Shinya Hashimoto vs. The Great and Terrible Oz (kevin nash) (And other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have an all-timer of a headliner: Shinya Hashimoto vs. KEVIN NASH! And it’s Kevin Nash as OZ, the Great and Terrible! A grey-haired wizard with a close relationship with his local pharmacist! Nash did a short New Japan run! Come see how Hashimoto handles a very green, humongous opponent. Then I found a terrific one, as TULLY BLANCHARD heads to Japan in 1995 to take on Tatsumi Fujinami of all people! Watch how quickly the Japanese fans “get” that asshole prick as he fights dirty (but not against the rules) against the Japanese legend!

Then it’s another Jean-Pierre LaFitte match, as he takes on Man Mountain Rock, who never otherwise got to face “name” guys on TV in his 10-month (!!) WWF run! Then it’s Jim Neidhart as WHO, as he faces new babyface “Wildman” Marc Mero! Then this week’s PWI 500 guy, Slim Trimmons, a chubby guy doing an ironic fitness gimmick, as he faces Brutus Dylan in a pair of matches in a podunk indie in 2019!

SHINYA HASHIMOTO vs. THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE OZ:
(New Japan, May 17th 1992)
* HASHIMOTO vs. NASH! HASHIMOTO vs. NASH! And not FAMOUS Nash, either- this is shitty, bodybuilding terrible rookie Nash as OZ, decked out with silver hair! Ohhhhhhhhhhh Hallelujah, this can’t POSSIBLY be good! This actually has English commentary from Eurosport. Nash actually did two micro-tours of NJPW, doing two matches in Oct. 1991, then five in May 1992. This is his only singles match. Green as grass, he takes off his stupid wizard mask and green cone hat (lol jesus christ) revealing a goatee that commentary sees as a novelty. With his hair dyed grey and long black tights with green lightning on them. Humorously, they’ve dubbed out all the crowd noise so it sounds like a background of a train station. Fat Japanese Elvis has his work cut out for him- how’s he gonna do his “fight up with an enraged face and murder him with strikes” stuff against a big rookie who probably doesn’t have the best strike selling? Nice staredown before the match, at least- Nash looks mean and nasty and Hashimoto unintimidated. Oz is a full head & shoulders taller than Hashimoto, who was never the tallest guy.

The sheer “WTF?” of taking a 7-foot green kid and throwing him in an old man wizard mask and saying he’s from the Emerald City… it’s impressive. It could only happen in 1990s WCW.

They play it wise to start- Hashimoto grabs a headlock but bounces off trying a shoulderblock, Oz going “nuh-uh” and then no-selling another. Thus establishing that Yes, Big Man Is Big. Oz, master strategist, dares him to try it again then big boots him. HAH! Hashimoto’s whipped hard into the corner and Oz clotheslines him, but Hashimoto blocks a punch and slaps him- a thigh-kick sets them back to square one. Hashimoto tries another kick but Nash boots him in the head (weird positioning but Hash sells it like it scrambled him)- Hashimoto rolls to the floor to put it over/kill time, then comes back for a bad headlock takeover (Nash is WAY too tall to do that smoothly) and holds onto an arm. Commentary is saying that Hashimoto is copying his “Ground him and work a limb” ideas and should be getting a “consolation fee”, which is amusing as this is clearly recorded WAY after the fact and he means “consultation” anyways. Hashimoto keeps on the arm, does some arm snaps once they stand and a full jujigatame is treated like a normal “reach for the ropes” weardown hold.

