The Princess Rant — page 2

I’ve
always talked about how much this Wrestlemania sucked but I haven’t watched it
in 14 years so it’s time for a full recap.

I’m excited that my awesome husband bought us tickets for Amy Schumer next week
as she is one of my favorite comedians. In case you have been living under a
rock she used to date Dolph Ziggler and admittedly broke up with him because he
was too much for her in bed. Nice to know someone’s willing to  put one of Dolph’s talents over. You can watch the clip here: http://teamcoco.com/video/amy-schumer-pro-wrestler

She was on Conan this week and talked a little about their relationship. Shame
she wasn’t a bigger name when they were dating because the WWE would have
plugged the shit out of it. It’s funny how they met because basically he was
trying to pick her up on Twitter and she wasn’t responding so he had his
followers Twitterstalk her and eventually she came around to him and they
hooked up a few times. Ahh modern love.

Anyway off to the rant.

Wrestlemania XV: The Ragin’ Climax
From The First Union Center in Philadelphia, Pa.
Hosted by Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

The opening with Freddie Blassie was really good. So there’s one thing going
for it

Boyz II Men sing America The Beautiful.

Triple Threat for Hardcore Championship: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy
Gunn

Snow is big time over because we’re in Philly and he wasn’t too far removed
from his ECW stint. Holly isn’t over because he’s a dickhead. Gunn, however, is
shockingly over as Philly fans hadn’t realized how much he sucked in the ring
yet. And you wonder how did Mr. Ass claim this title? Well it was the old
switcheroo as the New Age Outlaws decided to make a short run at some singles
championships with Gunn going after the Intercontinental title and the Road
Dogg going after the Hardcore title but somehow they ended up with the other
man’s gold.

Gunn goes for his spiel but Snow jumps him and we’re off. Holly sends Gunn
inside out with a sick clothesline and Snow jumps on him and pounds on both
men. Snow takes it to the floor and sends Holly into WWF Deportes. Gunn comes
out to the floor but he is sent into the stairs. Holly and Snow fight up the
ramp and Holly suplexes Snow on the soft black mat. Gunn jumps back in the fray
and tries to piledrive Holly but Snow saves him. Snow goes for the plunder and
finds a hockey stick to do some damage with as the crowd chants “let’s go
Flyers”. Gunn grabs the stick and breaks it over Holly’s back. Snow grabs a
broom while Gunn sends Holly into the ring. Snow goes low on Gunn with the
broomstick and starts pounding on both men. Snow uses part of the hockey stick
to clothesline Holly. Gunn grabs a chair but Snow beats him to the punch with
the hockey stick. He then grabs the chair and works on both men. He sets the
chair up and hits Gunn with a leap of faith. He tries the same on Holly but
misses and Gunn sends Holly over the top to catch a breather. He gets Holly
back in the ring but Snow takes both men down with Head. Snow goes back to the
floor and grabs a table. Snow tries to whip Holly in the table but Holly comes
back with a clothesline. Gunn WALLOPS Holly with a chair and beals Snow through
the table to a HUGE POP. Wow. Gunn with a chair-aided fameasser on Snow but
Holly interrupts the count at two, dumps Gunn and pins Snow himself.

(Holly def. Snow & Gunn, pinfall, **1/2, not a bad opener at all, I forget
what I gave this one the first time around.)

World Tag Team Championship: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett vs. D-Lo Brown & Test

Hmm, how did this team happen? Oh well they had a battle royale during Sunday
Night Heat with the final two men remaining getting a title shot so there you
go. D-Lo is accompanied by Ivory while Test is accompanied by his beautiful
hair. His shirt says “Guns don’t kill people. I kill people”, hmm that wouldn’t
fly in 2013 WWE. Test and D-Lo argue from the onset. If Test were alive he
would probably be the leader of Aces & Eights.

D-Lo and Test jump the champs and Test hits Owen with the big boot, sending him
to the floor. D-Lo with a hip toss and a clothesline on Jarrett as both men tag
out. Test hits Owen with a nice powerbomb but Owen counters the pump handle
with an enziguri. Owen goes for the sharpshooter but D-Lo saves him. Test tags
out and D-Lo slams Owen and hits his signature legdrop. Owen rallies back with
a leg lariat and his sweet gut wrench suplex. Double clothesline from the
champs and they make a wish on D-Lo. Jarrett with a sit down splash and another
tag, they miss the double clothesline but D-Lo hits his. He dominates both guys
and hits the low down on Jarrett for two. Now the melee begins as the ladies get
involved. Terri Runnels comes out for some reason; she had an issue with Ivory.
In the ring D-Lo goes for a powerbomb but Owen hits him with a dropkick from
the top rope while the ref is distracted, Jarrett rolls up Brown and gets the victory.
D-Lo and Test argue and fight after the match.

(Don’t Piss Off Canada def. D-Lo & Test, pinfall, *1/2, Owen and Jarrett
were a good team but needed a better team to get the most out of them. Still I
believe this was Owen’s final PPV match and he won so that’s a good thing.”

Brawl For All: Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Gorilla Monsoon is one of the ringside judges and gets a massive pop from the
crowd that makes me feel good. It would be his last Wrestlemania and one of his
final appearances in the WWF before he died.

The fight lasts less than a minute as Butterbean completed obliterates Gunn
with a right hand. Why the fuck they would subject Bart Gunn to a shoot match
against a professional, seasoned boxer is beyond me. Believe it or not Bart
Gunn was the only redeeming thing from the stupid Brawl For All series and they
actually might have had something there. Part of me thinks he was punished for
making Steve Williams look bad but that’s the booker for being stupid enough to
book a guy they had big plans for in a shoot fight.

(Butterbean def. Gunn, knockout, DUD, it was a very impressive punch.)

(They show Mankind and The Big Show brawling during Sunday Night Heat. Big Show
was waiting for Steve Austin and as the two brawled, Austin just sorted of
strolled by.)

Mankind vs. “The Big Show” Paul Wight

Hey that’s how he was billed so don’t look at me. The winner of this match is
the referee in the main event. The Big Show represented the Corporation at this
point so it was important to the McMahons that he win. Big pop for Mankind.
Wight has his usual offense; it really hasn’t changed much in 15 years. Some
punches, some headbutts, a boot here and there. They go to the floor and
Mankind rams Show into the steps twice but he goes for a DDT and Show sends him
into the post. Back in the ring and Show with a couple of chops to the chest
and a knee smasher. Side Russian legsweep (!!) by Show but he misses with the
big right and tumbles to the floor. Foley grabs Socko and gets it on Show twice
but Show hammers his way out of it. A third mandible claw and Foley kicks Show
in the nuts to assist him as Show goes to his knees. Foley jumps on Show’s back
and Show gets to his feet and crushes Foley with the fallback slam. Foley would
say he was legitimately hurt on that move. Show sends Mankind to the floor and
grabs a chair, he hits him with a couple of nasty chair shots as the referee
admonishes him. Back in the ring, Show grabs another chair and chokeslams
Mankind on it, drawing a disqualification. He then continues to kick Mankind’s
ass as McMahon wonders what the hell Show is doing. McMahon slaps Show a couple
of times as Show ponders hitting him but backs off. Another slap, however,
triggers his anger and he drops McMahon with a right hand.

(Mankind def. “The Big Show” Paul Wight, disqualification, *1/2, a sloppy,
disjointed brawl.)

Four Corners Elimination Match for Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Ken
Shamrock vs. Val Venis vs. Goldust

Road Dogg is your champion here. Goldust has The Blue Meanie and Ryan Shamrock
in his corner. Apparently Ryan Shamrock had been messing around with Venis too…hell
I don’t know, I try to block as much of this Vince Russo shit out of my mind as
I can. I think Shamrock had recently left the Corporation. Ken Shamrock that
is, not Ryan.

All four men start out and Shamrock dumps Goldust. Road Dog and Shamrock give
Venis a double elbow and then Shamrock clotheslines Road Dog as Cole completely
botches the rules of the match when he says the champion is at a decisive
disadvantage. This is untrue because this is an elimination match and not a ‘first
pinfall wins match’. Lawler tries to save him but Cole continues to babble away
and makes something up about a coin toss that determined who would start the
match. Shamrock continues hammering away but Road Dog gets a dropkick and tags
in Goldust, who hits Shamrock with a spinebuster. Shamrock tags Venis, who
holds off Goldust to pound on Shamrock some himself. Goldust interrupts with a
sit down suplex and goes for the curtain call but Venis counters and gets a
spinebuster of his own. Venis sets too early on an irish whip and gets head
cracker and a clothesline for his troubles. Goldust sets Venis on the top and
botches a superplex but they don’t repeat the spot and Venis improvises and
hits a top rope bulldog for two. Fisherman’s suplex from Venis also gets two.
They knock heads and Venis accidentally headbutts Goldust in the groin. The miscommunication
gives Shamrock a chance to DDT Goldust and Road Dog a chance to DDT Venis.
Goldust recovers first and gets two.

Road Dog jumps in the fray again and comes in for Goldust  as Shamrock distracted the referee.  Venis, however, takes control with two corner
clotheslines. He goes for a northern lights suplex but Road Dog blocks and Road
Dog hits his punching combo on Venis, this Goldust and then hits the chicken
leg knee drop on Shamrock to a major pop. The New Age Outlaws were tremendously
over with this crowd. Too much celebrating, however, and Venis suplexes Road
Dog from the second rope but Dog hits the pump handle slam and tags Shamrock.
Shamrock catches a charging Venis with a drop toe and the ankle lock but Venis
gets to the ropes. Shamrock goes for a clotheslines but Venis ducks Shamrock
hits the floor where his “sister” bitches him out. Venis hits Shamrock with a
baseball slide and both men go to the floor. They fight up the railing and get
counted out. Shamrock runs to the ring and snaps, giving both Goldust and Road
Dog belly-to-belly suplexes to no crowd reaction at all. Goldust recovers first
and gets a two count. Road Dog reverses an irish whip and Ryan Shamrock
accidentally grabs Goldust’s leg, temporarily distracting him, he recovers to
catch a charging Road Dog with a powerslam but Road Dog rolls through for the
cover.

(Road Dog def. Goldust, Venis, Shamrock, pinfall, ***1/4, Criticize me if you
want but I kind of dug that match. Non-stop action, no rest and all four guys
came to work. Venis was particularly good at carrying the action.)

(We recap the HHH-Kane issue that led to our next match.)

