The Road Warriors vs. Stan Hansen & King Kong Bundy (and other Dream Matches!)

There’s nothing in wrestling quite like angry middle-aged women in the front row flipping heels the bird.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have something inspired by a Scott Keith find from a couple months ago on the WWE Vault channel- the Road Warriors versus babyface STAN HANSEN & KING KONG BUNDY! At a big arena show in Georgia in 1984! Totally wild stuff!

Then it’s a look at more Demolition, as the team get another squash win in late 1987 that involves Billy Jerk Haynes & Ken Patera! Then it’s DETROIT DEMOLITION, as poor Randy Colley got dumped as a member of Demolition but got to keep the gimmick in the indies, wearing the same gear and facepaint as a filler midcard heel! Here he takes on Continental Tennessee Champion DOUG FURNAS in one match, then a 56-year old Rufus R. Jones in Puerto Rico in another, both in 1988! Finally, I suffer through two MORE Gangrel vs. Steve Blackman matches, this time while Steve is the Hardcore Champion and actually getting a bit of a push! While poor Gangrel ekes out the rest of his contrast with torn sleeves and his finisher being destroyed!

GEORGIA TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ Paul Ellering) vs. STAN HANSEN & KING KONG BUNDY:
(Georgia Championship Wrestle, The Omni, Feb. 26th 1984)
* Dude, HOLY SHIT. This exists! So if you’re anything like me, you rightly have 200 tabs open at any given time, promising yourself that “I’ll get ot that one eventually”- this is just how a proper person conducts their business. And of course I eventually GET to some of them! Two months after the fact, I opened an unread BOD tab and there it was- a Scott Keith review that contained this very match! The WWE Vault YouTube channel posted the heel Road Warriors up against Hansen & Bundy of all people from 1984! And both of the latter were BABYFACES, no less! This is from a big arena show, but with no commentary and a single stationary cam.

Stan & Hawk start us off, and immediately do a great bit where they lock up and fling each other off using sheer power, doing it over and over again. Haha like twenty freaking times, and the crowd delights in how ornery and defiant they’re being! So manly! Stan finally catches him with some overhand elbows and a chop but hesitates and Hawk tags out. And HERE COMES BUNDY, the crowd already getting worked up, and Animal shoulderblocks him… and sells it himself! Like “ow!” and hunching over in pain so Bundy can bowl him over! Animal bails to put that over, tagging in Hawk for the test of strength- he starts out losing, but fights up and throws kicks, but gets clobbered and a bearhug has him writhing in agony. haha for a pair of infamous no-sellers they’re doing a remarkable job selling in a heelish way- very whiny and “ohhhh NOOOOOO!” shaking and screaming. Hawk gouges the eyes to escape like a good heel, tries a corner whip and NOPE. His poutiness at Bundy no-selling him is terrific, then he charges and flat-backs off a kneelift. Animal fails a bodyslam and eats one himself, then Hansen comes in and avoids a Warriors double-team by elbowing the shit out of Hawk. haha five minutes in and the Warriors have gotten NOTHING. Hawk finally catches Stan with some boots but immediately gets armdragged (STAN HANSEN? Did an ARMDRAG?) so nope- Bundy even kneedrops said arm and hits the pit resthold. Over to Stan, and Hawk does a great bouncing sell of having his arm hammered, but is huffing and puffing HARD and slowly makes the tag. Animal immediately boots Stan and clobbers him into a top wristlock, using the hair and keeping him down.

The Warriors trade off on the arm, cheating a bit and hahaha some middle-aged lady in the front row goes from casually chatting with her husband to leaping up and talking MAD shit on Animal, totally losing it and flipping him off. oh man Hawk tags out to Animal and promptly does a total block of Stan, using his own body to prevent a tag so Animal can jump him from behind- NICE. Stan fights up but charges shoulder-first into the corner and they keep on him, Hawk snapping the arm from the apron. Stan’s exhausted, head-lolling selling is great- he masters that in All Japan, just acting like everything is SUCH an ordeal for him. Stan fights up again, even whipping Hawk off with an armdrag, but Hawk tags out and AGAIN blocks Stan so Animal can get his licks in. Stan goes into the corner arm-first again, tries to fire off kicks, then gets armlocked again- Stan complains of a blatant hairpull and starts actually slapping his own hand to bring feeling back into it. Animal runs in to stop a Stan headscissors, drawing boos, but then Stan gets eye-to-eye with Hawk and gets RIGHT in his face, punching him until he’s railroaded by both guys again… but this time he gets a knee up on Animal, dodges (mostly) Hawk, and it’s HOT TAG BUNDY! Since he’s slow he pretty much has to stand there and roar at the heels, punching and slamming both of them, chopping Hawk over the top rope, and hitting the Big Splash on Animal! But Hawk runs in and legdrops him to stop the pin, only infuriating the big man, who nearly splashes Hawk, only for Ellering to trip him up. Hawk dives onto Bundy, as does Animal, drawing in Stan and the ref soon loses complete control of this one- non-stop brawling sees him shoved off, Stan get back elbowed down, then H awk tossed to the floor and smashed into the post- it’s a Double-Disqualification at (15:21). Ellering gets chased and the Warriors run off like wieners, but Stan barrels into Hawk and tosses him back in for more beats until Ellering FINALLY manages to get his boys out of there.