A big slap, slam & jumping elbowdrop hit as the fans are just sittin’ quietly waiting for something cool. Oz fires back with punches and ducks down for a charging clothesline for two- Hashimotoi is a half-sec late on the bump, making it look delayed and less impactful. Oz hits the chinlock, leapfrogs Shinya’s charge (!) and punches him in the gut on the way back and facecrushers him for two. Slam & elbow gets two. Another chinlock & backbreaker does too. Oz decides on a big full nelson to finish, but they mostly just sit in it until Oz shoves him off 20 seconds later and they slug it out. This is usually where Hashimoto does THAT FACE and starts absorbing blows an annihilates the opponent, but Oz just keeps coming at him, so Hashimoto goes to his knees then comes outta the corner like “WTF is with these fists?”, tapping them to a “whatsamattah?” big man. They lock up and Hashimoto just slaps him in the corner, taunting him to try again, so Oz just blows on his fist and locks up again. Oz gets another punch but Hashimoto ducks a clothesline and puts him down with a wheel kick, kicks him in the chest twice and wheel kicks again for two, but Oz weirdly arbitrarily stops running on a whip and turns around to whip Hashimoto off the perpendicular side, at which point he puts his head down and Hashimoto lands his Jumping DDT finisher. The crowd finally responds, clapping their hands and smiling at one another. But Oz is able to kick out at 2.5! Hashimoto is like “yeah, okay” and just gets up and does it again to a wobbly Oz, and that’s three at (12:04).

A pretty boring, basic-ass match, but smartly-wrestled in that Hashimoto can’t just curbstomp this gigantic dude, so has to absorb a lot of punishment, try to work submissions to ground him, then fire back with stuff and use his own body weight. The wheel kicks are believable in knocking a dude Nash’s size over (HASH FAT), and it’s cool that such a big guy can take one DDT and still kick out, but a second can finish him. Nash was suuuuuuuuuuuuper limited at this point in time (not that he ever really got good, but he’d get BETTER- enough that GOAT-level workers could pull him past ***) so it was about as good as it was going to get.

Rating: **1/4 (your everyday “filler” match in the middle of the card)

TATSUMI FUJINAMI vs. TULLY BLANCHARD:
MUGA, Oct. 29th 1995)
* The most random shit ever, TULLY BLANCHARD heads to Japan years past his prime and takes on Tatsumi Fujinami of all people. This is Tully’s first and probably only ever match in Japan, making it even weirder. MUGA is… some thing that probably has a long history, none of which I’d have any context for, lol. A 3 match New Japan card with this as the main? Someone bug Manjii! This starts with ten LONG minutes of interviews and training bits. Tully looks more or less like normal, but a bit balder on top. Tully shockingly goes for the handshake and doesn’t immediately kick Fujinami in the balls. DISAPPOINTED.

They lock up to start, Tully already whining about Fujinami’s decorum in the ropes, but his wristlock is easily turned into an armlock by Fujinami. Tully grabs a rear waistlock but Fujinami has some slick “move one hand here, then move that hand THERE…” stuff and twists the ankle after repositioning them. Tully makes the ropes and is INSISTENT the ref break them up (“MAKE HIM BREAK!”) then threatens to cuff him upside the head, screaming “ONE TWO THREE FOUR!”. haha, the crowd already laughs at his antics- they immediately “get” Tully. A simple international and Tully FLINGS himself off an armdrag and hits the floor like “WTF was that?” and that simple damn spot has the fans clapping. Tully ankle-picks him but Fujinami’s somehow got the awareness of his body to hop and skip to avoid the takedown, so it’s a rope-break. Now neither will give up a grapple so the grumpy, stout ref goes “OH COME ONNNNNN” in English and forces them apart and Tully stands on the bottom rope to get an overhand chop in and Fujinami whacks him for it. Tully mutters “halfway around the world for this…” while the ref admonishes him (“WHAT ABOUT HIM!?” “You first!”). Tully pops him with a “fake a lockup” knee, but Fujinami dragon screws him in an ugly spot (ie. Tully probably doesn’t know what that is and falls funny). Fujinami works the legs, then makes Tully do the splits into a pinning combination, but Tully’s able to spin out and smother him and work counts of his own. Tully scores some nasty knees and is able to smother him, and they roll around clawing at each other’s arms until the ref stands them up.