Triple H vs. Kane

As Kane comes to the ring he is “jumped” by the San Diego Chicken, who turns
out to be Pete Rose in costume. Kane gives him the tombstone, the second year
he suffered such fate. Kane looks to the entrance way for HHH but instead HHH
comes from the crowd and gives Kane a low blow. Kane recovers with a big boot
but HHH sends Kane over the top where he lands on his feet of course. Kane
misses a clothesline and hits the post. HHH sends him into the post a second
time and then the steel steps. Kane tries to get back in the ring but HHH hits
him with a high knee and then sends him into WWF Americana. Back in the ring
and Kane recovers and tosses HHH over the top, he doesn’t land on his feet.
They continue to fight on the floor and Kane posts him on the ringside
barricade and clotheslines him into the Mean Street Posse (nice seats guys).
Kane works on the back, sending HHH into the post three times. Back in the ring
as the pace of this match went from slow to nearly stationary. Kane whips HHH
in the corner as the crowd tries to get the guys to pick up the pace. Kane
continues his assault however, some punching and some choking involved. Kane
with the leg drop and that gets two. More sleep-inducing “punishment” from Kane,
who was about four years away from improving his pacing. He climbs to the top
and HHH catches him with a slam. Kane recovers but misses a blind charge. HHH
with a face buster and the Harley Race knee as Chyna comes down. Kane uses the
distraction to go for the tombstone but HHH counters to the pedigree but Kane
counters that and drops an elbow as both men pass out (probably from boredom).
Chyna pushes the steel steps in the ring, Kane tries to use them but gets
caught with the drop-toe hold and falls face first on the steps. They are back
out of the ring and HHH goes for a pedigree on the steps but Kane back drops
him to the floor in a surprising great bump. Back in the ring and Kane gets the
chokeslam as Chyna wants to come in the ring and finish the job. Kane turns his
back on her like an idiot and Chyna hits him with the chair. It doesn’t hurt
but she distracts him enough for HHH to hit Kane with the chair twice and give
him the Pedigree. Chyna and HHH make up to a massive pop. He got disqualified
by the way.

(Kane def. HHH, disqualification, **, boring as hell but it picked up a little
at the end there.)

(Kevin Kelly talks about the main event referee situation. Paul Wight is
arrested and Mankind has been hospitalized but Mr. McMahon comes out to
disclose that he actually has a referee shirt in his bag and says “no more
controversy.”)

(Rapper Big Pun is shown in the crowd. He’s dead now. So that’s three on the
death count so far.)

WWF Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

Sable’s got a new attitude as she was working on sort of a heel run. Tori
borrowed the her outfit from Cheetara of the Thundercats. Sable quickly dumps
her with some boots so loose even Jackie Gayda-Haas would blush. They fight
outside the ring as Tori, god bless her, has to sell these awful shots. Sable
does hit a high-spot, a cross body from the ring apron to the floor. She
decides to grind and Tori hits her with an awful clothesline that hits Sable’s
implants. A couple of corner clotheslines but Sable reverses it and misses the
charge, Tori with a rollup for two. These two bitches actually try the roll
up/bridge spot and it misses. Tori accidentally takes out the ref, Sable
botches a Power bomb and Tori tries her own when Nicole Bass comes from nowhere
and beats Tori up while the referee (who did the best ring work in this match)
is still out. Second Sablebomb hits and gets the pin.

(Sable def. Tori, pinfall, DUD, 10 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.)

(Degeneration X does an interview, they are a happy family now don’cha know)

WWF European Championship: Shane McMahon vs. X-Pac

Shane-O-Mac is accompanied by Test, guaranteeing Test two paychecks from this
event. Wow his hair is beautiful; I wish he were alive so I could figure out
what product he uses it in. Maybe it’s a Moroccan Oil Treatment or something.

X-Pac is jumped by Patterson and Brisco as he comes to the ring but he quickly
dismisses  both of them and races to the
ring. Shane stalls for a bit by X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick and pounds away
in the corner. Shane escapes before the Bronco Buster but X-Pac catches him up
the ramp and gets him back in the ring. Test, however, evens thing and posts
X-Pac in the post, ouch, that’ll tear your asshole apart. X-Pac gets in the
ring at nine and Shane hits a double axe. He roughs X-Pac up in the corner and
adds a slap. Body slam and Shane goes for the corporate elbow but it misses.
However, the ref is distracted by Test and Shane gets a low blow on X-Pac. Test
gives Shane his weight belt and he straps X-Pac with it a few times but charges
and gets sent over the top. Plancha to the floor by X-Pac and he beats up the
Mean Street Posse for kicks. Test, however, drops X-Pac with a clothesline.
Back in the ring McMahon drops an elbow than goes to the middle rope and hits a
front elbow, ala Bret Hart. Shane goes to the top but X-Pac with a counter and
a superplex for two when Test pulls X-Pac out of the ring. X-Pac sends Test to
the stairs, however, and X-Pac grabs the leather strap and GOES TO TOWN on the
fortunate son. Kick combination and a bronco buster by X-Pac but while the
referee checks on Shane, Test wallops X-Pac with the European belt and it gets
two. Shane decides to go for his own bronco buster but misses. Test tries to
interfere again and X-Pac hits him with the bronco buster as HHH and Chyna
comes down to ring side. X-Factor for McMahon but Chyna distracts the ref which
gives time for HHH to pull the SWERVE and give X-Pac the Pedigree to help
McMahon get the pin. Great turn as the crowd did a collective gasp. Test and
HHH beat down X-Pac and then beat down the New Age Outlaws until Kane makes the
save. So we get two heel turns and a face turn in one match while Chyna goes
from heel to face to heel in 20 minutes. Not quite Bret Hart-Steve Austin
double turn but not bad.

(Shane McMahon def. X-Pac, pinfall, ***, not bad as Test and Shane were
tremendous in their blatant cheating.)

(They recap the Undertaker-Corporation feud, which is was a weird heel on heel
feud as Undertaker was harassing Vince through Stephanie, making Vince both an
evil corporate heel but a sweet dad that is concerned about his daughter. The whole
thing was a total mess and led to a bunch of people being crucified and the
creation of “The Union” and then the “Corporate Ministry”. Vince Russo had
enough ADD to fill a day care center at this point.)

Hell in the Cell: Big Bossman vs. The Undertaker

The Undertaker’s music KICKED ASS during this phase. Everything else about the
character sucked but Jim Johnson was not playing when it came to the tunes. I
might have this on an iPod somewhere (take a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_tqIAdQzKo)

Undertaker charges as the bell rings but Bossman is too quick and lays in the
first shots. Undertaker reverses and he lays in the body shots before going to
the head. He sends Bossman into the corner but gets hit with an elbow, Undertaker
comes back with the clothesline and gets a two count. Undertaker telegraphs a
back body drop but gets caught with a neckbreaker for two. Crowd, unsure of who
to cheer for, is dead. They fight to the floor as Undertaker sends the Bossman
into the cage twice but Bossman changes the tide and sends Undertaker into the
cage. Bossman grabs his handcuffs and ties the Undertaker to the cage. He grabs
his nightstick and gives Undertaker three shots but as the Undertaker fell he
broke those cheapo handcuffs. Undertaker with a weak blade job, really weak, as
Bossman continues the assault with the baton. Undertaker, however, sends
Bossman into the cage a few times. Undertaker grabs a chair and hits Bossman on
the back a couple of times. I think Bossman has a weak blade job too as the
crowd is just shitting on this match. Undertaker with the float over
clothesline for two. Undertaker goes for old school but Bossman kicks his leg
out and sends him into the cage. They go for an epic slugfest while I can
literally hear conversations in the crowd as they have no clue who to cheer
for. Undertaker goes low and goes for the tombstone, Bossman escapes but misses
a clothesline and the second attempt at the tombstone gets it.

(Undertaker def. Bossman, pinfall, *, horrifically uninspired and boring. I
think this was 6 or 7 in the streak.)

Now the fun begins as The Brood (Edge, Gangrel and Christian) propel from
cables connected to the top of the arena (so they DID do this the month before
Owen’s death. Wow). They were also part of the Ministry of Darkness, which
included like 25 people. They bust through the cage and give the Undertaker a
noose. Then they connect back on their cables and fly back to the top of the
arena while the Undertaker works the noose around the Bossman neck. Paul Bearer
lifts the cage and the Bossman gets HANGED?!?!?!! Are you fucking kidding me?
It’s clear from the clip on the back of the Bossman’s ring gear that he’s
supported but still. What. The. Fuck. Like what were they thinking? Who green
lit this bullshit. And Michael Cole says this is a perfect time to recap last
night’s Wrestlemania Slam Jam. Ummm no, I just saw a guy get hung, I don’t give
a shit about the Slam Jam or Rage party or whatever it was.

Anyway, Main Event time and thankfully Jim Ross replaces Cole for the match
commentary.

WWF World Championship: The Rock vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Vince McMahon comes out in his referee gear but the Commissioner Shawn Michaels
makes an appearance and explains to Vince that there is only one man that can
assign an official for the main event at Wrestlemania. Quick hint, it’s not
Vince. Shawn in a nice way tells Vince to get to stepping and bars the
Corporation from ringside.

Slugfest to start things and Rock dumps Austin over the top rope. He sends
Austin into WWF Deportes and chokes him out with his t-shirt. Back in the ring
and Rock lays in the boots but Austin sends Rock over the top rope and then
over the ring barricade. They fight into the crowd and then back to ring side
where Austin unceremoniously dumps Rock over the top and then over another
barricade and into another crowd. Rock recovers and clotheslines Austin over
the barricade back to the ringside area. He chokes Austin with a TV wire and
the fight up the ramp. Austin whips Rock into the steel railing and nails him
with a clothesline. He goes for a piledriver but Rock back drops Austin onto
one of the lights onto one of the ring entrance lamp lights. Nasty bump but
relatively safe. They continue to fight as Austin sends Rock into one of the TV
cranes and hits him with a clothesline. Now he chokes Rock with the TV wire.
This is a no-disqualification match if you were wondering. Austin sends Rock
into the Wrestlemania logo and they continue to brawl up the ramp. They return
back but Rock suplexes Rock on the ramp way. They fight back to the announce
tables and Rock spits some water in Austin’s face. Austin with a hangman on
Rock and he sets up on the table and hits an elbow but the table didn’t break.
They try it on WWF Deportes again and the table breaks this time. Austin grabs
some water and spits it in Rock’s face. Rock recovers and wraps Austin’s leg
around the post but Austin stops it from happening a second time and sends Rock
into the steel steps.

