Articles by Maffew Gregg — page 17

We’re in Arkansa and we have The Sandman & Sabu vs. The Big Show & Matt Striker. Oh.

We’re in Tulsa, Oklahoma and our main event is The Sandman vs. Big Show. That’s out of nowhere, like the rest of the headline feuds on this program as WWE juggles Show as both a world-beater and a large arse for Vince to be thrown in.

Heyman starts the show by introducing Smackdown World Champ King Booker & Queen Sharmell to the EXTREEEME Parking lot. This will give Booker some ” half-arsing a match for a lesser promotion” experience for when he joins TNA next year.

No main event graphic so here’s a GIF from last Sunday’s Unforgiven 2006 instead.

We’re live at Madison Square Garden and instead of a main event graphic, we get Paul Heyman on the mic. He sucks up to the crowd and they buy it until Heyman swerves them. I take it they’ve not been watching this show then? Heyman thanks himself, mocks the crowd for wanting RVD & Sabu and tells them they’re all welcome for his success. ECW was all Heyman’s ideas and vision, dammit. Sabu has enough of this and bum-rushes the ring. Paul does a wobbly runner so Sabu kills Generic Security Number One with an Arabian Facebuster. Heyman’s not happy so he makes it Sabu vs. Big Show EXTREEEME RULES for the ECW title tonight. Wait why would you give someone a title match as a punishment? And the one good thing this show has done the last few months is emphasise how Sabu has the advantage when objects are involved. Huh. Anyway Sabu dives on the security guys to end the segment (and logic) as the commentators flip their lids about how the ECW Title is being defended on the holy grounds of Madison Square etc.

And here’s the big graphic!

Hype video for the McMahons & ECW Champ Big Show vs. D-X in Hell In A Cell at Unforgiven 2006. At least they’re entertaining:

HBK: Is this the place?
*HHH sees ECW shirts*
HHH: Bingo! This is the place!

Recap of Sabu attacking Big Show from last week. Paul Heyman tells us ECW is his life but tonight Dr. Frankenstein is going to kill his creation as he’s going to wrestle Sabu. At least he got the right Frankenstein for the analogy.

We’re in Reading, Pennsylvania and your commentators are Joey Styles (Rick Moranis) & Tazz (Deep Roy).

Two days ago the ECW Title was defended at Summerslam 2006 (the first time the Title was defended on WWE PPV) so we’ll have a look at that.

Thought it was interesting Sabu & Show have different images for different brands. Got to love the Photoshop’d Title on Show and the URGH GRITTY filter for ECW:

Sorry about the delay, went travelling to see Chikara and forgot time causes days to change. Eddie Kingston attacked me so it was worth it.

Due to Rob Van Dam causing a no-contest in last week’s Kurt Angle vs. Sabu match, tonight we are cruelly teased with a three-way ladder match to declare the number one contender to Big Show’s ECW Title. Sure enough, Heyman tells us two days ago Angle tore his groin (yet was still able to win the match) and as such has been medically suspended. It must have been a groin pull the likes of which you’ve never seen before in your life.

So instead it’s Sabu vs. RVD in a ladder match. I’ve included that match twice in Botchamania and could probably do play-by-play with my eyes closed. Then again, it’s not hard typing ”and they fuck something else up” a dozen times.

Last show’s Dreamer & Sandman vs. Knox & Test match. Oh sorry if you’re reading this in 2016 I mean Sandreamer vs. Knest.

Tonight it’s Sabu vs. Kurt Angle in a Number One Contenders Match. Nothing good comes from this match.

We’re live at the Hammerstein Ballroom in Manhattan and tonight it’s Big Show vs. Batista and OH IT’S THIS EPISODE.

Tonight, ECW is honoured to present the annual Big Show vs. Kane match. There’s been more guest stars in the last few weeks of ECW than Cannonball Run.

We’re in Detroit, Michigan and the hosts are Joey Styles (nerdy scientist) and Tazz (the thing the nerdy scientist turns into when he’s bitten by a radioactive orange).

Saturday Night’s Main Event gets recapped. Sadly it’s one of the ones from 2006.

Big Show and Great Khali teamed up to beat up The Undertaker so Undi’s making an appearance tonight against Show. Well the show’s only an hour-long so if he does that promo about leaving him in the desert the match will only twenty seconds.

Show opens with a dramatic recap of Paul Heyman channelling Caligula and helping his horse become ECW Champion.

Cold opening and we’re in Philly…wait.

*checks date*

Ah. It’s this episode.

Vengeance happened on Sunday and in relevant news: Randy Orton got his pin back on Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam retained against Edge and John Cena made Sabu tap out in an EXTREEEEEEEME Lumberjack Match. No mention is made of this on this show so you’re welcome.

Reading J.D. Dunn’s review of Vengeance, I noticed this: ”This was one of those, “God, they’re stupid” gaffs that happen from time to time. Edge won a #1 contender’s match with the Big Show for a title shot tonight. Then, they spent the next few weeks hyping that if ECW won the WWE Title, it would become the new ECW Title. Problem. If there’s no WWE Title, then what do you do with Edge? Well, Van Dam has to look like a complete idiot by hanging on to the title for no reason other than to look like a jackass. That’s akin to the Joker tying up Batman, explaining his whole scheme, and then leaving him behind with a bomb instead of just killing him.” Huh. It’s probably best I’m not reviewing Raw as well as ECW or my head would explode.

Heyman’s 99th invasion of Raw is recapped with an un-named big titted vampire reading tarot cards (so you know you’re watching the Sci-Fi Channel). RVD gave Edge a Five Star Frog Splash and Sabu put Cena through the announce table so it’s RVD & Angle vs. Orton & Edge.

We’re in Albany, NY with Joey Styles & Tazz commentating. One of these men got slapped by Rob Van Dam and the other one KO’d JBL.

So after a hellish PPV where the ECW brand was mostly well-represented, it’s time for the brand new ECW TV show! What could go wrong?

ECW One Night Stand 2006

Cold open into a rabid-arse crowd, just like the good old days. The Hammerstein was perfect for One Night Stand, seeing as how 2000-era ECW would do a better job hyping house shows at this venue than their own national PPVs.

I’ve wanted to look back at a wrestling show for a while but like seats on the bus, all the good ones were taken (yeah, thanks Thomas Hall). So let’s look back at ECW on Sci-Fi.