two. Moxley grabs the bulldog choke and tries to use the bandage, but the ref catches him, and that allows Takeshita to run him into the post and punch him out. Takeshita with his own Death Rider, but it only gets two. So Takeshita throws chairs into the ring, but Moxley curb stomps him onto one of them behind the ref’s back, hits the Death Rider, and gets the pin at 17:26. This was predictably great, but the match was building to Takeshita getting the big win here and it would have made the most sense to set up a title match later and the crowd was ready for it, but it wasn’t gonna happen for all the reasons we know already. ****1/2.

TNT title, barbed wire cage match: Adam Copeland v. Malakai Black

Apparently Copeland also has the trademark for “The Brood” now as WWE lets another one go. Notably this is pinfall or submission only, so Black is gonna have to do a job here, I guess. We’ve got chairs and tables in the ring but not a lot of barbed wire. Copeland manages to find some and immediately busts Black open and then wraps it around the turnbuckle. He powerbombs Black into the cage and into the ring again for two. They slug it out and Cope hits the Impaler, but he charges and Black counters the spear with a knee. Cope tries to go up, but Black SWEEPS THE LEG and Adam falls onto the barbed wire turnbuckle. Black with a high kick to put him down and he retrieves a barbed wire baseball bat and busts Copeland open further with that. But then Adam gets his own abuse with the barbed wire on the ropes, and they fight up the cage, allowing Black to bring him down with a powerbomb through a table for two. Black tries for The End, but Cope spears him for two. Piledirver follows and Adam puts him on another table and ties him onto it with barbed wire, before climbing the cage and dropping an elbow from the top of the cage and through the table. That only gets two. But then he charges with the spear, and Black hits him with The End for two. Next up, Black tries to stab him in the face with a spool of barbed wire, but that misses, and a kick sends Copeland flying through the cage door and out to the floor. Both guys are down out there, and that brings the House of Black out, but they seemingly switch sides and then it’s a double swerve as they turn on Copeland and haul him into the cage for a triple team. But before they can finish him off, GANGREL makes his expected cameo from under the ring and spits blood at the House, allowing Copeland to spear Black and then choke him out with barbed wire crossface to retain at 20:15. It goes without saying that Gangrel hasn’t aged a day since 1998. This was…a lot of a lot. I don’t even really know what to do with it. It certainly delivered everything people were wanting out of it and they worked hard, so ****?

Meanwhile, Don Callis continues to be impressed by Orange Cassidy and will be presenting him with a contract on Wednesday.

TBS title: Willow Nightingale v. Mercedes Mone

Willow charges for the pounce and Mercedes retreats to the ropes, and this has mad heat from the crowd right from the start. Mercedes runs away outside and catches Willow on the way back in and rolls her up for two. Willow blocks a wristlock takedown and beats on Mone in the corner, but she charges and lands on the floor. Mercedes tries a baseball slide, but Willow catches her and powerbombs her on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in the ring, delayed suplex gets two. She tries a gutwrench from the apron, but Mercedes trips her up and goes after the ankle in revenge for her own injury. Mercedes with a meteora for two. She takes Willow into an anklelock and Willow just slaps the shit out of her to break free. So Mercedes rolls her into another anklelock, but Willow powers out of that. Mone with a backstabber for two. Willow escapes the Moneymaker, so Mercedes spins into an Octopus instead and Willow reverses out into her own anklelock. Willow follows with the Pounce and a spinebuster gets two. Willow with the Doctorbomb, but Mone escapes, so Willow rolls her up for one and then slams her to set up a fisherman’s suplex for two. Nice touch as she couldn’t push off with the bad ankle and had to let go. To the top, where Willow tries a superplex and Mercedes reverses to a powerbomb for two. Mercedes with a kneebar to further work the leg, but Mone tries to come off the top onto the apron and Willow drops HER knee onto the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and makes the comeback. Willow with the swinging cloverleaf, but the ankle is still hurt, so she does a death valley driver into the corner and then misses a cannonball. Mone goes back to the knee and hits a meteora off the middle ropes for two. Willow bails to the floor, and Mone hits her with another Meteora to the floor as a result. Back in the ring, Willow hits the powerbomb, but Stokely is arguing with the ref and it only gets two. Willow tries it again and Mone reverses to the STF and Willow makes the ropes. They fight to the top again and Mercedes brings her down, hits the Moneymaker, and gets the pin and the title at 18:08. Again, there was literally no other result possible here, but the crowd was absolutely buying into Willow’s chances to retain and they had a hell of a match, with Mone absolutely delivering in the ring aside from her terrible finisher. ****1/4 Afterwards, Stokely appears to have had enough of being a nice guy and Statlander tells him off….but then she turns on Willow after saving her and finally we’re gonna get heel Statlander the psychotic asskicker and I’m here for it.