The fans laugh as Tully tries a sneak attack but backs away the second Fujinami’s aware of him, and Tully is breathing some kind of heavy. He actually manages to power out of a Boston crab, but gets rolled back for two. Fujinami kicks him off to avoid getting his knee smashed into the apron or post, and in a GREAT bit, Tully calls in the ref for a chat… then immediately bolts in on Fujinami when he’s not ready, scoring a front facelock. hahahaha what a piece of shit! The ref is pissed (“Ah, you sneaky boy!”) even though Tully broke zero rules- it’s just a dick move! Tully hangs in the hold for a while until Fujinami’s able to spin around on the arm, then shoot the half to work a headlock. Tully scores an UGLY inside cradle to counter a suplex and works a “hold” like that for a while until Fujinami’s able to deadlift him with a waistlock and turn it into a crucifix to try and get counts. Tully’s supposed to let Fujinami get up after a rope-break but drops an elbow, missing and ending up against the ropes again, SOAKED with sweat and begging the ref to check him for injuries to stall for time. He manages to score some knees to the gut into a butterfly suplex, but Fujinami bolts to the floor, then immediately whirls back in so he can get in better position for a big Backdrop Suplex! Clever! Tully struggles as Fujinami first does a chinlock… but repositions him into his Dragon Sleeper and Tully verbally shouts “YES! YES!” to give up at (13:10).

This was fascinatingly ugly and non-physical in parts, yet AMAZING because Tully does all these great character touches, able to come off as a sneering douchebag even in Japan. He’s not even doing real cheating here, but doing dishonorable things like attempting a sneak attack or using a conversation with the ref to throw a dirty shot while Fujinami’s not expecting it. The crowd is immediately amused by how much of a piece of shit he is to the point where it gets over, and that easily makes up for the pretty sub-par submission counters he does (you can tell Fujinami is LEGIT and almost World of Sport-like in his repositioning/counter skills). You got the sense that Fujinami was slow and steady and knew his gameplan (Backdrop to Dragon Sleeper) but had to wait to get in, and he had to deal with Tully’s trickery to finally get his shot, and he took advantage of ring positioning to do it, turning Tully’s lead position to his own just by rolling out at the ring time and getting back in before Tully was ready.

Rating: *** (I liked it! It wasn’t GREAT and the highlights were pretty much Tully being an asshole until Fujinami was able to force him into his stuff, but it was fun!)

Rotten appears in his one WCW TV match, more obese than his ECW years later on, with UK origins and moth-eaten gear to represent his status as a low-class ruffian.

AXL ROTTEN vs. “JUMPING” JOEY MAGGS:
(WCW Saturday Night, 1991)
* Yes, AXL ROTTEN in WCW!! He lasts two months and this is his only TV appearance, making me wonder why they bothered. I mean… they’d just lost Brian Knobbs to the WWF, so they went and got Temu Brian Knobbs? Rotten looks flabby and gross, which is a great heel look. I mean, DAMN, that hair- looks like three barbers got into a fight. He’s wearing a filthy brown shirt with holes and tears all over it and a big leather jacket, with very strange fat distribution (it’s all chin/jaw fat in the face). Rotten’s in blue trunks with the UK flag on the front (since he’s from Manchester, England… by way of Baltimore), but with black tights underneath, and Maggs is in white/black trunks. The chyron says “Axel Rotton” but he has it spelled “Axl” on his ass. According to Wikipedia, Maggs gave Rotten “supplementary training” before his debut in 1987.

Rotten quickly gets armdragged to start, doing a Brian Knobbs-ian sell-job with frustration and his hand flailing over his face. He throws some clubbing blows with an odd wide stance, but gets armdragged again. He uses the hair to whip Maggs off the ropes, missing an elbow but landing a facecrusher, but his only follow-up is to slowly go about smashing his face into turnbuckles until Maggs collapses to the floor. Maggs tries to sunset flip back in once Rotten’s done stalling, but Rotten punches him in the face. Jim Ross manages to make a PN News/Axl Rotten feud out to be anything other than amazing as Rotten throws a casual beat-down, and Maggs tries a comeback in hilarious manner, as Rotten for some reason sells an Irish whip by collapsing into the ropes and flopping off while Maggs was clearly expecting a normal offshoot so he could score a dropkick, and instead he flops right on the back of his head, hitting nothing. Rotten hits an elbowdrop and immediately goes to the British Bomb, a splash off the second rope, to win (3:34). This is Rotten’s only televised match, as they apparenly set up a News feud that never happened.