Back in the ring and Rock pulls a Rockbottom out of his ass for a two count. Rock
decides to grab a chair but Austin beats him to the punch and grabs the chair
but Rock ducks and poor Mike Chioda takes a WICKED chair shot from Austin. Rock
with a neckbreaker and he grabs the chair but Austin tries to counter with the
stunner but Rock hits an elbow. He finally gets some chair shots on Austin’s
leg, chest and finally and a knockout shot to the face but the second referee
can only get to two. Rock with a chinlock as everyone needs a bit of a break.
Austin fights out of the hold but gets dropped with a clothesline and Rock
teases a people’s elbow but goes back to the chinlock. Austin fights out again
but Rock hits a Samoan Drop for two. Rock gets pissed with Tim White’s slow
counts so he gives him the Rockbottom. Austin hits a stunner and Rock does the
somersault sell. Earl Hebner runs in but only gets a two count. Crowd not happy
with that one. And now Vince McMahon comes back down to ringside. Austin grabs
a chair and goes for the kill but Rock goes low. Vince comes in the ring and
drops Hebner so he and Rock can double team Austin. Mankind now stumbles to the
ring and he drops McMahon to the dismay of Rock. Austin with a roll up for two.
Lou Thesz press and the fuck you elbow drop but Austin sets too early and gets
dropped with another clotheslines. Rockbottom hits flush but Rock decides it’s
time for the Corporate Elbow but it misses. A second rockbottom is counted into
the Stone Cold Stunner for the three count and a new champion. Awesome brawl.

(Austin def Rock, pinfall, ****1/4, overbooked near the end but this was just a
ridiculous balls-to-the-wall brawl that would define many Rock-Austin
encounters.)

After about five minutes of chugging beer Austin beats up McMahon for fun.

The Bottom Line: Tremendous Main Event aside this card just didn’t have the chutzpah
to take advantage of the hot Philly crowd. Give me a better Mankind-Big Show
brawl and a better HHH-Kane match and something better than that god awful Hell
in the Cell and maybe we’ve got something. But for the most part it was a
boring card with disjointed booking that Rock and Austin worked their asses off
to salvage and they almost did it but not quite.

And my final piece for this Wrestlemania season. The Princess Rant on The True Story of Wrestlemania (Sort of) For those interested the matches included in this set are:

Wrestlemania: Hogan & Mr. T vs. Piper & Orndorff Wrestlemania III: Savage vs. Steamboat Wrestlemania III: Hogan vs. Andre Wrestlemania VII: Savage vs. Warrior Wresltemania X: Ladder Match: Razor vs. HBK Wrestlemania XIV: HBK vs. Austin Wrestlemania 2000: Tag Team Triangle Ladder Match Wrestlemania X-Seven: Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon
Wrestlemania X-8: The Rock vs. Hogan Wrestlemania XIX: Angle vs. Brock Wrestlemania 22: Cena vs. Triple H Every match includes the full lead-ins so pre-match interviews, ring introductions, Liberace dancing, you name it. We see a nice highlight montage of Wrestlemania moments from the beginning to the end. Edge, Triple H, Rey Mysterio, Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan all talk about the electricity and the legend of Wrestlemania. Vince talks about it being the biggest night of the year in the business.

Gene Okerlund said Wrestlemania took the sport that used to be in the national guard armories and turned it on its ear.

Wow Stu Saks got some speaking time on this one. I wasn’t sure if he was a real guy.

We go into a few clips and words about Vince building the organization from being a territorial base to a national one. Hulk Hogan said that Wrestlemania was something he didn’t understand and it was a little concerning because he was afraid it would ruin his territorial career.

Howard Finkel and Okerlund talk about how cable television helped the WWF reach out to celebrities and help the organization become a part of pop culture. They go into the Rock & Wrestling connection and the relationship the WWF had with MTV including the “War to Settle the Score”, which was the lead-in to Wrestlemania. Okerlund interviewing Andy Warhol about a wrestling card is one of those things that you wouldn’t believe unless you saw it.

Vince said the Wrestlemania idea sort of came from brainstorming during a vacation. Okerlund and Finkel add in their thoughts and said that the event was going to be a hybrid or wrestling and entertainment. Finkel takes credit for the name ‘Wrestlemania’ as he took it from ‘Beatlemania’, when The Beatles came to America. Hogan said Vince completely stacked the deck with celebrities for the first show with Liberace, Muhammad Ali, Billy Martin, The Rockettes, Cyndi Lauper, etc.

Saks said that the general consensus from the rest of the wrestling world was that they hoped it would fail because the company will go under. Gerry Brisco confirms that pretty much all the company’s funds were invested in this card. Vince says it was a huge gamble to do it with closed-circuit TV and they secured over 200 venues nationally and each had their own marketing and ticketing plans.

Hogan said Vince Sr. would have rolled over in his grave if he knew what his son was up to. Once he saw how it went down and what it accomplished, however, he would have been proud.

Highlights of the first Wrestlemania. I’ve mistakenly called this a super beefed-up house show in the past, but it wasn’t, it was a hell of an event.

Lawler said while wrestling purists might have turned their nose at the event anytime a wrestler could be put on the same level of a movie star it’s a good thing.
Vince said the numbers along the east coast were great and there were lot of parties that night. Had it not been successful he wouldn’t be doing this DVD right now. Claims over a million people watched this on closed-circuit. Vince said the success of the first Wrestlemania gave him the belief that anything was possible. Finkel said he knew this wasn’t going to be a one time thing.

We move to Wrestlemania 2 and Okerlund and Dick Ebersol both said the plan of having it at three locations wasn’t desirable. Ebersol says it was going to be tough to pull off without Vince at each sight.

(I want to note there is a lot of Ted Arcidi in the early footage. Some of him was lifting weights, some of him training Hulk Hogan. Just wanted to point that out.)

Basil DeVito, WWE’s senior advisor of business strategies, explains that each venue had a one-hour show and watched the other two hours on large screens.

(Is there a “full” version of Wrestlemania 2 that exists? Like full with interviews and full matches and everything? Because the only version I’ve ever seen is the Coliseum video and it’s awfully hacked)
William Perry talks about his experience and they show footage of his interview with Gene Okerlund and Okerlund cracking up the minute they cut the camera.
Chris Jericho says he watched his first Wrestlemania, which was Wrestlemania 2, on closed circuit in Winnipeg. The main concerns about closed circuit were if a satellite feed was lost. It happened around Pittsburgh and for that reason they showed the full card on Tuesday for free on an independent TV station. Devito said it was the first and last time. Ebersol said the whole production and execution were not up to Vince’s standards.

Onto Wrestlemania III and Vince’s big idea to break all attendance records. He wanted the biggest venue and the biggest crowd. He chose the Silverdome to make this happen and when approached DeVito admitted he was scared to death. To demand that sort of attendance you couldn’t just do it with celebrities along. There had to be a major attraction. Enter Andre vs. Hogan. DeVito said the celebrities were put off to the side a little because the match was going to be the selling point. DeVito says on camera that the week before the card they sold out 93,173 tickets so screw you Meltzer! DeVito was worried about the fan experience because 93,173 tickets are nice but if they can’t see anything what the fuck? So they put up massive projection screens to make sure that even the bad seats were good seats.

Brisco and Finkel talked about how much fun the fans were having before the ticket booths open with all the tailgating and things that were normally reserved for football games.

And for my favorite part of this documentary as Vince gets legitimately emotional (I think, never know with that guy) talking about his dad and feeling his dad’s presence as he walked to the ring to kick off the start of Wrestlemania III (with Aretha Franklin singing “America the Beautiful” in the background). It’s a feeling that he’ll never forget and still thinks about today. (Personally I’ve always thought there was way too much time spent on trying to confirm a 93,173 number and not enough time spent on celebrating the accomplishment that was. That’s why this part is my favorite, not just Vince getting emotional, but the fact that the focus was where it should have been – Wrestlemania III was a landmark day for this business.) Cena says Hogan vs. Andre was the biggest match ever. Okerlund said the match had to happen and this was, in many ways, Andre’s swan song. Vince said Andre wanted everyone to watch the match and see what he was about to do. And Hogan was naturally scared, at least according to him. Vince’s evil smile when he talks about Hogan’s fears is pretty funny. Everyone talks about the match as the highlights run. They still treat the bodyslam like it was some exclusive moment but we all know Hogan slammed him in every match they had from like 1979 to 1981.

Vince said Andre was so proud of what he had done. Triple H said it was Hogan’s moments but it was just as much Andre’s moment. Brisco said Andre had officially passed the torch. Of course they fought 3 or 4 more times after that but whatever.

Jericho and Saks said the Steamboat-Savage match stole the show. Jericho said he watched the match so much he memorized it and used to simulate it with his friend. Rey Mysterio and finally the man himself, Ricky Steamboat, add their thoughts. Steamboat says the pop of 93,000 people was amazing. Jericho said that match was the watermark in terms of what he thought a wrestling match should be. Brisco said it’s proof that a match didn’t need to be the main event to steal the show and the fact that the match is still widely regarded 25 years later shows how greatness can stand the test of time.

They jump to Wrestlemania 23 just to spotlight their return to Detroit. This time they had 80,000+ at Ford Field and Aretha Franklin sang again.

Donald Trump talks about Vince approaching him with Hair vs. Hair match. Vince talks about his friendship with Trump. Trump says Vince’s level of detail is amazing and he’s not only a great promoter but a great businessman. Vince says that the real Trump is a very nice, humble man. Clips of Vince getting his hair cut is tremendous. Vince can be so entertaining he wants. Trump says Wrestlemania 23 had the highest buyrates and he reminds Vince of it often.

Now we jump back to Wrestlemania IV and V to talk about the early years of the Vince-Trump relationship. Trump says he had a ton of Mike Tyson fights in Atlantic City and thought Wrestlemania was as good, if not a little better, and he wanted a piece of the action at his casino. DeVito wasn’t sure if the casino crowd was a good fit so Trump suggested making a weekend event out of it. And that was how Wrestlemania’s fan fest and now called Fan Axxess began.

And onto the nuts and bolts of Wrestlemania IV – the tournament – and it’s just as boring hearing them talk about it today. The narrator says Wrestlemania IV was more of a financial success than Wrestlemania III and of course they doubled up and did Wrestlemania V there.

Time to move on and move out of the states. WWE/F always had a great presence in Canada and especially Toronto. With a fairly new, beautiful domed stadium in Toronto they had a natural fit.

Edge talks about attending Wrestlemania VI and the atmosphere surrounding Hogan-Warrior and the split crowd. Pat Patterson said Warrior cried like a baby after the match and was so humble.