A very fun house show match- 5 straight minutes of babyface ass-kicking, the Road Warriors doing a much better job of the “OH GOD! It hurts SO MUCH!” selling than I would have expected and writhing in pain off of everything, being totally hapless, then 5-7 minutes of very basic armwork, doing a rest spot but trading off on it and keeping it mobile. This is actually an impressive showcase considering it’s two rookies, but Stan is probably leading them through all the hope spots and counters, and his own selling is so excellent he keeps fans into it (Hansen, known for some of the most devastating offense in wrestling history, of course was an underrated, excellent seller, doing a terrific “Oh for jesus’ sake” kind of exhausted, beaten-down sell that still made him look defiant and tough). Bundy of course isn’t as quick as your typical Hot Tag guy, but his raw power definitely works, as the big tough Roadies have nothing that can keep him down. What’s funny is Stan & Bundy didn’t really even DO that much, especially once the heels got on offense- they got all of a minute of stuff in before the DDQ finish. So this was good for what it was, but could have been a LOT better, even.

Rating: ***1/2 (very good for a non-“TV” bout)

this is just sad, lol.

TENNESSEE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
DOUG FURNAS vs. DETROIT DEMOLITION (w/ Downtown Bruno):
(Continental Championship Wrestling, 1988)
* Yes, DETROIT DEMOLITION! By request, I went and found some Randy Colley stuff when he was removed as Demolition Smash, and quickly left the WWF, bringing his half of the gimmick with him elsewhere. By this point the Demos were the WWF Tag Team Champions, so poor Randy had to be feeling like Pete Best at the moment. He’s here in Road Warrior-esque facepaint, in that design the Ultimate Warrior would later use but with blue around the eyes, a yellow outline, then a red outline around that. He’s still a big rotund dude with hair and a beard, too- oh god he’s still doing the “dyes the hair” thing, with an unnatural red hue. He’s in the same S&M gear Demolition had (probz hoping WWF’s lawyers aren’t looking at podunk Southern feds, though I’ve heard that Vince “allowed” this), looking ultra-sad to be in the ring to the announcer’s left to start this. And apparently Doug Furnas was a thing in 1988! He’s wearing black trunks and a cast over his ribs that looks hilariously like a girdle- this would be why most wrestlers would wear TAPE around their ribs to sell rib injuries, huh? Colley is indeed much larger than Furnas (a big dude in his own right)- just barrel-chested.

They do tentative lockups to start as commentary puts over how Doug may have made a big mistake signing onto a match with a rib injury, and we’re clipped to him smashing Smash I into the corner, then slams him (taking out the ref, though commentary misses this and the camera nearly does, too- I had to go back and check). Hey, his girdle is off! They do an International and a heel manager trips up Doug, who nonetheless avoids a DD legdrop and goes after the guy- oh, that’s Downtown Bruno (Harvey Wippleman). Bruno slides into the ring to escape him and Detroit Demolition drops an elbow on Furnas, and the Bullet (a masked Bob Armstrong in a singlet) stops the ref’s count. DD attacks him from behind and the ref calls for the Disqualification at (1:34 shown), robbing us of this classic. Bruno nearly chairs the Bullet, but Furnas takes it from him and chases him off, but then LORD HUMONGOUS (Sid Vicious!) shows up and beats down the champion, and the Dirty White Boy (Tony Anthony) assaults the Bullet. Nothing much to this one, sadly. I’ll check out another!

