The WWE Rewind: The Wrestling Classic

Now that WrestleMania has happened, the slate of pay-per-views are starting to build for WWF. Our first non-Mania big show is The Wrestling Classic, a pay-per-view broadcast from Chicago. Vince McMahon promised the most prestigious tournament in wrestling and we ended up with this sixteen-man tournament that stretched across the show. I see such high-caliber names as Corporal Kirchner and Moondog Spot on the lineup, so surely we’re in for good times.

WWF, the recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!

Howard Finkel does the voiceover for our intro package running down the tournament participants as well as our big main event. We’ll also have the winner of a Rolls Royce!

THIS is the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, Illinois. Vince McMahon welcomes us to the show. Lord Alfred Hayes and Susan Waitkus are with him to look at the tournament bracket. Lord Hayes gives us some thoughts while Susan’s job is to point at the brackets with a stick.

Vince sends us to a highlights package of the wrestlers drawing their opponents in the tournament. Steamboat is happy, Savage is mad at Elizabeth, Mr. Fuji laughs.

Mean Gene Okerlund is standing by with President Jack Tunney. Tunney promises to bring us the best sports event for the people which is why he gave us a tournament with Moondog Spot in it. He explains that it is a single-elimination tournament.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura greet us from ringside.

First Round: Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) vs Corporal Kirchner

Adrian is giving us a George Michael “Freedom” look here and getting the “already in the ring entrance.” Kirchner did indeed have a military background in the Army’s Airborne division. He is an interesting note in WWE history as the company announced he had died in 2006 which was a shock to him and his family as he was still very much alive. It turns out they saw someone else with his name that had passed and, upon notification, upgraded him back to the living. He has since passed as has Adonis.

One thing that’ll pop out to you is the referee in his white shirt and blue pants, looking like grandpa stopped by the ring on his way to Hardee’s to drink his senior coffee and read his paper. Kirschner works a headlock on Adonis. Adonis suplexes his way out and a big elbow into Kirschner’s throat. Kirchner tries for a suplex, Adonis steps in and drives the Corp. to the mat for a pin. Adonis advances.

Adrian Adonis pins Cprl. Kirchner to advance to the second round. Quick little match where nothing really happened. Skip it.

Mean Gene has caught up with Jimmy and Adrian. Adonis says that Kirchner doesn’t know a wristlock from a wristwatch and you’ve got to learn to wrestle.

First Round: Dynamite Kid vs Nikolai Volkoff

Both men are already in the ring for our next one because we’re trying to cram fifteen matches into one show. Volkoff gives us his rendition of the Soviet National Anthem. Kid heads up top and dropkicks him and covers, getting the pin in mere seconds.

Dynamite Kid pins Nikolai Volkoff to advance to the second round. Well, that’s one way to get time moving.

Mean Gene talks with Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Savage says he’s ready and nervous. He’s #1 in the world and he’s going to prove it tonight. Savage hypes up his opponent’s skills but says he is ready.

First Round: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Ivan Putski

Putski is already in the ring while Savage gets the theme music walk. Savage dodges out to delay the start and then dodges out again to aggravate Putski. Putski spits in Macho’s face and Savage decides to duck out again as Ventura finds every way he can to pronounce “Putski” incorrectly. Savage comes in and they finally lock up, Savage bouncing away from Putski’s power. Putski rams Savage into the top turnbuckle (which didn’t have padding, just tape). Savage eye gouges and peppers Putski with fists before Putski returns the favor. Ivan stomps Savage in the corner but Savage scoops his legs, putting Putski on the mat. Savage covers with his feet on the ropes and gets the sneaky pin.

Randy Savage pins Ivan Putski to advance to the second round. Again, we haven’t gone past four minutes but this one was fun. Savage is great (of course he is) and watching him play sneaky heel against Putski was fun.

McMahon and friends update the bracket. Nikolai Volkoff interrupts and yells that he was robbed and that American people do not respect him.

First Round: Ricky Steamboat vs Davey Boy Smith

Both men are already in the ring. Some nice early wrestling here. Davey Boy powers the Dragon up with a body press and then works the head. Smith presses Steamboat up and drops him again, covering for two. Dragon reverses Smith and holds him in a vertical suplex and splashes right into Davey Boy’s knees. Steamboat dodges a dropkick and Smith crashes into the ropes. The ref calls for the bell, announcing that Bulldog is unable to continue due to injury. Replays show that Bulldog went crotch-first into the ropes and we get an up-close, slow motion look at him holding his balls.

Ricky Steamboat defeats Davey Boy Smith by ref stoppage to advance to the second round. This was humming right along until the abrupt stop when Bulldog busted his balls.

