3PW Spring Cleaning 04.09.05

Previously In 3PW…

Pro Pain Pro Wrestling

New Alhambra Sports & Entertainment Center

Attendance: 225

Commentary by Gerry Strauss & Mike Winner

I found more 3PW 2005! I’m as shocked as you.

Announcer welcomes us to the “New Alhambra Sports & Entertainment Center”. That gets boos so he adds “also known as the ECW Arena!” to applause.

It’s the Arena circa 2005 so the audio is incredibly blown out and I can only understand every third word anyone says because everything sounds like the crowd from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.

Michael Hawes is here and apparently he was the general manager after Todd Gordon left. He looks like the villain from Kindergarten Cop and thanks the fans for showing up. I think he says this is a new 3PW so there’ll be no more no-shows. Or fans. Audio is so bad it takes a few minutes for me to realise he’s got a Southern English accent. The only thing I understood clearly was him yelling “ding dong the witch is gone!” referring to Jasmin St. Clare, and the song of the same name plays as he leaves. Crowd appreciated his words, whatever they were.

Greg Matthews (w/Rockin’ Rebel) vs. Ron Zombie

Hi I’m Matthew Gregg and I’m reviewing Greg Matthews. He had a mild run in CZW (and a cameo in the first season of Tough Enough) but that’s over so his career is circling the drain. Crowd is hyped for Ron.

Rockin’ Rebel introduces the crowd to Greg (they were team-mates in CZW) and the crowd sounds pumped because of the compression. You know when you resize an image in MS Paint and it completely ruins the quality? Think that but for noise.

Greg sticks to basics before Ron sends him into the corner before landing a jumping neckbreaker as Greg bounces, like Sabu’s corner clothesline. Ron is holding Greg’s hand throughout this but crowd doesn’t care. Second rope leg drop gets two. Greg gets thrown over the ropes but Rebel helps him hold on so he bounces back in to send Ron outside via headscissors. Why is this match good? Rebel attacks Ron behind the ref’s back which sets up Greg’s tope con hospital, fucking hell.

Crowd applauds because even if it didn’t hit anything but spine, the effort was appreciated. Ron throws a clothesline that doesn’t connect so Greg goes to the outside to recover from the “glancing blow”. Swinging neckbreaker that’s nearly a Diamond Cutter sets up a flying elbow off the top. Ron retaliates with an elevated DDT but Rebel distracts the ref allowing Greg to land of all things, a F5 for the win.

I enjoyed this way more than I should have when Ron was on offence. Thankfully Greg brought me back to reality when he was in control so this ended up passable.

Greg Spitz vs. Devon Moore vs. Drew Blood

I’ve never heard of Spitz but he looks like a skinner, more annoying Danny Doring. He’s an Animal House trainee which makes sense because he resembles a ferret. Moore and Blood were PWU regulars who headed to CZW once that place died.

God there’s a lot of pleather here as Moore and Blood go through a fast-paced sequence of armdrags. Spitz applauds so they stop what they’re doing to land a nifty monkey flip into a rolling senton. Spitz takes a double ankle lock into the turnbuckle before stereo basement dropkicks render him asunder. Moore superkicks Blood outside and and just-about manages a springboard tope. Crowd are loving these nifty overcomplicated spots but also appreciate Spitz diving to the outside and having both foes side-step so he eats spitz.

Commentator say Spitz is using his “size and strength advantage” to headbutt his foes but I’ve eaten Subway sandwiches with more girth. Moore lands a high-angle senton into the corner onto Spitz before Blood lands a reverse DDT while he’s still in the ropes. Crowd continue to be impressed by Big Dumb Indie Movez and in fairness, I am too. Blood sits out with a modified Blue Thunder for two so Blood and Moore dump him with a double Kryptonite Krunch. Moore tries going up-and-over on Blood but gets caught so he spike headscissors Blood instead as the crowd goes wild. Springboard moonsault gets two as Moore was full of energy in the 2000s. Spitz sends Blood outside and finished Moore with a Razor’s Edge off the second rope.

A lot of cool looking mid 2000s moves to pop the crowd with only the natural awkwardness of a three way offering any structure but the crowd loved it so well done. Moore and Blood leave to chants of “PWU” which I’m sure Meanie appreciated. Well PWU lasted for longer than 3PW so screw him.

Trent Acid (w/Johnny Kashmere) vs. Damian Adams

Seeing Trent Acid wrestle in the Arena but not for CZW is weird. Him and Kashmere were firmly on the outs with Zandig as part of a legendary real life feud that ended up sad for everybody involved. Acid’s entrance sees him grinding for dollars for the very receptive fans, male and female. Trent = bi-con.

