WWF SmackDown! Rewind: 10.14.99 – “Farm Animals”

Previously on SmackDown: Triple H squashes a snake, Stone Cold hunts, Mankind asks for a description of what is in the pants of Val Venis, Jeff Jarrett throws Miss Kitty and the Women’s Champion into a mud wrestling match, and The Hardys pull up to 1-2 in the Terri Invitational Tournament.

Vince McMahon is talking to Stephanie McMahon backstage when Mankind appears for a chat. He plugs his book (that’ll never take off, right?) and tells Vince it is time for him to repay him for leaving him alone last week. He wants one more night of the Rock ‘n Sock Connection together. Vince is fine with them having a match but doesn’t think The Rock will be interested.

Fireworks! The Ovaltron! Signs are all over the place as we are three days away from No Mercy. This week we’re in Birmingham, Alabama and taped on UPN.

WWF World Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws start us off this week with their usual catchphrases. Mr. Ass offers the Hollys, their No Mercy opponents, an ass whipping. They issue an open challenge for tonight and here comes WWF Champion Triple H, no entrance theme and with bruising and blood across half his face.

He promises to not interrupt the Outlaws again. “It’s probably the last time I’ll see you guys again,” he tells them as they leave the ring to him. He says he never intended to do anything but come out and be a wrestler. He says the business has turned into the fans wanting to see wrestlers hurt themselves and it is wrong. He’s hurt, he’s sick of it and he’s done. The fans cheer. He asks for Vince to come out so maybe he’ll look in H’s eyes, and this won’t happen to any other wrestler. Vince McMahon, famous for caring about his wrestlers.

WWF Chairman Vince McMahon joins us, giving “perplexed.” HHH asks how the business has gotten to the point where people are bringing snakes in the building. HHH has just now caught up on 1991 WWF. HHH was put face to face with an actual rattlesnake on Raw and it bit him on the face, apparently. We see clips of Raw and Austin & HHH brawling into a locker room, HHH being left in a room with a rattlesnake. “Is that wrestling, Vince?” He tells Vince that he has taken every opportunity in life away from him. Don’t worry, perhaps things will change between the two of you. HHH says he quits and can’t do this any more. “Vince, you screwed yourself. There is going to be no main event Sunday so all the coins can fall out of your pocket.” He wants Steve Austin to look in his eyes and see what he’s done to him. He’ll put the belt in Austin’s hand since the belt means more to Austin than life.

Meanwhile backstage, X-Pac is late and passes Kane. “Sean, stay out of this.” “Stay out of what?”

Here’s a door backstage. We’re waiting for Steve Austin to walk through it! Maybe he will later!

Handicap Match: Kane vs The Acolytes (Bradshaw & Faarooq)

At No Mercy, Kane & X-Pac and the Acolytes will be in a four-corner match. The Acolytes try to work over Kane, he tries to fight back. Kane and Faarooq fight to the outside. Kane comes back in and flies off the top with a clothesline onto Bradshaw. He smashes Bradshaw’s knee into the ring post and is chop-blocked by Faarooq. Faarooq smashes Kane with the steel stairs and then Bradshaw slings Kane into them. Guess we’re allowing that tonight. Kane fights back again, chokeslamming Bradshaw and booting Faarooq. Bradshaw hits the Clothesline From Hell and Kane sits back up. Bradshaw powerbombs Kane for a two count. Bradshaw hits a second powerbomb and, with Faarooq helping, pins Kane. The winners are the Accolades, according to Lilian Garcia. X-Pac runs out after with a chair and chases off the bad guys.

Bradshaw pins Kane, The Acolytes defeat Kane. This happened. It wasn’t particularly enjoyable.

Mankind is looking for The Rock backstage but finds Stevie Richards, again in Dude Love gear, instead. Stevie is upset about what Val Venis did to Mankind last week and wants to face Venis this week. Mankind says Val would kill Stevie. “Mick, you’re my best friend.” “You can be my friend, but not my best friend. I already have one of those and I’m looking for him right now.” The search for The Rock continues.

