3PW March Madness 03/20/05

Previously in 3PW…

Pro Pain Pro Wrestling
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
New Alhambra Sports & Entertainment Center
Attendance 200

Slyck is your new champion but more importantly Matt Striker has left which leaves a massive hole in the mid-card so let’s find out who is going to fill it.

Tommy Suede vs. CJ O’Doyle

Good start to the show as the commentators attempt to talk over Tommy’s theme music and get drowned out. After trying to get the fan’s support for months, CJ is very over here opening the show. It’s treating him as an upper-mid-carder that the crowd has issues with.

CJ and Tommy have decent chemistry with the crowd enjoying CJ punting Suede in the chest. Both men lock up and then tumble to the floor still hooked up with an almighty splat and that seemed like it hurt wayyyy more than it looked as both men are slow getting to their feet. Tommy lands a gentle crossbody to the outside before working over CJ with backbreaker variations. CJ comes back with a reverse X-Factor and an inverted DDT as the crowd gets behind him. Where’s this crowd been for the past year? CJ flips out of the corner to run right into a STO and a crossface. CJ needs the fan’s support to survive and he gets it! Tommy tries a standing SSP that would have missed even if CJ hadn’t rolled out the way. CJ’s inverted suplex can’t end the match so he goes up top where Tommy cuts him off and lands a rare backdrop off the top rope before missing a fucking Phoenix Splash (!). Tommy isn’t too bothered about the miss and sets up CJ for something he converts into an Ace Crusher at 10:29.

This was very decent! Crowd finally behind CJ and Tommy doing every move he knew to get his shit in make this a far better opener than we’re used to seeing in 3PW. Annoyingly this would be Tommy’s only 3PW appearance. He’d wrestle in the Pennsylvania area until calling it quits in 2021.

Commentary is hard to hear throughout the whole show as the crowd are so much louder than them which is incredible considering there’s so few people here that the company didn’t even bother setting up the bleachers tonight.

Rockin’ Rebel vs. Dirk Ciglar

Dirk’s debut. I can’t un-see the auto-correct spelling of Dolph Ziggler. He resembles Peter Steele from Type O Negative.

Rebel tells one of the fans that he’s known him for twelve years and he still hasn’t showered. Crowd cheers so he must stink. “I smell something fishy and Jasmin ain’t here so it’s gotta be you.”

Rebel no sells Dirk’s shoulder tackles so Dirk lands a decent dropkick to send Rebel to the outside where he can chop his tits off. Rebel repays the favour to the crowd’s delight. Rebel reverses an Irish Whip into the corner to come back with a flying clothesline because Rebel is working hard for a change. It’s at the expense of his foe but still. Rebel chair shots Dirk right in his long hair. “Welcome to 3PW, Dirk!” Dirk’s Sunset Flip is countered by Rebel grabbing the ropes, with the ref kicking away Rebel’s hands. Still doesn’t end the match but crowd cheered Rebel’s antics, even when cheating. Backslide nearly ends things but Dirk sticks to his dropkicks and powerslams. No one cares about him as his “c’mon!” yell to the crowd is met with silence. Rebel misses a leg drop (which gets a way bigger reaction than you’d think) until Rebel spinebusters Dirk to end at 6:27.

A good showcase for Rebel if that’s your thing and God help you if it is. But he did look motivated out there for whatever reason so fair play. Poor Dirk got nothing.

Post-match, The Blue Meanie runs in to kick Rebel in the dick so the ref can stunner him. Rebel didn’t even cheat! He won clean! Where’s this coming from? Crowd cheered Meanie anyway because kicks to the dicks are funny.

The Blue Meanie vs. Ron Zombie

Ron heads out to Scum Of The Earth which means he’s part of Yoshinari Ogawa’s stable. He still makes cameos in battle royals to this day and follows me on Twitter so I like him.

The lads trade strikes and headbutts but don’t move around too much so the crowd get bored. Ron’s high neckbreaker off the ropes connects on Meanie but they’re both so haggard that they recover at the same time. Hangman’s neckbreaker and legdrop only gets “c’mon Undertaker!” yells from the fans. I don’t think these two were anticipating Rebel working so hard because so far he’s upstaged this match completely. Meanie misses a clothesline so Ron lands a big boot but stops to lean against the ropes as if he’s going to be sick. Ron is wrestling way older than he actually is. Top rope legdrop misses but the effort was appreciated. Meanie manages to land his moonsault for a change to end this at 6:03.

Let’s move on.

Ruckus vs. Homicide

Oh this should be good. Ruckus is your current CZW World Heavyweight champion and hails from “The Hood.”