RUFUS R. JONES vs. DETROIT DEMOLITION (w/ some masked manager):
(World Wrestling Council, 1988)
* It’s DETROIT DEMOLITION in Puerto Rico! In a… mother of god, how small is this ring? Someone asserts its a 12×12. Jones has a simply hilarious physique, sticking out in only terrible ways, with old man titties and a big stomach, but flabby, scrawny arms and legs. He’s in his last year as a wrestler, having been at it for nearly twenty years- this’d make him about 56 or so, explaining the body. Detroit Demolition has small diamonds over his eyes this time around.

Jones backs DD into the corner and works his gut with punches, then does lots of knee-bending dances. He no-sells a turnbuckle smash and does a Charleston into a double-arm chop thing, putting DD on his ass, then no-sells further strikes again and again and a gut-punch has Colley floundering. Man this dude has the fakest offense I’ve ever seen and poor Colley is like “oh NOOOOOOO” about it, having to beg off and talk to his manager. He tries a sneak attack and STILL Jones won’t sell, just rearing back with a kick and doing more dancing, but DD finally gets an eyerake to go on offense. DD whips him off the ropes and Jones eats a punch, doing the biggest, fakest, ultra-safe theatrical roll to the mat off it. Demolition hits an axehandle off the second rope and this MFer is ALREADY queueing up his comeback, bending his knees inwards to gear up his dance. DD is like “christ, not yet” and rakes the eyes and does the slowest snapmare I’ve ever seen in my life, but a chinlock sees another insta-comeback by Jones, who dances his way to a corner-whip, but “charges” into a kneelift and rolls onto his back again. That devastating move gets two, then Demolition slugs Rufus and schoolboys him for two- Rufus sells the agony by pulling up his trunks, then slowly gets an eyerake- Colley, god bless him, starts “punching blind” to sell this and Rufus does a huuuuuuge theatrical wind-up punch to put him in the corner. Jones keeps “winding up” and runs into him titty-first, but DD dodges the next one and Rufus rolls to the floor as safely as possible, then Demolition “posts” him (Rufus maybe grazing it on the speed-walk by), but Jones comes back and “whips” him into the railings by the fans, exciting people by brawling on stacked boards and then rolling around on the floor. It’s a Double Count-Out around (6:34) or so, as WE DON’T EVEN GET A FINISH. Gotta keep both guys strong!

Oh man, I don’t often use DUDs, preferring to find something- anything- I can find in a match to count as a quality of merit, but ohhhhhhhh no, this was a DUD. Poor goddamn Detroit Demolition had to slum it against a 56-year old man, act as if his goofy dancing chops were elite offense, and try to threat a match around a guy who wouldn’t sell and whose bumps were blatantly designed to avoid any sort of impact whatsoever. It was AWFUL. Colley was trying, but he had nothing to work with, as his opponent couldn’t bump, run, nor sell.

Rating: DUD (Jones was the definition of useless at this point)

DEMOLITION (Ax & Smash, w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. JIM EVANS & BRADY BOONE:
(WWF SuperStars, Dec. 12th 1987)
* Shooting forward to the end of ’87, I found this AMAZING Demolition performance. Further things have moved along- their theme is now the FANTASTIC full version with badass lyrics that are actually really cheesy lines but still rule. Ax is more like what he became, with a fully-silver facepaint with red parts coming down from the eyes, but Smash’s is still weird, now SORT OF like what he became, but he has black around the eyes and red triangles around the edges of his face, pointing towards the center. His hair is still WAY too short, too. He really needed that “metalhead” look to complete the look. Boone was a heavily roided li’l guy and would be a “pushed jobber” at points, and was the first BattleKat in the company. Evans is just a taller, doughy, pasty boy. Great jobber look.

The match starts and Boone is immediately put over as the cousin of Billy Jerk Haynes. Boone rolls past Smash but gets clobbered in the head like a dummy, then flings himself into the corner in a good bump and dodges Smash, doing backflips and assorted things to throw him off balance. Smash tosses him into the Eddie Bump and they both tag out, Ax immediately ragdolling pasty Evans all over the place and hitting Jumping Demolition Axehandles. Smash levels him with a huge clothesline (Evans, bless him, I think tries to do a rollover sell but only makes it to a vertical position before flopping back) and it’s over with Demolition Decapitation at (2:08). Boone gets attacked and tossed after the match and they hit Decapitation on Evans AGAIN, sending Boone back in to save his partner, and they of course beat his ass (I love Smash facelocking him so Ax can just hit axehandle after axehandle, signalling Smash to haul him up so they look better). This draws in Billy Jerk & Patera to get REVENGE from last time! haha I gotta find any TV matches they had. lol @ fuckin’ Evans lying there dead on the floor, one leg under the ring apron.

