Tooned In: Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling (WWE Vault upload, 04.10.25)

Pretty tight competition this week. Do I do the episode with the Amazon counterparts to Hulk Hogan and his gang (Hulk posting on X Ouija Edition : “That cartoon gave David McLane the idea to start GLOW, brother. Much love, HH”) There’s the one with the Battle of the Bands, and Nikolai trying to help his ballet dancer sister! Then there’s…hmmmm….Big Top whats? Oh I couldn’t say no to an episode with THAT title!

But first, live action as Mean Gene and Bobby Heenan are at an ATM machine, and Gene can’t get it to work but somehow Bobby has the magic touch. Whatever he did was illegal, though, and he’s arrested.

BIG JOHN’S CAR LOT

And coming off that live action skit, wouldn’t Bobby be more appropriate as a used car salesman? We begin with what is one of RNR’s recurring jokes: Nikolai can’t drive, hilarity ensues. This time it leads to the Sheikmobile getting a flat and Volkoff complaining Sheik’s jack isn’t big enough. Lies! How else would he humble everyone? The car goes out of control during the repair attempt and collides into Roddy’s car, but before anyone comes to blows, John Studd reminds them that his dad owns a car lot. This gives Piper some unexplained inspiration as Daddy Studd explains business has been bad lately. Joe Greed and that Dingo dude probably were stealing all their customers. John volunteers to be the new salesman, and he has one day to do it. Oh, and he gets half of whatever they make. Heel scheming begins.

They start by recording a commercial, featuring a cutout of a really good car that OF COURSE has to look like the Hulkmobile (“when Hulk isn’t around, everyone should look sad, etc. etc…”) The joke is it’s behind a beat up version, and they’re taking the Jim Perry route and offering the automobile for $20. This attracts a dopey deadbeat type who sounds suspiciously like Q.T. the Orangutan from Dumbo’s Circus, which the Cinema Snob has a review of up RIGHT NOW, so check it out if you’re curious to see Mr. Slugworth as an animatronic panther. The heels hook this customer in by saying the car on the commercial sold, but they trick him into another car with no engine for “10,” as in, “Did I say $10? I meant $10,000!” Somewhere in there there’s more Sheik and Volkoff comedy where Nikolai, upon being told to “use his head” when it comes to painting cars, dips his furry hat into the paint and uses that. Daddy Studd is back and is impressed that all the cars are gone, but all the angry customers who have been tricked return. At this point I realize Daddy is just Captain Lou with a slightly different voice…so he too is Hordak. He refunds everyone, but then a priest arrives to thank Studd for the initial $20 sale. Because the beat up car was actually a collector’s item worth $50,000. Insert bad guys realizing they messed up here.

In live action, Roddy destroys his alarm clock for playing DiC Generic Music that he identifies as rock ‘n’ roll (which of course he HATES)

BIG TOP BOOBS

I realize I’m taking a big risk here, as there’s a 50/50 chance that the title refers to Moolah. We join up with the wrestlers trying on strange costumes, which turn out to be for a performance at the local circus. Somewhere, Bill Apter was nodding that his cracks at the “WWF Circus” were proven right. And the Midnight Rockers take a wrong turn towards the Las Vegas Showboat, and ask, “Who made JYD Doink?” The heels arrive and make fun, but this quickly turns to jealousy over the circus choosing Hogan and his gang. After being rejected, Piper and company get to Heel Scheming.

The Jay Ward Audience is enjoying themselves and Hogan is up next…but then Roddy commandeers the event and declared himself the new ringmaster. Like a wrestler who calls himself the Ringmaster will ever get popular. Because he cannot handle anyone else taking the spotlight, Hogan sics a lion named Simba on Piper…and on Ouija X : “Yeah, brother, I told Walt Disney about the time I worked with a lion named Simba on my cartoon, dude. He ran to his animation studios the next day, Jack. Much love, HH”. Either that or he took credit for Tony Atlas’ new ring name, sounds about right. Anyway, Fuji has an ultrasound transmitter to drive the animals mad, and to be fair it’s not the worst trick he played involving animals. This makes the lions turn heel on Hogan, as if they’d not want to eventually do that themselves. After averting that disaster, Hogan introduces the “world’s strongest man.” It’s wrestling, that could be one of a LOT of people. He’s talking about Andre, though, so Studd takes over yet has trouble lifting the barbell that Andre eventually removes with no trouble as if it was Mjolnir or something.

Next, Captain Lou does magic. And of course all his words are food items. Why?

He’s going to make Wendi disappear, but there’s a cloud of smoke and Wendi just comes out of the box. This was supposedly the result of some heel sabotage, which they all laugh at, and for those who think Tito Santana never turned heel, well…

The next magic trick is notable for Lou invoking Cyndi Lauper’s name for his spell. Heel chicanery however leads to their magic wands shooting fireworks everywhere…including at Sheik’s behind. Hilarity involving Nikolai dousing him with water ensues. The bad guys’ last trick is a bit more extreme when they sabotage Superfly’s acrobatic routine by cutting the ropes. But Snuka escapes the danger like it was a murder charge, and lands on a seesaw that sends Studd and Moolah flying into the lion’s cage. On one hand of course a woman gets harmed with Snuka’s antics. But on the other, it’s Moolah, so it all balances out. And after a hard day of seeing his friends get beat up and embarrassed, all Piper wants is to be able to play his bagpipes. So how does Hogan react to this simple request? He tries to commit vehicular assault on his rival, luckily he just runs his foot over. But that isn’t enough for Hulk and his buddies, as Piper is made into a clown (and looks like the guy in the Operation board game, I’m surprised this didn’t give Hogan ideas to tie up and disembowel Piper!). He runs off after getting blown up by trick cigars and hides in the human cannonball’s cannon, with rare good continuity as Piper is still bald after getting his hair blown away by the earlier explosions. And Hogan still can’t leave well enough alone, setting off the cannon and sending Piper careening into a hog pen. But he got all his hair back, so…win?

JYD finishes by saying his favorite Queen lyric, the end. See you next time.