Homicide mouths off at the smelly fan from earlier so crowd chants for him. Homicide that is, not the fan. Ruckus escapes a wristlock Owen Hart style with a flip out of the corner so Homicide grounds him. That’s too sensible so Homicide lets him up so Ruckus can flip out of his holds to show they’re on the same level. Also that level is higher up than the previous match After taking some time to mouth off at a fan, Homicide and Ruckus give one another armdrags and counters until Ruckus Fosbury Flops out the ring and onto The Notorious 187. Homicide sees the SSP off the apron coming so gets his knees up, sending Ruckus into all the guard rails before avalanching him in the corner before dancing in front of the smelly fan. Ha. Ruckus takes advantage to land the rolling neckbreaker for two. Japanese armdrag only gets two even with Ruckus flipping beforehand. That’s supposed to make it hurt more. Pace stays fast with Homicide sending Ruckus into the turnbuckle so he can land a flying forearm and a face wash. Grounded Octopus Hold is released by Homicide because he got bored, preferring to kick Ruckus in the back. Crowd have been engrossed in this the whole time because Homicide is so likable.

Ruckus lands the Afterburner and standing SSP to very little reaction because we’ve already seen those spots tonight. Homicide lands an Ace Crusher, shades of the late great CJ O’Doyle. Double down finally shuts down the crowd after all that pesky good action. Ruckus lands THE RAZZLE DAZZLE and a Slingblade for two. Crowd are enjoying Ruckus’ moves but don’t care about him. Butterfly Superplex can’t put Ruckus away so Homicide locks in the dreaded STF. He’s so in the zone that he insists to the ref that Ruckus tapped. He didn’t, so a furious Homicide lands a Butterfly Powerbomb for two. Crowd are switched off now because there’s no face/heel roles so it’s turned into just two dudes hitting moves. Top rope Frankensteiner gets nothing. Homicide slaps Ruckus off the top rope to set up The Cop Killer but Ruckus wriggles out only to take a lariat so vicious he takes the Billy Gunn sell off of it. A weak “this match sucks” chant breaks out which is a shame. Homicide sets up Ruckus for a superplex but upon landing, Ruckus rolls him with a cradle for…the double pin at 17:16 with the ring announcer stating “there is no winner.” I’ll fucking say.

The action was some of the best we’ve seen tonight and the pace was lovingly quick but they lost the crowd completely due to not giving them anything to get behind or into. Just moves moves moves. Disappointing.

The new 3PW Commissioner Michael Freedom is here because Bill Apter is busy appearing at FWA International Showdown. A rare time for an English Indie to be outdrawing a US one but Alex Shane’s crew drew 3,400. “200 people here tonight? You’re having a laugh!” He’s an Englishman but because it’s St. Paddy’s day he’s wearing a leprechaun heat which is in fairness is a proud English tradition along with pretending Guinness is nice. Freedom mouths off at the fans telling everyone they stink of corned beef and cabbage. Mike calls St. Patrick an Englishman (the worst insult of them all) so CJ O’Doyle heads out to defend the rights of Da Irish. Mike is pretending to be tough until he introduces CJ’s opponent “The Sexiest Man in 3PW…”

CJ O’Doyle vs. Caesar Smalls

Caesar is a really big fat guy dressed in Chippendale gear. His flexing scares the girls in the crowd so he demands to have a “lovely young lady” oil his muscles up before the contest. Security actually finds one and she does actually oil him up. That’s the commentary.

CJ treats Caesar like a big fat guy and makes him run the ropes until he nearly vomits. Ron Zombie must have trained him. Drop toe hold nearly takes the middle rope out, with a follow-up superkick causing Caesar to fall through the ropes Yokozuna style. That got a deserved pop. Caesar avalanches CJ into the ring post to get the chunky advantage. Caesar’s giant elbow only gets two but crowd reacted like One Man Gang in his prime was doing it. Leg drop thankfully misses, allowing CJ to miss one of his own off the top and into a bearhug. Oh, the crowd was really looking forward to that being the end. CJ bites his way out to land the Ace Crusher. Caesar shrugs it off to land an impressive Fireman’s Carry into a Samoan Drop. CJ somehow kicks out so he can land the Irish Sickle. That’s what they called it. CJ’s top rope leg drop finishes at 8:27.

Took a while to get the crowd into the idea of watching a barely-trained giant chubster but they started strongly reacting to his attempts at offence so I thought this was inoffensive for a show like this.

Simon Diamond (w/Talia) vs. Monsta Mack

Mack heads out by himself as his mate is wrestling next. Simon is one half of the tag team champions which is awkward as his partner has left the company so 3PW is going to ignore all questions about it.