Junkyard Dog tells Mean Gene is is happy to be here. He also congratulates Chicago in general for being Chicago. Sure.

First Round: Junkyard Dog vs Iron Sheik

Sheiky is already in-ring while JYD gets the walk to the ring. Sheik attacks JYD as JYD removes his chains and chokes JYD with his entrance gear. Lots of choking. Sheik spits on JYD and chops him, JYD no-selling it because he has a hard head. JYD headbutts Sheik and Sheik takes a trip outside. Back in, JYD nails Sheik with a clothesline and can’t get the pin. JYD misses a headbutt and Sheik hooks the Camel Clutch. Sheik lets go and chops at JYD in the corner. Sheik tosses the ref across the ring and JYD headbutts Sheik, covering him for a slightly quick pin.

Junkyard Dog pins Iron Sheik to advance to the second round. Not much to this one either.

Mean Gene is with Terry Funk and Jimmy Hart. Funk wants to wrestle Roddy Piper for the World Championship and show the people how smart he is. And he spits his chew on the screen which is gross.

First Round: Moondog Spot vs Terry Funk

I largely knew the Moondogs existed because of PWI and the USWA days, but he came into this one with a WWF World Tag Team Title reign in his pocket. Funk grabs a mic. “I don’t want to wrestle Moondog Spot and I hope Moondog Spot doesn’t want to wrestle me.” Spot shakes his head no. “Why don’t we both just leave the ring and settle for a draw?” Funk holds the rope open for Spot and they both leave the ring. The bell rings and the count begins, Funk attacks Spot and runs to the ring. Spot catches him and Funk throws Spot in just before the referee finishes the count. Funk is counted out.

Moondog Spot defeats Terry Funk by countout to advance to the second round. This was dumb but kinda cute. “Kinda cute” is always how Terry Funk matches should be described, right? I’m sure you can thirteen different Terry Funk matches that Scott Keith called “kinda cute.”

Mean Gene is with Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji. Muraco says if he can make it through this one, the rest is an easy ride.

First Round: WWF Intercontinental Champion Tito Santana vs Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)

The champ is already in the ring while Muraco gets to walk the aisle. Non-title of course. Muraco batters Santana early, Tito finally escaping via a flying crossbody. Tito sunset flips Muraco but can’t hook for the pin. Santana works an armbar but Muraco powers out, stomping Santana to the mat. Muraco stomps and knees Santana, Santana able to kick out at two. Muraco clubs Santana and powerslams him down, covering and getting the pin… or so we think as the bell rings. Santana rolls up Muraco and gets the pin as we learn that Tito’s foot was over the foot during the earlier pin. I agree with Ventura, cheap win for Santana here. The camera crew also missed the entire foot on the rope thing, so there’s that.

Tito Santana pins Magnificent Muraco to advance to the second round. It was fine, but the ending would have worked better if we could have seen the foot on the rope that was the whole focus.

Mean Gene is with Bobby Heenan and Bobby’s magnificent Member’s Only jacket. The Brain scolds him for using “Weasel” and is here tonight with $50,000 that is going to the man that finishes off Paul Orndorff.

First Round: Paul Orndorff vs Bob Orton

Last but not least, our last first round match. Cowboy Bob is already in the ring while Orndorff gets an entrance. Orndorff works the broken arm of Orton. Rude. Orton snatches Orndorff up and drops him over the top rope. Orton works over Orndorff with elbow drops and then hooks on a chinlock as Monsoon wonders what kind of salary Cowboy draws from Roddy Piper. He moves it into stalling with Orndorff locked between his legs before Orndorff bridges out. Orton dodges a running Orton and smashes him with punches in the corner before hitting a series of elbows. Orton powders out and Orndorff follows. Orton adjusts his cast and nails Orndorff with it, covering and the referee calling for the bell. The ref calls for a DQ for using the cast.

Paul Orndorff defeats Bob Orton by disqualification to advance to the second round. This was slow at moments (the chinlock mostly) but the crowd was very into Paul.

We join Vince as Alfred has a firm grip on Susan and is being a creep. Terry Funk charges in and says he was robbed and this was a display of arrogance on the part of the referee as well as the WWF.

Quarterfinals: Dynamite Kid vs Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)

Both men are already in the ring. We’re moving up to fifteen minute time limits for this round. Jesse leaves commentary and says he has to go talk with the Macho Man. Adonis suplexes Kid and can’t get a two count to follow it. Adrian works a chinlock to slow down the Kid as Gorilla can’t believe the Body was walked away. Kid gutwrench suplexes out and misses a dive, Adrian sitting up. Adonis works the left leg as Jimmy Hart screams through the megaphone. Adonis hooks a Sharpshooter but Kid gets to the ropes to break it. Kid slips under and rolls Adonis up, getting a near fall before Adonis slugs him back to the mat. Kid snap suplexes Adonis again and hits a running headbutt. He grabs Hart and Adrian rolls him up, only for Kid to spring Adonis into Hart. Kid covers and gets the win.