Skip to Wrestlemania X-8 where Hogan stole the show again, this time with The Rock. Jericho and Triple H argued that Hogan-Rock should have been the Main Event and they didn’t want to go on last. Jericho said 26 (now 27) matches have went on last but some weren’t the Main Event. They talk about Hogan a little bit and Vince says that Hogan is the iconic figure of Wrestlemania. Triple H said Vince is the mastermind but Hogan was the figurehead. Jericho said Hogan built Wrestlemania and if not for him it wouldn’t exist now. Okerlund agrees and simply says Hogan was box office. Hogan, of course, pats himself on the back and talks about how awesome he is. But he also says that Wrestlemania is the foundation of his career. Saks says Hogan, Wrestlemania and McMahon wouldn’t exist or have the success they have had without each other.

Sgt. Slaughter relays a story that he told Vince how great Wrestlemania VI was and Vince talked about needed a new villain to headline Wrestlemania VII and Hogan didn’t want to work with no one else. They go into the Slaughter character of being an Iraqi sympathizer and it was heavy stuff. Slaughter explains all the death threats that were received and it was serious stuff as Vince had to get security to Slaughter’s house for his wife’s protection.

They talk about wanting to hold the card at the Los Angeles Coliseum and they looked at the security the NFL had for Super Bowl XXV because of the Gulf War. DeVito admits they had sold about 17,000 tickets at the time and with security being a huge concern (and expense) they made the quick decision to move to the L.A. Sports Arena. Kerwin Siflies said it was the right move, especially because it was a cold, rainy night in L.A.

On to Wrestlemania VIII and the hopes of the dream match between Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan and the big switcheroo. Saks wonders how they didn’t make that match. Brisco explains that the Hogan-Flair matches in the house shows didn’t have a good run and Ric Flair wasn’t accepted into the WWF/E like they expected. Okerlund says he would have still loved to see it. Okerlund says the components were there for greatness but things didn’t come together and it was a so-so-Wrestlemania (I totally disagree but whatever).

And Wrestlemania IX and turning some plain bleachers at Ceasar’s Palace into a Roman Coliseum (to this date it’s the best set they’ve ever done in my opinion, with the Orlando set for Wrestlemania XXIV being a super close second). They documented much of the progress of this event which allows us to see cool footage of Vince explaining to Shawn Michaels how the sound travels in an outdoor facility and Vince working with Lex Luger on his ring entrance. Yokozuna walking with his kid, Hulk Hogan and the Giant Gonzalez hanging out, Bret Hart asking where the girls were, and a whiteboard of the match card being displayed. All incredibly cool backstage stuff. Silfies talks about how much fun the show was. They acknowledge the double title switch at Wrestlemania IX and how it could have been political but the surprise factor outweighed everything.

Wrestlemania X at MSG and they talk about how MSG was the perfect venue to celebrate the 10th anniversary because it’s where it all started. Vince says Madison Square Garden says it all and it’s a special place for the WWE. It was only natural to go there for Wrestlemania XX and let’s completely ignore that Benoit stuff because it didn’t happen. Instead they focus on Cena’s first Wrestlemania and winning the U.S. Title and The Rock returning to Wrestlemania. Saks says Wrestlemania at MSG is a perfect fit because it’s the media capital. Although I don’t see Wrestlemania XXX being held there, I hope it is. Chris Jericho agrees on camera and says every 10th Wrestlemania should be held at the Garden.

Finkel talks about the expansion of the fan fest and how it started at Wrestlemania 10 and how they have tried to make it the ultimate fan experience. Triple H says Wrestlemania is now a week-long fan experience much like the Super Bowl and it makes sense because Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of the industry. It gives the superstars a chance to meet the fans, extend the brand, do a ton of charity events and give the whole event for of a vacation feel.

Jericho talks about Hall of Fame adding even more to the overall experience. Finkel says having the Hall of Fame during the Wrestlemania weekend is very prestigious. It’s another great thing for the fans and the legends that have a chance to talk about their experiences in the industry. Silfies explains that it has become the most memorable experience of the weekend.

Moving on to Lawrence Taylor stepping in the ring. And I have to admit LT really earned his half million dollars because he didn’t suck in the ring and he was EVERYWHERE for the promotional stuff. Vince gives credit to the late Bam Bam for helping make that match what it was and taking advantage of the opportunity to headline the card. Saks says that Taylor took it seriously and his efforts were a big reason why they pulled it off.

Wrestlemania XII and the Iron Man match. Patterson says that Hart and Michaels were the only two guys in this era that could go 60 minutes and he was happy that they pulled off the match he expected.

Wrestlemania 13 and the WWF/E was reeling as WCW was dominating the ratings. The organization needed a major spark of energy. Enter “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Brisco says the Hart-Austin match was completely different than anything they had done before at Wrestlemania. It was a perfect mixture of hardcore and old school and the new generation. Edge said that the match with Hart started the Austin phenomenon and the image of Austin fighting out of the sharpshooter with the blood streaming from his face was the start of the new era. Austin led Wrestlemania and the WWF/E into a new place. Triple H said Stone Cold helped Wrestlemania get a second life. He became was Hogan was in the beginning as the face of Wrestlemania. Lawler says that Austin surpassed what Hogan was at Wrestlemania (Hmmm I don’t know about that one). Jericho said Austin rescued Wrestlemania (I agree with that) and Saks adds that Mike Tyson was a huge part of that. DeVito says the investment is Tyson was enormous (I’ve heard close to $2 million). Devito thought Tyson was a bad idea and it was too much money but Vince explained simply “how can we explain this business to grow if more people don’t see it and [Tyson] was a way for more people to it.”

(And Vince was right, Tyson boosted TV ratings and much like LT, Tyson was everywhere and willing to do everything to help promotion.)

Vince said the publicity was great for the brand and if it accomplished nothing else that was a success. Jericho said Tyson’s appearance alone created a buzz even though he was going to be in a non-physical role. Saks said Tyson’s aura of invincibility wasn’t quite broken yet so he drew a ton of attention. HHH agrees with that sentiment and he was still one of the more recognizable guys in sports. Watching Tyson do crop chops (horribly) is still hilarious.

Jericho said the Austin-Michaels match was the kick start the WWE needed (and the beginning of the end for WCW). Saks said it changed the direction of the promotion.

The talking heads talk about celebrities a bit. Jesse Ventura even chimes in and says it’s like going to a Los Angeles Lakers game and it gives the fans a feeling like they are at a major event that only a few people can get into. And we get some clips of the various celebrities and their involvement. Mike Tyson attempts to speak English with limited success. Lawler talks about Pete Rose’s involvement and his reoccurring appearances. They agree that celebrities will always be a part of Wrestlemania because that’s how things got started. And we get into the first encounter of the Rock-Austin and then the tag team ladder matches at Wrestlemania 2000 and Wrestlemania X-Seven. Edge admits that they raised the bar too high and just says that everyone wants the steal the show at Wrestlemania because people never forget it.

By 2001 the WWE bought out WCW and had taken in many assets from ECW as well. Edge said him spearing Jeff Hardy from a ladder was the snapshot of his career. They actually acknowledge the HHH-Undertaker match at Wrestlemania X-Seven. They talk about Wrestlemania XIX in Seattle and Austin said that the OMR on his jacket stood for “One More Round” and if he got through that match he was done. And he was. They add in some great footage of Austin limping out of the arena with his in-ring career now behind him.
Jericho talks about his match with HBK and Jericho says it’s the one night where you can him a timeless match. He says you can have the greatest match at a house show and it’s great for those thousand people. You can have the greatest match at RAW and it lasts a little longer, but Wrestlemania is where the classics happen.

HBK talks about Wrestlemania and it’s everything good about life and the business. It is very much known as his show and he credits the guys he’s been in the ring with to help him. He spotlights the ladder match and the iron man match as the two that are the most special to him. Jericho says Michaels’ ideas and the chances he takes are part of his genetic code and he was born to be the star of Wrestlemania. Triple H says you put an HBK match at any spot on the Wrestlemania card and he will steal the show. Cena says his match with Michaels at Wrestlemania 23 was a special moment. Randy Orton says HBK is the “match of the year” man and most times that match is at Wrestlemania.

They talk about Wrestlemania’s rotation of New York, L.A. and Chicago but the day after Wrestlemania in the Staples Center Vince said he wanted to go to stadiums after their Wrestlemania XXII run in Chicago. Big Show, Jericho, Ted DiBiase Sr., Edge and Sheamus all agree that Wrestlemania should be on the biggest stage possible. Cena, however, disagrees and likes the smaller venues and says the crowd in Chicago for Wrestlemania XXII seemed 10x louder than the following year in Detroit at Ford Field. HHH says it’s a challenge for performers to understand how sound travels and guys couldn’t feed off the crowd energy the same. Edge agrees and said it affected his psyche at Wrestlemania X-Seven. Jericho says whatever problems the performers have are outweighed by the fact that 70,000 people are coming to a wrestling event and it’s about them and their desires.

They flip back to Wrestlemania 21 and the Hollywood stuff. Jericho says he and Brian Gerwitz created the Money in the Bank ladder match and it worked out because it allowed more guys on the show. Jericho says everyone deserves to be on the show and they do everything possible from Battle Royales to 12-man tag matches to get everyone on the card.

Jericho talks about his Wrestlemania moment – him closing the show with Triple H. Orton says his moment was Wrestlemania XX because that’s where his father helped start things 20 years before at Madison Square Garden. Edge mentions Wrestlemania 2000 and winning the titles with his great friend Christian.

And they talk about Cena and they put him in the same room with Hogan and Austin in terms of being a crucial part of Wrestlemania.

Vince talks about his choice of using America the Beautiful over the National Anthem because he thinks it’s a more beautiful song (I agree).

And they get into the music. Motorhead, P.O.D, Saliva, etc. etc. (I’m wearing down guys). We get into Wrestlemania XXIV and how it was moved from the uber small Amway Arena to the Florida Citrus Bowl. Vince didn’t know how they could go from an 80K venue in Detroit to a 14K venue in Orlando. Good point. Problem with the stadium is that it’s a dump (it still is, a total POS facility). Jericho agreed. Silfies said that Jason Robinson and his crew put MILLIONS into building sets and decorating the place. (I remember seeing in that Wednesday and I was flabbergasted, it was so cool). Robinson admits that might have lost money but the value they brought to the city is worth 10x the box office.

They go into the Floyd Mayweather-Big Show match. Moving on (I stop to see Bert Sugar’s commentary here and I pause to say Rest in Peace to the boxing historian).

25th Anniversary and Edge says he struggled following Shawn-Undertaker because the fans were burned out. Jericho says the best match of all time in Shawn-Undertaker I and 75% of that was the match and 25% was because it was at Wrestlemania. Jericho says the buildup was worthy of the match because one guy always steals the show and the other guy never loses. Orton said Wrestlemania and Undertaker goes hand in hand. Edge says everyone has a part at Wrestlemania and being the main event has changed because there are 4 or 5 great matches but Undertaker’s streak will always dominate the conversation. Jericho says he doesn’t believe Undertaker wants to end his career without losing. Vince says he doesn’t if the streak will ever be broken.