Mack baseball slides Simon into the guard rail to start, with Simon hiding behind Talia to avoid further damage. It’s the brawling match of the night because we need at least one in Philly so we head into the toilets? Oh God there’s not enough money on Earth to make me want to use those facilities as God intended, never mind bump on the pissy floor. They brawl to the ring to ensure their filthy bodies will spread onto the canvas and result in someone getting a staph infection. Simon recovers the advantage with an eye poke. Mack retaliates by heading outside and yelling “SABUUU” while trying to Air Sabu into the guard rail but…

That is an accurate Sabu tribute to be fair. “The Christopher Farley of 3PW” chortles the commentators. Mack gets a nice superkick counter to Simon’s spinning punch but crowd are too busy laughing to notice. Simon ducks a lariat to land a German suplex. Mack lariats Simon and all you can hear is a kid chant for Simon and then stop. Talia gets dragged in the ring to annoy Mack enough to charge her so Simon can connect with the match-ending superkick at 9:04

I like Mack, he does try. Match was there.

Sterling James Keenan vs. Damian Adams

It’s the future Corey Graves! Personal Jesus theme music, robe jacket, pimp cane, it’s all here and it’s all very Russell Brand.

Feeling out process starts and is decently done. Plenty of fake outs and counters until Adams is sent through the ropes and into the post. Keenan works the shoulder as crowd make it clear they hate Pittsburgh. Divorce Court gets insults thrown at Keenan so he curses out a fan who bellows back “why don’t ya suck my bawls?” to loud cheers. Adams takes advantage of that burn to enziguri Keenan and land a back suplex. Keenan hits a nice press slam into a backbreaker and the crowd appreciate by not booing. Tilt a whirl into a facebuster looks to finish but Adams turns an up-and-over into an Alabama Slamma to finish at 5:20.

I don’t recall many people winning matches with that move so I liked the flash aspect of it as well as the crowd pop. Rest of the match was OK technically but no one was wanting to see it at this point in the night.

3PW Heavyweight Title Match
Slyck Wagner Brown (w/April Hunter) (c) vs. Roadkill

Crowd love Roadkill but there’s not a lot of hate for Slyck, even as he’s throwing his water over everyone. Roadkill is in his first singles main event here which is hilarious as it is impressive. They needed to give Slyck some wins over respected veterans and they only have Roadkill because the owner of the company is a comedy midcarder and everybody else wants to be paid.

Slyck and Roadkill are equally matched until Slyck is caught while attempting a crossbody and caught in a Vader Bomb. Roadkill is dragged outside and sent into the guardrail so strongly that it crushes the fans.

They set it back up just so Roadkill can take a spill over it just so Slyck can head to the top rope and FUCK ME COME CRASHING DOWN WITH A SENTON AND KNOCK HIMSELF UNCONSCIOUS FOR A FEW SECONDS.

Slyck lies there with his arms limp while April asks him if he’s OK a few times, unsure what she’ll do if he doesn’t respond. Eventually Slyck snaps back into reality and stands up to a round of applause. Phew. That was a worrying moment. Roadkill gets sent through the guard rail again. For good measure, Slyck slams Roadkill into the rails and floor because Roadkill is bumping his fucking arse off here. Glad he took his first main event seriously. We head to the ring where Slyck’s sweet dropkick nearly puts Roadkill away. Slyck chinlocks Roadkill which looks funny because it appears he’s working his beard. Hard chops wake up Roadkill who responds with his own, with Roadkill actually doing the Kobashi chops oh my god. This is it, his one moment in the rarefied air and he’s savouring every moment of it. Roadkill is smothered by Slyck’s slingshot legdrop and lack of direction. Also a boot to the face and lariat, followed by further chops. Roadkill comes back with the DVD as the crowd start cheering now they know he’s winning. Roadkill throws his trademarks and signatures but Slyck won’t be put away. Roadkill delivers a top rope splash and the ref counts three!

Oh wait we pretend he didn’t because he stopped counting after April got in the ring but she was so late the ref had to stop counting at four. That sucked. Roadkill goes after April like a dumb dumb, leaving him open to a chop block and Brock Lock. Roadkill recovers anyway and delivers a Barnburner for a close two. Roadkill gets a bunch of chairs from the crowd and sets them up in a stack. Both men jostle for position until Roadkill unwisely goes for the corner punches, which Slyck uses to powerbomb him through the chairs! That’s enough for the Brock Lock submission at 15:42.

The one thing on this show to maybe go out your way to see. Both men doing their best and going way out their comfort zone more than once so they could hold their head high and say “I main evented at the Arena and I didn’t suck.” Slyck received no boos at the start despite being heel and left to cheers which is either praise or an insult, but it was better than nothing this crowd could have given easily given them. Bless them for taking those wild bumps and the ten seconds of Slyck’s memory he’ll never see again.

Overall: Another weird month of a little Philly fed just trying to keep it’s head afloat. Two more to go!

I’ve been Maffew