You can tell Kashmere is focusing more on running PWU than wrestling because he’s put zero effort into his appearance. He looks like someone came to a fancy dress party as Ned Flanders but only had ten minutes to prepare. Acid says something about being proud to be back in the arena after working for so many companies in this building, to which one of the commentators adds “yeah and you got fired by all of them.” Ha!

Acid immediately runs to the outside to have women fan him.

Acid stalls to start. I forgot that was a large part of his act because he was face to the women and heel to the men. Adams stands there like a goon waiting for him to get into the ring and try to outclass him with his monkey flips and leapfrogs before simply taking him down with an armbar. Acid begs off and wants a handshake but Adams declines and gets sent outside thanks to Kashmere holding the ropes while pretending to take a phone call. God I forgot how much of his act was “Cruiserweight Ric Flair.” Acid tries a moonsault off the apron but the guard rail is too close so he eats shit.

Just don’t dive to the outside in 3PW, it’s not worth it. Rosenberg told me so. Sympathetic crowd chants “Stevie Richards!” while Acid checks he hasn’t shit himself from the pain. Tornado DDT off the ropes gets two but Acid is clearly still hurting. Commentators talk about the upcoming tag team title tournament and wonder if The Backseats will be in it. Spoiler: no.

Adams pushes away a second Tornado DDT so he can start landing suplexes. Crowd don’t care about Adams’ comeback and are far more interested in Acid’s counters. Adams gets a lovely reversal of a Sunset Flip into an Alabama Slamma but Kashmere pulls the ref out. Adams takes his eyes off the prize and eats a Yakuza Kick for the win for a still-wincing Acid.

Just a taster session for the best (and if we’re being honest, the worst) aspects of Acid as like Flair, he could do this routine with anybody and everybody. It’s good for Acid and it’s a performance the crowd appreciates but Adams could have been anybody here. Acid’s style of “do a cool move then go for it again so my foe knows to counter it” means as long as his opponent can keep up, he could wrestle Dink The Clown to *** if required.

Ruckus vs. Josh Daniels

Ruckus is the current CZW World champion, Josh is everyone’s least memorable Benoit clone. They’re the original odd couple! I can’t tell if Josh is an old young guy or a young old guy.

Turns out he’s 25. Fuck I never would have guessed that, he looks like an angry, buff Phil Collins.

Ruckus doesn’t have the rest of BLK OUT with him so he is forced to deal with Josh’s deep wrist-locks by rolling out. Daniels grounds Ruckus to prevent any flipping but Ruckus deals with this by uhh flipping. Ruckus gets too cocky and tries diving to the outside but Josh elbows him and probably saves his life. Ruckus again deals with this by landing a Shooting Star Press off the apron. Crazy how that became a normal spot for Ruckus. Josh crotches Ruckus and chokes him with his own shirt before chopping him over the top rope. Josh is like 3/4 good here, it’s a shame he’s against a guy like Ruckus who *has* to get his shit in otherwise there’d be something here. Instead it’s just “Josh shows off his wristlocks, Ruckus flips” and the two aren’t merging well. Crowd sit on their hands while Josh continues the chokes as they ain’t interested in the Benoit homages. If Benoit is Wesker, Daniels is Zeno. Sorry, just finished RE9.

Razzle Dazzle and Dropping The Dime impress the crowd because Ruckus does work hard for his flips. Ruckus’ moonsault meets feet which enables Josh to whip him into the guard rail and charge a forearm right into his face. Bridging German suplex gets two and no reaction. Josh looks fed up. Josh cuts off Ruckus coming off the top and lands a Superplex for a near fall. Ruckus nearly wins with a twisting running Shooting Star Press. Ruckus counters a front suplex into an Ace Crusher so Josh clotheslines Ruckus so hard he does the Billy Gunn Sell. No pop for that or the kick-out and Josh has resentment written all over his face. Pin roll-ups are exchanged but Ruckus utilises a head-stand to get the pin before immediately leaving the ring.

I enjoy Ruckus and I enjoy Josh but their styles couldn’t have been further apart. Josh was OK as someone annoying the fans by preventing Ruckus from doing his spots but that was it, no one wanted to see any of the stuff he’s actually good at.

The Blue Meanie vs. Caesar Smalls

Caesar doesn’t have a cagematch profile. If he did he’d need two accounts to fit all of him in because he is a large, large man wearing Chippendales gear. Even the front row Philly fat dudes are pointing at him and calling him fat. He trips getting into the ring and the commentators say “Only in 3PW, folks!”

Caesar pulls out a sandwich from his tights and starts chowing down before asking a female fan to get in the ring and spray his arm. Oh no don’t make it weird. She sprays him then immediately leaves, phew. Caesar removes his suspenders for a giant terrified pop from the crowd. Caesar has a note with his “genuine” stats that is stuck to his arm-fat as crowd are loving/dying at all of this. Meanie heads out with boundless enthusiasm which is very impressive all things considered.