Wrestlemania XXVI saw the event crack the 1 million mark in total live fans. They talk about the impact the event makes on local communities. Vince said he doesn’t look back and after Wrestlemania happens he just wants to focus on the next one. Dick Ebersol says it’s the rare event that has been created in the last 30 years that sticks. Everyone gives their final thoughts.

Bottom Line: It’s basically a 2-hour marketing piece for advertisers but you know, fuck it, I love Wrestlemania. I LOVE WRESTLEMANIA. And if anything deserves two hours of blow job treatment it’s Wrestlemania. It’s the reason many of us are fans. There’s nothing wrong or markish about loving Wrestlemania and looking forward to Wrestlemania every year. It’s a beautiful thing and after 28 years these guys deserve to pat each other on the back because they continue to try to make it better each year and give us a reason to invest.

Doing this one by request and it’s fine because it was a fun discussion.

I have 2 or 3 more of these I will do before starting the Wrestlemania project, which will include a review of the “The True Story of Wrestlemania”, which is a very good documentary in a lot of ways.

I picked three matches to review from this discussion. One I got more than I expected and the other I was hoping for a chance to rate five stars but it never got there.

I’m also guessing the Iron Sheik is pissed he wasn’t mentioned in this discussion and promises to make some guys humble as a result.

Bad Asses

Your panel is Jim Ross, Michael Hayes, Mick Foley, Tazz and Pat Patterson

Ross explains the two categories of Bad Asses, either the guys you just didn’t want to mess with at a bar or the guys with a strong amateur fighting background that could put you to sleep. And of course there are guys, and they mention Mad Dog Vachon, as guys who combined both.

Patterson said he’s never seen a guy tougher than Vachon in or out of the ring. Hayes said people that messed with him did so because he was just 5-foot-8, which allows Tazz to chime in on behalf of short people. Foley talks about how the old school wrestlers were much tougher and we chose based on their real fighting ability and were almost pushed to fight out in the streets. Ross said the flip side was if you lost a bar fight, you were generally pushed out of the territory. Hayes said that the local bar people who thought they were hot shit didn’t have the same mentality as the wrestlers, who would do anything to win a fight even if it meant gauging an eye out.

Speaking of which Patterson brings up Haku, whose bad assed-ness is legendary among fans and workers (there are a million YouTube snippets of guys talking about him. Even the tough guys like “Dr. D” David Schultz didn’t want to get on his bad side. Tama has a hilarious story about Haku beating up Brutus Beefcake and Hogan having to come in and beg him to stop). Patterson also said that Kurt Angle could put a hurting on someone if necessary (Well he was a fucking Olympic gold medal wrestler). Tazz says that a bad ass can also be a guy that can take a beating and mentions Foley, who sadly isn’t on the list. Tazz talks about Gpysy Joe as says he was one of the toughest wrestlers he ever knew. Hayes then mentions how big of a stooge he is which brings laughter.

Back to Haku and Ross says that the Samoan guys in general are all extremely tough going from Afa and Sika forward. Ross said back when the fans were rabid and brought weapons to the cards in those houses in the deep south territories the Samoans still had no fear. Patterson said the Samoans were great guys but once they got into a fight good luck at pulling them off. Foley said the Samoans guys all had legendary stories including the Barbarian and Foley said the only guy he feared was his wife. They talk about Peter Maivia too and Patterson said he was nothing compared to his wife. He relayed a story of the couple getting arrested in San Francisco and within no time the station was surrounded by Samoans that stayed them until the couple was released without incident.

Foley talks about Mr. Saito throwing policemen around and Ross makes a crack of how many cigarettes and Ken Patera used to smoke while in jail cells. Tazz tells the story about the McDonald’s incident. Foley amends it to say that he heard Patera and Saito were nice at first but the worker denied them service and overplayed his hand so Patera allegedly threw a rock thru the window and the fracas begin with Patera and Saito generally beating the fuck out of the cops for a while under order was restored and both guys spent a year and a half in the slammer.

Next the fellas talk about Bruiser Brody and Stan Hansen and their great history of beating the hell random folks in bars. Tazz said his character was booked to be a bad ass in ECW and because it was he basically wrestled and went straight back to the hotel to avoid confrontation (I’ve met Tazz a few times and he’s an extremely nice guy so I understand his point. You never know what you could get into). Hayes said Brody was a bad ass in the ring and you knew you were going to get potatoed a few times if you were booked on a card with him.

Highlights of Bruiser Brody kicking the crap out of Abdullah the Butcher from World Class. (His death is still one of the most disgusting things in history. Not wrestling history but human history. I can’t believe the guy that killed him just continued to wrestle and book without incident. Even worse workers that knew Brody and were cool with him still worked under this guy. Tony Atlas, who wasn’t particularly friendly with Brody has the most definitive comments in my eyes. Personally I believe it was a total setup by Invader #1 and Carlos Colon. They intended to kill him that night and they backed each others stories up and both can burn in hell).

Ross says there are three levels of bad asses, the guys that work and go home, the ones that go to the bars and hope for trouble and the amateur studs that want to be left alone and will respect you if you respect them. Foley has a story about Angle from when he fought Tazz at the Royal Rumble and he goes to Foley and said “hey, what do I do if Tazz tries to test me?” and they all start laughing. Foley explains to Angle that he seriously doubts that would happen and Tazz is just thankful Angle didn’t have a flashback from the Olympics or something. Foley said that Angle was still new and innocent to the business and even though he could obviously handle himself he wasn’t sure what was proper protocol if such a situation came about. They talk about the Lesnar-Angle Ironman while Tazz talks about their competitiveness between the two when the three of them rode together.

Back to Brody, Hayes says that the bottom line was when you wrestled Brody bitching about him being stiff was a pointless exercise. Hayes says that one night when World Class and Joe Blanchard’s southwest wrestling indy ran in San Antonio the same night Brody suggested they meet Blanchard’s group at a location and kick their ass. Now of course Buzz Sawyer and The Road Warriors are with the Mid-Atlantic group working with Blanchard that night and Hayes is like…”ummmm, maybe that’s not the best idea and convinces them to go drinking instead.” (Hayes was definitely not a bad ass and proud to admit it in this discussion but imagine Sawyer and the Warriors randomly running into Brody and like Terry Gordy, that shit would get ugly).

Ross talks about Harley Race and how he was brought up on beating people up legitimately. When asked who was tougher between Race and Brody, Ross says it’s like choosing to die by a handgun or a rifle (great line). Foley talks about the legend of Race’s left hand and Harley’s quote that “if I hit anyone with my left and they don’t go down, I will walk around them to see what’s holding them up.” Foley said Harley’s way of talking was bad ass in itself and relays a story about how he intimidated a physician in Maryland to make sure Foley’s injury during a match was handled by the commission.

Highlights of a Race interview and yeah he definitely sounds like he will fuck you up bad.

Time for a match review.

Haku vs. Harley Race
Royal Rumble 1989 from The Summit in Houston, Texas
Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

Nothing like killing two bad asses with one stone. This is the battle for the King crown from the first PPV Royal Rumble.

Race attacks Haku by tipping over his chair and sending him into the post. Into the ring we go and Race with a knee lift, a clothesline and a suplex for two. Race’s left-handed clothesline looks pretty bad here. Back to the floor and Haku sends Race into the post and drops him with a reverse knife edge. Back in the ring and Race with a headbutt low and an inverted atomic drop. Two elbow drops from Race get two but Haku is back with a reverse thrust kick and he roughs Race up in the corner. He gives Race a corner whip that sends him over the top rope. Race back up and Haku clothesline him back in the ring. Haku with some stiff shots and a headbutt. He pounds away but Race retaliates with a few headbutts and both guys start no selling them. Race with another clothesline and a piledriver but that only gets two. Wow. They knock heads, slowly, and Race oversells another tumble to the floor.

Haku suplexes Race back in the ring and gets two but misses a big elbow drop. Race with one of those left hands and a delayed vertical suplex for two. Race sends Haku to the floor and goes for a piledriver but Haku backdrops him to escape. Haku bangs Race head on the mat and then rams his back into the side of the ring. Race rallies and gets his piledriver on the floor but it was a little weak. Back in the ring, reverse neckbreaker from Race gets two. Race continues laying in the shots and his clothesline looks much better. Knee drop gets a two count. Slugfest that Haku wins and he beats up on Race in the corner for a bit. Scoop slam and he climbs to the top but misses the diving head butt. Race goes to the middle rope and he misses the swan dive headbutt. Both men back up and Race with a knee lift but he misses a rope move and Haku his sweet Tonga chin music for the pin.

(Haku def. Harley Race, pinfall, **3/4, a little slow but a good match and probably Harley’s last good one before he retired.)

*********

Tazz said that perception is reality and one of the things about Brody and Race is they looked the part. Tazz brings up Vader and says that even before he knew him he looked like a bad ass. They promise to get to Vader after a break but they don’t (probably because Shawn Michael made him cry after a match one time). Patterson talks about the Samoans again and says that every time he beat up Peter Maivia at the Cow Palace the Samoans would jump on him. One time Sika got hit over the head with a Billy club and basically no sold it.

Ross goes to Stu Hart and talks about Hart putting a hold on him and he was happy it was waist up because he was pissing on himself after a few minutes. Ross does a funny impression of Stu warning him before applying the hold. They talk about how Stu is always tries to grab guys when he talks to them and Patterson always had to keep himself away (yep even Patterson isn’t letting just any man grab him). Ross says he was arguably the baddest mofo in Canada and they go into the dungeon and Stu torturing the guys. They mention how much Stu enjoyed fucking up Superstar Billy Graham and they go through the great lineage of guys that came through the dungeon (WWE DVD idea! Best of the Dungeon! I know they did the Hart Foundation thing but the best of the dungeon graduates gives many more options. Unless they already have released one, in which case nevermind!).

Patterson randomly mentions some of the tough guys getting beat up in the bars because they started drinking and it’s hard to beat up someone when you’re drunk. Tazz asks about Angelo Mosca and asked Patterson if he was a bad as he looked. Patterson said he never saw it but he would never mess with him. Out of the ring Patterson said Mosca was a big teddy bear.