Rating: 1/2* (another quick nothing match; Boone barely even got to do anythiung but took some good bumps, and Evans ragdolled around like a wuss very well)

I went to go find some of the surefire classic Demos vs. Low-Tier Babyfaces matches, but they never made national TV- Billy Jerk bailed on the company in January after going around the horn jobbing to Demolition at house shows. There’s PRISM network and New England Sports Network shows with the match from November, but I can’t find them on YouTube at the moment.

WWF HARDCORE TITLE:
“THE LETHAL WEAPON” STEVE BLACKMAN vs. GANGREL:
(WWF Sunday Night Heat, Sept. 3rd 2000)
* As threatened, uh I mean PROMISED, here’s two more Blackman vs. Gangrel matches! A year later both guys are slowly falling down the card, having peaked at the… uh… “not worthy of a real Title” Midcard Filler tier. Gangrel has torn sleeves at this point, something started mid-year just before he was released before 2000 ended. Blackman just beat Shane McMahon in a stupid stuntshow match at SummerSlam, so he’s actually close ot his PEAK

Blackman starts with chops, and his “dodge elbows and suplex the guy” is now thankfully modified into a belly-to-belly instead of a Northern Lights- that’s easier for Attitude Era slugs to take. Blackman pretends to have charisma with “WE’RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN NOW!” as he peppers Gangrel with the dreaded tinfoil garbage can lid, but in runs NAKED MIDEON as if “bare arms Gangrel” didn’t date this match enough already. That draws the only reaction of the match, as a dumbfounded Blackman gets sprayed with a fire extinguisher, puts the lid on Blackman, and does his spinning elbow on the lid. Gangrel goes for the Impaler on the lid, but Blackman sweeps it away so it doesn’t hurt as much, then blasts Gangrel with the lid during the pin. hahah wait but the Impaler is still his FINISHER- Blackman just handily kicked out of it! Gangrel tries a chair but gets kicked down, then goes for his “red liquid”, but Steve blocks it with the trash can (PSYCHOLOGY!) and sits Gangrel in the chair he’d set up before and hits a Running Kick to retain at (3:09).

This one gets some props for ATTEMPTING to use counters and blocking attacks properly, but is your typical HardCore Match- all garbage stuff and weapon shots instead of really working anything. Blackman setting up a chair and bopping Gangrel right into it, for example, is pretty lazy.

Rating: * (everyday Sunday Night Heat match with some Hardcore nonsense)

WWF HARDCORE TITLE:
“THE LETHAL WEAPON” STEVE BLACKMAN vs. GANGREL:
(WWF Jakked, Oct. 28th 2000)
* haha, not only is this a rematch on a slightly different show, but some of the spots are identical from what I saw.

Blackman quickly knocks Gangrel to the floor and beats him up out there, but gets whipped to the guardrail and hit with a trash can lid. He rolls past in in the ring, but Gangrel dodges his kick and wipes him out. Blackman’s belly-to-belly this time comes out of a whip reversal, and the same double-shot with the lid from teh last match puts Gangrel down. Blackman puts him crotch-first on the top rope and gets a backswing lid shot, then running bulldogs him onto it for two. Both guys just hit the floor for more weapons, Blackman finding some… tiny road signs, but again Gangrel sprays him with a fire extinguisher. Blackman judo throws him to avoid a sign shot, but gets nailed when he goes for the cover. Gangrel puts a trash can in the corner, but goes into it himself and is side-kicked. Blackman pulls out those tiny karate sticks he uses for his pre-match kata and beats on Gangrel, hitting a backdrop suplex assisted by one for two. Gangrel hits him with a low blow and then AGAIN they do the Impaler spot from last match, Blackman doing the same “sweep the lid then use it” counter, then goes up to the second rope, coming off with a kendo stick shot for the pin at (4:42).

This was more varied than the last match was, despite copying some of the same spots almost exactly, but is your usual moronic “just throw weapons into the match to shake up that nothing really interesting is going on”, like the weapons ARE the draw in the match. But like, it’s Jakked, y’know?

Rating: *1/2 (almost okay!)