Meanie talks but I can’t hear him so Caesar has the ref measure his biceps but then struggles to wrap it around Caesar’s bingo wings. This like Arnie/Ventura on the set of Predator. Even Frank Talent at ringside joins in the fun by mocking Caesar’s svelte physique. Both lads assume the sumo position as a fan yells “they’re blown up!” Meanie tickles the titties and gets a two count off a bulldog, first time we’ve seen actual wrestling in twenty minutes. Meanie kicks Caesar in the arse but his foot gets stuck. “Have you ever seen the movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” asks one of the commentators. Both lads bust out the criss-cross spot, reducing them to exhaustion in three seconds. Caesar lands a Samoan Drop to the shock of the fans. “Meanie gets his shoulder up, the only part of his body Caesar wasn’t covering.” Caesar smothers Meanie in the corner as the crowd chant for the Truffle Shuffle. Fans dub him “Abbie Jr.” as he tries a Sabu-style chair-assisted jump but the chair crumples underneath the weight which allows Meanie to clothesline Caesar…except as Meanie bounces off the ropes, it breaks underneath *his* weight allowing Caesar to drop an elbow for the win.

Really stupid comedy that went down really well with the best audience possible for it. A very guilty pleasure. The wrestling equivalent to watching Roy Chubby Brown while eating a kebab. Or JCW.

Caesar Smalls goes up to the Crow’s Nest and continues dancing before he is joined by another fat guy who isn’t named but I think he was a legit fan they just let up there. It’s kinda nice seeing the interactions here because the crowd is so small they may as well be on first-name terms with everyone.

Simon Diamond (w/Talia) vs. CJ O’Doyle

O’Doyle still wrestles to this day. I wish I could think of anything interesting to type about him. Simon did not try very hard last time he was in 3PW but in fairness he didn’t know if he was getting paid that night. Let’s see how he does when he definitely knows he’s not getting paid.

Simon tries talking to so crowd tells him to shut the fuck up. Probably because they know the viewer(s) at home can barely hear him when they review it decades later. I think he’s mad about not being in the main event so I checked cagematch to see if Simon did ever main event anywhere and sure enough, he main evented against Tito Santana for National Wrestling Superstars in 2006. A main event in any country. Simon says CJ doesn’t even have proper gear on, CJ agrees and disrobes to reveal his new wrestling gear. I hope he loses.

Long feeling out process to start before CJ misses a crossbody off the top. Crowd is really into CJ. The crowd’s enthusiasm has really made this show worth watching. Even when there’s big fat dudes bouncing their titties, they’ve been loud. CJ gets worked over by Simon until he comes back with his own O’Doyle Suplexes. Simon doesn’t appreciate the compliment so he lands a front suplex only to run into a clothesline. Loud “FUCK YOU SIMON” chants as CJ busts out a sweet top rope leg drop. Talia breaks up the pin but throws powder at Simon who blindly lands a superkick on his valet, leading to CJ…getting a two count. Oh. CJ misses a top rope leg drop to take a superkick to the chest which he thankfully kicks out of. A dumbfounded Simon gets rolled into a small package but kicks out and lands the Simonizer to win. Huh.

This was basic but going well in terms of getting the crowd into CJ, right up to the point where he lost which made the whole thing a waste of time if that was the idea. Nice gear, dumb dumb.

Rockin’ Rebel (w/Greg Matthews) vs. Monsta Mack

This is the semi-main?? For those that don’t know, Rebel had a promoter’s licence that he let companies use in exchange for a match. Companies would usually shove him into a quick undercard thing (or cut his match from the home release like ROH) so you can tell 3PW is having issues getting talent if he’s this high up. Crowd love booing Rebel because even he is over on this show. The only thing I understood in his ten minutes of promo time was “suck my dick.”

Mack sends Greg Matthews to the outside as he takes a decent Flair Flip and onto the timekeeper’s table. Rebel and Mack get into a striking exchange like they’re in the Budokan until Greg crotches Mack behind the ref’s back. Rebel lands a very loud chop but comes back with a gentle drop toe hold into the guard rail. Mack wanted to take that bump like he wanted a salad. Mack redeems himself a Cody Rhodes House Show dive through the ropes onto Rebel’s Army. Crowd are not reacting to Mack which considering some of the things they did pop for is worrying. Main event Spinebuster followed by a swinging neckbreaker lets us know which wrestler Rebel wants to be. Small “Luther Reigns” chant breaks out because they both have long faces. I’ve never heard a crowd chant for Luther Reigns before. Mack dispatches Greg before landing a charged up lariat wins it for Mack to mild applause.