Foley mentions Exotic Adrian Street and they crack on his gimmick for a bit before Ross mentions that he’s actually married to his valet, Miss Linda. Ross talks about the great tough guys that come from England like Billy Robinson, William Regal and Hooker Heath. Foley shares a story of Street, or tries too, before going off track and talking about Downtown Bruno going through dirty clothes to get a pair of underwear. He gets back on track when talking about Street showing him the different levels of pain and he experienced a “10”. They talk about Fit Finlay and Regal both idolizing Street and Hayes adds that Miss Linda was tough as hell too.

Foley shares a story about a fight breaking out in Alabama and Miss Linda was the first wrestler in the ring. Foley is upset that the many times he talked to Street (and I believe he still has a wrestling school in northwest Florida) that he didn’t ask him to teach him some of those defense techniques. Ross mentions Luther Lindsey being a tough guy and Patterson talks about how difficult it was to escape his stretch holds.

Match Review Time

Billy Robinson vs. Abdullah The Butcher
From All Japan Pro Wrestling on Dec. 9, 1976
Announcers is a guy speaking in Japanese

Abby isn’t mentioned in the show but I don’t think there are people lining up to meet him in a dark alley either, unless they ordered take out from his Ribs and Chinese food joint in Atlanta. Right away Abby jumps on Robinson and takes the match to the floor where he roughs him up in a variety of ways, mostly dumping him on a ring table or sending him into the post. He doesn’t let Robinson get in the ring, hitting him with a headbutt every time he tries to enter. Back to the floor and Abby continues to send him into furniture. Finally Robinson is in the ring where Abby headbutts him…and sends him right back out of the ring. I love the fact that Abby has carved out like a 50-year career with maybe two or three wrestling moves of note. Robinson crawls back in the ring and Abby headbutts him again to send him out. Robinson tries to fight back, or at least defend himself, and he lands a couple of forearms. Abby drops him again with a headbutt. Robinson goes downstairs a few times and they trade forearms with Robinson getting the best of the exchange. Two drop kicks sends Abby to the floor. He grabs a chair but Robinson takes it away and hits Abby with it. He gives him a second chair shot and roughs him up on the floor. Abby tries to get back in the ring but Robinson hits a dropkick and follows him to the floor. They fight up the entrance way or rather Robinson fights and the bell rings as I’m guessing they chose to throw this one away.

(Robinson & Butcher fight to no contest. Not really worth rating as it was just a brawl to set up a longer match down the road.)

*********

Ross says the toughest guy he saw was, of course, Danny Hodge. Patterson said Hodge didn’t have the reputation but Ross said he didn’t need it. Ross shares a story of Hodge baiting a Louisiana hardware salesman into challenging his toughness. Hodge breaks a series a pliers and apples until the point of when the guy brings in the local arm wrestling champion (Hayes’ comment about did either one of them have any place to be is pretty funny). He tries to put a grip on Hodge and Hodge takes his best shot and Hodge returns the favor and turns the guy to tears. Hodge was both an Olympic wrestler and a champion boxer. Hodge has the amateur equivalent of the Heisman named after him. Patterson said Hodge still respected professional wrestling despite his shoot fighting background.

They talk about an amazing story about Hodge escaping a submerged car with some form of a broken neck and walking up the embankment to safety while holding his neck in place (huh? we have a winner folks!).

Patterson said that a lot of amateur guys tried pro wrestling but only a handful made it like Hodge, Jack Brisco, Kurt Angle, Pat O’Connor, etc.

Time for a match that I’ve never seen before.

Iron Man Match for the WWE Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar
Smackdown from September 18, 2003
Announcers are Michael Cole and Tazz.

This is the third in their set of classic encounters. Lesnar is the heel and Angle is something between a face and a non-heel. Angle sort of became the ultimate tweener about 2001 or so and just fought whoever was in the way. Funny thing about theme music, Kurt Angle’s music was giving to The Patriot back in 1997 and it seemed goofy for him, maybe a little overboard, but for Angle is was a perfect fit. Strange how those things work.

Lesnar jumps on Angle to start and chokes away in the corner. Corner whip from Lesnar and he follows in with a shoulder. Brock beals Angle from one corner to the another, Angle tries to rally by catching Brock coming in on a charge. Angle with a dropkick to the knee and a clothesline to take control. Angle with the belly to belly overhead suplex and Brock decides to take a breather. Brock fakes a knee injury to take control again and uses more power stuff on Angle but Angle comes back with three armdrags and Brock heads back to the floor. Brock grabs the steel steps but nothing comes from it. Lesnar doing some serious stalling right now and the crowd doesn’t appreciate it. Literally he’s wasted about four minutes here. Finally he baits Angle and gets a hangman. Brock jumps back in the ring and goes to the power stuff and the choking but Angle with another belly to belly and his clotheslines Lesnar back over the top. Lesnar grabs the knee again and does a better acting job this time. Angle follows Lesnar out and fights him on the floor. Angle sends Lesnar to the steel steps but Lesnar rallies and sends Angle into the side of the ring and a spinebuster into the post. Lesnar sends Angle into the ring and he grabs a chair. He absolutely DESTROYS Angle with the chair, giving Angle the first fall via disqualification.

After the 15 seconds rest, Angle is still in bad shape and Lesnar toys with the champion a little bit before hitting the F5 and evening the match at 1-1. After the 15 second rest Lesnar continues to toy with Angle and slaps on the angle lock with forces Angle to tap out take a 2-1 advantage with the falls. After a commercial break we’re back and Lesnar gives Angle a kitchen sink knee for a two count. During the break Lesnar hit an Angle slam but couldn’t get a pin. Lesnar whips Angle into the corner and follows in with a shoulder tackle. More ruff stuff in the corner, including a couple of headbutts. Brock tries another shoulder charge but Angle moves and tries to battle back. Flying forearm and three german suplexes from Angle, with him releasing on the third one. Lesnar uses leverage to send Angle to the floor, however. Lesnar sends Angle into the ring barricade and hits an F5 on the floor. Lesnar makes his way back in the ring but Angle is counted out and down 3-1.

After a commercial break we are back and Lesnar sends Angle to the floor with a back elbow. Back in the ring and Lesnar roughs up Angle in the corner before dropping a couple of elbows and getting a two count. Lesnar stays in control until Angle hits an Angle slam out of nowhere and closes the gap to 3-2 with a little more than 30 minutes remaining on the clock. Angle jumps on Lesnar right after the 15 second period and lands a leg drop. Snap suplex by Angle into a float over cover for two. Lesnar tries to rally but Angle dumps him on his head with a belly to back suplex. Angle pulls down the straps and goes for another angle slam but Lesnar counters into the F5 but Angle escapes that and slaps on the ankle lock. Lesnar rolls through and tries to send Angle into the official but Angle puts on the brakes, but Lesnar goes for the clothesline which Angle ducks and Brian Hebner takes FULL ON. Wow. Angle slam hits but there’s no ref so Brock goes low. He goes to the floor, grabs the title belt and absolutely wallops Angle with it. He awesomely tosses the ref into the position and gets his fourth fall. That was a great sequence. Commercial break.

We’re back with 25 minutes left and Angle pulls Lesnar to the floor and sends him to the steel steps. Time for a sense of urgency from the champion. He climbs to the top and hits an axe handle on Lensar to the floor (OH YEAH!). Back in the ring and Angle gets a near fall. Angle to the top again and he hits a beautiful missile drop kick for another near fall. Angle with a scoop slam and he goes for the moonsault which looks great but misses when Lesnar casually scoots out of the ring. Both men struggle to their feet, Lesnar misses a clothesline and Angle gets a rollup for two but Lesnar nails the clothesline on the second try. Ridiculous belly to belly suplex from Lesnar sends Angle across the ring and gets a near fall. Lesnar goes for a second belly to belly but Angle knocks him down and slaps on the ankle lock, Lesnar rolls through and sends Angle to the floor. Lesnar joins him on the floor and sends the champion into the steel steps. Back in the ring and Angle escapes the pinfall at two at we are down to 20 minutes. Lesnar grabs the steel steps but Angle hits a baseball slide and the move backfires on the challenge. Angle quickly rolls Brock into the ring and gets two near falls. Angle gets nasty with Lesnar in the corner, choking away. Running back elbow from Angle gets two. Commercial break.

During the break Brock hits a massive top-rope superplex and goes up 5 falls to 2 with just 14 minutes remaining. Both men on the floor and Lesnar sends Angle into the announce table. Lesnar tries to give Angle the F5 into the post but Angle escapes and gives Lesnar the move instead. Lesnar is banged up in both knees. Angle rolls Lesnar back in the ring. Texas cloverleaf from Angle and Lesnar fights to the ropes so Angle switches to the ankle lock and pulls Lesnar back to the center of the ring. Lesnar fights to the ropes again. Lesnar somehow pulls another F5 out of his ass but he can’t capitalize due to his bad knee and just gets a two count. Lesnar slowly climbs to the top but Angle springs up and meets him there with a top rope belly to belly for a three count with less than 10 minutes left. After the 15 second rest, Angle stomps a mudhole into Lesnar and walks it dry. Suplex by Angle and he pulls up his straps just to pull them down again, Angle slam attempt is thwarted and Brock hits a DDT for a super near fall. Seven minutes remaining. Slugfest and Angle wins but Lesnar with the belly to back suplex and a second one that’s even better as we approach the six minute mark. Third belly to back suplex takes us under six minutes. Lesnar goes for a fourth and Angle hits the suplex instead and a second one from the champion! Lesnar blocks another suplex attempt and tries to reverse but Angle rolls through and slaps on the ankle lock right in the center of the ring. Lesnar gets to the ropes twice but Angle pulls him off and gets the submission with four minutes left.

Angle down 5-4 with three and a half minutes left and Angle goes right back to the Angle lock but Lesnar escapes but Angle comes right back with an sort of an STF type of hold. Tazz says it’s a freestyle bow & arrow so I will defer to him. Lesnar rolls out of the ring and tries to escape so Angle slaps on the ankle lock on the outside as we are under two minutes. Lesnar escapes the ring again but Angle sends him into the steps. Back in the ring and Angle hits the triple…make that the quadruple german suplex and Lesnar hits a low blow with 30 seconds left as the crowd gets rabid but Angle with another ankle lock and the grapevine. We’re down to 10 seconds….5 seconds and Lesnar holds on as the bell rings and Lesnar wins the championship!

(Lesnar def. Angle, 5 falls to 4, ****1/4, they had to protect Lesnar for the first 35 minutes of the match and once they got past that point it was very good stuff with tons of high impact suplexes and submissions. Lesnar tried and using the heel tactics was a good way to tell the story but the fact is he didn’t have enough in his arsenal to go sixty minutes. Angle does this with Michaels in 2005 and it’s an easy ***** affair, their 30-minute version on RAW’s homecoming was damn close and you felt like they only pulled out half of what they could do.)