The door is still here and Stone Cold still hasn’t walked through it.

Earlier today, Michael Hayes sat down with Test. Test is angered at the mere mention of the British Bulldog. He’s putting Stephanie first no matter what and hopes she can recover. “Stephanie may have forgiven the Bulldog but I never will.”

A brawl is going on backstage as Chris Jericho and Curtis Hughes are throwing hands. Referees separate the men.

Mankind has found another door, this one actually containing The Rock. He interrupts Rock’s phone call. Mankind says that Vince ordered them to team one more time. Rock calls Mankind the r-slur and says he’ll entertain the idea because it is SmackDown – his show – and it will have to be the last time they ever team up. No more Rock ‘n Sock, no more Rocko, no more. It doesn’t MATTER who they’re teaming up against, Rock says. After Rock leaves, Mankind says the titles are on the line and they’re battling against the Outlaws.

Chris Jericho vs Curtis Hughes

This came out of a Raw mishap and Jericho deserting Hughes during a tag match on Heat. Jericho attacks during entrances and slams Hughes into the stairs. Jericho dropkicks Hughes from the top and we see Howard Finkel in a Y2J shirt walking down the ramp. Jericho chops Hughes in the corner. Hughes gets a splash in while Fink sits a chair on one side of the ring and distracts referee Tim White. Jericho chairs Hughes over the head and covers Hughes for the pin. After the match, Jericho says Hughes will never, eeeever work with Y2J again but he’s giving him a farewell gift. That prize is “Mr. Harold Finkel.” Hughes grabs Fink and drags him to the back. “I’m sure you’ll form a connection of ebony and ivory” says Jericho.

Chris Jericho pins Curtis Hughes. It wasn’t good. This would be the final match for Hughes in WWF, though he’ll lose Fink in a poker game to the Acolytes on Raw before disappearing. He’s continued wrestling to this day, though never for one of the big companies again. Most notably, he competed at Talk ‘N Shop A Mania 2 as part of *checks notes* “The Cock Torturer World Order.”

Earlier today, Big Show sat down with Jim Ross. We learned that Show’s father has cancer on Raw. A teary Show is upset and realizes he hasn’t finished anything he’s started. He’s never put his heart into things. “I have so very little time left to make him really proud, to show him that I can put my heart into something and make him proud.” Well I’m sure nothing will cause problems with that.

The camera person is still watching that door.

Terry Taylor is trying to catch up with Big Boss Man who is booked in a hardcore match tonight with Al Snow and Big Show. Boss Man doesn’t care about Big Show’s problem but has a problem with who is trying to set him up tonight.

Mark Henry’s 3rd sex therapy session. This time he has a man who just can’t seem to quit licking his lips and talking with a lisp. Henry leaves. “But Sexual! Come back Sexual, please!” Jerry Lawler is very entertained at Henry’s disgust towards the stereotype.

WWF Hardcore Title Triple Threat Match: WWF Hardcore Champion Al Snow vs Big Boss Man vs The Big Show

Show and Boss Man start out without Show. Snow pulls out a table full of plunder as “Well it’s the Big Show” brings us the large man. Show headbutts Boss Man and tosses him across the ring. Snow sprays a fire extinguisher into Big Show’s face and stomps away as Cole reminds us the champion doesn’t have to be pinned for a title change. Show hits a flying elbow to the Boss Man. Snow grabs Show’s leg and Show follows him outside. Show chokeslams Snow through a table, Boss Man comes off the apron and knocks Show out with a night stick. Boss Man rolls over Show for the pin. Big Show is bleeding from the forehead.

Big Boss Man pins Big Show to become the new WWF Hardcore Championship. There wasn’t much to this, but it advances the Boss Man/Show story that is about to go wild.