AEW World title: Swerve Strickland v. Christian Cage

Swerve does some Warriors cosplay, showing that he’s a fan of the classic Rockstar PS2 game. They should make a movie out of that game someday, it would translate well. Swerve takes him down with a headlock, but Christian counters a suplex into the inverted DDT to take over. Christian goes up for a diving headbutt and misses, and Swerve goes for the armbar before they head to the floor and brawl out there. Swerve misses a dive and knocks himself out on the railing, allowing Christian to work him over in the ring. “Christian with the double bicep pose like Dave Draper in 72” notes Taz, making a reference so old and obscure that it’s even before MY time. Christian with the neck vice and he follows with a tornado DDT and frog splash for two. Christian chokes him out in the corner as the crowd is pretty quiet, probably because we’re already 3.5 hours into the main show and it’s late on a Sunday night. Swerve counters the spear into a twisting powerslam, and that gets two. Swerve with the springboard uppercut and neckbreaker after pulling up the turtleneck, thus turning Christian into either Kenny from South Park or Cornholio, depending on which announcer you listen to. See now those references are back in my wheelhouse. Swerve with a crossbody for two. They collide and it’s a double down, while Prince Nana prevents Nick Wayne from stealing the title belt and gets ejected as a result. This is why I have no sympathy for referees getting beat up. Cage’s family assaults Swerve on the outside and Christian gets two, but Swerve fights them all off and goes up, but misses the Swerve Stomp and Christian spears him for two. Finally the ref has had enough of the Patriarchy and sends them all packing. Random question: Was there ever a payoff or explanation of why Killswitch gave up the TNT title shot to Christian way back when? I remember that Cage whispered some dark secret and convinced him to give up the contract, but then it was never followed up again. They fight on the floor again and the stairs get set up in a dangerous position in the aisle. But Christian goes to the apron, and then dodges a diving Swerve, who lands on the stairs outside. And then Nick Wayne comes from under the ring with a cutter on the floor, and sends Swerve back in for a Killswitch that gets two. Back to the floor, they fight onto the Spanish table, where Swerve hits a double knee that somehow fails to break the table. Back in the ring, Christian reverses the JML Driver with a cradle for two, but Swerve blocks the spear with a house call kick in mid-air. And the Swerve Stomp puts him away at 24:47. This took a while to hit third gear but it felt like a bigtime main event by the end. ****1/4

Anarchy in the Arena: FTR, Bryan Danielson & Darby Allin v. The Elite

The brawl begins on the floor right away and Darby is wearing a thumbtack-enhanced mask for protection. So Darby’s music is playing and Matthew gets all annoyed and demands that they play the Bucks music instead. That goes pretty badly, so Danielson wants The Final Countdown instead and they all brawl to that. Darby with a coffin drop off the balcony and Matthew freaks out because the music is costing $200,000 every time they play it. “We’re on a budget here for god’s sake!” Back to ringside, as Okada finds a “Rainmaker Drive” sign and dives onto someone over the railing, while Darby and Jack Perry fight in the parking lot and Perry gets an ice bath. Back to the ring, the Bucks hit a Shatter Machine on Dax for two. Danielson charges and misses a dive, and back in the parking lot we get Perry driving the Scapegoat-Mobile and trying to run over Darby in a pile of garbage. Back in the ring, FTR piledrives Nicholas on the apron and then hits Matthew with a Powerplex for two, but Okada saves. He drops a flying elbow on Dax and once again teases the Rainmaker pose, but this time when he flips off the crowd, Cash bites the finger. Okada with a tombstone on Cash, but Darby returns from the near death experience to save. Code Red on Okada gets two. So the Bucks powerbomb Darby onto a pile of chairs at ringside, and then drag him to the Codyvator and send him on a trip STRAIGHT TO HELL. Next up, the Bucks double-team Bryan and run him into a novelty sized poker chip, followed by a TK Driver onto the chips. FTR and the Bucks trade superkicks on the ramp, but Okada puts Cash onto a table and Nick hits a swanton off the tunnel and through the table. Meanwhile Jack Perry kidnaps Tony Khan from the gorilla position while Darby retrieves his flamethrower and sets the Scapegoat on fire. The Bucks leap in with fire extinguishers and then drag Darby to the ring, but he makes the comeback after a missed Bucks splash and hits Okada with a coffin drop for two. Next up, the Bucks bring down a winch from the ceiling and tie up Darby’s legs, but FTR hits a Shatter Machine on Nick for two. So Matt hits Dax with an exploding chair, and Okada hits Cash with a thumbtack Rainmaker. Next up, the Bucks get thumbtack-covered Reebook Pumps and hang Darby from the ceiling for the killshot, making sure to pump up the shoes first. But then Bryan Danielson returns and steals a shoe, cleaning house with that and then hitting Nick with a busaiku knee for two. “When will this thing end?” wonders Tony. Me too. But then while Danielson is trying to help Darby, Jack Perry returns from being burned alive and hits a running knee on him for the pin at 30:00. This was really fun for about 10 minutes and then they just kept going and going and going and got more needlessly ludicrous, and by the time Darby was hanging upside-down while the Bucks were selling shoes, it completely ran out of steam with me. Probably also because we were 4.5 hours into the main show and I was ready for bed anyway. ***

Strong thumbs up show, but once again, Tony Khan needs an editor. There was a ton of newsworthy stuff here and it was generally a tremendously entertaining show. But even the huge return of MJF was forgotten by four hours into the show because it was so long ago. Remove 4 matches and put them on TV instead and this is an all-time great PPV. As it is, it was just another night of great matches with foregone conclusions that we’ll probably have forgotten about in a couple of weeks.