Tooned In: The Christmas Raccoons (1980)

Happy Christmas Eve, all!

Festivus Who? We all know what December 23rd really means. It is the day Cyril Sneer tried to destroy the Evergreen Forest.

Yes, I’ve revisited The Christmas Raccoons before, both here and other places. Been doing it in select parts of the Internet since the 90s, honestly. But we have a remastered version and a 45th anniversary to acknowledge, so what the hey. Speaking of which, here’s Kevin Gillis being interviewed about the creation of the special, and more.

The secret origin of the Raccoons and Bert’s love for peanut butter, revealed! Also…MOVIE?

Luckily I have some good friends to help me out at the Roku Channel, which has all the remastered specials and series episodes. So let’s begin, shall you?

I will say first that at their best, the cleaned up transfers are beautiful, crisp and clear. Not perfect (the scene where Schaeffer takes the Raccoons towards his house seemed to have the blue turned up), but it’s really, really nice. The sound is pretty good too; I can’t explain it, but it sounds like the VAs are in another room on the side. And it gives it that ’70s or ’80s independent animated special feel. If that makes sense. There is one brief second where the opening theme song distorts too.

We begin hearing from our narrator : Rich Little, who oddly enough is ONLY the narrator in these specials and doesn’t play any characters, which you’d think he’d be born to do, as that’s kind of his thing. It’s around then that I realize the Roku Channel does not allow me to use the directional pad to rewind/etc., and I have to use the actual Play/Pause, Rewind/FFWD buttons. Anyway, he introduces the story as taking place somewhere on this earth, “most likely northward” (but Kevin Gillis IS biased…), in the Evergreen Forest, where he makes a point to mention the trees, so big, that even the animals live in them. Not really an unusual fact, but both become important to this story. We’re introduced to the humans: forest ranger Dan, who is played by musical guest #1, Rupert Holmes; and his children, Julie and Tommy. It is “the day before, the day before Christmas” (again, suck it, Seinfeld, this is what I recognize the 23rd for!) The kids are having a pillow fight with their dog, Schaeffer, and I notice THIS in their cabin:

FORESHADOWING!

There’s also a Cyril toy in The Trolls and the Christmas Express, which also features Len Carlson!

Dan receives an urgent phone call that someone is chopping down the trees in the Forest, and interestingly enough, I notice in this watching that as this happens, the kids and Schaeffer peek behind the door…and towards the Cyril doll. Given the direction this goes, it would explain why he’d feature in the mind of Tommy and Julie. So Dan assures everyone that he’ll take care of things (and he does this first-person perspective head bobbing thing to show he’s talking to someone, this happens a lot in the specials). The kids then go to bed, and Schaeffer is thwarted in commandeering Dan’s easy chair with another Raccoons favorite, the “wah-wah” music stinger.

So Tommy, Julie, and Schaeffer obviously have Alice Johnson’s Dream Master powers, because they are all in the same dream about winter fun. And while there’s no Freddy, there IS this:

…a hidden gaping mouth as if it was a William Campbell clue on a Beatles album. And speaking of the Beatles, I know, I know, AI Slop, but THIS sounds really good and makes me wish we had a real one. Whoever created it did a good job for what it was, just as long as we don’t forget it’s just a “what if”.

The narrator hammers home where this is going by giving a soliloquy about how dreams can seem so real, you forget you’re dreaming. And this brings us to Raccoon Time, as we go to the Raccoondominium (just a regular looking tree with furnishings and etc. inside, not the treehouse we see in the series). Ralph and Melissa Raccoon are sharing an Alaskan nose rub “kiss” under the mistletoe, and I unironically had this scene made into a magnet saying “#Couplegoals”. Melissa, by the way, is voiced by Rita Coolidge, our other music guest; as is the pattern for all three original specials, Dan and Melissa were voiced by whoever performed the songs. Raccoons on Ice had Coolidge and Leo Sayer, and Raccoons and the Lost Star now has Dottie West and [NO ONE]. Anyhow, Bert Raccoon wakes up, and things are actually still quiet, peaceful, serene…because Bert has yet to really develop his hyperactive personality. He’s more of a dopey slacker, and serves as the comic relief mascot. We also learn why he’s with Ralph and Melissa; originally, he was just a Christmas houseguest, and as it does on TV, that arrangement somehow became permanent. Of note, the Raccoondominium has a Saturday Night Fever Disco Raccoon poster, and it reminds me of John Travolta’s Capitol One ad where he’s Santa and sings “Greased Lightning.” It of course ends with him driving back to the sky, because Sandy was a ghost all along and took him away so he could be with her in Heaven. I guess somewhere in there, Danny and Sandy assumed the roles of Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus, and here we are. The Raccoons are recognizable, but a bit different too. Everyone has a few subtle differences here and there. Bert changed the least, while Ralph and Melissa have different clothes, and in the series their designs seem a bit more simplified. Melissa is more curvy than round in the right places here.