Rebel and Greg double team Mack after the bell and I love their go-to move was the AWA Special. Damian Adams makes the save which sets up a match for the Tag Team Tournament so wow, they’re actually building to the next show. Brave of them to be making plans. Match was meh but I hated how solid and over Rebel was.

3PW Heavyweight Title Match

Slyk Wagner Brown (w/April Hunter) (c) vs. Amish Roadkill (w/The Blue Meanie)

In between the last show I looked at and this one, Slyk Wagner Brown defeated Christopher Daniels to become the champion and to sadly end the run of NWA:TNA talent upgrading the quality of 3PW shows. If you think resorting to using Roadkill as a main eventer because he was an ECW original is bad, I’ll point out that this is actually Roadkill’s rematch.

The front row is stood up to applaud and shake Roadkill’s hand so at least the 3PW crowd believe in him. Oh wait they let him know he fucks sheep. Maybe it’s like when the crowd would chant “You Suck” at Kurt Angle. I’m not implying Angle fucks sheep but he does have a fondness for bestiality sex.

(I hate that I’m watching this show after Krule’s secret twitter likes got discovered and these aren’t the only two wrestlers that are associated with that kind of thing.)

Moving on, Simon Diamond interrupts to challenge the winner at the next show. OK, Roadkill main eventing is one thing because he had all those great tag team title matches in ECW, but Simon? Who would be challenging if these two were unavailable, Chilly Willy?

To their credit, they go for the teases of deep lock-ups to give this a big match feel and crowd treats it as such. Slyk backflips to show he can so Roadkill clothesline him and slams him for two. Running Powerslam is turned into a DDT so kick start a brawl on the outside. Roadkill doesn’t do well here so Slyk is able to get a two count from a standing moonsault. Meanie gets the crowd to chant “SHEEP” to motivate Roadkill out of a chinlock. April Hunter lands the Undertaker leg drop on the apron which the crowd applauds so Slyk lands his own over-the-top-rope leg drop. Even though Slyk is announced as hailing from Boston and has a cheating manager, crowd still aren’t fully booing him because he keeps on jumping high. Slyk backflips on an up-and-over so Roadkill spears him as Meanie mashes the mat on the outside. Roadkill gives Slyk the slo-mo punches as they’re doing the damndest to pretend this is a PPV main event. Boss Man Slam gets 2.9 but crowd didn’t pop for react for it. I think they’re tired and like the idea of Roadkill in the a singles main event than actually watching it. They flat out steal the block-the-superkick-shake-head-stunner spot from Wrestlemania XIV to set up Roadkill’s top rope splash which…is broken up by April. Meanie tosses her outside and drags her to the back and while the ref is distracted by that, Simon runs in to hit Roadkill with the title belt. Crowd chants for some guy named “Bullshit” who will probably be in the semi main next show, but Roadkill kicks out. Slyck applies the Brock Lock (called a “Stretch Muffler” by the commentators) but Roadkill rolls out to land a DVD and go for the splash again…but Simon shoves Roadkill off and through the timekeeper’s table. Crowd were not expecting that but least boo politely for Slyk’s pin fall.

It was fascinating seeing a guy like Roadkill using his time in a main event to do WWE PPV main event spots. It felt like when you were a kid and you’d wrestle your brother on a couch but pretend it was Wembley Stadium. Match was solid in places but hokey in others. Booking Slyk vs. Roadkill in a three month feud is also very WWE-ish (at the time) and doesn’t appear to have worked but this company is working with whatever they have and it ain’t a lot.

Overall: Should you watch this show? Probably not for actual wrestling fun, but for an interesting fun two hours-and-change of a company doing what it can to survive then yeah sure.

And to close, here’s a fun entry from the WON:

Politics in wrestling are so funny. This week’s example concerns 3PW, an East-coast based indy run, in happier times, by Blue Meanie and his girlfriend Jasmine St. Claire of World’s Greatest Gang Bang fame. The two have now broken up, and Jasmine, who is finished with the company apparently forever (which is a dangerous word to use in wrestling), attempted to sell the company on eBay for $180,000. This is true.

3PW ran without her this weekend, opening up with the Wizard of Oz song “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead”. Jasmine on her website wrote that she was dismayed to learn that she had “left my wrestling company in the hands of thieves”, and that Meanie and company owed her a ton of cash and she meant to collect. She said the good news was that she was sealing “another great deal” (better, presumably, than the 3PW deal) in the next week and would alert everyone ASAP. Meanie claimed he owned the trademark and 3PW name, and that Jasmine broke her contract by no-showing two dates without notice.

There’s four remaining shows out there. It’s unlikely I’ll find the rest (and I’ve never seen the last 3PW show ever appear on any lists) but then again they said the same about Bret Hart vs. Tom Magee so finger’s crossed.

I’ve been Maffew