Rating: 1/2* (pretty bad squash- Rotten could only throw punches and turnbuckle shots, and showed very little character)

JEAN-PIERRE LaFITTE vs. MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK:
(WWF, Aug. 28th 1995)
* So I mistakenly thought that LaFitte had only wrestled Adam Bomb & Bret Hart among the stars of the WWF, but it turned out I’d skimmed his Cagematch listing too haphazardly and others caught it out. The other one on YouTube is Man Mountain Rock! I realize the term “star” is doing a LOT of stretching here, but Maxx Payne in his WWF incarnation defeated jobbers! That means he’s a star! Sure, he’s the bottom tier babyface on the roster probably, but it counts! Not in terms of ratings or whatever but… shut up! The man has theme music! His finish has a name! I SAY IT COUNTS! I always forget Payne’s exact size, but here he’s clearly several inches taller than PCO and has about 100 lbs. on him. This is to heat up LaFitte for his PPV match against Bret Hart, so you know who’s winning.

Rock gets a quick elbow out of an International, then shoulderblocks and dumps him with a clothesline. He brings LaFitte in the hard way and whips him hard into the corner, but tries it again and misses an avalanche and gets facebusted into the mat. LaFitte pounds away and ties him in Andre Position for his two cross-bodies, but tries a regular one and gets caught. But he leans up and struggles a bunch and eventually leverages Rock for two, but Rock fights out of a chinlock and scores a sunset flip of all things, but LaFitte manages to grab him out of it. Another facebuster stuns Rock, but he won’t get whipped out of the corner and instead hits a big belly-to-belly suplex! And the fans react! This is not the usual “Lameass Star vs. Lameass Star” mid-taping match! Fans are into it! But he makes like Roadblock and climbs to the second rope, taking forever and splattering when he tries a launching splash. Spanish commentary decries how he “telegraphed” that and LaFitte drops a leg and goes up for the Cannonball (flying somersault senton) for the win (4:22).

Not a bad TV match! They kept it moving, as slow as both guys were (Man Mountain Rock was FAT). Notably, this is Man Mountain Rock’s only “featured match” in the company, as his only other bouts against “stars” were house show runs against Mantaur, Rad Radford, and Bob Backlund. I know I said that about LaFitte last week but this time I’m super-sure! His entire 9-month run in the company is just the occasional TV squash, this match, and house show runs until he’s gone- he retires the next year.

Rating: **1/4 (half-decent TV bout that keeps going and has some decent offense and elements to it)

“THE WILDMAN” MARC MERO (w/ Sable) vs. WHO:
(WWF Shotgun Saturday Night, July 23rd 1995)
* I FOUND MORE WHO MATCHES!! Poor Jim Neidhart only got seven matches (including house shows) in his 1995 WWF run, which is funny given how everyone remembers this dumbassed masked gimmick of his. McMahon is of course over the moon for the “classy” Sable- his default compliment for a lady he wanted to bone.

They make tons of “Who” jokes (Hennig: “Who IS facing the Wildman” JR: “What’re ya asking ME for?” then “Who’s gonna get paid for winning this match” “Sometimes his wife gets it”), before Mr. Perfect just goes right to the “What’s on second”. SO DROLL. The wrestlers do boring headlock counters, probably being told the first minute or two will be this Carlin-level wordplay. Goldust’s usher comes out to give a flirty note to Sable, who politely refuses him- Mero wins an International and uses the pithold to waste time. Who elbows free but goes down REAL ugly for a schoolboy as Goldust & Marlena an inset promo. The wrestlers meaninglessly brawl while Goldust swears to burn Mero’s jungle to the ground at SummerSlam, while Marlena caresses her cigar and hits on Sable. Mero scores a boxing combo to stun Who, but Who gets an elbow in the corner and tries a backdrop suplex, but Mero hits his knees hard on the mat countering it and hooks Who’s shoulders and rolls backward for the flash pin (3:24). haha didn’t even wanna do his finisher tonight?