Back to the show, Ralph is reading the paper, and is “OOTRAGED” to learn about the disappearing trees. Bert just thinks they left for Christmas vacation, Melissa is happy they live in a quiet part of the forest, but Ralph is still all “there goes the neighborhood.” And how right he is, because Rich Little does his J. Jonah Jameson impersonation and introduces the “Forest Menace,” Cyril Sneer. Along with his son Cedric, it’s revealed he is the one who’s been wreaking havoc on the trees of the Evergreen Forest. Cedric is all “ease up”/”we’re 17.3 times past our quota”, and Cyril laughs at what he learned at “that fancy Eastern college” (Scott, someone, is there a well known university or universities in Eastern Canada?) and how little it has to do with money and profit. He hammers his point home with a Villain Poem: “I’m Cyril Sneer, a lumber profiteer! Whenever I’m near, trees disappear!” And I, Macho Man’s brother dear, can bend so far, I can see my own rear! Sorry, OVP Lanny Poffo roasting reflex.

Cyril slices through rows of trees with his chainsaw like Bubba Sawyer on a bender…and takes the Raccoons’ home with them. But that is the one tree he drops, only for Tommy and Julie to find it and declare it the perfect Christmas tree. They take it home as a song plays about bringing “a man in the perfect tree” to their house. Kidnapping, fun! The Raccoons see this and believe the kids and their dog are destroying the forest. The narrator mentions that Melissa was determined to get her broken home…I mean, she probably wasn’t crazy about Ralph inviting Bert and having him as a third wheel, but I didn’t detect any marital problems. More importantly, we begin…THE QUEST FOR THE STOCKINGS. Because he also says Melissa particularly wanted them back. Never mind the rest of their furnishings and belongings. They follow the tree home, and jump down the chimney, leading to the stock picture for numerous VHS releases. Bert is like Dale in “Pluto’s Christmas Tree” when he sees the decorations and tinsel. Melissa goes to retrieve the stockings, when she sees Schaeffer, leading to a comically uncharacteristic scared expression :

…and so help me, now I want stockings with Bert, Ralph, and Melissa’s faces. Kevin, can you work on that, cause I’d buy the heck out of those. Ralph accidentally drops an ornament, waking up Schaeffer, and a chase complete with Dukes of Hazzard music ensues. Although of course in 2025 canon, no one associated with Dukes ever had anything to do with The Raccoons. And even then, Melissa HAS to get the stockings, but Ralph speaks for all of us when he says, “Forget the stockings!” It ends with all the characters snowballing into each other (with another wah-wah), and Schaeffer finally speaks. They just so happen to be by Cyril’s lumber yard too, and see him basically saying he’ll work his men until they drop. Well, since we see less of the aardvark workers through the specials and never see them again in the series, I guess he did just that. Realizing that Schaeffer and the kids were innocent, and they have a common enemy, the four animals plan to bring Cyril down. At that moment, Cedric is still trying to appeal to leave some trees so “people remember what they look like.” I can’t believe I’ve gone this far without reminding you how whiny the specials version of Cedric was. I know he had to be the cowardly villain sidekick here, but he got a lot better during the series. Anyway, Cyril still won’t hear any of that and leaves to finish the job on the forest. But Schaeffer and the Raccoons lie in ambush, leading to smoke cloud wrestling fights, and apparently Ralph is a submissions expert:

Ultimate Forest Championship

Our heroes finally confront the Sneers for their crimes against ecology, and Cyril tells a sob story about it all being to pay for Cedric’s education. Despite it moving Bert, the Raccoons will have none of it and convince him to plant new trees after chopping the others down, which he accepts only when Cedric confirms there’s money in replanting. It’s a bittersweet win, though, because the Raccoons still don’t have their home back. Schaeffer has “no idea” what to do and hopes that “maybe some inspiration will come to me”…despite having a home of his own he COULD somehow sneak the Raccoons into. True, the humans may not be crazy about it, and heck, as you recall, that’s how Kevin Gillis came up with the idea for the series. But it’s not like there’s never been magical cartoon characters who lived with humans and hid their existence: the Littles, anyone? The Fraggles? Also, Ranger Dan seems to be understanding, so they’d have a chance. As it was, Tommy and Julie find the stockings, and wonder where they came from. Schaeffer uses this opportunity to call their attention to the Raccoons outside; yes, the kids did in fact see them at least once. They put two and two together and get their dad, who agrees to find them a new home. Schaeffer runs out with the stockings and barks a lot, never actually saying Dan will do that, but everyone is happy nonetheless…only for a wipe animation to lead to the kids waking up on Christmas Eve. So It Was All A Dream…or was it? Because Dan says the trees stopped disappearing and someone’s been planting new ones. Apparently Cyril Sneer has humans under his employment too, since they are seen putting in the tree seeds. The Raccoons are seen too, so they’re real, and somehow this is all less confusing than a song about “eating a sunbeam for lunch” playing in the background.

Obviously the franchise had more development to come, but it’s a satisfying start and cozy way to spend half an hour in December. But I too AM biased.

Check it out for yourself, and have a happy holiday everyone! And to quote another very underrated Christmas special, remember, “For in all this world, there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child.”