********

Tazz says that one of the difficulties of the transformation for shooters to pro wrestling is because it goes against everything they are taught as amateurs from giving up the body to showing no emotion. Ross said Shelton Benjamin is one of today’s bad asses; he was a national champion as a wrestler and a sprinter (which is off the charts in terms of athleticism. I ran track in college at a Division 1 program and there aren’t too many guys that could sprint and then wrestle heavyweight or much less sprint carrying that sort of weight). Ross said if Benjamin was brought up in the territory days he’d be much more polished and hungrier than he was perceived. They talked about the amateur guys who struggled with the performance part of the business like Brad Rheingans, who was a terrific shoot wrestler and a great trainer but didn’t have the charisma to make it big.

Ross talks about one of the current guys on the roster (at least when this was taped) that is a bad ass, The Undertaker. Ross says he’s as mentally tough as anyone around. Foley says he guarantees there aren’t many conversations in the dressing room wondering how tough the Undertaker is. Same with Stone Cold (Debra might disagree). Ross said both guys started in World Class as low-card guys and developed that toughness, developed the ability to withstand injuries. Patterson and Tazz talk about their love for the business and how long it took for them to get to the main card and all the shit they had to go through to get there. They all agree that anyone that spends any considerable time in the business has to have a real level of toughness. Hayes also says that beyond mental and physical toughness Undertaker had to deal with a lot of shit workers.

Foley said once Undertaker got in the ring with great workers people finally saw how good he was, Hayes mentions how good Undertaker-Batista was at Wrestlemania (I had it at ****, fabulous power match). They show highlights of that match. Ross said there’s no doubt that the Undertaker is a Hall of Famer and he had good matches with guys that were limited. Ross closes with saying that one of the great things about the business is being surrounded by so many talented workers with diverse levels of toughness. Fun discussion here and well worth seeking out.

I downloaded a few of these things and wanted something to get my ranting feet really planted before I do my Wrestlemania project in the near future. This year’s theme is gimmick matches and it will start with the Body Slam Challenge at Wrestlemania and go from there.

An “extended” rant is one where I take the subject and add in a couple of matches that were highlighted in the program and do reviews on those matches in full.

I hope you enjoy. I’m sure there are some spelling errors in here as I’ve been horribly distracted but I’ll read it later and make edits. I apologize ahead of time.

Legends of Wrestling: Heat Seekers

The panel for this episode is Jerry Lawler, Michael Hayes, Jim Ross, Mick Foley and Eric Bischoff

Ross and Lawler explain the term heat and says in this texture it’s people that have developed a reputation of being difficult to do business with. Hayes says they are “whiners, bitchers and complainers” so naturally Ross says naturally they should start with Michael Hayes.

Ross stays there was no coincidence that Hayes had a cup of coffee in Memphis, and one in the WWF and one in the AWA and says the Freebirds had success in World Class as they stayed there for about a year. Lawler decides to tell a story about burning Hayes’ hair after The Sheik taught him how to do a firethrow. This was Hayes’ first appearance in Memphis by the way. And Hayes’ response to the story is “you burnt my hair”. So they crack on Hayes’ hair for a minute. Hayes basically wanted a little extra money for almost losing that rug and Lawler says he went on a classic tirade and threatened to sue everything walking. Hayes said he made an extra $100 for his efforts and Ross responds “so you left there with a $125 that night.”

Hayes is next and mentions Lex Luger. He says he personally didn’t have an issue with Lex and they used to ride together because they both liked classic soul music. Hayes said Luger felt like he was better then the rest of the boys but says that he isn’t sure that Lex wasn’t responsible for guys getting treated better and getting some guarantees in their contracts.

Lawler mentions Lex’s football background and says that he never was really one of the boys. Hayes said that Lex did draw some money but he was set up for that by being a horseman and turning on them. He adds that the thought was that anyone could’ve drawn money in that situaton but Hayes disagrees with that and says that Lex brought something to the table. (I would agree with that, not everyone put in that position could draw but the people really bought Luger as a major threat.)

They show highlights of Luger-Flair from Bash 1988 (I gave it ****. They would have a couple better matches but this one was damn good and the ridiculous pop Luger got when the fans thought he won tells me that the NWA and Crockett missed the boat on that one for at least a quick title reign)

Bischoff and Hayes talk about Bischoff stealing Luger for Nitro and Bischoff said that they can agree that no one ever steals Lex, they just get burned by him. Bischoff says he didn’t interact with Lex much before he went into power but he saw how he treated people. When he walked in the room he gave everyone else the impression they didn’t matter.

(There is one clip here where Dillon is cutting a promo with Lex standing there and he randomly slaps the U.S. Title belt and then holds up the four fingers and it’s fucking hilarious. I don’t why but I have to watch it at least three times before moving on.)

Foley says that many of the “heat seekers” are going to be guys who weren’t brought up in the business and didn’t have the appreciation for the guys that paved the road. Bischoff goes one step farther and says that Lex was embarrassed at being called a wrestler. Bischoff says Sting convinced him to resign Lex and Bischoff said he gave him a ridiculous low-ball offer with the hopes he wouldn’t take it but he did and added that he never really got to the dollar amount he had when he was hot in the early 90s.

Foley comes to Luger’s defense a little and mentions that he and Sting let Foley work out free at their gym and also mentions the match with Flair at Wrestlewar ’90 and says Luger came with his working boots. He says that it happened with Steamboat as well and whenever you put Lex with the right guy he could work. Hayes agreed but says despite that Luger couldn’t get over being a pro wrestler and the stinch he felt for being considered that.

STOP.

Time for a match rant

NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger
Wrestlewar (2/25/90) from Greensboro Coliseum in Greenboro, N.C.
Hosted by Jim Ross and Terry Funk

Flair has Woman (R.I.P) in his corner. They introduce Sting first, with “Man Called Sting” dubbed over his generic guitar music. Sting looks awesomely late 80s/early 90s with the muscle shirt and the grey nut hugger workout shorts. Long story short this was Sting’s spot, Sting blew the fuck out of his knee at Clash XI or something during a run-in. Sting was placed on the shelf and Luger was the replacement and had to turn face as a result, ending an awesome heel run. They try to dub Luger’s music with his generic late 90s them instead of his more awesome late 80s music. But the dub messes up and the original music wins out. Hell yeah! No dubbing needed for Flair because he rules like that. Luger is the U.S. Champion at this point.

They have their little feel out process just to draw the fans in a little, after all we’ve got an hour time limit and you have to expect them to use at least 30 minutes of it. Luger with a headlock and Flair escapes. Time for a test of strength and you know this isn’t going to work out well for Flair. Shoulderblock sends Flair to the floor to discuss strategy with Woman. Flair tries a little psychology to get into Luger’s head and goes downstairs with a knee. Flair with a whip to the corner but Luger explodes out of it with a clothesline. Flair takes Woman and decides to go home but Luger picks him up and takes him back to the ring. Flair with a hangman but Luger no sells and…there’s something about Flair selling Luger’s poses that make me laugh. Luger goes to town on the champion and it’s press slam time. Flair definitely stalling like a champion, on the Memphis scale it rates about an 8.5 but Ross explains the method to his madness as it’s keeping Luger from getting into a flow. Flair goes low to gain a quick advantage but it’s press slam No. 2 and a cover but Flair is hugging the ropes. Flair does to the body again and hits the chop but Luger no sells and it’s press slam No. 3. Bearhug by Luger and it gets a couple of two counts before Flair goes to the eye and stops the Lex Express. Both guys struggle to their feet but Luger is there first and hits 10 corner punches as we get our first Flair flop. Luger beals Flair across the ring and goes for a running clothesline but Flair smartly ducks and Luger goes flying over the ropes.

Flair joins Luger on the floor and lays in his first bit of effective offensive as he sends Luger into the railing. The chops work this time around. Flair sends Luger into the ring and back out of the ring. Woman distracts the ref while Flair rams Luger into the railing again and does more dirty tricks. Flair keeps Luger on the floor but knocking him off the apron every time he tries to come back in. Luger back in the ring, snapmare from Flair and the classic knee drop. Another snapmare and a second knee drop gets two. Flair with a chop but Luger answers; he answers again and wins the slugfest but misses the corner charge. Flair works on the arm and cheats by using the ropes to make a hammerlock more painful than usual. Back to the hammerlock and using the ropes. Naturally the referee doesn’t see it but has suspicions. Flair back to the chops and then the arm but Luger back with a clothesline but Flair goes to the eye. Flair chokes Luger on the ropes and Woman adds in a cheap shot. Flair back with the hammerlock and Luger makes a fight of it to get the crowd back in things. Luger goes for the punch but the ref blocks it so Flair gets a cheap shot in. More rope choking and Woman with another cheap shot. Flair with more arm work and a knee drop on the arm. He tries for a rope-assisted pin but Luger kicks out. Flair corners Luger but Luger is pissed and just chokes the champion. Corner whip and Flair takes the ride up and over the top. Now Luger rams him into the railing and all of a sudden those chops ain’t working no more. Luger botches a sleeper but slaps it on and takes Flair to the ground. Two count but Flair’s foot is on the ropes.

Luger goes for a second sleeper but Flair counters with a back suplex. Flair goes to the apron and tries to suplex Luger to the floor but Luger suplexes him back in the ring and then posts his leg. Wow. Flair tries to go to the ropes but Luger drags him back. Luger tries to go for the figure four and butchers it horribly so Flair, the professional, rolls through and thankfully they don’t repeat the spot. They botch a double knockout shot (WTF is happening??) and don’t repeat that so Luger gets the powerslam for a near fall. Flair goes for a chop but Luger no sells, Flair goes for a flying forearm and just bounces off of Luger. Flair goes to the floor and back to the eyes. He’s sort of half-assedly selling the leg and just decides to give it up. Back in the ring, Flair’s hip toss is blocked, Luger with a backslide for a near fall. Luger with corner punches but Flair with a botched inverted atomic drop. I think it was supposed to be a missed move and Luger was to hit a clothesline but they were totally off in this match and Luger sells it, unless it was a legit hamstring injury. Fuck if I know. Flair actually hits a top-rope move which shocks the hell out of me and then he hits a second. This is like bizarro world. It gets a near fall. Flair with a beautiful double underhook suplex and a two count. Sleeper hold by Flair and Luger goes to his knees as we prep for the next big rally.