A very low-action match- one of those ones clearly designed to “get over the angle” as it’s all Goldust’s inset, “Who’s on First?” jokes and assorted distractions while the wrestlers very deliberately try not to do something that would draw the fans away from this angle that no doubt drew millions of dollars and I didn’t have to check to see how it ended (Goldust won, then Mero won the IC Belt and beat Goldust, losing a feud to Hunter Hearst-Helmsley).

Rating: 1/2* (barely even a “real match”- just trading basic headlocks & punches until the out of nowhere reversal finish)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: SLIM TRIMMONS:
Appearances: #497 in 2013

-Another long-time indie wrestler, Slim Trimmons (all the YouTube videos say “Trimmins” but his own personal Facebook says “Trimmons” so I’m going with that) is an out of shape-looking guy doing an ironic “fitness fanatic” gimmick, wearing 1980s neon workout clothes and such. He’s apparently been active since 2000, with every match coming out of either Indiana or Michigan. He’s billed at 216 lbs., which is obviously intended to be comedic, as the man is a person of gravity. His stuff looks REALLY bad despite all his years in wrestling- I’m guessing he mostly just does a comedy jobber act.

SLIM TRIMMONS vs. BRUTUS DYLAN:
(Funkified Wrestling Federation, March 19th 2019)
* Billed at 390 lbs., Dylan is a BIG fat guy wearing a skull mask for 2 seconds and then flinging it away. He’s got a sleeveless black jacket and blue jeans on. Trimmins comes out to of course Olivia Newton John’s “Physical”, since he’s all inspired by fitness and such. Which means he’s never read the lyrics to that song, because it is clearly about INTERCOURSE. His FB says “Twinkie Power!”, and he walks the walk by throwing twinkies to the fans before the match, which probably costs him all his pay. Despite the name, this “Funkified Wrestling Federation” has been around since 2006.

They immediately establish Dylan’s obesity as a factor, Trimmons failing to knock him over with shoulderblocks. He’s thrown into three corners, but dodges an avalanche and crouches so Dylan trips over him for two. They do some bad headlock spots and then hahahaha Dylan gets a “clothesline” but Trimmons turned sideways to him, going down weird and Dylan TRIPS over him so they both look like shit. Dylan chokes away, then elbows Slim down when he tries a comeback. Dylan appears to be having a rest on all fours, throwing the occasional headbutt, then they do a BEARHUG of all things, and when Slim ear-claps free, he turns around and gets backraked, taking a weird bounce off the ropes into another bearhug. Slim finally fights free, doing a Flip Flop & Fly with jumping jacks involved, then some tiny-elevation Stinger Splashes. A Stinkface (to Dylan’s cheek, cuz he turns his head) has the heel so incensed he grabs a foreign object in his boot and smashes Slim with it for the DQ at (5:43).

Rating: DUD (very poor stuff- clumsy and most every move looked harmless- the camera is like thirty feet away and you can see that Slim’s punches wouldn’t hurt a fly)

SLIM TRIMMONS vs. BRUTUS DYLAN:
(Funkified Wrestling Federation, March 30th 2019)
* I actually watched this one first, but it was so short I wanted to see the prior one.

Trimmons immediately starts fast with the fakest looking punches and kicks ever, Dylan not at all wrestling to his size, but he manages to hit a clothesline and Trimmons does the “twitch sell” off of it. Dylan knocks on his own head to suggest its hardness, then does a theatrical double-axehandle to the body for two. Dylan wins a chopfest, but is so tired he waits before dropping down for two, then does a TRAPEZIUS MASSAGE as a resthold, then Crush’s old head-squeeze finisher. Slim gets his arm up at “3” and mounts a comeback, but does jumping jacks to set up a running attack, and Dylan clotheslines him. He didn’t they already do that spot? And this one GETS THE PIN at (3:22)! What th–? Did they just have to go home early? But Dylan gets on the mic after and calls someone to bring their “big bald ass” out here, and soon ANOTHER massively obese man comes out, does a manatee-roll into the ring with a chair, and chases Dylan off! Man, are we sure this isn’t the Diabetes Wrestling Federation?

Rating: DUD (another bad, fake-looking one- no botches but lazy despite being only 3 minutes long)