Dynamite Kid pins Adrian Adonis to advance to the semifinals. This started a bit slow but ended up being a lot of fun. I’d give this one the few minutes it takes to watch.

Mean Gene catches up with Jesse Ventura. Ventura says that two heads are better than one and then offers the idea of three heads, those being his, Savage and Elizabeth. He’s seen the flaws of the opponents at ringside, giving Savage advice but will go back and be an unbiased announcer. Gene tells Jesse he is very biased and the Body denies.

Quarterfinals: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Ricky Steamboat

This one has the potential to be a barnburner because hey, Savage vs Steamboat. Steamboat is already in the ring, Savage gets the intro again. Dragon starts hot, knocking Savage back to the floor. Macho grabs Dragon’s foot and pummels him before throwing him back in and attacking in the corner. Dragon headscissors Savage to the floor and chops away before doing an atomic drop on the concrete floor. In ring, Savage tries to dodge but falls to another chop before grabbing Steamboat and dropping him with a suplex as the Body returns to commentary.

Savage heads up top and Steamboat nails him with a right on the way down. Savage pulls something out of his tights and swings but Dragon ducks, but then nails Steamboat in the head with it as Steamboat tries to suplex him. Savage falls on Steamboat and pins the knocked out Dragon.

Randy Savage pins Ricky Steamboat to advance to the semifinals. Not as great as the Mania match to come, but very good for the four minutes they had.

Okerlund is with Moondog Spot who is gnawing on a bone as one does. Spot doesn’t seem to form any actual words and frustrates Gene.

Quarterfinals: Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot

I do appreciate that Fink announces who they defeated in the first round as he introduces them. Spot attacks JYD and tries for a splash from the second rope, missing big time. JYD headbutts him as Gorilla notices we don’t seem to have ran actual referee. Dog covers for the pin and counts to three, the bell ringing. Dog leaves and Fink announces him the winner. Well, alright. Who even needs referees? Gorilla does help things out a bit by noting there is a judge at ringside who agreed with the pinfall.

Junkyard Dog pins Moondog Spot to advance to the semifinals. This was a big piece of nothing.

Gene talks with the Brain again who thinks there will be a new champion tonight.

Quarterfinals: Tito Santana vs Paul Orndorff

Both are popular faces here as Jesse notices Tito has his thigh taped this time. They battle over headlocks before Tito hooks Orndorff into a headscissors. Orndorff flips it into a two count and both men return to their feet to try again. Orndorff armbars Tito before we start again with a stalemate. Orndorff drops Tito on the leg but won’t lay into it because he’s a good guy. They circle again, Tito limping as Orndorff single leg trips Santana and works the leg. They battle outside and aren’t paying attention to how long they’re doing it as the bell rings.

Tito Santana and Paul Orndorff wrestle to a double countout. I don’t know if I’m in the minority, but this was too slow for me. Granted, 80s matches are slower, but this one didn’t do much for me until Orndorff started working the leg.

Lord Alfred is being a creep again and Vince, a man who is never a creep, calls him off. Al runs down the brackets again.

Mean Gene has the Hulkster in his white “American Made” shirt. Well you know Mean Gene, Roddy Piper is dangerous, brother, and Hulk watched this tournament and the whole world is going to see Hulkamania run wild. Brother.

WWF World Championship: WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan vs Roddy Piper

The bagpipers play out Piper as Fink tells us that we have a one hour time limit. Hulk comes in and he and Roddy brawl outside. Hogan tosses Piper over a steel railing before they make it back in the ring. Piper takes a few shots at Hogan’s throat and then they eyes. Hulk reverses a whip and clotheslines Piper in the corner. Hulk suplexes Piper and slams him, nailing a series of running elbow drops. Roddy leaps off the second rope and Hulk catches him in a bearhug until Piper pokes the eyes.

Hot Rod hooks a sleeper and Hogan tries to grab the referee. What a jerk. The referee is roughly 82. Hogan drops to his knees and then his ass, fading into the sleeper (Ventura: “It’s hard to fight if you’re sleepin’”). Hulk fades to his side before Hulking up and out, scooping Piper on his back and tumbling outside with him. Hulk rams Piper into the ringpost and Piper slugs at Hogan but Hulk is in Super Hulk mode, shaking them off. They brawl back in and exchange blows before Hulk hits the big boot and an atomic drop. Roddy shoves Hulk into the referee and heads out for a steel chair, nailing Hogan across the back. Hulk blocks a second shot and smashes Piper with the chair before hooking on a sleeper of his own. Cowboy Bob runs in and nails Hogan with the cast for the DQ. Orndorff comes in for the save.