Luger answers the call and fights out of it, Flair with a roll up for two but Luger hits a clothesline and gets a near fall himself. Luger misses the big elbow drop and both men are down. Flair with a big chop and a kneebreaker. Flair goes for the leg and a second kneebreaker. Flair with a splash down on the leg and hits a knee drop on the leg. Figure four time and right away Flair grabs the ropes for leverage as Nick Patrick wonders why the top rope is shaking. Flair back to the ropes and gets two. Sting comes hobbling down to the ring to root Luger on and Luger turns it over but Flair turns it back and both men grabs the ropes. Sting hypes Luger up (COME ON!!!! KICK HIS YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!) and he slaps Luger. That woke him up. Chop is no sell, a trip into the railing is no sold and it’s business time baby. Powerslam on Flair but the champ goes to the eye and climbs the ropes, Luger tosses him across the ring. Clothesline city. Clothesline nation. Clothesline universe sends Flair over the top rope but you can’t win the match there so Luger suplexes him back in the ring for two. Another powerslam and it’s time for the Human Torture Rack. Instead Luger covers for two when Woman rakes his eye. Luger grabs Woman and Flair hits him and the referee with a knee. Luger no sells. Patrick not so lucky, however. Luger with a corner whip and catches Flair coming off the top with a clothesline and a cover but no referee. Luger with a superplex but no referee. The Andersons run in and Luger beats them up so now it’s torture rack time. The Andersons ponder coming back in the ring but they see a very vulnerable Sting and go on the attack so Luger drops Flair and beats up the Andersons while Patrick counts him out. Horseman beat down follows until the Steiners make a save. Luger was always booked like a chump, it had to be a rib.

(Flair def. Luger, countout, ***1/2, man they botched so much shit in this match. I am giving it the mandatory Flair vs. broomstick rating because it was entertaining enough but still on the low end of Flair-Luger matches. No excuse for it either as these two had just faced off at Starrcade 89 after taking a year off from each other. I think they did much better in the rematch at Capital Combat.)

********

Ross tries to get into trashing Buff Bagwell but Foley changes tracks with a funny Goldberg story and adds in a couple funny lines about DDP loving Santa Claus. Foley said he liked Goldberg. Lawler says he likes him too. Hayes says he was a nice guy away from the business and does a lot of good things for kids and pets. Within the business Goldberg was tough to deal with because he didn’t understand how good WCW made him look and how they protected him.

Highlights of Goldberg-Raven for the U.S. Title and there’s no doubt the crowd was into Goldberg huge. Match was decent as Raven did a great job of selling and carrying things. Let’s see how good it was.

U.S. Heavyweight Championship: Raven vs. Goldberg
Monday Nitro, April 20, 1999
Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Larry Zybysko and Mike Tenay

WCW brought in Michael Buffer for the announcements if you wanted to know how much they wanted people to buy into this one. Raven gets the first blow in and catches Goldberg on a corner charge and a dropkick. Raven sends Goldberg to the floor but Goldberg sends Raven into the railing twice and Raven goes straight into crazy bump mode. Goldeberg with his weirdo single leg roll through take down that makes no sense in turns of match flow. Goldberg with a high kick that sends Raven to the floor but he gets a chair there and goes to town. Drop-toe hold onto the chair by Raven and it gets two. More chair work as this is a Raven’s rules match. Sleeper hold turned into a chinlock by Raven as the crowd gets restless real fast (they were conditioned to 45-second matches). Goldberg fights out of the hold and into the corner. Raven with a corner whip and a corner clotheslines but Goldberg no sells and hits the spear. Wow the crowd pop was deafening. The flock attack and gets disposed of. Bye Kidman. Bye Sickboy, Here’s a spear for Horace and a jackhammer for Reese. Van Hammer didn’t make the bus I guess. Raven tries to leave but the fans drag him back in the ring. Spear and Jackhammer give Goldberg his first major title. If I remember this drew a huge rating, not as big as when WCW STUPIDLY gave away Goldberg-Hogan but whatever.

(Goldberg def. Raven, pinfall, **1/2, entertaining crap like I remember. Raven should have gotten a raise for his part.)

*********

Hayes said that Goldberg couldn’t get comfortable in a place where he wasn’t the top star and were around guys of equal or greater stature like Austin and Rock. Bischoff said he likes Goldberg but hated working with him and said that his lack of knowledge about the business made him paranoid and people around him (HMMMM, I wonder who) made it worse by getting in his ear.

They all like Goldberg outside of the business and blame Nash, Hall and Hogan and manipulating him. Ross said he came to the WWE thinking he would be cast at John Wayne and that wasn’t the case.

Lawler brings up Paul Heyman and Foley comes to his defense right away. Ross relays a rumor of Lawler breaking Heyman’s jaw during his time in Memphis because Heyman was so annoying. Lawler confirms it. (Proudly) He explains why, basically it was one of those huge Memphis drawn-out feuds with Lawler and Dundee and Austin Idol, etc. etc. It was built to a scaffold match (which brings out Jim Cornette comments) and Heyman, after weeks of promotion, flakes out because he’s scared of heights. Lawler waited a couple of days to punch him.

Foley liked him enough to be hurt when Heyman dissed him a few times backstage and called him a whore. Of course then Foley admits he returns for the money. No shit. Who doesn’t? Foley thought he was great in ECW and he gave the guys freedom to develop their talents, especially with their promos and credits his and Austin’s improvement on that. They compared him to Jim Jones (ouch) and said that he could make a speech that would motivate guys that weren’t making much money into doing crazy shit to their bodies.

Lawler said that Heyman got some heat for putting so much of the business out there on the internet while the rest of the old guard was trying to keep the magic behind the curtain (Bobby Heenan made similar points in his 2001 interview about the disclosure of the business ruining the future). Hayes said there was a method to Heyman’s madness and gives him credit for his way of protecting his less-than-stellar workers with really cool highlight videos of their matches, rather than the full matches, and he loved a me-against-the-world mentality.

And there are clips of some Heyman speech at the…I think the Manhattan Center or somewhere in New York.

Ross said Heyman’s us-against-the-world mentality was typical of most manipulators. Of course Ross admits that the WWE was cutting checks of Heyman to help ECW while Heyman was speaking to the boys that worked for him about the evils of the WWE. Love the irony there. Bischoff says that was part of the anti-establishment environment Heyman was creating. Foley said Heyman and ECW got Vince interested in the Attitude Era. But Hayes says it was more Shawn and HHH and, to an extent, the nWo over than ECW.

They get into a discussion about ECW and Foley said he had fun with him leaving and mentioned that while the ECW fans didn’t like the WWE, they respected Vince whereas they absolutely hated Bischoff and WCW.

Time for some Scott Hall bashing (which seems mean given his current state). Bischoff said he hated dealing with Hall backstage over anyone else. Bischoff talks about how the Hall-to-WCW stuff came about. DDP approached him and convinced him despite Bischoff’s concerns about what he heard in WWE (I totally don’t believe that. I think he jumped in feet first and he should have because that was a huge coup for WCW). Bischoff met Hall and laid the law down telling him what he’s heard and warning him not to bring the garbage to WCW because they didn’t need it and he was happy with where the promotion was at that point (I think he’s lying again unless “laid down the law” is an insider term for “treated to a nice dinner, an open bar tab and a wild night at the Gold Club). Bischoff said he was great at first but once things got off track it was bad. Hayes wonders if he’s a manic depressive. Ross said that Hall was fine his second time around but his tenure ended on that fateful plane ride.

Foley has a story about Hall and he approached Foley as he was entering the promotion. Hall bitched about the fed and told Foley that “you know if you bust your ass around here you might make 400 or so.” and Foley is like “$400.000!?!?!” which was more than he ever made. He didn’t appreciate Hall looking down on such a sum and remembered making $25 from the Jarretts for a night of work. Hayes said when Hall is doing well he’s a great guy and a great worker and fun to be around.

Lawler is sick of the bullshit and wants to talk about someone they all hate and have nothing nice to say. Enter Vince Russo. Hayes talks about Russo and Ferrara doing the “Oklahoma” thing and calls Russo an asshole. Ross said he’s worked with some real characters but hates Russo. He said the first time his children saw the Oklahoma skit they fell out of love with wrestling. First he was pissed they were watching Nitro (I was about to say).

(Now I have a very liberal sense of humor. And it takes a lot to offend me. So I didn’t have a problem with them lampooning Ross. On the surface the commentary parody was funny. Making fun of the Bell’s palsy wasn’t funny. Had Ferrara not smirched his face to mimic the ailment I would not have had a problem with it and I don’t think many other people would have.)

The panel asked if Oklahoma was worse than Vince doing a “Dr. Heiney” skit I don’t remember seeing. The punch line of that skit was Ross pulling his head out of his ass. He said that Oklahoma bothered him more because his kids were upset about it. Ross says that we’re all fair game in the end. Hayes and Foley disagree and Foley says some things are too mean and the fans don’t necessary want to see it. Hayes says that the nWo satire on Arn Anderson’s speech was meaner. Bischoff says he regrets it and it’s all mean spirited.

Bischoff does say that Vince does his weird stuff for entertainment whereas Russo did things because he had a personal axe to grind. Bischoff says he allowed it to happen and he shouldn’t have. He didn’t understand what Arn was going through and when he began to realize the extent of the injury it really bothered him that everything happened the way he did. Hayes says that Vince is just as willing to be part of the punchline as he is part of the joke. Bischoff says the weird irony of life is that Arn Anderson was the one to inform him that he had a segment where he was going to get shoved into Big Dick Johnson’s ass. Bischoff wasn’t cool with it but he realized he was paid to do and not to think. And when it came down to performing the act Arn talked Bischoff through the whole thing. (I didn’t fully do that story justice but it shows you how good of a guy Arn Anderson is.)

They talk about Bischoff’s comic stuff, like the Redneck series with Austin and that when Mae Young gave him a bronco buster during that bit she loaded her crotch with sardines (Holy shit, that’s disgusting). They crack on Bischoff’s follies a little more, completely going off track now. They go into a few Vince stories and say that you can blame everything on Vince and that allows Foley to do a book promo (A running gag in this series when Mick is on).

Ross wants to get to his Bagwell story and it’s about Buff’s mom, Judy, calling in sick for his son. Ross told her that he would love to talk to her again about anything other than her son because he’s a man and he need to handle his own business. He then told Buff at TV to never have his mom call again unless it’s to say Happy Birthday. Hayes reveals that Missy Hyatt brought Buff in the business (and surely sucked his dick too, looking at the panel I’d guess Lawler and Hayes probably got similar Missy treatment at some point through the years) and they all agreed they “liked” Missy Hyatt and Ross suggested they say something quick before she calls her lawyer. Hayes said that Eddie Gilbert should be involved in any such conversations and sadly he can’t be. And Ross says a death is an oddly appropriate way to end this episode.