Back to the door! This time, Stone Cold Steve Austin walks through it! It’s nice of him to show up forty minutes into the show.

During the break, Chyna falls through a door and is crying, saying “he can’t breathe.”

Val Venis vs Stevie Richards

Val cuts a promo about Mr. Rocko being in places that The Rock could only dream of. Stevie, in his dUde Love cosplay, comes out to the Dude Love theme. The fans… just don’t care. Stevie gets a big kick for a two count. He runs right into a big boot and Venis hits the Money Shot for the three. Post-match, Venis pulls out Mr. Rocko and grabs Richards’ balls. You know, he sure did like to grab the balls of men.

Val Venis pins Stevie Richards. The crowd didn’t care about Richards and didn’t care much about Venis grabbing balls either.

Chyna and EMTs are loading HHH on a stretcher into an ambulance, HHH convulsing.

The British Bulldog joins us on the entrance ramp with a microphone and a generic “WWF Attitude” tank top. “I can’t, won’t, and don’t care about anybody.” If Triple H is too sick to defend the title, he’ll take it from someone else and if Rock thinks he can sling Bulldog in a pile of dog crap and get away with it, he’s going to knock the Brahma Bullcrap out of him at No Mercy. Phew, I missed the dog shit incident.

Terri Runnels is having a photo shoot while being nude under strategically-placed $100 bills. “Guys, fight your hearts out. To the victors go these spoils.” Jerry Lawler can barely handle it. We cut backstage to see Edge & Christian watching this before The New Brood attack them.

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week brought to you by Lugz – tough boots built for the city! On Raw, Jeff Jarrett throws Chyna into a clothes hamper and rolls it off a backstage drop. Well, she appears to be fine now.

WWF Intercontinental Champion Jeff Jarrett and Miss Kitty join us in the arena. As they approach the ring, we see a table loaded with household items including an iron, a fan, a garbage can, and a guitar. Jarrertt wants to demonstrate what good housekeeping is about. Lawler notes that Chyna is in an ambulance right now and isn’t even seeing this. Sunday, he’ll prove that he’s the greatest Intercontinental Champion and that women are the weak species. Debra heads out and says there will be a new champion at No Mercy and “it’s gonna be a woman.” Michael Cole is also yelling “Puppies!” tonight which is unfortunate.

Stone Cold is having a beverage backstage.

After a break, Kevin Kelly is with Austin. Austin says he doesn’t feel sorry one bit for HHH and he’s surprised the rattlesnake didn’t die. He’ll be glad to drive to the hospital to get the belt if he needs to do it.

Terri Invitational Tournament, Match 4: Edge & Christian vs The New Brood (Matt & Jeff Hardy, with Gangrel)

The Hardys won last week, pulling them up to 1-2 in the tournament. They have to win this one to force a final match. No Mercy is presented by Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver by EIDOS. Jeff and Edge start off, Jeff flipping Edge and the men countering each other’s moves. The Hardys flip onto Edge as Matt tags in. Christian is in and suplexes Matt twice before faceplanting him for a two count. Jeff comes in and is dropped as well. Matt leaps over Christian and we’re brawling outside now, Gangrel grabbing Christian and slinging him into the stairs. Jeff leaps outside and misses Christian, going face-first into the barricade. Christian drops Matt with the Unprettier and tags in Edge while Matt tags Brother Nero. Edge gets a nice bridge on Jeff and then drops Matt with the Electric Chair. He spears Jeff and misses Matt, who rolls him into a two. Matt puts Chrisian on his shoulders and Jeff goes up top, jumping over Matt and onto Edge while Christian rolls up Matt for a double pin. Referee Teddy Long, tag match fan, declares the Hardys the winners as Jeff was legal.

Jeff Hardy pins Edge, The New Brood defeats Edge & Christian to bring the Terri Invitational Tournament to 2-2. Confusing finish for no reason aside, these four brought it again and were in a totally different world than anything else happening on SmackDown. This time next week, we’ll have experienced the big showing at No Mercy that changed the career of all four men.