Hulk Hogan defeats Roddy Piper by disqualification to retain the WWF Championship. I enjoyed this a lot. There’s a reason Hulk matches worked for many years because they have a good formula. Piper was always good as the slimy heel. They only had about seven minutes of in-ring time but it never really slowed down besides the sleeper.

Mean Gene is with the Junkyard Dog again. JYD has a bye in the next round and JYD hopes he goes all the way. Jimmy Hart comes in yelling and Mean Gene sends us to the Fink.

Semifinals: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Dynamite Kid

As with the other matches, Savage gets an intro and the Kid is already in the ring. Fifteen minute time limit. Undoubtedly the greatest tournament in the history of wrestling, claims Gorilla who has never exaggerated anything. Savage ducks outside and argues with the fans to avoid Kid. They brawl to the corner and around three sides of the ring before Savage clubs Dynamite over the referee’s head. Dynamite backdrops Savage and hits a high crossbody right into the ropes. Dynamite tries for a sunset flip, Savage drops down on him to break it. The men clothesline each other down. Savage beats the count back up and heads to the top rope, Dynamite dropkicking him down. Dynamite climbs up and superplexes Savage to the mat but Savage rolls and hooks the leg to pin Dynamite.

Randy Savage pins Dynamite Kid to advance to the finals. This might’ve been the best match of the show. These two packed a lot into five minutes. Watch this one!

Vince and Susan are talking about Rolls-Royces, something they’re about to give away at ringside. Here’s a look at the SIlver Cloud.

Howard Finkel is joined in ring by WWF President Jack Tunney. President Tunney tells us this is the largest sweepstakes in WWF history. Next is WWF Director of Promotions Basil DeVito who tells us there are hundreds of thousands of entries. Third is Ed Feibershaw, director of marketing for the accounting firm that counted the entries. Ed is very nervous and gets too long to talk but he does have the winning name. Lord Alfred Hayes is here to read the name. A fan tosses a cup at the marketing man and almost nails him. Lord Alfred stalls some more so Randy Savage can breathe a little in the back before announcing our winner, Michael Hamley. I wonder if Mike ever got his car or if he still has it. Somewhere there’s a cool idea of a podcast where they go find all of the people who won wrestling prizes, but on the other hand we don’t need another podcast in the world. If anything, we need a 25% reduction in podcasts.

Mean Gene is in the locker room with Hulk and Orndorff. Hulk challenges Piper and Orton to a tag match and Orndorff yells a lot.

Finals: Junkyard Dog vs Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth)

Savage, heading out for his fourth match for the night, has a limp. Jesse declares this situation unfair but thinks Macho can still pull it out. Savage ducks behind Liz to start us off before grabbing a chair from ringside. Savage tosses it at JYD who catches it and tosses it down. Savage stalls some more outside repeatedly. Savage finallys runs in and attacks but JYD shoves him to the mat. Savage tries for a slam but can’t lift JYD who headbutts him to the mat. JYD hits a big atomic drop as Mean Gene joins the commentary team.

Savage tosses JYD to the outside and then hits his double-ax handle from the top rope. Savage shoves JYD into the ring post. Savage hits a second ax handle from the top. Savage heads up top and jumps in-ring this time where JYD catches him with a big fist. JYD headbutts Savage who sells it like he is being hit by a bus. JYD slams Savage out of the corner and headbutts Savage again who gets tied up in the ropes. I don’t feel like we get the “tied in the ropes” spot much now. Savage gets loose and charges at JYD who backdrops him to the floor. The referee counts and Savage doesn’t make it back in time.

Junkyard Dog defeats Randy Savage by countout to win the highly prestigious Wrestling Classic Tournament. There wasn’t a lot to this one and a countout win for the show finale isn’t ideal.

Mean Gene talks to JYD but is interrupted by Jesse Ventura who says he is protesting because JYD had it easy.

Vince, Lord Al and Susan are here to wrap us up with Susan giving Lord Alfred a kiss on the cheek.

There was a lot of trying to be creative with match endings here, but when you book a card with fifteen matches you have to try something. Nothing went over ten minutes so nothing outstayed its welcome. At the same time, there wasn’t a lot that felt like it was an important show. It WAS a very good showcase for heel Savage though.

Recommendations to watch: Savage vs Kid, Hogan vs Piper, Savage vs Steamboat, Adonis vs Kid