The New Age Outlaws are stretching backstage. Well, Mr. Ass is stretching. Road Dogg is looking at him, probably wondering if he’ll still be around to sound clueless about the women’s division in 2026 on Unreal.

GTV! Stephanie McMahon meets the British Bulldog in the catering area. He demands to be called David. She doesn’t remember what happened but doesn’t blame him based on the video. She thinks maybe she can persuade Bulldog to publicly apologize. He declines and declares this a waste of his time.

The Godfather (with The Ho Train) vs Mideon (with Viscera)

I can’t think of a match that sounds less interesting. King freaks out about the women despite them all being too old for him. Godfather requests that we smoke the devil’s lettuce for him. Godfather notes that Mideon looks to have some sexual tension and offers him the choice of any of his women for the night, the fans chanting “take the hoes.” Mideon: “Dumbass, I don’t do hoes but got any farm animals? No no no, don’t look at me like a freak. They’re not alive.” Mmmkay. Godfather attacks and Lawler makes sheep puns. Mideon runs into a boot and a clothesline. Godfather hits the Pimp Drop and gets the pin as the women hold Viscera’s leg. Viscera hits a belly-to-belly and a splash on the Godfather after the match.

The Godfather pins Mideon. Well, this entire segment was a mess. May we never do this again.

As we see footage from earlier tonight, Cole screams that Triple H is on the way back to the arena.

This is the 1-800-COLLECT Smack of the Night! Triple H says things earlier in the show. Was it a smack? Debatable. It did get Ed O’Neill on the show in the 1-800-COLLECT commercial though.

WWF World Tag Team Titles: WWF World Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Mr. Ass) vs The Rock ‘n Sock Connection (Mankind & The Rock)

“Hey hey, my my, Rock ‘n Sock will never die,” says Mankind. This is the last time Rock ‘n Sock will team up; we’re told approximately 38 times before the match starts by Michael Cole. Rock and Ass start it off, Rock countering a Fameasser. Chaos breaks out and Earl Hebner is struggling to restore order. A second referee comes in and gets things back to order, Mankind and Dogg now in. Dogg offers some anal thrusts towards Mankind and Rock breaks it up. Gunn hits a big piledriver on Mankind for a pin attempt, stopped by Rock.

Lots of back and forth stuff here. Rock gets the hot tag and explodes, Rock Bottoming Ass. Mankind DDTs Ass for a two count as Rock and Dogg battle outside. Out comes Socko and into Dogg’s mouth it goes, Ass pushing both men into the referee. Ass hits Fameasser and Crash Holly runs in with a bat after Ass. As Ass chases Crash, Hardcore Holly hits Ass with a belt. Mankind covers and we have new champions.

Mankind pins Mr. Ass, The Rock ‘n Sock Connection win the WWF World Tag Team Champions. Rock ‘n Sock live on and, for some reason, the Hollys screw themselves out of a title match at No Mercy.

Chyna is helping Triple H into a locker room where Stone Cold is waiting. HHH says the title isn’t worth his life and then decks Austin with the belt. HHH and Chyna stomp away at Austin and HHH rips off the SFX makeup. “You stupid son of a bitch, the title means more to me than it ever will to you.” End show.

This was an episode of 1999 SmackDown alright. They’re struggling hard to have the HHH/Austin and Jarrett/Chyna storylines coincide with Chyna being the face in one half and HHH’s evil partner elsewhere. The Hardys and Edge & Christian continue to show some of the future flow coming to the company, we’re setting up the amazing Big Boss Man/Big Show events and continuing to coast on the Rock ‘n Sock hype. I’d recommend going in for the Hardys/E&C match but you aren’t missing much else.

Next week: I’m sorry, WHO is in the Women’s Title match? Oh god.